4 year old and defiance - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 4 Old 06-01-2003, 08:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
lazydaisy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: SE PA
Posts: 148
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm new in this forum, so please be gentle

I'm having a hard time with DD, 4 being defiant with both DH and me.

Example, DD asks for her 3rd yogurt of the day. I tell her no, she needs to eat some fruits or vegetables. She insists on yogurt. I tell her no, she needs to choose something else, how about grapes or carrot sticks. She refuses again. I tell her no yogurt, and she must not be hungry after all. She then waits till I go to the bathroom or to change little brother, and she sneaks into the fridge to get yogurt herself.

I'm sure this is a power struggle thing, she refuses to pick up toys, even after the warning that the toys will be taken away.

She'll look me in the eye and pinch her brother immediately after my telling her not to.

She's been such a sweet, good mannered child, this is a whole new ballgame to me!

What do I do???
lazydaisy is offline  
#2 of 4 Old 06-01-2003, 09:06 PM
 
gurumama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,828
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Let's trade for a day. My 4 year old son told me, EMPHATICALLY, I couldn't be in the "boy parade" because "You don't have a penis. Only Daddy and Reilly can be in the parade. Vaginas are not allowed."

Sigh...

No advice, just a funny little story.

Mel
gurumama is offline  
#3 of 4 Old 06-01-2003, 09:52 PM
 
khrisday's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: High Desert of California
Posts: 3,920
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, if there's not a specific reason that she can't have 3 yogurts in a day I personal;ly woudl let that one go. If there's some reason (like that you woudl b eout of it the rest of the week, or it makes her sick if she eats too much) I would explain the reason why you woudl like her to choose something else and then let her make the choice and deal with the natural consequence.
Around here, we have a daily menu on a write on-wipe off board. What's written is what's for meals/snacks and only fruit/veggies are eaten between.
khrisday is offline  
#4 of 4 Old 06-04-2003, 11:18 AM
 
LunaMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: orbiting the earth
Posts: 2,401
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sounds like a typical four-year-old to me...sorry if that isn't too encouraging!

I think there are two issues here - meeting your child's growing need for autonomy and also teaching her that she needs to follow the rules you set.

As far as meeting her needs for autonomy, I would try very hard to pick your battles wisely and allow her to make decisions for herself whenever possible.

For the times when you do have to lay down the law, it helps to give an explanation and involve her in the rule-making, too. I've found that making an inanimate object, such as khrisday's menu idea, responsible for the rules rather than yourself works really well.

When she deliberately disobeys you, that's another issue. I find that simply expressing my disappointment, and sometimes imposing a logical consequence, works well.

Good luck...
LunaMom is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off