The suggestion about breaking up chores and etc. has been helpful. I was reluctant to listen to this good advice because I really wanted this to be about changing my daughter’s behavior. It was, after all, bugging me! I also was reluctant to resume doing chores while Aya was in the sling because it’s really hot here and she’s getting big but I tried that also and it’s helping.
Some other things came up today that will help illustrate what these tiffs are about. Aya wanted a second yogurt opened before she had finished the first – wastefulness is happening enough with food in our house and I don’t want to allow more. In the past, I had given in (thankfully, she usually ate both - but still). Then, she didn’t want to wear shoes in our garden full of stinging nettle and thistle.
I’m finding slowly that short conversations about not having something that she wants are working better than long, deep, “meaningful” – talks about her feelings. This type of talking is not really my style and it makes me feel fake, which is the last thing I want to be with my child.
I say something like, “Oh, I hear you saying you don’t want to go to Ella’s house and would rather go to the playground because you really like going to the playground.” This is helping because she thinks that if I don’t give her what she wants than I must not understand what she wants – This is also helping with whining. I then say that we are going to Ella’s even though she doesn’t want to and if that makes her sad or angry than that’s okay but we’re still going and that we will go to the playground another time. Then I drop it, if she will.
How does this sound? Any additions?
P.s. TV is not an option for us. I would love to be able to use it in moderation but moderation does not work for her so we don’t use it.
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