Consensual Living- HOW?!! - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-27-2007, 06:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, it's me again (the 'how is GD possible...oooh, noooww I get it!' thread). I read a post from a thread from way back that I can't find right now that lists the steps to CL in order of decreasing resistance- it was hilarious, actually, and I think I'm at #3 or #4- looks really good, but I cannot figure out how to implement it (fully) in our life, although I think that as the days go by, we're transforming anyway.

In consideration of the info in my signature, how would a day in the life of a CL family look? Our boys are very different people, but since we've implemented GD, it has been much easier to work out what we will do, how, etc... without anyone being upset. They are much more confident that they will have their needs met, so it isn't as imperitive that they be met immediately.

So I am supposed to trust dc to choose what is best for them, or do I have that wrong? I googled it, and without being able to buy the book, I can't find very much that addresses young childhood and CL. I have always assumed we would be a CL family as our children become more competent, but it didn't occur to me that it's possible to be completely CL now. Is it? I can picture the practicality of easing into it as they grow, but how is it done now? We are blessed to have a very verbal 16 month old, so discerning his desires/needs is super easy (the other two are also very advanced verbally, but I didn't think it would be cause for special mention given their ages).

What prompted my question (besides insatiable curiosity and a desire to continually improve our family life) is a thread in childhood years about young children wanting to go to public school- 4 years old! Dh and I could not ever accept public schooling, and our children are growing into an unschooling environment, which is very CL by itself, I think. Still, the mamas who wrote in did so because they are homeschoolers, so obviously a value system is already in place that points toward learning for life and not in a box, BUT, their dc still want to go! Some mamas wrote in that they would never heed such a request, but how would a CL family handle it? I suppose addressing the underlying need that dc thinks will be filled by PS is the key, right? But what if given all the options, dc still wants to go?

Okay, so that's a lot of stuff, but I thought an example to work with would make it easier to respond. Any thoughts?

Well, I've been absent for 8 months, and during that time, it turns out that I have completely transformed. You are all precious. Thank you for being here and sharing your lives. You are truly a gift. namaste.gif Jan. 23, 2012

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Old 04-27-2007, 07:25 PM
 
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I only have the one child, so I definitely don't feel qualified to answer your questions, exactly, but I can point you in the direction of two yahoo groups where you might find those answers if you post your questions there:
The consensual living yahoo group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consensual-living/
And the unschooling for young children yahoo group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysUnschooled/

This post may be moved or deleted since it's off-topic, that's fine, but I just wanted to mention that I saw a great essay somewhere (wish I could remember where!) about 'unschooling school' when a child chooses school. Doesn't make much sense without the essay, does it?

ETA: you should also look around Danielle Conger's website: http://danielleconger.organiclearnin...schooling.html.
She's an unschooler/CLer (I think?) who has three children very close in age. And, conveniently, writes eloquently, and a lot, on the subject.
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Old 04-27-2007, 08:16 PM
 
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I also only have one child, so I can't really answer either, except this part,
Quote:
What prompted my question (besides insatiable curiosity and a desire to continually improve our family life) is a thread in childhood years about young children wanting to go to public school- 4 years old! Dh and I could not ever accept public schooling, and our children are growing into an unschooling environment, which is very CL by itself, I think. Still, the mamas who wrote in did so because they are homeschoolers, so obviously a value system is already in place that points toward learning for life and not in a box, BUT, their dc still want to go! Some mamas wrote in that they would never heed such a request, but how would a CL family handle it? I suppose addressing the underlying need that dc thinks will be filled by PS is the key, right? But what if given all the options, dc still wants to go?
I plan on unschooling, but if ds ever wants to go to school, he can. If he goes and decides he doesn't like it, he can stop going. If he likes it, he can continue to go. I LOVED school and can't imagine denying that experience and opportunity to someone who wants it. I would have been very upset if I hadn't been allowed to attend school.
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Old 04-27-2007, 08:59 PM
 
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Here is the link for the Consensual Living tribe: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=493985

Here is another thread about CL and young children with a lot of links about creating consensual solutions with little people:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ght=consensual

There have been many discussions about finding consensual solutions for school and other issues on both AlwaysUnschooled and the Consensual Living yahoogroup.

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Old 04-27-2007, 10:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Great! Thank you, mamas! I'm going to read them tonight, I hope, and will likely be back with questions tomorrow!

Well, I've been absent for 8 months, and during that time, it turns out that I have completely transformed. You are all precious. Thank you for being here and sharing your lives. You are truly a gift. namaste.gif Jan. 23, 2012

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Old 04-29-2007, 12:47 PM
 
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Oops.

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Old 04-29-2007, 05:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, so I read all of the links that didn't require me to sign up for a yahoo group (I cannot figure out why it just doesn't work- I've input my info several times and it doesn't register it; I'll try again another time, I guess).

I feel like I've only just begun to grasp the surface-most aspects of CL. I would really benefit from the books, I think, but I cannot purchase them now . How sad, huh? A big wonderful secret that could (once again) revolutionise our family life, and it lies just out of reach for a few dollars we can't spare. Boo. Anyway, I guess if I can figure out some examples of how to deal with specifics in our home, I'll post them and wait for some generous mama to share .

Please feel free to share anything you might think could set me in the right direction if you think of it and remember being in my shoes...

Well, I've been absent for 8 months, and during that time, it turns out that I have completely transformed. You are all precious. Thank you for being here and sharing your lives. You are truly a gift. namaste.gif Jan. 23, 2012

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Old 05-01-2007, 01:18 AM
 
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I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I'm here desperately searching the Gentle Discipline Forum trying to get a perspective on using GD with three boys and also getting my DH on board with it. Raising three little boys, close in age, is really hard work and it's a hard balance. I will be watching this post closely to see what others come up with.

Please feel free to post me privately and we could chat. I would love to talk with another Mama of three sons. Sending Love!

Stay At Home Mama to Three Sons (11, 9, and 8.)  Many, many miscarriages in the past 8 years.  chicken3.gif
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