I agree w/ mamaduck that it is all normal behavior, but I'm not sure that just knowing that is helpful -- we all still struggle with how to respond.
I don't have ideas for all of them, and I'm certainly no GD princess
: , but...
In my house, refusing to come upstairs, or generally dragging heels/being difficult about the downstairs part of the bedtime routine usually means that that child doesn't get to choose a book, having wasted his/her book time. Continuing to carry on and be disruptive means you don't get to be in the room to listen to the books the other kids picked out either, since I can't read when there is chaos around me. If everyone is really wild, it also often means that there are no lullabies sung by mommy, b/c I really *am* too exhausted and pissed off to do it. And, in line with what shaggydaddy was saying, a bad bedtime *also* means that I re-evaluate the next day's plans -- add a nap, start bedtime earlier, put the challenging kid to bed first, ahead of the other two (I have 3, who all share a room), so they can 1, get extra 1:1 attention at bedtime and 2, not be disruptive to the others' bedtime routine, and 3, get some needed extra sleep!
Talking back -- it depends -- if it is really not up for discussion, I don't engage, just repeat what I'm asking (eg, pick up your dirty shirt and put it in the laundry basket), and remind that I'll be able to listen to him/her after s/he listens to me. If it is something more complex/subjective, I try to hear my kids out, or at least offer empathy (I know this really isn't the plan you'd like, but right now, it needs to be just my decision. We can talk about doing something differently another time.)
Rude stuff -- I have zones of comfort -- potty talk i'm pretty okay with, but not while eating. I offer one reminder, then ask the child to leave the table (and the room, actually, so as not to wind up the others). My dd is a screamer, and just LOUD in general -- she knows if she is not using her inside voice, I'll give one reminder and then pick her up and plunk her out in the yard.
I hope this was somewhat helpful. It turned into much more of a ramble than I intended!