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NO! NO! NO! NO! says dd, 2yrs.- HELP!

623 views 7 replies 6 participants last post by  thehappyhippo 
#1 ·
my 2 yr old (turned 2 in dec) is in the "NO!" ohase big time. Everything I say to her or ask her to do sahe says "NO!" to. She won't sit in her high chair, doesn't want to be in her carseat, won't stop poking/touching her friends when they ask her to and so on. And no matter how i tell/ask her to stop she saya "NO!" my older dd was never like this, she was always very coooperative and listened so well. i have no idea what to do. any suggestions?
 
#2 ·
One thing I've found with ds, is that if someone ASKS him to do x, it is likely that his answer is "no". Then of course, he has to stick with his no. lol
If he is TOLD that such and such will happen, he is way more likely to just go along with it.
Most of the time, if I tell ds x will happen, and his response is still "no" I try to respect that. So, for sitting in the highchair, that would be his choice. Actually, most things are his choice.
Sitting in his carseat, well in some ways it's his choice. If its going to the grocery store, and he doesn't want to go, then he generally doesn't go. It's no big deal for dp to go later. Or for ds to stay with dp while I go.
If it's really not an option, say we are AT the grocery store and we need to go home, we just try to explain the reason, and make it as agreeable as possible to him. Maybe if we give him a toy, or say we'll play a game or sing a song with him while he's in his seat. But we tell him that it's not really an option as far as getting in the seat.
Another thing I've noticed is that if I say "you HAVE to..." it's a recipe for getting a "no". If I say "ok, time to get in your seat. We're going home." Just as a matter of fact, it is less likely to get "no" as a response.

As far as getting ds to STOP doing something, the very best way is to tell him what he CAN do instead. I keep the alternative as related to his original impulse as possible, that way he can see that I do care about what he was trying to do. We just need to find a way to make it agreeable to both of us.
So, if he's playing in his food, I might tell him "oh, lets not waste food. If you want to squish something, let's get the playdough out."
The important thing is that ds knows that I'm not trying to STOP him from doing what's fun, I'm trying to find an acceptable way for him to express that particular impulse.
 
#3 ·
Also, at this age, no is just a fun word. Ds (almost 3) would say no to everything, even if he meant yes - no was just the word he always used!

Two is a frustrating age, where they're trying to exercise their independence and power over some of the things that happen in their lives. It's also a time of lots of growth and learning, and trying to balance everything in and make it all fit in their expanding minds is difficult. Just remember that it is just a phase, and don't fight with her too much on the whole "no" issue, or she'll just keep up the battle longer. She doesn't want to sit in her high chair - okay, she must not be hungry. Natural consequences. When it's possible, let her use her no's, and let her see how they work. This is such an impulsive age, where they are learning so much. She'll come through it all fine.
 
#4 ·
It's just part of being two. My kid was an exceptionally easygoing two year old, and even so she looooooved to say "No." Limit choices, recognize that sometimes he says "No" when she actually means "Yes" because "No" is so much fun to say, and don't let it ruffle your feathers at all.

As far as stopping behavior (like poking friends), at this age you really need to intervene. She needs to be separated from the friend if she can't stop poking.
 
#5 ·
No is also my DS' new favorite word. And it is trying! He says no to everything, even things he actually wants to do. I've tried warning the family that if they ask him an open-ended question, he will most likely respond no. The other night, he was in a mood because I wasn't paying enough attention to him as I was trying to work on SIL's computer. She asked him if he'd like to read a book with her and he immediately said "no!" She was so offended!

ITA with the poster who said this is just one more way of them discovering their independence and freedom. Granted, you have to reign that freedom in when they go too far (like hitting others and not listening), but it's good for them to explore what they want and what they don't want. It's just our job to put up those boundaries, because sometimes they're going to have to do what they really don't want to do (just like us!). I don't stop DS from saying no, however, I am trying to show him just where and when it's appropriate. And man, is that hard! He will be 2 in March, btw.

The greatest part is that with all the no's, I've been trying to teach him yes's too (for when he actually does want something). He now also says okay or alright - except that they sound like "mmmmmkay" and "aiieeeeeeeeee" - too funny.
 
#6 ·
"Granted, you have to reign that freedom in when they go too far (like hitting others and not listening), but it's good for them to explore what they want and what they don't want. It's just our job to put up those boundaries, because sometimes they're going to have to do what they really don't want to do (just like us!). I don't stop DS from saying no, however, I am trying to show him just where and when it's appropriate. And man, is that hard! He will be 2 in March, btw."

I totally agree that it is a phase and I know a lot of kids go thorugh it. I know she is just testing boundaries. She actually learned "yeah" first and then "no." Its just that she she is very strong willed and I don't know how to handle it. i totally get flustered.

It would be great if i could just leave her home when she isn't wanting to do whatever i am doing but I'm a sinlge mom so thats not an option. And i have a job and go to school full time so i really don't have time to sit around arguing with my 2 yr old. I want to give her the respect she deserves as a human being and a degree of autonomy, but sometimes she simply has to co-operate right now.

any more suggestions would be helpful anf appreciated. thanks.
 
#7 ·
Sometimes I do just tell ds that it's not an option. Like, teethbrushing. I tell him that I will work with him to make it agreeable with him, I might wait until later, I might play a game, but actually NOT doing it isn't particularly an option.

One thing that has helped the last few days is to play "Simon Says" and incorporate teethbrushing or getting clothes on, or whatever into the game. (this was actually my mom's brilliant idea
) He thinks it's fun. lol
If he's opposed to leaving the house, sometimes all it takes is for me to tell him that we can take the toys he's playing with along with us. Or to ask "Thomas the train's conductor" to "choo choo over to me"- just becoming part of his play, and getting him to go along with me in a fun way.

And sometimes, all ds really needs is for me to acknowledge his "no." Like "oh, you don't want to get dressed right now." sometimes after that, he's actually agreeable to getting dressed (or whatever the issue is at the moment). lol.
 
#8 ·
To change things up a little bit we used the "thumbs up", "thumbs down" for awhile as well. It was nice to use this instead of hearing no constantly. We also tried stamping feet for "no" and clapping for "yes", etc. We made up a bunch of alternatives and it helped to break up the monotiny of "no".

Also, limited choices has helped us when something has to occur. For the carseat thing we would do, "do you want to climb into the carseat yourself or do you want me to help you in" or "do you want to sing while we buckle your car seat or not sing", etc.
 
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