The psychologist told me i have to let him CIO - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 12:12 PM
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Ibtl.
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#122 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 12:26 PM
 
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Ibtl.
Gah! You beat me to it.

It's actually an interesting discussion. But, when name-calling begins....
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#123 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 12:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
What bothered me in addtion to the fact that she was leaving her child to cry was that poster ascting like it was no big deal- adding her "lol" to the end of her sentence. And then all these other posters jumping in saying, who cares?? I understand people have to make different choices. Even when necessary, it doesn't make a situation like that less traumatic for the child.
I can understand where you're coming from. My impression was not that she was laughing at her crying daughter, but that this was awhile ago, and she made a joke about it as something long past. I really doubt it was easy for her back then. Sounds to me like she was desperate for a break. It's not often that we truly have a village in this day and age. Mothering was not meant to be such a solo affair. It's sad that we have to hire our village these days, but it's the way it is.

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#124 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 12:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I can understand where you're coming from. My impression was not that she was laughing at her crying daughter, but that this was awhile ago, and she made a joke about it as something long past. I really doubt it was easy for her back then. Sounds to me like she was desperate for a break. It's not often that we truly have a village in this day and age. Mothering was not meant to be such a solo affair. It's sad that we have to hire our village these days, but it's the way it is.

i think that is a BIG part of what i see as the problem, i do not feel that way at all. IMO, (and of course i am sure you will disagree, but it still is my opinion, and i am only stating it, because i think this is where a lot of the disagreement between us comes from) a child belongs with its mother for at least the first year, even longer really. i dont believe in seperating a mother and child, for any reason when the child is still an infant/ young child. i also think there is a big difference between you letting your kids with their family members, (who i am sure they were around enough to get comfortable with, before you just started leaving them there) who they need to develop some kind of bond with, and taking them to a stranger so you can get some down time. i need me time every day too, i get it either while the baby is sleeping, or i wait until the kids are playing nicely, and step outside for some fresh air, curl up on the couch and read a book while they are snuggled on the floor reading....you dont have to seperate yourself from your kids to get that down time that we all need.
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#125 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 12:40 PM
 
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If you have a very high needs baby, separation may be necessary, though. If your baby doesn't sleep except in-arms and you can't even get a shower or 5 minutes alone, it can be really difficult.

Have you read the Continuum Concept? It really spoke to me and it may help you understand where I'm coming from, if you're interested. Really great book.

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#126 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 03:03 PM
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That's YOUR definition of CIO. Why do you get to have the final say in what is and what is not CIO? I think CIO is any time a parent knows what their child needs and denies them it to teach them some type of lesson (ie. leaving your child crying at daycare to teach them to get used to the person). IMO denying my child the very thing that is the core of their existence - me, their mother! - is wrong. Obviously the OP is of this mindset as well. So why is your definition supposed to be the universally accepted one?
That is the standard definition. I did not invent it. Not all forms of crying are CIO.

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#127 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 03:08 PM
 
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my sweet little son is 3 1/2 and was bawling his head off tonight at bedtime. he was completely overtired and just needed sleep. his tears weren't someting for me to stress about -- i just put him in bed and rubbed his little back and helped him calm down and go night-night.

i know this is way off topic - but sometimes tears aren't terrible, yk? haven't you ever cried and felt better? i know i have
I've been following this thread. I don't believe in CIO, at all. But, I do know that sometimes *I* do need a good cry at times to feel better. I'm pretty sure my kids do too. :

Just a long winded way of saying "i agree" with you.
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#128 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 03:59 PM
 
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Oh for pete's sake! Ya'll are judging me based on your own assumptions of my life and what was going on....when all I was trying to do was to sympathisize with the OP on having a HN kid and knowing how hard it is to have a child with high separation anxiety.

SO if you're going to judge me, let me just lay open my life for you to REALLY judge me and tell me all the mistakes I've made...(this is kinda long, sorry)

1 - my child was "AP'd" from birth...she co-slept, was worn in a sling until I was pregnant with #2 at 26 months, she BF until 26 months, etc

2 - my child never had a sitter before the age of 1. When she was 1 I went back to work and therefore had a sitter. We transitioned in as easily as we could - I worked from home for the first few weeks and was there to "help" the sitter and be available. There still was lots of crying, etc even when I was present and there to take her right back. Eventually I went back full time but after a month we were both miserable so I quit my job.

3 - we then moved to CA when she was 2...we didn't know anyone here, I had no luck finding a private sitter, her father and I were on the "outs" and he was NO help and I had no relief....she was a dynamo who needed lots of energy from me every day....so I looked at this nice little "daycare" where they wore the kids in slings and were/are very loving etc

4 - when I first took her to the preschool, I spent the first few days with her while I was there so she could see the routine and get used to the teachers....she seemed confident so we tried having me leave and wait outside for a half hour - we did that for 2 days and she didn't settle down....so we tried again the next week, etc - she didn't cry for a half-hour every time but she did cry each time for at least a little bit - enough to make the other parents notice....the director went out of her way to help Marley learn to release her fears and reassure her I was coming back...I wasn't sure if I was pushing her too much or not, but I had a gut feeling that once she bonded with them, she would LOVE it there - which she did.

5 - as far as "complete strangers" well frankly everyone is a stranger to a little child! it's great if you have family members or friends who are there to support you from birth, but some of us don't really have that - so strangers who we "pay" are sometimes more reliable/more caring than those relatives - at least in my experience - it was my doula who supported me in the birth of my 2nd child, not my mother - it was the teacher at the preschool who came over to do an overnight with my DD when my son was born - my DD would rather spend time with her preschool teacher than many of her relatives, etc

(also want to add - downtime for me when she napped? um, what naps? downtime when she was playing? um, there IS no playing alone for an ADHD child! we're talking seriously HN and later dx as SN)

6 - people are reacting to the "LOL" part of my post - well I tend to use humor to sort of ease things that have alot of tension for me....it's easier for me to look back on that experience as her becoming a "legend - LOL" than to be all solemn and serious....but I know some folks see that as being inappropriate - all I can say is that having a SN, HN child makes me turn to "gallows" humor to cope...

7- finally - I really, really think that I handled the entire transition to prescool in a VERY AP manner - I made sure that my DD had other caregivers who would respond to her in the way I knew she needed to bond with them properly....I knew, because we were well bonded, that she was ready for the challenge of being with other children for more time than I could give her individually (being new to the area and slow to network with other moms)...and I knew from my experience with the former nanny that she was just slow to warm up but that she would be fine if she could bond with them - which she did (isn't that reading the cues of your child?)

And because she has had such separation anxiety, I hired the teachers from the school to babysit at night when I needed it because I believe in the "continuity of care" idea - I see the preschool teachers as part of my extended family in some sense. It's not ideal by any means but in today's society where so many of us are cut off from family (or have dysfunctional family!) we often have to "pay" our extended family....

Okay so I just say all of this because of all the slinging around of "complete strangers" and letting a child under one cry for their mommy with a stranger and whether or not it was appropriate for me to choose daycare...

I do have to say that the OP said she let her child cry for TWO HOURS with her DH (STBX?) - which I have never done and would never do because I simply wouldn't be comfortable with it. But I didn't hop in saying how bad she was to do that! I assumed there was more to the story (as we later found out about her situation with her DH) and didn't bring all my own assumptions to the table like you guys are doing!

Okay so while I think the CIO versus non-CIO distinctions can be respectfully disagreed on by thinking parties, I would really, really like it if ya'll wouldn't just assume a bunch of things about me that you don't know since you weren't there. Just argue from your own experience and your own background, if you please!

To the OP - while you and I just don't agree on what is CIO, I in no way intended to derail your thread and instead intended to show support - I hope you can recognize that...

peace,
robyn
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#129 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 04:51 PM
 
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That is obviously a completely different situation. If you are in danger of hurting your baby them crying with someone or alone - for a short period of time - is better than you hurting them. But just wanting time alone - even if you feel totally frazzled - is not a good enough reason IMO.
I probably would have said the same thing when my child was six months old. Given we are over 10 years later and I'm still dealing with some of the damage that happened to my health during this time I now strongly disagree.

Feeling frazzled is a good reason to take a break. Attachment parenting isn't just about attaching the child to one human being and never taking a minute's respite. Martyrdom and attachment parenting seem to be interchangeable in some people's minds but I disagree. I will also say that while I believe AP as it is properly interpreted can help children develop independence, I've seen the other side too where moms don't take care of themselves and never leave their children for the moment and the end result is overly anxious children and a burned out mom.
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#130 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 05:00 PM
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I probably would have said the same thing when my child was six months old. Given we are over 10 years later and I'm still dealing with some of the damage that happened to my health during this time I now strongly disagree.

Feeling frazzled is a good reason to take a break. Attachment parenting isn't just about attaching the child to one human being and never taking a minute's respite. Martyrdom and attachment parenting seem to be interchangeable in some people's minds but I disagree. I will also say that while I believe AP as it is properly interpreted can help children develop independence, I've seen the other side too where moms don't take care of themselves and never leave their children for the moment and the end result is overly anxious children and a burned out mom.

PhDin' mama to dd (Oct. 2005)
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#131 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 05:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by alexysmommy View Post
.sounds like lazy parenting to me, sorry, i am glad you are able to justify it for her, but that def isnt AP parenting to me.
All the "checklists" that people seem to think are inherent in AP aside, at its core, AP is about listening to your child and respecting what your child is trying to tell you, while also responding to your child's needs. However we choose to use to implement that philosophy with our children is open for discussion and debate. But if we respect our children and respond to their needs -- and I do believe that if we're on this forum we try to, though we may not always succeed -- could we not also try to respect one another and respond to the other posters' needs as expressed through their writings with compassion and care?

The poster you are labeling as practicing "lazy parenting" is deserving of respect. She is deserving of compassion. And she was trying to *help* you (the OP) with her response! If you didn't find it useful or helpful, fair enough. But from snarky response #1, you have been unkind and unfair to her, IMO.
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#132 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 06:07 PM
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i need me time every day too, i get it either while the baby is sleeping, or i wait until the kids are playing nicely, and step outside for some fresh air, curl up on the couch and read a book while they are snuggled on the floor reading....you dont have to seperate yourself from your kids to get that down time that we all need.
But you see, you are judging others based only on your situation. Not everyone's situation is the same as yours. I have an EXTREMELY high needs child. There is NO "playing nicely" time when I could possibly step outside for fresh air. None. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Dd screams if I am more than a foot away from her and prefers direct physical contact with me. Every SECOND of the day. Literally. I can't just sit on a couch with her reading on the floor. Ha! She wants my FULL attention and full engagement literally EVERY SECOND. (I can only post on MDC when she is napping as she is now--IN MY ARMS because if I try to put her down she will wake up and scream). I have not pee'd, poop'ed or taken a shower alone in nearly two years. Until you have a child like mine, it's a little odd to hear you say that "we all get a little down time when we can." Some of us don't. Ever. And so some of choose to seek additional help because the situation I described above--MY situation--is not a healthy one. For anyone.

So I guess that makes me a bad AP parent.

But walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me....


......

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#133 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 06:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yes, my son was like that for almost his first year. i still managed to find time after he was in bed at night, or would have dh give him a bath while i stepped outside. WHy dont you just give her to dh, and take a break? If she screams as long as she is being comforted, that is okay , right?

My daughter did not leave my arms for months when she was first born due to reflux. She even slept there. I never could put her down... I would still put her in the sling, and take a nice long walk while she was asleep, and collect myself. YOU are getting a break right now, while she sleeps and you are on the computer. So i am not understanding...do you have to be away from your child to get some downtime?
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#134 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 06:52 PM
 
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I probably would have said the same thing when my child was six months old. Given we are over 10 years later and I'm still dealing with some of the damage that happened to my health during this time I now strongly disagree.

Feeling frazzled is a good reason to take a break. Attachment parenting isn't just about attaching the child to one human being and never taking a minute's respite. Martyrdom and attachment parenting seem to be interchangeable in some people's minds but I disagree. I will also say that while I believe AP as it is properly interpreted can help children develop independence, I've seen the other side too where moms don't take care of themselves and never leave their children for the moment and the end result is overly anxious children and a burned out mom.

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#135 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 07:10 PM
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Originally Posted by alexysmommy View Post
yes, my son was like that for almost his first year. i still managed to find time after he was in bed at night, or would have dh give him a bath while i stepped outside. WHy dont you just give her to dh, and take a break? If she screams as long as she is being comforted, that is okay , right?

My daughter did not leave my arms for months when she was first born due to reflux. She even slept there. I never could put her down... I would still put her in the sling, and take a nice long walk while she was asleep, and collect myself. YOU are getting a break right now, while she sleeps and you are on the computer. So i am not understanding...do you have to be away from your child to get some downtime?
Not physically, but mentally, yes. I do need a few minutes of "me" time to gather my thoughts. And this is not really "downtime" for me because in addition to MDC , I also work at home. I use the hour and a half that dd is napping to work, not to rest. It is the ONLY time I can work and, well, we have bills to pay. Fortunately my work is on the computer so I can do it with her napping in one arm.

I can not hand her off to dh--he generally works nights and must sleep during the day. He is sleeping now. So that is not an option. Neither is getting "me" time when she goes to bed at night--she is a very light sleeper and if I try to get up she will wake up and cry. Generally even trying to pry my boob out of her mouth wakes her up. And aside from that, she still wakes up every two hours or so (even more frequently if she is teething, etc). So, nope, there is no "me" time at night, either--I am on 24 hour call--and since dh is generally working by that time, no one to "hand her off to." Great that your dh is willing and able to help, but again, every situation is different.

We also have NO family members in the state--meaning no aunts, uncles, or grandparents who could help out.

And by the way, we are way past "almost her first year" and "for months when she was first born" as was the case with your kids. That is so NOT the same thing. My daughter is turning two. I am still "on" 24/7. So where is my break? Where is this downtime you keep talking about?


Ah, anyway, I didn't mean to make this about me I just wish people wouldn't be so quick to judge others and their parenting. I think everyone on this forum is trying to be the best parent they can. And each has to make certain decisions that others may not agree with or that others wouldn't personally choose for themselves and their families. We do the best we can and we all have different children with different temperments and different intensities of need, different spouses/partners with different abilities to participate in the day to day parenting challenges, different socio-economic conditions (i.e. the need or desire to work vs. the ability and desire to SAHM), different living arrangements, different personal "me time" needs (physical, mental, how often and how long), etc. There is no "one size fits all" in parenting, not even in AP

...................

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#136 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 07:13 PM
 
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Oh for pete's sake! Ya'll are judging me based on your own assumptions of my life and what was going on....when all I was trying to do was to sympathisize with the OP on having a HN kid and knowing how hard it is to have a child with high separation anxiety.

SO if you're going to judge me, let me just lay open my life for you to REALLY judge me and tell me all the mistakes I've made...(this is kinda long, sorry)

1 - my child was "AP'd" from birth...she co-slept, was worn in a sling until I was pregnant with #2 at 26 months, she BF until 26 months, etc

2 - my child never had a sitter before the age of 1. When she was 1 I went back to work and therefore had a sitter. We transitioned in as easily as we could - I worked from home for the first few weeks and was there to "help" the sitter and be available. There still was lots of crying, etc even when I was present and there to take her right back. Eventually I went back full time but after a month we were both miserable so I quit my job.

3 - we then moved to CA when she was 2...we didn't know anyone here, I had no luck finding a private sitter, her father and I were on the "outs" and he was NO help and I had no relief....she was a dynamo who needed lots of energy from me every day....so I looked at this nice little "daycare" where they wore the kids in slings and were/are very loving etc

4 - when I first took her to the preschool, I spent the first few days with her while I was there so she could see the routine and get used to the teachers....she seemed confident so we tried having me leave and wait outside for a half hour - we did that for 2 days and she didn't settle down....so we tried again the next week, etc - she didn't cry for a half-hour every time but she did cry each time for at least a little bit - enough to make the other parents notice....the director went out of her way to help Marley learn to release her fears and reassure her I was coming back...I wasn't sure if I was pushing her too much or not, but I had a gut feeling that once she bonded with them, she would LOVE it there - which she did.

5 - as far as "complete strangers" well frankly everyone is a stranger to a little child! it's great if you have family members or friends who are there to support you from birth, but some of us don't really have that - so strangers who we "pay" are sometimes more reliable/more caring than those relatives - at least in my experience - it was my doula who supported me in the birth of my 2nd child, not my mother - it was the teacher at the preschool who came over to do an overnight with my DD when my son was born - my DD would rather spend time with her preschool teacher than many of her relatives, etc

(also want to add - downtime for me when she napped? um, what naps? downtime when she was playing? um, there IS no playing alone for an ADHD child! we're talking seriously HN and later dx as SN)

6 - people are reacting to the "LOL" part of my post - well I tend to use humor to sort of ease things that have alot of tension for me....it's easier for me to look back on that experience as her becoming a "legend - LOL" than to be all solemn and serious....but I know some folks see that as being inappropriate - all I can say is that having a SN, HN child makes me turn to "gallows" humor to cope...

7- finally - I really, really think that I handled the entire transition to prescool in a VERY AP manner - I made sure that my DD had other caregivers who would respond to her in the way I knew she needed to bond with them properly....I knew, because we were well bonded, that she was ready for the challenge of being with other children for more time than I could give her individually (being new to the area and slow to network with other moms)...and I knew from my experience with the former nanny that she was just slow to warm up but that she would be fine if she could bond with them - which she did (isn't that reading the cues of your child?)

And because she has had such separation anxiety, I hired the teachers from the school to babysit at night when I needed it because I believe in the "continuity of care" idea - I see the preschool teachers as part of my extended family in some sense. It's not ideal by any means but in today's society where so many of us are cut off from family (or have dysfunctional family!) we often have to "pay" our extended family....

Okay so I just say all of this because of all the slinging around of "complete strangers" and letting a child under one cry for their mommy with a stranger and whether or not it was appropriate for me to choose daycare...

I do have to say that the OP said she let her child cry for TWO HOURS with her DH (STBX?) - which I have never done and would never do because I simply wouldn't be comfortable with it. But I didn't hop in saying how bad she was to do that! I assumed there was more to the story (as we later found out about her situation with her DH) and didn't bring all my own assumptions to the table like you guys are doing!

Okay so while I think the CIO versus non-CIO distinctions can be respectfully disagreed on by thinking parties, I would really, really like it if ya'll wouldn't just assume a bunch of things about me that you don't know since you weren't there. Just argue from your own experience and your own background, if you please!

To the OP - while you and I just don't agree on what is CIO, I in no way intended to derail your thread and instead intended to show support - I hope you can recognize that...

peace,
robyn
Hi Hippymama,

I'm sorry you felt the need to type all that out and justify yourself!

I think you sound like a fantastic mom.

J
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#137 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 07:15 PM
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Hi Hippymama,

I'm sorry you felt the need to type all that out and justify yourself!

I think you sound like a fantastic mom.

J

Me too

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#138 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 08:01 PM
 
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I have not pee'd, poop'ed or taken a shower alone in nearly two years.
i know you absolutely don't mean this comment to be funny - but i am laughing SO hard right now! my kids are almost 6 and 3 1/2 and i very rarely take a shower alone---STILL!!!!!

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#139 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 08:11 PM
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i know you absolutely don't mean this comment to be funny - but i am laughing SO hard right now! my kids are almost 6 and 3 1/2 and i very rarely take a shower alone---STILL!!!!!
LOL, good to know what I have to "look forward" to

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#140 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 08:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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evc, arnt you in school and your child in daycare? so how is it that you get absolutely no time away from your dd?
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#141 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 08:39 PM
 
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i haven't read through the entire thread, but my gut reaction is to get a different psychologist. quickly.

my mother is a child psychologist and behavioral analyst that now specializes in autistic children. she's been working with kids since the 80's...and she is ADAMANT against letting them cry it out. if anything, that will LESSEN their trust...and make them MORE likely to sull.
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#142 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 08:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks i def will not be going back to this lady.
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#143 of 151 Old 08-20-2007, 09:00 PM
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evc, arnt you in school and your child in daycare? so how is it that you get absolutely no time away from your dd?
I will be in school in the fall and dd will be in daycare. But I am currently a SAHM who does a little WAH.

PhDin' mama to dd (Oct. 2005)
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#144 of 151 Old 08-21-2007, 01:17 AM
 
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I probably would have said the same thing when my child was six months old. Given we are over 10 years later and I'm still dealing with some of the damage that happened to my health during this time I now strongly disagree.

Feeling frazzled is a good reason to take a break. Attachment parenting isn't just about attaching the child to one human being and never taking a minute's respite. Martyrdom and attachment parenting seem to be interchangeable in some people's minds but I disagree. I will also say that while I believe AP as it is properly interpreted can help children develop independence, I've seen the other side too where moms don't take care of themselves and never leave their children for the moment and the end result is overly anxious children and a burned out mom.
Um, my kids are 6.5 YEARS, 4.5 YEARS and 1.5 YEARS and they are all high needs/special needs to varying degrees so I am not new to this.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#145 of 151 Old 08-21-2007, 11:09 AM
 
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Um, my kids are 6.5 YEARS, 4.5 YEARS and 1.5 YEARS and they are all high needs/special needs to varying degrees so I am not new to this.
I didn't say you'd feel differently - I said I did.

And, for the record if I'd had two or three I'd probably not have gotten at that point. For me it took more distance from the experience in order to really be able to process it. And, again, I am not suggesting you'd draw the same conclusions. Some folks stick with AP as martyrdom forever.
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#146 of 151 Old 08-21-2007, 11:29 AM
 
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: glass houses, people...every family needs to find a balance that's right for them, it's as simple as that. Clearly, all who participate on MDC believe in fundamentally the same parenting principles...
And to the OP...I definitely think it would be wise to find a new ped. as s/he clearly doesn't understand the basics of child development enough to know that separation anxiety is normal, healthy and to be expected...
forget the shrink, I don't even think you need one for your babe...

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#147 of 151 Old 08-21-2007, 12:44 PM
 
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[QUOTE=momma-d;8954693.every family needs to find a balance that's right for them, it's as simple as that. Clearly, all who participate on MDC believe in fundamentally the same parenting principles...
[/QUOTE]

: Not everything works for every family and while I love this board and community at times I get so annoyed because its easy to walk away thinking we must all parent the same way. That's crazy, we don't all have the same child.. some Mamas are happy to never leave their kids, some are like me and must have me time. I don't get my me time and Mama Shay becomes a unhappy woman which doesn't make for a great Mama/child time.

I wasn't aware of AP as a practice with my son but considering I had him at 19 I can honestly say the things I do now at 34 with my dd probably would have been too much for me at 19. The thing is its a real easy to confuse AP with Mama martyr and sometimes its after reading threads like this that I see why AP may never appeal to the masses.

As for the OP, you know your child and what he needs so I would just disregard what you were told and look for a provider that meets your needs.


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Mothering since 1992...its one of the many hats I wear.
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#148 of 151 Old 08-21-2007, 08:42 PM
 
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I didn't say you'd feel differently - I said I did.

And, for the record if I'd had two or three I'd probably not have gotten at that point. For me it took more distance from the experience in order to really be able to process it. And, again, I am not suggesting you'd draw the same conclusions. Some folks stick with AP as martyrdom forever.
You're saying it would be easier if you'd had three kids? : Never heard that one before...

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#149 of 151 Old 08-21-2007, 08:43 PM
 
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You're saying it would be easier if you'd had three kids? : Never heard that one before...
I don't get that either! I hope she will explain. I know that for me, two was about 400 times harder than one. I thought it'd only be twice as hard. Joke was on me!

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#150 of 151 Old 08-21-2007, 08:55 PM
 
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My ds is now 3 and was a reflux baby and hated to be separated from me just like the op's little one. It was really hard at the time, but I stuck it out and I'm happy to report that he's fine now! He will happily spend time with just dh, or my in-laws or my mom and siblings.

It won't last forever. Follow your heart and do what you know to be best for your child. No expert knows your child better than you do!
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