Moms of Many Gentle Discipline Support Thread - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-08-2007, 08:24 PM
 
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I promise, it's just one drink at a time.

It's probably a little easier for me to not go in and check on them at bedtime (looking at your kids' ages), as the ones I'm trying to convince myself to ignore as six and almost four. The younger two generally aren't away from us until they're actually asleep.

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Old 08-08-2007, 08:26 PM
 
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Triaging Needs

How do you do it? Do you have a mental criteria? When all of the kids want something, how do you sort it all out?

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Old 08-08-2007, 08:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Triaging Needs

How do you do it? Do you have a mental criteria? When all of the kids want something, how do you sort it all out?
Great question.

Beyond the fact that the baby almost always comes first, followed by blood and/or vomiting, I have no idea.

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Old 08-08-2007, 08:59 PM
 
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Triaging Needs

How do you do it? Do you have a mental criteria? When all of the kids want something, how do you sort it all out?


I think this is such an honest question. It happens, you know?

I go to the child who needs the most. Once that child is in my arms or sight, I work from there. So, say a 13 yr old is bleeding, but the 2 yr old nephew is tired and really should have had a nap already, I go to the 13 yr old. The whole time I talk to all of them as calming as I can. But the bloody kid gets my attention. If the bloody kids is beedig from the knee, and the two yr old is about to pitch himself out the window, I go to the 2 yr old, of course.

Buit triage is about getting to the folks who need the most immediate attention.

Later, everyone gets some love, some care, some love talk and my thanks for being so patient when they were in need. Always aknowledge those who waited it out. "I felt so sad that I could not take care of you right away, Thank you so much for for being patinet while I helped your cousin/little sister/brother. I know you needed care. I was thinking about you the whole time I was helping :insert other child's name: and I know it's so hard to wait. You're my little guy and I love you. I'm here now".
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Old 08-08-2007, 10:29 PM
 
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Right now there is a high chance that two are going to be crying at once with my dog adding the chorus.I do the triage thing as well so sometimes the baby is the one who has to wait because if I take care of DD then I can go back and spend more time with him.It hurts that I have to let him cry while I load or unload the car.I try to anticipate.I also thank the one who had to wait for waiting and give them hugs.

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Old 08-09-2007, 02:30 AM
 
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I promise, it's just one drink at a time.

It's probably a little easier for me to not go in and check on them at bedtime (looking at your kids' ages), as the ones I'm trying to convince myself to ignore as six and almost four. The younger two generally aren't away from us until they're actually asleep.
My older two sleep together sometimes in the guest bed, and if we just let them giggle and play for awhile, they'll get sleepy and drift off together. But if we keep going in, it just distracts them until they won't sleep at all. So I'm going to try the drink thing, now. Though this only works on days my dd naps.

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Old 08-10-2007, 06:34 PM
 
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I wonder how much discipline issues and family management issues overlap? For me, it seems like they intercept all the time. When I'm in a good routine and we have a daily rhythm and I have charts (there's my OCD again, LOL!) and labels and loose schedules, things go great. When we try to wing it, it all goes to hell in a handbasket. Like today.
I think this is the key in my family. I need to get into a routine.

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Old 08-10-2007, 07:44 PM
 
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Great question.

Beyond the fact that the baby almost always comes first, followed by blood and/or vomiting, I have no idea.
That is part of my problem. EVERYTHING seems urgent and important :

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Old 08-10-2007, 07:53 PM
 
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Would it be OK if I joined in on this thread as well? I haven't finished reading it in it's entirety, yet, but I wanted to jump in and ask this.

I only have 2 kiddos myself, however I do daycare for 3 other children of a good friend of ours. I'm trying to practice GD with my children, and I'd like to with his kiddos, too. Obviously.

So I have 5 kids almost every day of the week. If it's not OK that I get in on this discussion, that is absolutely fine... I totally understand.
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Old 08-10-2007, 10:32 PM
 
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Of course it's ok - welcome!

We are talking about how to manage multiple needs and still keep on the GD side of things; at least I think that's what we are doing, and that sounds like what you must be trying to do too.
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Old 08-11-2007, 11:45 AM
 
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I'm SOOOOOOO with you guys!!
I have four kids- DD 7, DS 5,DS 2,DS 6weeks.
Basically I am still recovering from my 4th c-section TOO SLOWLY
due to lack of rest. Because my body feels like I've been hit my
a truck, my patience is non-existent! I haven't slept in weeks, but I'm too much of a control freak to hand off the kids or anything else to get a break. Nursing the two youngest ones is wonderful and draining and I wouldn't change it for the world. Everyone seems to need me at the exact same time:-) I'm so happy to have a big,healthy family, but routines and prioritizing during this long, hot summer seems impossible! I look forward to more advice and support from you SUPERMAMAS!

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Old 08-11-2007, 12:20 PM
 
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Hello all! Another MOM here trying to figure out what works discipline wise. Being a single mama makes it hard for me as sometimes I really need that extra set of hands to hand a child to, ya know? My 4 year old is my biggest struggle right now. He is soooo stubborn and spiteful and nasty. I feel liek all my work to raise peaceful children has failed with him. WHY does he scream and yell and hit and swear when I never do those things? It gets so infuriating trying to remain calm while he is acting up and I am trying to feed the baby or change my toddler or give one on one time to my oldest. He just acts so selfish....but then, I guess thats cuz he is 4.
Trying to get back on the ball with the chore chart and our routine with storytime, crafts, etc... Everything kinda went to the wayside when teh baby was born. I notice when they get bored they spend all day fighting with eachother and me.
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Old 08-11-2007, 12:23 PM
 
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Would it be OK if I joined in on this thread as well? I haven't finished reading it in it's entirety, yet, but I wanted to jump in and ask this.

I only have 2 kiddos myself, however I do daycare for 3 other children of a good friend of ours. I'm trying to practice GD with my children, and I'd like to with his kiddos, too. Obviously.

So I have 5 kids almost every day of the week. If it's not OK that I get in on this discussion, that is absolutely fine... I totally understand.
I am so right there with ya mama! I also babysit for two other children ages 3 years and 3 months full time 6 days a week and I tell the parents I practice GD. (thier mom tried to tell me I could spank them if need be....) I have seen how the childrens behavior improves with me in comparison to thier home atmosphere where there is not alot of respect and alot of spanking occurs.
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Old 08-11-2007, 03:01 PM
 
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My latest GD issue:

My kids are 6, 3, 1 1/2 and 12 days and bedtime is making me crazy. My second youngest still wants me to lay down with/nurse him at bedtime but #4 seems to be cluster feeding in the evenings and doesn't want to detach. The oldest two have trouble settling down and them making noise doesn't help ds2 fall asleep.

What do you do at bedtime with a bunch of kids?
This is what I do... I have two toddler beds in my bedroom (with the middle rails out and tied together- like a double toddler bed- very cute!). I nurse newborn and place her on my chest. Then I nurse 2 1/2 yo. Then, he rolls off of my arm, and I rub his back with my right arm and dd's back with my left arm, hoping newborn doen't roll off of my chest! If newborn is awake and nursing and ds wants to also, I nurse them together, although I HATE tandem nursing (makes my skin crawl)- but they're both happy then. Then, when dd is asleep, dh moves her to her own bedroom to sleep for the night. Ds stays in toddler bed for night (usually). Good luck! I don't know how I'd do it with 4kids. Then again, by the time I have a fourth, maybe dd won't need to be touching me to fall asleep. Who knows?!

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Old 08-11-2007, 05:45 PM
 
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I love hearing about the bedtime routines! I don't feel so alone in my
struggles to try to get four kids down at the same time- two of them
nurslings. Keep the stories coming!




Tandem nursing, non-circ Mama to 4- :
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Old 08-11-2007, 05:59 PM
 
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Right now we all co-sleep. It makes it easier for now. WHen dad says lights out, everyone cuddles in and goes to dreamy land.

I am lucky though.....my children are pretty sound sleepers.

Maybe it is because they have always co-slept

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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Old 08-12-2007, 11:03 AM
 
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Absolutely! Mine have always coslept also, and are very good sleepers. I was actually mad when dd (4yo) came to me and tod me she wanted to sleep in her "own bed" in her "own room". I knew it would require more work on my part (it hasn't, she sleeps right through the night in there!) and then when ds (2yo) wanted to sleep in his own bed too, I was like... WHAT?!!! He also usually sleeps through the night in his little toddler bed. Both know that they may come into our bed when they want (sometimes in the middle of the night, but always in the morning). I couldn't believe that after all of those years of cosleeping, THEY wanted to get out. Everyone told me that they would NEVER leave the family bed (not that I cared). and here they go on their own! I feel so good that they felt secure enough to sleep on their own, and I KNOW that that has to do with cosleeping! (They can't yet fall asleep on their own, but that's ok by me!)

btw, the baby screaming also throws me over the edge!!! and the worse is when she's screaming and the other two are not listening and we're trying to get out the door and then the baby poops, and then one of the other kids falls...

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Old 08-12-2007, 11:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Can I get some advice? I need some quick and easy "remedies" for when I am feeling like I'm about to lose it. You know, when the noise is overwhelming and they keep waking up the baby and trying to escape outside in their church clothes and the best plan I can come up with is "we're going to sit on the sofa and look at books for the next hour." I just need some ideas for calming everyone down.

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Old 08-12-2007, 01:26 PM
 
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Can I get some advice? I need some quick and easy "remedies" for when I am feeling like I'm about to lose it. You know, when the noise is overwhelming and they keep waking up the baby and trying to escape outside in their church clothes and the best plan I can come up with is "we're going to sit on the sofa and look at books for the next hour." I just need some ideas for calming everyone down.
I need some ideas too.

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Old 08-12-2007, 01:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sigh. Well, I feel sort of bad. DH came home between services and I drove them all over to church. The plan was Nicholas would go to the nursery, the older two would sit with friends, and the baby and I would go to Mass for the first time in forever.

Except the baby completely freaked out on the way home, and nursed forever, and I missed Mass because honestly, I think God understands not wanting to wake a sleeping fussy baby.

So the other three are at Lutheran church, Daniel is asleep, and I am online.

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Old 08-12-2007, 02:52 PM
 
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Sigh. Well, I feel sort of bad. DH came home between services and I drove them all over to church. The plan was Nicholas would go to the nursery, the older two would sit with friends, and the baby and I would go to Mass for the first time in forever.

Except the baby completely freaked out on the way home, and nursed forever, and I missed Mass because honestly, I think God understands not wanting to wake a sleeping fussy baby.

So the other three are at Lutheran church, Daniel is asleep, and I am online.
We are home right now too. The plan was to make it to the 11am service but dh is working (another post entirely) and for me to get all 4 out the door would have taken longer then we had. So.....I am aiming for 6pm service. We will see if dh is with us or not.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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Old 08-12-2007, 07:33 PM
 
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Right now we all co-sleep. It makes it easier for now. WHen dad says lights out, everyone cuddles in and goes to dreamy land.

I am lucky though.....my children are pretty sound sleepers.

Maybe it is because they have always co-slept
You are lucky. We've always co-slept and everyone in together doesn't = my kids going to sleep.

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Old 08-13-2007, 12:47 AM
 
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You are lucky. We've always co-slept and everyone in together doesn't = my kids going to sleep.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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Old 08-13-2007, 02:53 AM
 
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Can I get some advice? I need some quick and easy "remedies" for when I am feeling like I'm about to lose it. You know, when the noise is overwhelming and they keep waking up the baby and trying to escape outside in their church clothes and the best plan I can come up with is "we're going to sit on the sofa and look at books for the next hour." I just need some ideas for calming everyone down.
You mean other than a fire hose?

Rescue Remedy from Bachs!! And other flower essences can tackle these types of things with your kids and you and help you manage the "symptoms" while you gain control again. Seems odd, because you feel like you're drugging your kids, but look into flower essences and see if anything clicks.

I mostly just use Rescue Remedy on myself and once in a while on my oldest. Helps me calm my nerves quickly so I can move forward.

Board games might also do the trick. Will they sit and play with you for a few minutes? A well-timed snack time and they have to help prepare the fixings?

I am dealing with this kind of thing right now. The boys get wrestling or running through the house or maybe at the table they get into giggle fits and all hell breaks lose. They get louder and louder and they begin to fall and get hurt or are banging spons in their bowls or something gets knocked off a shelf or SOMETHING and I think I am going to lose my mind.

I can't seem to get on top of it all now that I am pregnant and all the progress I had made is gone gone gone!

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Old 08-13-2007, 04:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I always forget about Rescue Remedy. I never really believed in it til my midwife gave it to me during labor. I was shocked at how well it worked. I'm going to bring it downstairs and set it on my mantle, LOL!

Board games cause trouble, because while my older two are fine, Nicholas is right on this side of too young. He feels excluded and causes trouble, and then it's just a Very Bad Scene.

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Old 08-13-2007, 06:28 PM
 
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Right now I am NAKing and I have sent the other 3 upstairs to clean their teeth and go to bed. For the last 5 mins I can hear ds2 being very loud and stupid horsing around hysterically while ds1 is part goading him and part telling him to shut up. I can't hear dd but she won't be getting any sleep while the other two are being so silly.

I am resiting the urge to go up there and shout at them becuase I am waiting to see if natural consequences calms them down without me intervening and I couldn't anyway because I can't get dd off my boob! But now I am getting that pent-up anxious feeling you are all talking about and feeling impatient.

Ah - now dd has run into their room and told them to stop it now...Dh is out dropping keys off to a new tenant so I am here on my own which is why there is stupidness going on.

Mmm I'm going to try and lay the baby down and go and see what is going on because its not calming down at all.
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Old 08-13-2007, 08:34 PM
 
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I always forget about Rescue Remedy. I never really believed in it til my midwife gave it to me during labor. I was shocked at how well it worked. I'm going to bring it downstairs and set it on my mantle, LOL!
Mine is in my purse which is almost always next to me.

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Board games cause trouble, because while my older two are fine, Nicholas is right on this side of too young. He feels excluded and causes trouble, and then it's just a Very Bad Scene.
I gotcha! I had that going on forever too and now Jack is 6 and doing better with several games, so it's starting to work. That is, when they don't fight over the game which ends up happening a lot. My oldest has volitile moods due to his diagnosis and that makes it hard for everyone.

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Old 08-14-2007, 02:53 AM
 
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Can I get some advice? I need some quick and easy "remedies" for when I am feeling like I'm about to lose it. You know, when the noise is overwhelming and they keep waking up the baby and trying to escape outside in their church clothes and the best plan I can come up with is "we're going to sit on the sofa and look at books for the next hour." I just need some ideas for calming everyone down.
ok I am still ever so slowly reading this thread in my very few minutes to sit each day: but I am in the process of making a little envelope that has 3x5 cards in it with calming activities written on it things like drive cars thru a tray of rice, get out playdough, corn starch and water, tell a made up story with kids names in it, etc. I swear one of my biggest issues right now is just that I lack creative energy to keep coming up with ideas. so as I think of more "oh yea that worked well when we..." I write it on a card and toss it in the envelope. Secretly I call it the "YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY" envelope because when I start thinking that I need a creative idea. If I pull a card that can't work like cornstarch and water but we can't get messy I just put it back and pull another. So far its working......

off to read what other suggestions you got...I came to whine about my day but now I am to lazy

ETA AM I hear ya with board games but we do have one that seems to work well for my gang its called ANIMA and the "board" is actualy put together with randomly placed tiles so I tell the bigger kids to give the two year olds a handful of tiles and a ghost and the make their own game .

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Old 08-14-2007, 03:02 PM
 
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Oh.....a jar with activities. Good idea! :

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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Old 08-14-2007, 09:17 PM
 
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I so need this thread. Just added #3, so now I have three under three for at least a few months until DS1 turns 4. As with the birth of my second son, I know that whenever the baby is crying is a trigger. I keep reminding myself that the others are still babies too, which helps... but not always.

Mom to DS(8), DS(6), DD(4), and DS(1).  "Kids do as well as they can."

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