Seeking consensual living books/info - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 04-18-2007, 02:28 PM - Thread Starter
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I've gotten a lot of good tips from various threads in this forum. I'm guessing Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting falls into this vein, but I'm wondering if there are other books or websites with more information.

We are doing gentle discipline and aspire to something close to consensual living with our 2-yo. Right now she's in a very high-needs phase, and I'm finding it really difficult to work with her. I need more ideas, because I'm often finding myself out of patience and ideas. I want to be a better parent, and I need more tools. Websites? Books? Articles?


Lisa  caffix.gif and her wonderful girls: R (9) violin.gif &  J (3-3/4) coolshine.gif 
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#2 of 5 Old 04-18-2007, 10:56 PM
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hi tia,

have you checked out scott noelle's site at and he is a fantastic parenting coach. he also sends daily parenting inspirational e-mails which are great.

the national continuum concept list is a great resource. you can probably have scott sign you up if you are interested or go to the main continuum concept web site. such great, supportive, smart people. lots into consensual living.

my favorite book along w/ alfie kohn's unconditional parenting is Hold Onto your Kids by gorden neufeld. i also just read how to talk so kids will listen by faber which was very helpful for me during this challenging phase w/ my 2 year old twins. i am also very interested in unschooling and have read some great books about it which have helped w/ my parenting. magical parent, magical child. also, anything by john holt.

also a more philosophical perspective is the tao te ching of parenting.

hope this helps!
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#3 of 5 Old 04-21-2007, 12:55 AM
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There is the Consensual Living tribe:

And the Consensual Living web site and yahoogroup:

Here are some old threads on the CL yahoogroup addressing some of the challenges of creating solutions with little people.

-Here are a few non verbal toddler threads:

This one is about leaving places:

This one is about leaving the park:

This one is about negotiating around boring appointments:

This one is about "too much information":

Getting shoes on a toddler and other creative problem solving:

CL for a young preverbal toddler:

Some basic CL questions:

Toddlers with a mind of their own and transitions:

Food issues and CL:

How to gain cooperation:

Book recommendations: See also
the files for discussion and links to the recommended reading list.

I also highly recommend Pam Leo's book "Connection Parenting". She focuses on connection parenting. LOL She even talks about seeking to discover underlying needs and not using coercion. The subtitle is "Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear". I have read some of it and highly recommend it. Even more than Naomi Aldort's because it goes beyond validation.\

Here are the chapter titles:

1. Connecting with Ourselves
2. Connecting with Children through Respecting Children
(I have to add the explanation of this chapter, it is so novel:
"Respect is the foundation of connection. We teach children respect by
modeling respect. We model respect by treating children with the same
respect we expect.") !!
3. Connecting through Listening to Children's Feelings
4. Connecting through Filling the Love Cup
5. Connecting through Communication that Builds Relationship
6. Connecting through Decoding Children's Behavior
(Again, I have to delight in the explanation of this chapter:
"Children communicate their emotional hurts and needs through their
behavior. When we learn to recognize chidren's acting out behavior as
a communication of an unmet need, we can respond to children's needs
instead of react to their behavior.")
7. Connecting with Our Own Needs: "Parents have needs too. Families
work best when everyone's needs are met."

***See how exciting this book is!! Paperback, 200 pages, $14. It
received 5 stars by each customer reviewer on Amazon. And 5 stars from
me although I haven't read every word of it yet. ;-)

Hope that helps, Pat

I have a blog.
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#4 of 5 Old 04-21-2007, 04:12 AM
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I second Pam Leo's book Connection Parenting as well! I read it last month and loved it

I also really enjoyed Winn and Bill Sweet's Living Joyfull With Children.
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#5 of 5 Old 04-21-2007, 04:55 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone! She's a very verbal toddler, which some days I think makes it harder. There isn't anything that doesn't require negotiation in our house.

Lisa  caffix.gif and her wonderful girls: R (9) violin.gif &  J (3-3/4) coolshine.gif 
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