What do i say?2yr old DN 'mean' to DD - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 02-17-2007, 04:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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okay i KNOW that he is not really being "mean" and that he is just two and that it is normal but i don't want my dd thinking that it is okay to act the way that he has started acting. he being my two year old nephew. I know that it is just normal toddler behavior but dd, who is only ten months, is picking up this attitude and besides the fact i just feel awkward because SIL will yell or slap his hand . He has gotten to the point where he takes EVERYTHING away from DD or he pushes her down etc etc. he is at the stage where just about anything you say to him when he "knows" he is doing something "wrong" he will bust out in tears and throw himself down so i have to be careful as to what and how i say it and what i do. but the thing is he really enjoys being mean to her like today we were over there and he has this little battery operated four wheeler ride on toy that dd was just amazed by. he wouldn't let her get anywhere near it and if she tried to he would zip down the hall into his room and slam the door so she couldn't get to it. well when he left it in the dining room to go on to something else she got to it and was just holding on to the handle looking at it and he came and got on and we told him not to turn it on because he would knock down the baby and run over her foot. he heard us looked at us all and before we could get over there he took off and ran over her foot: and laughed his a$$ off about it. I'm sorry but he sounded evil: ! he will even go around the living room picking up EVERYTHING off the floor so dd can't have anything. even when we are over at our house he will hoard all her toys and put them where she can't get to them. tonight i saw dd start taking stuff away from him and butting him out of her way like he does to her. she was making sure he couldn't get to his grandma or his mom.
ok so i know this is long but bear with me . well my sil yells at him or slaps his hand and i really don't like her to do that but i don't know how to tell him anything first with him busting into tears: . I've tried involving them in games together with me on the floor with them. I've tried talking to him about sharing and being nice. Tried talking to him about a lot of things and most of the time it doesn't work. The thing is that he has started deliberately seeking her out to "accidentally" hurt her. even if we tell him he is doing _____ to close to the baby and he needs to be careful not to hit/step on her, he continues. we do intervene but the thing is that i can't just keep her on my lap or at my feet when he is around. I watch like a hawk but it still seems to happen .
does anyone have any suggestions or btdt. its just so hard cause hes not my kid yk?
sorry for the loooooong rambling, its late and i needed to be in bed over an hour ago!!!

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#2 of 4 Old 02-17-2007, 07:32 AM
 
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<<<< HUGS >>>>> to you and your dd.

Unfortunately this situation has come into our lives many times. I have always just made the choice to have lots of space from these types of parents and their kiddos, some of them being related (which is the hardest to have space from). I did not want my DD exposed to people who spank their kids. And if you continue to have your DD around him than your DD will just pick up more and more of his behavior. However, my main reason was that I did not want to teach my dd that is was acceptable for her to be treated this way. And even though I would explain to her what happened, I felt that just the act of continuuing to see those people told her that what the other kid was doing to her was okay.

As she got older (24 ish mos.), I began explaining to my DD that the reason why we did not play with her cousins very often is because they do not live in a respectful home and I am not comfortable being around people like that. She seemed to understand and didn't really ask to play with them much after that.

Good luck to you and your dd. This is a tough situation.

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#3 of 4 Old 02-17-2007, 09:39 AM
 
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I first want to comment about him seeming to enjoy doing these things...
My ds is 2 and LOVES getting a reaction from other children. There is a girl I babysit who is 3 and she gives BIG reactions for things. Ds thinks this is GREAT!! It is fascinating to him to be able to get such a reaction. He is delighted by her screams. He is not malicious or mean, rather very innocent. Please remember that your nephew does not enjoy being mean. He enjoys the reaction he gets. It's empowering for a little person to realize that they have the ability to make things happen, especially when it involves another person.

If you are concerned about your dd getting hurt, I would ensure that you are right there with her and don't leave them unsupervised together. I wouldn't worry about him influencing your dd...she's probably going to go through that phase all on her own, regardless of anyone else's influence.

IME, at 10 months old, children are still very easy to distract. I would try to get her interested in something else if your nephew takes her toys. Does she mind him taking things? I ask because at the same age, my ds couldn't care less if another child took something from him, just give him something else and he was happy.

Also, two year olds like a lot of attention, (especially from adults who are busy chatting,) and babies seem to have this amazing in-born ability to suck up all the attention in a room. He also might be sending a message that he does not want to interact with your dd. If he is being told to share his toys with her, this could very well be frustrating him further. Could you and his mother talk with him about the situation and ask him for suggestions?
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#4 of 4 Old 02-19-2007, 03:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you for your replies. it helps to have other perspectives on the situation. I know that he is getting jealous of her as she gets older, he lives with his grandparents and is the only baby there so he is used to getting all the attn. I think i will just try to limit interations with him until he and dd are a bit older maybe.
Unfortunately although dd is ten months old she is not very distractable. she is a "spirited" child and is very determined when she wants something and she doesn't forget about it either. so that is a problem for us because she does want what he takes from her and no other toy will do
he JUST turned two so i know in a few months he will be better able to understand more things and it will be easier for all of us.
i just feel so awkward because i know what he is doing is just normal but i don't want him to associate dd with negative thoughts because he always "gets in trouble" when she is around. like i said, sil is not GD at all and i feel bad that he gets yelled at or spanked.

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