Can someone give me a crash course in GD? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 02-07-2007, 01:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My dd is 15 months old and I have been learning techniques as needed for our age/stage. I feel very lucky in that she is a wonderfuly child and a joy to be around. we have not had many concerns about anything with her, really

I do, however, have a good friend who's son has been spending a big of time here. His mom is going through a really tough time in her life right now, and she mostly expects me to handle discipline while he is here, its her sanity, her break. Our parenting styles are very different. She hits and uses time outs. I do not. But I have to admitt I dont know what I woulddo, as I have never had cause for finding an alternative with my dd b/c the issues have not come up.

This little boy is 3, and he is mean to my dd. I am hoping for a crash course of sorts in GD so that I can have some tools under my belt for when he is over and I can try to avoid or repair some of these situations b/w him and my dd. I know it will also help me in the future with my own dd.

Here is a thread I started (warning, its long!) in case anyone is interested:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=611524

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#2 of 4 Old 02-07-2007, 03:30 PM
 
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The "alternatives to punishment" sticky at the top of this forum has lots of great ideas. Maybe print it out and highlight some of the tips that resonate with you. Then have it in a visible place when he is over.
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#3 of 4 Old 02-07-2007, 03:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaautumn View Post
The "alternatives to punishment" sticky at the top of this forum has lots of great ideas. Maybe print it out and highlight some of the tips that resonate with you. Then have it in a visible place when he is over.
Thank you!

Its sort of tricky for me because this is not my child and I know there will be no follow through from mom when he goes home. I am trying, however, to maintain peace in my home when he is over and set a good example for my own children.

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#4 of 4 Old 02-07-2007, 04:56 PM
 
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There are some great books in the GD booklist, too.

I read your other post about the boy's behavior and it sounds like a really difficult situation. You said (in the other post) that you've known the mom for over ten years; how much can you both talk about how to handle this? Would she be open to committing to a strategy with you? Would she be interested in reading a book herself?

It sounds like her current solution (time outs and hitting) is not working, and in fact may be contributing to the problem. (ie: Mom hits ds which proves that she is "more powerful" because she is bigger. Now he's doing the same thing with your dd.)

So either you need to find a different solution—and she may need/want help with this—or you need to limit the interactions between the children.

I am pretty new to the GD forum, but from what I've read and based on what has resonated with me the most, it's not just a set of procedures to follow in order to achieve a positive result. It's about a kind of parenting committment—a really deep and challenging (for me, anyway!) committment to being thoughtful, respectful, and especially, AWARE of what my child NEEDS at all times, and then responding with empathy and respect. That doesn't mean they get what they want all the time. It means that I take the time to try and figure out what the real source of the problem is. And I acknowledge and respect their feelings (including the feelings like anger and frustration, loneliness, etc.)

You are totally in the right to set the "rules" in your household and if you are comfortable being the disciplinarian with this boy (whether tacitly or openly, it sounds like you have agreed to this), there are strategies for the various specific "misdeeds".
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