Transition Ideas w/5 yo - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 05-08-2007, 08:00 AM - Thread Starter
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So I'm realizing that a lot of tension comes up w/transitions in our family. DD is almost 5 yo and is both highly sensitive and spirited. I am looking for ways to smooth transitions for her - any transition can be difficult - sleeping to awake, dad coming home, visitors, etc. I try to provide warnings, give her a lot of "heads up" time, etc. Here is our current biggest struggle:

She goes to preschool. When I pick her up, the kids are all outside playing. I have ds (16 mos) and am picking up dd and two other kids to take home. Other mothers and their younger kids are there, too. DD runs around screaming (as do all the other kids) and getting worked up - She focuses in on a few moms and toddlers she likes - then proceeds to pour mulch on the younger ones heads, hug them off their feet, give some moms hugs while planting her face firmly in their buttocks/crotch, roughly tickling her peers, yelling at moms over their conversations to tell them about something - generally being too rough/loud. I have tried to hold her and calm her a bit, but she shrieks and struggles away from me, and as I am supervising ds in the midst of other big kids, I have trouble. I try to let her know when something can hurt or is not polite or too rough, but she can't "hear" me in this situation and there is just so much going on that it is hard for me .

And I get stressed out - to see her being rough w/the littler ones is hard for me to be calm - easier w/my own, but harder under the watchful eyes of the other moms, who's kids seem to be happy to play w/each other for a few more minutes rather than starting in on the babies.

Would love any ideas or suggestions for lots of transitions throughout the day and this scenario specifically. Thanks so much!
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#2 of 5 Old 05-08-2007, 05:28 PM
 
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Can you arrive right at pick up time and make it a quick transition without a lot of hanging around time? Maybe once you are there, she isn't quite sure if she supposed to continue on as usual at school or begin interacting with you & ds + others who are arriving. It's a time of uncertainty for her; she's not sure what to do. I'm just guessing. If you arrived & maybe let her know she could pick one more thing to do on the playground, and then you were leaving. So one more time down the slide, for example, and then you start off. Alternatively, you might try talking with her before school about your expectation of her at pickup time. Something like, when ds & I arrive today, you can say hello and then continue to play with your school friends for a few more minutes before we leave. You don't need to hang around ds & I or the other babies. If you want to say hello to people, please be gentle. Then maybe role-play and practice appropriate ways to greet moms & babies as they arrive.

It doesn't sound like your dd's behavior is outside of normal, though. She is young and still trying to figure out social situations. And you already recognize that transitions are hard for her. My dd is very similar.
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#3 of 5 Old 05-09-2007, 07:29 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks! Yes, I've been thinking about it today - I pick up two other kids, so it is hard to wrangle all three out right as they come out (usually they play outside for a few minutes before moms arrive). But I went early yesterday and as soon as they come out, I take dd out for a quick walk around the playground and some reconnection w/me. Then we went back and she was better able to play in a relaxed way for 10 minutes or so until we left.
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#4 of 5 Old 05-09-2007, 10:22 PM
 
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I'm glad it went better today!
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#5 of 5 Old 05-10-2007, 12:20 AM
 
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This sounds so much like my son. He is 5 in pre-k, too, and he never wants to leave. It becomes such a big fuss, that it is really difficult.
What works well for us, when I can remember it , is to bring something with me in the van that I can use to redirect his energy. Our new dog works well, but a favorite toy is great, too. Then I can quietly say, "Hey, guess who's waiting for you in the van?" When he finds out, he is usually completely distracted by the idea of geting out to the van, and things go much more easily.

Homeschooling mom of 2 rambunctious, loving, spectacular boys, wife to an incredible man who has been my best friend on this journey <3

 

 

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