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#91 of 102 Old 08-03-2007, 10:44 AM
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Coincidentally,(?) their house is a sty
Do you honestly think one thing has to do with the other? Seriously?

Our home is clutter-free (for the most part) and while not always "white glove" ready, I could have a guest over on (almost!) any given day and feel proud of the state of our home...

Yet dd is free to jump on couches, sit on our coffee table, rock on our recliner, spin on our office chair like she is at space camp and even draw on the walls! -- The drawing isn't *actually* on the walls, I took posterboard and (temporarily) affixed it to a portion of the wall that she can draw freely on --- everyone who comes into our home comments on the lack of clutter and my organization skills but JUST AS MUCH, comment on how happy and secure and lovely dd seems

I don't see where one has to do with the other.


I think that the difference between the folks who do or don't let their children stand on couches is the fact that the ones who don't, probably see the home as "their" home (the parents') while in our family, our daughter's home is our home AND JUST AS EQUALLY, our daughter's home, and while I redirect certain things, or provide her ways of honoring her impulse (paper on the wall instead of drawing directly on the wall), she is free to do in her home what she pleases.. including jumping on the couches.

We don't sweat the small stuff... we just don't value material objects that much... and the ones we do value, such as the laptop for example... we have taught dd to use respectfully... and "coincidentally", she does.
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#92 of 102 Old 08-03-2007, 10:50 AM
 
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Originally Posted by captain crunchy View Post
Do you honestly think one thing has to do with the other? Seriously?

Our home is clutter-free (for the most part) and while not always "white glove" ready, I could have a guest over on (almost!) any given day and feel proud of the state of our home...

Yet dd is free to jump on couches, sit on our coffee table, rock on our recliner, spin on our office chair like she is at space camp and even draw on the walls! -- The drawing isn't *actually* on the walls, I got posterboard and (temporarily) affixed it to a portion of the wall that she can draw freely on --- everyone who comes into our home comments on the lack of clutter and my organization skills but JUST AS MUCH, comment on how happy and secure and lovely dd seems

I don't see where one has to do with the other.


I think that the difference between the folks who do or don't let their children stand on couches is the fact that the ones who don't, probably see the home as "their" home (the parents') while in our family, our daughter's home is our home AND JUST AS EQUALLY, our daughter's home, and while I redirect certain things, or provide her ways of honoring her impulse (paper on the wall instead of drawing directly on the wall), she is free to do in her home what she pleases.. including jumping on the couches.

We don't sweat the small stuff... we just don't value material objects that much... and the ones we do value, such as the laptop for example... we have taught dd to use respectfully... and "coincidentally", she does.
Same here. Our house is very tody and clean.

I love playing games with the kids that include climbing and standing on the furniture.

Not to mention, I have to stand on furniture to reach things.

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#93 of 102 Old 08-03-2007, 01:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by captain crunchy View Post
Do you honestly think one thing has to do with the other? Seriously?
No more than you seem to think that people who don't allow their kids to jump on furniture are "are setting up adversarial relationships with their children from birth." Is that any less of an extreme, what-does-one-have-to-do-with-the-other comment?

We all have our own particular standards -- it's not such a big deal, IMO. Ours happens to be jumping on furniture, yours happens to be drawing on walls. As you said, you honor your DD impulse to draw on walls by hanging poster boards on the walls; I (and I'm sure many others) also honor my DS's jumping impulse in lots and lots of other ways.

I'm sure out there, somewhere, is a mom who does allow her DC to draw on the walls, and she might post here saying something like, "Walls are so easy to paint over -- we just get out the paint cans once a month and brush over the drawn-on area. I worry that those of you who don't allow your children to draw on the walls see your home as only the parents' home, and are setting up an adversarial relationship with your children."

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#94 of 102 Old 08-03-2007, 02:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MamaNosBest View Post
Again, 7 kids - no standing on furniture (and no, as you implied, draconian punishments, or heck, even mild ones were needed.) I find it odd that so many folks (not you personally, in general) seem to find it so difficult to get their kids to follow rules and assume that those that do are automatons or being beaten with waffle irons.
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I have never had issues with it, and I don't abuse my kids. Seriously. Just because we have a no jumping on furniture rule does not mean my kids are going to hate me someday for repressing them. I never jumped on furniture (sat upside down, yes, I loved gymnastics, but that's different ), and I don't need counseling for it. I had much worse things to look back at than not being able to jump off the couch.

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#95 of 102 Old 08-03-2007, 03:00 PM
 
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I'm sure out there, somewhere, is a mom who does allow her DC to draw on the walls, and she might post here saying something like, "Walls are so easy to paint over -- we just get out the paint cans once a month and brush over the drawn-on area. I worry that those of you who don't allow your children to draw on the walls see your home as only the parents' home, and are setting up an adversarial relationship with your children."
Ha ha, and then there is another mom who will then come on here and post, "How dare you cover up your child's artwork and her drawings by painting over them!!!! Have you no respect for your child!!!"

It just goes on and on and on.

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#96 of 102 Old 08-03-2007, 03:40 PM
 
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So everyone who thinks it's okay for a child to stand on the booth: do you let him stand on the couch at home?
DD is not allowed to stand on the booth in a restaurant, but she IS allowed to stand on the couch at home (as long as her shoes are off).

I don't let her stand on the booth because it's not conventional manners, probably not too safe, and might damage the booth and/or annoy the owners/waitresses. Also, once she's standing, she'll be jumping, and then...

At home..it's my house and my stuff, so she can stand and jump.

However, she is required to sit in her chair (no standing or getting up and down) at meals till she decides she's done, wherever she is. This is both for sanity and sanitary reasons.

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#97 of 102 Old 08-03-2007, 04:34 PM
 
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- Walk/pace around in the restaurant, just wandering around looking at other diners and stuff but not touching anything. (presuming this is before the food comes or after your child has ate, and that you are seated at a table that enables you to see your child clearly from where you are seated)
Yes.

- Wanders and starts chatting with waitressing staff and alot of other diners at their tables, asking questions and so on.
Hasn't really come up, yet. I'd watch for the reactions of the other diners and whether they were responsive to DS in which case I'd allow him to continue or if they weren't in which case I'd guide him elsewhere.

- Climbs up on a chair at another table with diners already sitting there, and peers interestedly at what they are eating/talkng about.
Nope. Unless, of course, we know them personally which does happen quite often around here.

- Stands up on the booth seat that you guys are seated at and refuses to sit down (but not jumping either).
I don't mind it. I won't, however, allow him to stand up in a chair.

- Wanders around the restaurant looking for interesting stuff to hold/touch, resuming this is a typical curious 2 year old child.
No.

All that said, I don't mind being permissive in restaurants especially considering that we only go to locally-owned restaurants where we know our servers, chefs and owners really well and we never go during peak times when waitstaff might trip over our child. The response from staff, owners and the like has been extremely positive and they often take extra care to show our son the kitchen, the bar and other areas of the restaurant. It's nice actually.

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#98 of 102 Old 08-07-2007, 09:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MamaNosBest View Post
Yup. This happens ALL THE TIME with some friends of ours. They sometimes, mildly, say "oh preshus, Ms. Best doesn't allow standing on the furniture" or walking on the dining room table, or climbing the 3-story high banister above the catwalk, etc.). Other times they won't even say anything, and my husband and I have to. It's rude, rude, rude, but I don't blame the kids -- they do it at home, after all. Coincidentally,(?) their house is a sty
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#99 of 102 Old 08-07-2007, 09:26 PM
 
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- Walk/pace around in the restaurant, just wandering around looking at other diners and stuff but not touching anything. (presuming this is before the food comes or after your child has ate, and that you are seated at a table that enables you to see your child clearly from where you are seated)

**no. not okay to look at the other diners... we don't know if the other diners are ok w/ being looked at! Not okay.

- Wanders and starts chatting with waitressing staff and alot of other diners at their tables, asking questions and so on.

**no. also not okay.

- Climbs up on a chair at another table with diners already sitting there, and peers interestedly at what they are eating/talkng about.

**ummm no.

- Stands up on the booth seat that you guys are seated at and refuses to sit down (but not jumping either).

**that's fine.

- Wanders around the restaurant looking for interesting stuff to hold/touch, resuming this is a typical curious 2 year old child.


**not okay.


- Wanders around the restaurant looking for interesting stuff to hold/touch, presuming this is a 3-4 year old child who knows not to handle glass/fragile objects without asking for permission first, and a cautious child who is good with gentle touches/handing.

**no.

and I would try to redirect him to our table and our playthings. If this doesn't work we leave the place or take turns sitting outside w/ him. Then we'd wait another 3-6 months before taking him out to eat again. This is why we only ate out about 3 times before my son was 4!!
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#100 of 102 Old 08-07-2007, 09:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by edamommy View Post
- Walk/pace around in the restaurant, just wandering around looking at other diners and stuff but not touching anything. (presuming this is before the food comes or after your child has ate, and that you are seated at a table that enables you to see your child clearly from where you are seated)

**no. not okay to look at the other diners... we don't know if the other diners are ok w/ being looked at! Not okay.

- Wanders and starts chatting with waitressing staff and alot of other diners at their tables, asking questions and so on.

**no. also not okay.

- Climbs up on a chair at another table with diners already sitting there, and peers interestedly at what they are eating/talkng about.

**ummm no.

- Stands up on the booth seat that you guys are seated at and refuses to sit down (but not jumping either).

**that's fine.

- Wanders around the restaurant looking for interesting stuff to hold/touch, resuming this is a typical curious 2 year old child.


**not okay.


- Wanders around the restaurant looking for interesting stuff to hold/touch, presuming this is a 3-4 year old child who knows not to handle glass/fragile objects without asking for permission first, and a cautious child who is good with gentle touches/handing.

**no.

and I would try to redirect him to our table and our playthings. If this doesn't work we leave the place or take turns sitting outside w/ him. Then we'd wait another 3-6 months before taking him out to eat again. This is why we only ate out about 3 times before my son was 4!!

Are you serious about this? I thought you were joking and then read the rest of your responses - please tell me that you allow your children to look at other diners.
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#101 of 102 Old 08-07-2007, 09:52 PM
 
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Are you serious about this? I thought you were joking and then read the rest of your responses - please tell me that you allow your children to look at other diners.
\


no, I shield their eyes! : hahahahah!!! ummm YAH, they can look at other diners. Just like you or I would look at other diners......but they (he, i have just one right now)cannot walk around looking at other people why they eat. It's not a county fair. Its a place for grown ups to go and eat... i mean if he's at chucky cheese sure, what around and gape... but not at a regular place. nor do i want anyone else's child walking around staring at us... or making my own dc want to get up and wander aroundtoo
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#102 of 102 Old 08-07-2007, 10:23 PM
 
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\


no, I shield their eyes! : hahahahah!!! ummm YAH, they can look at other diners. Just like you or I would look at other diners......but they (he, i have just one right now)cannot walk around looking at other people why they eat. It's not a county fair. Its a place for grown ups to go and eat... i mean if he's at chucky cheese sure, what around and gape... but not at a regular place. nor do i want anyone else's child walking around staring at us... or making my own dc want to get up and wander aroundtoo
whew. ok, thats what I hoped. I agree with most of what you said, and I wouldn't let my ds stare or gawk at other diners either. Or wander around, or purposely make messes, I try to keep him sitting on his bottom, depending on where we are sitting and as long as we are in a booth I will sometimes let him stand up in the booth, as long as we are not already or still eating.

We have left restaurants a couple of times because he was crawling under the table or trying to run around. Lately though he has been fabulous when we go out to eat (not often).
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