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What decisions do you let your DC make?

2K views 40 replies 36 participants last post by  sphinx 
#1 ·
I think I am one of the more coercive people on this board. I don't threaten or punish my daughter, but when I want her to do something, I make her do it. If she finds it upsetting, I sympathize and talk her through it, but I don't give her choices on the issues below.

She just turned 4 1/2. I am thinking I need to start giving her more autonomy. I am wondering how you all handle the following issues:

1. If your DC wants to play outside without a coat, do you let them? What temperature boundary do you use? I swear my daughter is half polar bear. She fights putting on her coat unless it is snowing.

2. How long do you let your DC go without a bath? Or without washing their hair? My limit has been 2 (sometimes 3) days. I also make her bathe whenever she is covered in paint or marker, because we share a bed, and--ewww.

3. Do you force hair brushing? Or if they don't want to brush their hair do you just let them be? I have found this is an issue no matter how short I cut it. The shorter it is, the more it sticks up.

4. Do you let them go outside without shoes? We have crushed rock in our driveway and she has to walk on it to get to the swing set. She insists it doesn't bother her. I make her wear shoes until she gets to the swingset because I don't want her to injure her feet.

I of course give her choices. Brush hair before dressing or after? Tennis shoes or sandals? Blue coat or purple coat? But beyond that, no negotiation.

I am not willing to negotiate on whether or not she brushes her teeth, or whether she can eat junk food, or how much TV she watches. But I'm wondering how much leeway I should give her on other things, now that she is not a toddler any more.

Thoughts?
TIA!

Angie
 
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#2 ·
For me, as much as possible I try to avoid forcing her to do things. Sometimes in spite of my best efforts, it does come down to force, and I hate it when it does, but usually I can find a way that she will at least allow it to be done to her if she will not do it herself.

For baths, unless she is obviously dirty, I would let it go as long as 5-6 days. But there is no way she would stay clean that long. Realistically its more like everyday or every two days at the most. When I ask her if she wants to take a bath, she always says, "No," but if I draw the water, put bubble bath in, maybe get the bathtub paints out, offer to sit with her and read her a book or play or something, she will usually get into the tub. Sometimes if I get in first she will eventually climb in with me, and when I get out she usually chooses to stay in and keep playing. Recently she's been enjoying me blowing bubbles while she's in the tub.

Shoes - I let her go barefoot unless its freezing out, or we are going to a public place. Her feet get tough and the rocks don't bother her.

Coat - I let her go out without a coat for a few minutes until she accepts that she needs it. If she doesn't accept that she needs it, I'll let her play a little while, then feel her hands - if she feels really cold I'll insist on a coat. If she seems to be staying warm I'll let her keep playing. Sometimes she'll accept a sweatshirt in lieu of a coat.

Hair brushing - I try to find a time and a way to make it as not so unpleasant as possible. She has crazy curly hair and if I don't brush it regularly it gets terrible tangles which are even more painful to get out. So I comb through it while in the tub and using a ton of conditioner, and also will put on an interesting video, sit her on my lap, and brush. If she gets resistant, I'll give her a few minutes break, then try again, explaining why we need to keep the tangles out.
 
#3 ·
I give them a lot of descisions. Practice makes prfect and experience is the best teacher!

1. I do let them. My kiddos are polar bears also, and they know their body temperature better than I do. If they get cold, the coat is still an option, and this time it goes on without complaint. (Besides, we have big woods. If they don't want a coat, they just go into the woods and take it off, and then it gets wet.)

2. At that age, I would do what you're doing. But my kids enjoyed baths, being fishes as well as polar bears. At our house, having messy eaters, spahgetti night was alwasy bath night!

3. I did force hairbrushing, and my duaghter ended up asking for a haircut, making it much easier. If this is something you don't want to force, look into dreadlocks. They are adorable.

...and if that's not an option, does your daughter like princesses? Because princesses always brushed their hair to make it soft and shiny.

4. My family is a confirmed bunch of barefooters. If it's not bothering her, let her go shoeless! It's amazing how tough her feet can get.

I tend to err on the side of autonomy, personnaly. My kids thrive in that sort of setting, but not all do. Whatever works for you guys.
 
#4 ·
1. I let dd decide if she's comfortable without her coat or not (although I often share my own ideas about this as well). If we're at home in the yard, she can always run back in and dress more warmly if needed. If we're leaving home, we'll take coats or warmer clothing just in case.

2. I'll suggest baths but I don't force them. I haven't had a problem with dd being smelly but not willing to bathe, but if this was a problem I'd talk with her so we could figure out something acceptable to BOTH of us.

3. I do talk about the importance of keeping up the hairbrushing, and not letting it go more than 1 or 2 days (because then it's really hard to get the tangles out). I do give periodic reminders if it's going too long -- but dd decides WHEN she wants it to happen.

4. She goes barefoot if she wants to. I do remind her to be careful.
 
#5 ·
I let my ds do all of the things you mentioned.

If he's cold, he'll put something warmer on. (He's not an idiot.)

Bathing isn't an issue for us, as ds is usually in the shower with me. The water running over him cleans him and his hair just fine. I don't actively wash him, and he doesn't either. We don't wash his hair at all.

None of us brush our hair, and even if we did, I would not force it.

My ds and I both go outside without shoes for most of the summer. We both walk over rocks frequently. It doesn't usually bother us, but occasionally one of us might step on a sharp one. Neither of us have ever gotten an injury from walking on rocks. Does that really happen???
 
#6 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Spanish Rose
I did force hairbrushing, and my duaghter ended up asking for a haircut, making it much easier. If this is something you don't want to force, look into dreadlocks. They are adorable.
OT. I was considering dreads for ds, but was told more than one that they are extremely painful to get done. Do you have experience with this?
 
#7 ·
I wouldn't mind the walking on rocks and I'd skip the coat unless her teeth are chattering.

It's fine with me if ds goes out and gets filthy each day when playing, but it's not okay that he remain dirty afterwards.

Being clean and hair brushed before going out or going to sleep is important here. Ds dislikes having his hair brushed, so there is always a discussion about how it can be done in a way he finds agreeable. But yes, it's always done eventually, once a day.

I would try many things to get the hair brushing done, from having a special story you tell, or letting her watch tv during a hair brushing, or reading stories about girls with braids or ponytails and seeing if that sparks an interest. Make sure hair brushing is comfortable--use a detangler, and hold each section of hair in one hand while starting at the ENDS of the hair and working back up to get out tangles.

New bath toys, bath paints, baths in a kiddie pool in summer, baths in the sink if it's big enough--most kids like water and there is a way to make a bath fun, or at least tolerable.

They have nifty little hat visors you can wear in the bath that protect their eyes during hair washing.
 
#8 ·
1. If dd doesn't want to wear a coat, we just take one with us when we go out if I think she'll need it. Generally she likes checking the weather before we go out and taking what she thinks we'll need.

2. Dd loves taking a bath, always has. She doesn't like having her hair washed, but does like that when it's freshly washed/conditioned there's almost no tangles, so she'll put up with it.

3. I do force hair brushing. Her hair ends up in a rats nest after going only a day without it. Again, she accepts that the longer we leave it, the more it's going to hurt, so she doesn't fight having it done.

4. We don't do the bare feet outside thing because I've found syringes around here. If we lived somewhere that I wasn't worried about that kind of thing, I wouldn't have a problem with it.
 
#9 ·
If my DD doesn't want to wear a coat, I don't make her. I make sure to bring one along if I think she'll probably end up wanting it, though.

I do sometimes insist that she have a bath and have her hair washed whether she wants it or not, but if she's not terribly dirty and she really objects, I generally don't make her. I aim for hair washing at least once a week, and I'd like her to have a bath more often that that, but it doesn't always happen.

She never really objects to having her hair combed, so that's not an issue for us.

I let her go out in the yard barefoot if she wants. We have a gravel driveway and if she wants to walk on the gravel barefoot, that's fine with me. (If she kept hurting her feet on it, then I might start insisting on shoes.)
 
#10 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by angie3096 View Post
1. If your DC wants to play outside without a coat, do you let them? What temperature boundary do you use?
I don't make ds wear a coat if he doesn't want to. (though at this point, he insists on wearing a coat out even if it's 70 degrees F). I figure that he knows if he's cold. I let him know that if he gets too cold/hot that we should put a coat on/take his coat off.
If it were so cold that there was a real danger of frostbite or other immediate health issues, in the first few minutes of being outside without protection, I'd force the issue.

Quote:
2. How long do you let your DC go without a bath? Or without washing their hair? My limit has been 2 (sometimes 3) days.
A week or so for a bath. We never really insist that he have one, though dp will do the "make it fun" thing if its been more than a week or so (I have a horrible concept of time). I don't wash his hair- I just use a wet washcloth and rub his head. It gets his hair plenty clean. Dp uses shampoo on him occasionally.
I wash him up with a washcloth regularly.

Quote:
3. Do you force hair brushing? Or if they don't want to brush their hair do you just let them be?
I think I've brushed ds's hair 5 times in his life. But he has super straight hair. Even when it sticks up from bed, it goes right back to being stick straight in minutes. lol

Quote:
4. Do you let them go outside without shoes?
That's a tough one. I might insist on shoes to go outside if there are sharp rocks or something else that might injure feet. Or at least socks.
I don't know...with summer coming, I might change my thinking about this. I remember loving going outside barefoot. So maybe I wouldn't insist. hmmm...

I insist ds get his teeth brushed twice a day. We can play games if he likes, but it will get done. TV is basically up to him.
 
#11 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by abac View Post
OT. I was considering dreads for ds, but was told more than one that they are extremely painful to get done. Do you have experience with this?
No experience. i think what you are referring to are cornrows--lots and lots of itty bitty braids. That might actually be a better option, although it would hurt more.
 
#12 ·
Coats are not optional here, but there's never any fight since it is sooooo cold for 8 months of the year (-25 for 3 months, -40 to -50 for about 5 months). Our children so far love putting their coats on. Depending on how long we'll be out, I sometimes let them wear their wellies instead of winter boots, but with warm socks.

We never have forced baths. They love them, and we bathe rather infrequently
... I'm not telling how long it sometimes goes...


Nobody here brushes hair. I can't brush mine- too fine and it's better just to let it be, DH has 1/8" long hair, and we don't brush DCs hair, ever... well, I think I have a handful of times in the last 3 years.

I would completely allow barefoot! I love it. Since we moved here though, I'm not sure how I'll handle that issue once it warms up. There ia a public drunkenness problem here and that means also a lot of broken glass all over the town. In the bush, I would go barefoot, but in town, I think we may need to cover our feet. I have planned to make really loose-fitting soft hide 'slippers' or maybe just soft tie-ons. I really want our children to use their feet and experience the wonderful sensitivity of them so they can feel and enjoy the earth with their whole bodies. I'm a closet barefooting enthusiast, but I don't know what to do about the glass, oh, and the enormous amount of roofing tacks on our front and back yards from negligent roofers... boo... I'll have to find a gaint magnet for those.
 
#13 ·
My child is 14 now. I let her make a lot of choices. As many as I could. I did it mostly because my parents never let me choose anything. I just did as I was told. Now, I have a hard time make decisions.

1. If your DC wants to play outside without a coat, do you let them? What temperature boundary do you use? I swear my daughter is half polar bear. She fights putting on her coat unless it is snowing. I live in Phoenix, but, yes, she could play outside without a coat when ever she wanted.

2. How long do you let your DC go without a bath? Or without washing their hair? My limit has been 2 (sometimes 3) days. I also make her bathe whenever she is covered in paint or marker, because we share a bed, and--ewww. As a small child it was just an every night ritual. Now that she is older, I let her choose.

3. Do you force hair brushing? Or if they don't want to brush their hair do you just let them be? I have found this is an issue no matter how short I cut it. The shorter it is, the more it sticks up. No, but, I braided her hair after a bath, so the next morning, it didn't need to be brushed. She liked to have her hair braided. So, it was never a fight.

4. Do you let them go outside without shoes? We have crushed rock in our driveway and she has to walk on it to get to the swing set. She insists it doesn't bother her. I make her wear shoes until she gets to the swingset because I don't want her to injure her feet.
Unless there was glass or thorns, I let her go outside without shoes all the time. She also rarely wore any clothes at all. When she did, they had to be VERY soft, and hand me downs were preferred. (by her)
 
#14 ·
Quote:
1. If your DC wants to play outside without a coat, do you let them? What temperature boundary do you use?
I tell ds (6) to come in and get his coat if he gets cold. It doesn't snow here or get super cold, so there's no danger of frost bite or anything.

Quote:
2. How long do you let your DC go without a bath? Or without washing their hair?
I'll let ds go a month without hair washing because he hates it. He needs a bath at least every other day because his skin gets itchy from sweat and dirt.

Quote:
3. Do you force hair brushing? Or if they don't want to brush their hair do you just let them be?
Ds's hair was long for awhile and I did insist on getting the tangles out because I didn't want a rat's nest. He keeps his hair short now so he doesn't have to deal with tangles. Neither he nor I care if it sticks up.

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4. Do you let them go outside without shoes?
Shoes are up to him until the summer gets so hot that the ground/pavement would burn him.

Some things that he'd rather not do, like toothbrushing and taking his vitamins are not up for discussion. Other things, I just let natural consequences teach him common sense, like putting on a coat when it's cold.
 
#15 ·
1. If your DC wants to play outside without a coat, do you let them? What temperature boundary do you use? I swear my daughter is half polar bear. She fights putting on her coat unless it is snowing.

I don't ever make my DD wear a coat. She is rarely sick so I can't even say what I would do if she was - I probably would make her wear a coat in that case.

2. How long do you let your DC go without a bath? Or without washing their hair? My limit has been 2 (sometimes 3) days. I also make her bathe whenever she is covered in paint or marker, because we share a bed, and--ewww.

She bathes or showers almost daily but it has never been a struggle. I suggest it, she sometimes says "no" and then usually changes her mind.

3. Do you force hair brushing? Or if they don't want to brush their hair do you just let them be? I have found this is an issue no matter how short I cut it. The shorter it is, the more it sticks up.

She chooses whether she wants me to do it or she wants to do it herself. She also has a spray bottle of diluted conditioner which helps with tangles. Brushing hair must be done but she can choose who does it.

4. Do you let them go outside without shoes? We have crushed rock in our driveway and she has to walk on it to get to the swing set. She insists it doesn't bother her. I make her wear shoes until she gets to the swingset because I don't want her to injure her feet.

I walk around barefoot all summer so yes, I let her do it. I remember having struggles with my mother over this issue and I am sensitive to letting DD decide whether something truly hurts or not.
 
#16 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by angie3096 View Post
1. If your DC wants to play outside without a coat, do you let them? What temperature boundary do you use? Yes. They've never failed to put a coat on when it's in the 40's or under.
2. How long do you let your DC go without a bath? Or without washing their hair? They bathe every day. Hair is washed when I can smell it ( not an issue with DD)3. Do you force hair brushing? Yes. I think it makes them look uncared for if their hair is unbrushed4. Do you let them go outside without shoes? Yes. I hate shoes too, and if DH makes them wear shoes out back, you can bet I will find them outside after three days of rain. I can't afford to make them wear shoes out!
I am not willing to negotiate on whether or not she brushes her teeth, or whether she can eat junk food, or how much TV she watches. ITA Angie
 
#17 ·
My DD is 4.

1. If your DC wants to play outside without a coat, do you let them? What temperature boundary do you use?

Any time she wants. Kids are usually RUNNING around outside. Think of runners and joggers. They go out all the time in shorts and t-shirts. I think she can use her own judgement about how cold her body is.
No set temp, like me, how many layers she needs depends on the activity.

2. How long do you let your DC go without a bath? Or without washing their hair? My limit has been 2 (sometimes 3) days. I also make her bathe whenever she is covered in paint or marker, because we share a bed, and--ewww.
About 2+ weeks and I hop into the tub and ask her is she wants to join. Bu when she puked and it got on her hair I told her she couldn't come in my bed until she washed it. She was welcome to sleep in her own bed with the pukey hair.

3. Do you force hair brushing? Or if they don't want to brush their hair do you just let them be?
No forced hair brushing. She goes around with knots, paint, sticks whatever. She's 4 and 4 yo should look unkempt, disheveled and happy. She'll grow to hate her hair between the ages of 11-13, just like the rest of us. Why start now?



4. Do you let them go outside without shoes? We have crushed rock in our driveway and she has to walk on it to get to the swing set. She insists it doesn't bother her. I make her wear shoes until she gets to the swingset because I don't want her to injure her feet.

I think my DD is the best judge of what hurts her feet, not me. Kids are so much lighter than us. The force of the rocks isn't the same as on our feet.

Personally, I think you should give your DD a lot more discretion in these matters. What do you think would happen if you did?
 
#18 ·
Dd gets to decide on all of those things, and pretty much always has.

She likes to bathe, but if she skips a day it is not a big deal. She understands that her privates can get itchy and rashy if she goes too long without washing, so she is almsot always willing to do at least a quick scrub down.

I almost never brush her hair, because she hates it. So yes, her hair isn't the neatest. She is willing to let me brush it once in a while so that it doesn't get knotted beyond repair.

She doesn't have to wear shoes, and often doesn't. She understands, however, that some terrain is not safe for feet, and she generally takes my advice.

With coats, I bring something with us. She has more tolerance for the cold than I do. It is her body, after all.

We have always tried to give her as much power as was safe, and unsafe to me means the chance of significant bodily harm. Bump, bruises, scrapes and whatnot? Her body.
 
#19 ·
What an interesting little survey! I think this gives a neat glimpse into how we all really live. I have DD, 33 months, and DS, 16 months.

1. If your DC wants to play outside without a coat, do you let them? What temperature boundary do you use? So far no one has ever refused to put on a coat, but I think I would let them down to about 35 degrees.

2. How long do you let your DC go without a bath? Or without washing their hair? A week, probably? Neither of them have ever refused more than one day in a row, but then that's the only place they can play with fingerpaints (those bathtub ones). With paint on them I would say they needed to get cleaned off, but it could be with a washcloth or over the bathroom sink if they wanted.

3. Do you force hair brushing? Or if they don't want to brush their hair do you just let them be? DS doesn't have enough hair yet, but DD has impossibly tangly hair. You know the kind- very fine, pretty curly, just beggin for knots. I don't force in a hold down and make it happen way, but I do cajole (would you like a turn first? How about if we put your special good smelly stuff in first? Once we brush, you can pick out a clip...), and it's something that has to get done before we can go out to whatever fun activity we have planned.

4. Do you let them go outside without shoes? We have crushed rock in our driveway and she has to walk on it to get to the swing set. She insists it doesn't bother her. Sure, they're barefoot all the time. We go to parks with crushed rocks, and if they want their shoes off, okay. I wouldn't let them in a glass shard field, or anything, but 99% of the time it's fine.
 
#20 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Spanish Rose View Post
No experience. i think what you are referring to are cornrows--lots and lots of itty bitty braids. That might actually be a better option, although it would hurt more.
if you have someone who knows how to do a childs hair it dont hurt i canerow and single braids dd since birth and many many other children i just take time and go slow so it is not being pulled

1. If your DC wants to play outside without a coat, do you let them? What temperature boundary do you use? I swear my daughter is half polar bear. She fights putting on her coat unless it is snowing.

2. How long do you let your DC go without a bath? depends on what she has been doing summer more then winter due to being outside all day long in the dirt and sweating

3. Do you force hair brushing? yes it is not a option but once it is done it gets braided in some style so it goes a week to a month then it is pulled out and done again not always washed

4. Do you let them go outside without shoes? yes in spring summer and fall never winter only on the property tho

this is just some of the choices my almost 5 dd .....how much TV she watches and what basically, clothing is up to her but i will say good clothes or house clothes so that i am not getting upset about her recking good cloths, sometimes food, what to buy(everything), also choices about the whole family picking ds clothing and cd's, making her bed and what bedding she wants on it....
 
#21 ·
I think you can lighten up quite a bit. I consider myself to be one of the more coercive people on the board too, but I don't insist on any of the things that you insist on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by angie3096 View Post
1. If your DC wants to play outside without a coat, do you let them? What temperature boundary do you use? I swear my daughter is half polar bear. She fights putting on her coat unless it is snowing
OK, we live in the Pacific NW. It's never REALLY cold here (it's mostly in the 40s in the winter). But it's often rainy. Dd doesn't care for coats. Most days I'll take one with us. But she doesn't mind getting a bit damp (it's often just sprinking out). And she hates be hot -- so she often goes without a coat. I've found that on days when it's REALLY cold (like when we had snow), she willingly put her coat on. I think she's more willing to wear a coat when I suggest it precisely because I don't force it. She'll often stand on the doorstep to check the weather and see if she needs a coat.

Quote:
2. How long do you let your DC go without a bath? Or without washing their hair?
Umm... my kids bathe weekly. I do insist on hair washing once a week because without it she itches. If they take a bath more often than once a week, then they don't need to wash their hair.

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3. Do you force hair brushing? Or if they don't want to brush their hair do you just let them be?
No. I try run a brush across it daily, but often forget.
: Ds' hair sticks up no matter what I do. Dd has a nice bob that generally doesn't stick up. It does get a little tangled, and I will often run a brush across it as she brushes her teeth.

Quote:
Do you let them go outside without shoes? We have crushed rock in our driveway and she has to walk on it to get to the swing set. She insists it doesn't bother her. I make her wear shoes until she gets to the swingset because I don't want her to injure her feet.
Here I'm a great believer in natural consequences. Crushed rock shouldn't injure her feet. Going barefoot is good for her feet. Our dd was running around most of the day today without shoes. Indoors and out. In 55 degree weather. I do strongly suggest that she not go in the bark dust in our neighbor's garden because she gets slivers in feet if she doesn't, but it's her feet.
 
#22 ·
I don't make those decisions for my kids. I give them lots and lots of feedback about stuff and what *I* would do and how their decisions might affect me, but ultimately it's not my body.

My 5 yr. old went about a year without washing his hair. He bathed regularly, and got regular haircuts, and we kind of ran wet washclothes over his head (in addition to LOTS and LOTS of different ideas about visors, showers, dipping head backwards, dipping head forwards, using cups, using a kitchen sprayer, and many more), but ultimately he was terrified of getting shampoo in his eyes again. Eventually, he's gotten over it (though he's still careful). I do think my husband put a bit of pressure on him during that time, but it was a really good ego check for me!
("What kind of mother will people think I am?!")

Now, my 2 yr. old doesn't want to shampoo--and he's got a little dreadlock going in the back. But, it's OK. It'll pass soon enough.
 
#23 ·
My son is only 2, and I have never had to force any of those issues except the bathing. Sometimes it takes some convincing or distraction (like I hand him a cookie and then comb his hair while he's eating), but I don't have to literally MAKE him do it.

He goes through phases of liking and not liking baths. If he is in an anti-bath phase, he will scream and cry and cling to me and beg, "out, out!" when I put him in the water. I will not do that until it is really necessary, which means either he's spilled something all over himself, gotten something sticky in his hair, etc., or it's been over a month since he bathed last. Yes, I'm serious, he has gone for more than a month without bathing. He doesn't get very dirty anyway, his hands and face get washed regularly, and his privates get wiped during diaper changes. So I'm not too picky about baths.
 
#24 ·
Looks like I'm along the lines with most of you Mamas on coats - which is funny because here in Sweden, even on like 40-degree days, the kids are in snow suits, and even if my kids are in parkas and jeans we stick out at the playground - never mind my polar bear older daughter who never needs a coat.

Baths are up for decision except for my 3 yo, since she'll use the "I want a bath" two seconds after the lights go out for the night. And it's hard to use the "logical consequence" with her since she would probably scream for hours. Usually though if I use the "now or in 5 minutes?" decision for her, it works.

Hair washing and brushing is tough. My oldest has really curly hair that would start to dread on it's own, but I HATE HATE HATE washing it. And you can't really brush it - so I wait until it starts to look ratty (about a week and a half) and then it's a big production with a slow comb-out at the end (she's patient). The younger one has fine hair that starts matting at the scalp if I don't wash it 1x per week (she hates it!) and I do chase her around with a brush once a day (and sometimes I do have to restrain her). Her daycare teacher has a really nice (expensive!!) brush that works, so I may break down and buy one.

Barefoot in the summer here is okay. It depends on where we are if I let them take their shoes off other places. I try and give them as much decision making power NOW and save my "commandments" for when something is really important (you must wear a bike helmet, you must wear a hat in the sun). I figure the more I let them do now, the less they'll have to rebell against when they're teenagers
!
 
#25 ·
My kids are 13 and almost 16 so a lot of this is from me looking back... We certainly don't worry about this stuff now.

I never required/forced a coat. When they were little I just treated it like a given. "Okay, let's get our jackets on so we can go." If they didn't want to wear one I might explain why I thought it was a good idea, I might suggest they go feel the air outside, and I usually just brought the coat along with us in case the kiddo decides it's necessary. This might be one of the easiest parenting things ever. Jacket goes in the car or in the backpack and problem solved.

Bathing was never an issue really. When they were really little they usually just got in the shower with me.
Baths were a lot of fun for them too. Ds sort of had a short phase of showering less when he was around 9/10. He'd do it like every 2 or 3 days. He was entering puberty and that's a strange time so I tried to be gentle in my suggestions/hints regarding BO and etc.
Most of the time my kids loved baths though. Toys, games, bath crayons, squirting things, bubble beards, and etc. Also in the summer there was so much sprinkler/pool/hose play that it didn't seem to matter as much.

When they were really little I just treated shoes as a given as well. If they weren't down with that we talked about why I thought it was best to wear them and any alternatives. Walking only in the grass, being carried for awhile, etc. I just tried to create as little drama as possible while being clear about why I thought shoes were a practical choice. Rocks? I'd tell her that the rocks might be painful or sharp to walk on, but I know that I can't decide if the rocks are actually painful for HER or not. I'd just tell her that if they hurt she's welcome to choose her shoes at any time.

Hair brushing wasn't a huge deal. Ds hates for almost anyone to touch his hair, and that included me often enough. I offered help or suggestions. He'd sometimes want it cut off so he didn't have to deal, but right now it's crazy shaggy long. Dd liked me to brush her hair but hated hats or items she could feel in her hair when she was a toddler/preschooler. She'd cry and pull at them. So we didn't do it. At 13 she does lots of neat things with her hair or nothing at all.
 
#26 ·
1. If your DC wants to play outside without a coat, do you let them? What temperature boundary do you use?

Welll, we don't have to worry about air temperature, but I do make the kids stop swimming in a creek or in the ocean if their lips are blue & they are shivering.

Sometimes they try & tell me they are fine (shaking all the while!), but I don't buy it until the lips are pinkish & the shivering stops.


2. How long do you let your DC go without a bath? Or without washing their hair? We bath/shower at least once a day with fresh water. If they don't want to use soap, etc. that is fine. Now that they are 6 & 8, both will generally wash with suds once a week or so.

3. Do you force hair brushing? Or if they don't want to brush their hair do you just let them be? I do request hair brushing before school, mostly because I am concerned that the children will look unkempt, & also because dreads on children don't work here. TRust me. Two words- head lice.

4. Do you let them go outside without shoes? All the time. I even go to the grocery store (Woolworths) in barefeet, no worries. Only in winter, though, the cement sidewalk burns the feet in summer. The kids are always glad to wear shoes in summer for this very reason!! In some places I ask that they wear shoes due to broken glass or used needles. But i can half-explain why & that is cool...
:

To the OP, life is not so black & white, yk?? Pushing boundaries is as much a part of childhood as it is a part of parenting, kwim???
 
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