I'm really struggling here... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 05-28-2007, 01:05 AM - Thread Starter
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I guess a good place for me to start would be to unpack the million boxes in our room and find my copy of Raising Your Spirited Child.
I'm feeling extremely stretched by my toddler. I'm also feeling like a crappy mother who is going to do some permanent emotional damage to this child that was given to me perfect and whole. I told her I was sorry for my bad attitude tonight as I tucked her into bed. She said that's ok. I asked if she forgives me and she said she did. I asked if she was sorry for her bad attitude and she said she was. She started to cry and told me I broke her heed(head, i'm thinking) and that she will never, never, ever get another heed and she doesn't like me to break it. The ramblings of a child, but still cutting very deeply to my heart. I am afraid I am breaking her head. We are trying very hard to be GD, but she is really getting out of hand. We end doing a lot more spanking and screaming than I care to admit. And when I say screaming, I mean screaming. Tonight started with her ripping a snappi out of Mattie's hand. Literally, ripping. Mattie's little hand was cut and bleeding. I was so angry at her. I don't think I yelled about this, but very firmly told her how upset I was and why. She kissed Mattie's hand and told her sorry and she kissed Mattie and Mattie kissed her back. We've had the windows open today. It has been rainy and cool and our house felt stale. She kept messing around with them, but it was not a big deal. I told her a hundred times to keep her head and toys in the house. She did not. I told her if her toy fell out of the window into the yard, I was not getting it back for her. It fell. She leaned out to get it and fell out the window. It is like 12 inches off the ground. She feel on her hands and feet, not her head or anything. She cried for me to get her back in the house. Mattie had nursed to sleep and I was just cuddling her before I put her in bed and tended to Emma. Now she was awake. Emma managed to get herself back in the house before I got to her. I spent the next hour trying to get Mattie back down with no success. I put her in the playpen and nurse Emma so I can get her in bed. She has spent the entire evening telling dh or I no and I'm not going to. She's using mean and hateful tones to simple requests. It escalates and we all lose our tempers. I don't name-call or otherwise degrade. I just scream the facts at her. Dh saw that I was frazzled and put her to bed. Which is amazing in and of itself. She then continued to carry on for an hour or so. She screams and cries and gets all worked up. I jsut don't know what to do with her. I feel like there is something of in her. I can already see a little bit of OCD there. I am wondering if there is some kind of sensory issue or hyperactivity or something. I feel like I'm failing her as a parent. I feel like Ap and GD may not have been the right choice for her. I jsut don't know what to do for her anymore and I don't want to break her. I don't want to stand in the way of who she is. But I don't want her to continue to act the way she is. I'm just feeling like such a failure. *Sigh*

Jessica, mama to Emma, 7, Mattie, 5.5 and Lilly, 3 and someone new this Halloween-ish.

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#2 of 4 Old 05-28-2007, 01:12 AM
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when i first learnt i was pregnant with my second baby [3months now], i looked for a book called "siblings without rivalry"... it's a really good with not only deals with how to prevent children to be rivals but also how to treat children in general.. i think you should read that.. it helped me a lot with my dd..
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#3 of 4 Old 05-28-2007, 01:22 AM
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Oh no, what a rough day! I wish I could offer suggestions, but really, I'm struggling too and wouldn't know where to begin. So all I can offer is...you're not alone! Here's hoping things get easier for both of us soon...
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#4 of 4 Old 05-28-2007, 03:19 AM
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Sounds like a three-year-old. *wink* Take deep breaths...tomorrow is a new day. Sometimes taking a walk by yourself is a fabulous grounder!

Along the lines of not being alone...I remember calling my mother when DS1 was around 3 exclaiming that I had a short teenager and his ears were a figment of my imagination. She said that she vividly remembers three's with my younger sister...had even taken her to the ped because she thought there might be something going on with her. *grin*

Again, not being versed on GD yet I don't know if this idea is truly in line with it and I share it in the spirit of stoking up a brainstorm of ideas that might be of assistance to you. In our better days I've had to literally draw DS1's attention and focus to me to speak to him, then I'd ask him what I just said. Somedays it was as simple as asking him to 'look at mama please' and other days I've had to go and fetch him and snuggle him in my lap before I could speak to him with any hope of it actually making it into his ears.
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