how to handle "talking back" - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 06-27-2007, 10:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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in the last two weeks my almost 3yo has developed a nasty habit of raspberrying me or going "PPP"AAHHH" if i tell him not to do something.

usually it's something ive had to tell him a million times before - like dont touch the baby swing, sit still when you're on the potty, etc. it mostly happens when im working on a timeline - like trying to get in the shower because i havent bathed in two days and im going out with friends, or im trying to get things together to go on a walk.

i went ahead and asked my mom and she said time outs and sit and talk about it. that doesnt really work with my kiddo. no one, especially a toddler, especially my toddler, wants to be lectured at. and sometimes i just dont have the time.

right now im just ignoring it until i can think of an appropriate response. but gosh darnit it pisses me off.

a modified sticker thing worked well with pottying. i was thinking maybe giving him 10 stickers and taking one away everytime he's rude and then after getting a certain number (like 100), going somewhere nice - like a park we rarely go to. he seems to respond best to physical/visual reminders like that.
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#2 of 5 Old 06-27-2007, 11:02 AM
 
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With my child, I would probably just give a disapproving look and say something like, "That is not cool, you don't make disrepsectful faces at your mother."

I might add "I am telling you to do something for safety reasons [or so we can get out the door, or whatever] and your job is to listen." Then just carry on expecting that the faces will stop. If they don't, say the same thing again.

That kind of thing works around here.
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#3 of 5 Old 06-27-2007, 11:25 AM
 
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Sounds like your 3yo is trying to tell you that he doesn't like what you've ask of him or denied him of. He is entitled to feel as he does, it just seems that maybe he doesn't know how else to deal with his frustration. I'm not a fan of rewards/consequences because I don't see how it gets to the root of the issue, they just treat the "symptoms". Anyway, I would separate my emotions from it , put my attention on him, validate how he is likely feeling, and try to come up with a solution, if he doesn't have any ideas then offer some alternative suggestions.

For example:
"wow, that sounded like you are upset that I stopped you from touching the swing. It's ok to be upset/angry/frustrated/dissapointed, but let's find another way to express it OK?" Then see if he has any ideas and suggest some of your own acceptable ways. Hitting a pillow? stomping feet?

works great around here
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#4 of 5 Old 06-27-2007, 11:29 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wendy~ View Post
Sounds like your 3yo is trying to tell you that he doesn't like what you've ask of him or denied him of. He is entitled to feel as he does, it just seems that maybe he doesn't know how else to deal with his frustration. I'm not a fan of rewards/consequences because I don't see how it gets to the root of the issue, they just treat the "symptoms". Anyway, I would separate my emotions from it , put my attention on him, validate how he is likely feeling, and try to come up with a solution, if he doesn't have any ideas then offer some alternative suggestions.

For example:
"wow, that sounded like you are upset that I stopped you from touching the swing. It's ok to be upset/angry/frustrated/dissapointed, but let's find another way to express it OK?" Then see if he has any ideas and suggest some of your own acceptable ways. Hitting a pillow? stomping feet?

works great around here
: There you go. Try that first. I do the Slacker Single Mama parenting, and sometimes I go straight for the hard-a$s angle when a softer approach might work. I might try this myself.
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#5 of 5 Old 06-27-2007, 05:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wendy~ View Post
For example:
"wow, that sounded like you are upset that I stopped you from touching the swing. It's ok to be upset/angry/frustrated/dissapointed, but let's find another way to express it OK?" Then see if he has any ideas and suggest some of your own acceptable ways. Hitting a pillow? stomping feet?

works great around here
im thinking he got it from me in the first place. like i showed him how to growl at things that scare him and now he just growls at anything - like our huge dogs if they are in his way. or that i grump when im upset/frustrated with a jar that wont open or while driving. anything to not swear.

so i cant be mad at him for that. i guess it just pushes my buttons more than anything. (and also i never no what is just typical toddler behaviour or "if you dont nip it in the bud he's going to be like that forever.")
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