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What do you do when EVERYONE is losing it

797 views 17 replies 16 participants last post by  momuveight2B 
#1 ·
including you?

I should have my GD license suspended for last night. We were all stressed and overtired and bedtime was a disaster. Absolutely every single transition was a 20 minute struggle with ds, which led to one of us yelling (sometimes all 3 of us!). Ds thrives on routine, so we can't skip steps, and yet he was incapable of moving from one to the next. And I was getting bogged down into stupid, stupid power struggles.

What I needed was to be able to take 20 minutes for myself and chill out. But, since dh has had 4 solid days of business crises and wasn't home, that wasn't an option. I can't give myself a time out because they end up pounding hysterically on my door. I can't do it with the door open because they end up sitting on top of me.

On good days, I can make it more playful. I can ignore things. But when I'm recovering from strep, it's 10 pm, ds needed to have been in bed an hour ago, and is insisting that he be allowed to finish coloring his $%* bus schedules, and is screaming at his sister that is is not allowed to touch his markers or his bus schedules and I have been essentially alone with them for the last 4 days ...

what do you do?

How do you get your kids to relax enough to go to sleep? Both of my kids have always been lousy at this when they are overtired and/or overstimulated.

I considered duct tape and sitting on them, but decided against it!
 
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#2 ·
Aw. Hang in there. When you are in the heat of the moment it is hard. Since I don't have two, I am not quite sure what advice to give. Being outnumbered must stink!
: When my son (age 6) is being the most obnoxious is when he needs loving the most, I have discovered. I'm sorry I don't have any real advice for you, but maybe pop in a video for them to watch this afternoon, and take that time to relax?
 
#3 ·
I don't have any wonderful advice, but wanted to let you know I can relate and it is hard.

My 3 year old has a hard time relaxing for bed when he is overstimulated/overtired and I know how draining it can be.

I've been trying to remember that I need to take care of myself too, otherwise I make it all worse.

Hang in there and forgive yourself for your imperfections. Just do the best you can.

Would warm milk be something your kids are into? Or chamomile tea? We also use Calms Forte sometimes. My son will actually ask for them sometimes when he is having a hard time settling down.
 
#4 ·
Does a glass of wine (or 3) count as a strategy?
: Seriously, I just get through the day, try to sleep well and promise myself that tomorrow will be easier. I try to wake up and feel optimistic...and hope it rubs off on everyone else in the house.
Lisa (mom to 3 wonderful children)
 
#5 ·
I am right there with you. Typically at least one person in our family has it together, but there are times when I think even the cat is out of it.

If I can muster the smallest amount of sanity I try to bring us all back with a bit of humor. I even stood on my head once in the middle of the living room. It was enough of a distraction (or they thought I was really losing it) to get everyone back on the same page. I don't always have the energy to do this though and have had some GD slip ups. Like one of the previous posters said, I apologize and attempt to get it together for the next day.

Hang in there
 
#6 ·
Honestly, when the day is bad enough that I can't muster humor (to me it's not really that bad of a day if I can still recover by pretending to be kitty cats slinking up the stairs, you know?), bedtime is nonnegotiable. If I'm solo parenting for any length of time, and don't get any alone time at all before I go to bed, no way is the next day going to be better. And I'd rather the kids be frustrated with me for 2 minutes than be a crap mom for the whole next day, with all the attendant snappiness and rushed, conflict ridden transitions that happen when my patience reserves have been sucked dry. I have lots of strategies for making bedtimes nonnegotiable (kitchen timers, urging the earlier part along by explaining that if we don't get on pj's now, there won't be time for bus schedule coloring; if you still don't put on pj's, fine, sleep nekkid or in your clothes.), but I think this might be one of those times when you get to decide that your needs have to be met for you to be able to be there for your kids.
 
#8 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by UUMom View Post
A bowl of hot buttered popcorn, sleeping bags on the living room floor, and a video-- and me lying down in the middle of it so they can crawl over me.

Is that bad strategy?


Actually, I love this! Usually, I just lose it and try to forgive myself afterwards.
 
#9 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by lisa49 View Post
Does a glass of wine (or 3) count as a strategy?
:
No, but I love it! Or maybe I can do the hot buttered popcorn and sleeping bags without the video.

Seriously when they're both overstimulated it's almost impossible to find things that please them both. Ds is highly sensitive (with sensory issues) and so videos and/or music stress him out MORE. Meanwhile, dd (also highly sensitive, but without the sensory issues) wants nothing more than to fall asleep listening to music or singing Baby Beluga. That's how she relaxes!

So, the conversation goes:
DD: Baby Beluga in the...
DS: NO!!!! Mom, can she please NOT sing that song...
Me: "That song really bothers you." (good parenting days) or "for heaven's sake let her sing it ONCE! Put your hands over your ears if you don't want to listen." (bad parenting days)
DD: NO! "Baby Beluga in the deep blue sea, swim so wild and you swim so free.."
DS: STOP SINGING!
DD: NO!! BABY BELUGA IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA...

Mom puts head under pillow!

We survived. Ds is still overtired. He began to spontaneously combust at 7:22 last night. Luckily I'd had a nap and dh was home, so we got through it, we snuggled for a bit on our big bed and got him asleep about an hour earlier than the night before!
 
#10 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
I considered duct tape and sitting on them, but decided against it!
Oh, boy! Did I need to read that right now!! Do you think that is in the top 5 ways of gently parenting? Please tell me it is!!


Thanks for that bit of humor in a day where I have had to revoke my GD card.
 
#13 ·
me too--i lose it. maybe more than i should. they should def. take away my GD card today. i have horrible guilt about yelling, freaking out. i'm so tired and dd has verbal diarrhea and is just ON ON ON--so intense-- all day. so when she loses it, starts hitting, kicking me, won't stop, i just FREAK OUT sometimes (as i did today
bleah). i try to remember that parenting is a practice. i will get better, so will it. i still feel like an a$$hole today after dd hitting and kicking me, i literally pushed her away from me, she fell on the floor AAAAAAAAH! i'm so horrible. i felt like i was about to slap her. so i'm probably worse than you. i locked myself in my room while she screamed outside it.

normally i don't lose it this bad, but today i did. sigh. so you aren't alone. and you are probably doing a better job than i am, so chin up.
 
#14 ·
Alcohol. Not kidding!

No, I'm not a drunk. But on a day like one you describe? When I'm taxed to the max, and my kid needs a mommy who won't run screaming for the street? I have a drink. Just one. I don't get sloshed or sloppy.
: I relax a bit, and re-find my "playful parenting" attitude. Or at minimum, you don't find me screaming in the middle of the road.
 
#15 ·
When we are having a time like this - we shift gears completely. This week was one of those weeks. The kids were aboslutely exhausted! Dh was away on a business trip. It was a bad time. So, I would switch what we were doing to something totally fun or completely different. I think of it as parallel tracks. The track we were going on was not good and no matter which way we turned, we weren't getting away from the exhaustion of a 4 1/2 yr. old and a 2 1/2 yr. old (along with a pregnant mommy and daddy away). So, we jump to something completely unrelated and different. They weren't sleeping anyway, so why allow us to go through the bad stuff and hurt feelings? It kept my sanity, they weren't pestering each other, and we will slowly catch up on sleep.
 
#16 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
So, the conversation goes:
DD: Baby Beluga in the...
DS: NO!!!! Mom, can she please NOT sing that song...
Me: "That song really bothers you." (good parenting days) or "for heaven's sake let her sing it ONCE! Put your hands over your ears if you don't want to listen." (bad parenting days)
DD: NO! "Baby Beluga in the deep blue sea, swim so wild and you swim so free.."
DS: STOP SINGING!
DD: NO!! BABY BELUGA IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA...

Mom puts head under pillow!

I had to laugh out loud at this conversation. This is a normal type conversation with us.

DS: Sing "Somewhere over the Rainbow"
DD: No, sing Hush Little Baby.
Me: I'll sing both. So I start singing "Somewhere over the rainbow...."
DD: (loudly) No, sing Hush Little Baby.
DS: (equally loudly) No, she is singing my song and then she will sing your song.

AAAAARRGHHHHH - I get really frustrated.

Bedtime is definitely not the time when I have the most patience. I work all day, come home and spend all my time with the kids, and then at 9:00, all i want to do is get them to bed quickly so that I can have 15 minutes to get my stuff ready for work so that I can get up the next morning and start all over.

Last night was terrible - the kids were overtired, everyone was crying, fussing and I was ready to bang my head against a wall.

I will be watching this thread for ideas!
 
#17 ·
This happens in our household (everyone losing it, I mean). What makes me grimace is when my older DS seems absolutely miserable and won't stop hurling angry words and being a real pain in the butt yet refuses to separate himself from me. I'm often sleep deprived due to the baby DS and the whole scene becomes "bad".

I tend to go with the buttered popcorn and video camp. At our house, I break out the "I Love Lucy" DVD box set or something similar ("Bewitched" is another one we borrow from the library) no matter what time it is and let my son and myself soothe ourselves with laughter. And then we all obediently trot ourselves up to bed after a bit of laughter. It helps that the t.v. is rarely turn on so this is a huge treat for all of us. DS is almost 4 and doesn't really "get" the comedy but he enjoys himself and I get a calming break.
 
#18 ·
First I take care of myself... I know this is near impossible but I have it down to a routine. I get a drink of water and use the bathroom. Usually nothing awful is going to happen in those few minutes. I lock the door, ignore the pounding and if it is evening will put on my pajamas and brush my teeth while I make a plan. I will take the baby/toddler in there with me for their safety.

Usually my plan is to get the one who is the most wound up into the bathtub. I make it positive and get the toys, bubbles and whatever else they need. Again, nothing is going to get worse while I do this.

Then I am still planning and will usually get the most cooperative child to buy into helping by picking up things or whatever just needs to be done, maybe supervise the child in the tub.

Then I go to work on the ones that are in between and by this time things have calmed down a lot.

I put on a movie or pick an activity and let them do this while I continue the baths/showers. I also serve a snack since a lot of the boucing off the walls is due to hungry/thirsty/tired.

We may not get to bed on time but I can get things calmed down.

If it is during the day I use kind of the same approach. I start with the one with the greatest need and work my way down from there. If it is a nursing child that has the greatest need then I sit down and nurse them or take them in my room and try to ignore everything else. Usually things will not get any worse. It is hard to hear the kids running around knowing they are making a mess. I do try to get the most cooperative child to make a snack and talk them all into watching a movie.
 
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