Raising your spirited child... - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 114 Old 10-02-2007, 04:30 AM
 
Meg_s's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,384
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I love ice cream and just make my own! I don't use soy..and My son can't have berries, because of the salicylates, but he can have ripe peeled pears and bananas so....

I freeze the fruit, and then

put in a blender some butter oil (butter that has been cooked and filtered to get rid of the casein, he does fine with that), eggs and boiling water which cooks the whites but leaves the yolks soft and melts the butter.. blend it and it is a frothy rich liquid (I use this liquid to make cappuccinos for myself too btw) then add enough frozen fruit to make it into a thick spoonable concoction which I call and eat as ice cream! I do it for myself with berries because I can't resist them, but for the boy only use acceptable fruit due to the salicylate issue.

Or I use fresh raw sheep's milk, which my son also seems to be fine with, despite not being able to deal with cow's.

My 2nd baby is very easy going compared to the first, but when I eat dairy (omg I lived on dairy post partum with my first, the poor thing) he gets fussier in general and sleeps poorly relative to his normal sleep abilities.

It drives me CRAZY that everywhere you go people are trying to feed your kids, I so hear you on that one. DS1 goes to a daycare for 2 or 3 hours in the morning. I bring him there just after 9, he's already eaten breakfast and been up for a while - why WHY WHY do they need to have crap to feed the kids there? A play group which is 2 hours in the afternoon - gotta have a huge snack time full of junkfood.. it's like, people don't know what to do with kids so they just feed (sedate) them to keep them occupied. My issue is that when my son is salicylated it ruins all of our lives.. HIS life being messed with is bad enough, but to have him tantruming and crying and screaming for 5 days after a dose is so unfair to the rest of us as well. And it's "just a little won't hurt him" "It's healthy food!!" I don't care how healthy you think raisins are, just a few are enough to send my son over the edge so don't Fing give them to him. Don't give anything to him! He ate a big breakfast and will come home and eat a big healthy lunch if you don't shove food in his face.
Meg_s is offline  
#62 of 114 Old 10-02-2007, 10:27 AM
 
cmoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 691
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The snacks being served at the preschool my son went to last year was one of the reasons we pulled him, potato chips, pretzels, cheezits, chocolate chip cokies all at 10 o clock in the morning! Of course the parties were even worse, junk food out the wazooooo. I kept wanting to bring his own snacks and stuff in but well I just never did and I regret letting him have all that crap now because I was too timid to stand up for healthy eating : The end of the year party was the WORST the teachers gave out candy to all the kids mind you this was a 2 yr old class..PIXIE STICKS that the parents were literally dumping down the kids throats (because they are too little to understand how to eat them) marshmallow stick things, ugh it was horrifying I just threw em' all away when we left. Why do kids need all that junk???

My son is really sensitive to sugar, he does have ice cream now and again but in small quantities, no chocolate unless I get the grain sweetened kind, and certaintly no candy.

I looked into the Salyclites but never really followed through on it. He seems to be triggered more by sugar sleep and the weather. Cloudy rainy days Watch out!!!

I agree having a place to chat and vent is really nice!

Spritesmom I about your daughter running..my son who'll be 4 in a few weeks often requests to go out and run!!! We go to the local park with a dirt track or to the woods to hike and he runs and runs : What kid asks to go out to run? Mine apparently
cmoma is offline  
#63 of 114 Old 10-02-2007, 03:41 PM
 
Inanna_Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 609
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Running always helps me (or it used to when I had time to run!). Glad to hear it made such a difference! I look forward to trying it with DS as soon as he's got walkin' legs

I've seen little stickers or buttons you can put on kids with food issues to prevent the ridiculous force-feeding of junk. Some are pretty obnoxious, but these CafePress ones aren't too bad:

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/food+al...5636pi10ai1779

crochetsmilie.gifread.gif Wife & Mama to 5 yo superhero.gifboy and 13 yo cat.gif.

Inanna_Mama is offline  
#64 of 114 Old 10-03-2007, 01:47 AM
 
Spritesmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 82
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Aahhhh! Lost my post!! And you know it was a long one!! Meg S. do you just wing your ingredients? How many eggs? How much boiling H2O? I make smoothies but with yogurt but I may be able to get away with this. Redo the rest tomorrow - to bed before one - two nights in a row! Wahoo!! Blessings!!
Spritesmom is offline  
#65 of 114 Old 10-03-2007, 11:48 AM
 
Sara Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Lansing, Michigan
Posts: 259
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I will be reading this thread. Xander is almost 4.5 and he is definitely spirited and gifted.

I am in the process of reading (when I have time) Taming the Spirited Child: Strategies for parenting challenging children without breaking their spirits, by Michael H. Popkin. So far, I do like it and describes him very well.

CD(DONA), Wife to Jason, Momma to Xander (7), Hayden (5), & Hanna (4)
Sara Ann is offline  
#66 of 114 Old 10-08-2007, 04:37 PM
 
Spritesmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 82
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Inanna Mama - I love this site! I'm going to plaster stickers all over church!! I would love to sky write - Please don't feed the children! - Have a meeting with the Title One reading specialist today. NOT looking forward to it at all, though I should be. DD made a break through last week. She actually wriggled up to me (on her back on the floor!) and said that this was the way she was feeling. I asked her if she could put it into words and she said it was a "sick" feeling. So.... I said - why don't we go run? Now, this was about 7:30 at night - it was dark here - Eastern PA - I have said this to her before when I knew she needed to run but she never took me up on it. Well - that girl ran and ran and ran!! First time around the cul-du-sac she was serious but on the second lap she had this big grin on her face!! I was suppose to be chasing her (not with these knees!) but I just kept lunging at her and she would dart away. We had a very busy weekend and she had very bad dreams (even in our bed!). She whinned all the way to the bus stop - I'm off today - so I bet her I could reach the white mail box before her and off she went. I hope she is having a good day. AND I really hope I can keep my big mouth shut at this meeting. I (we) know she needs help with her reading and I'm hoping they will take her personality into consideration when we "plan" her program today. I guess it is a start - her letter home just made it sound like we haven't been working on this with her and we actually have to sign a "Compact" saying that we will do what we have already been doing - which isn't working!!! Yeah, I'm taking this personally... I know, I know - I need to get out of the way. Deep breathes, deep breathes...
Spritesmom is offline  
#67 of 114 Old 10-08-2007, 11:42 PM
 
ConsciousMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: RI
Posts: 37
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so happy to have found this post. I am just starting "Raising your spirited child" along with the workbook. I'm at wits end. My, highly energetic, focused, knows what he wants, 3 yr old ds has got my husband and I going at each other half the time. We were ready to send him off (to where, I'm not sure...) and I remembered that about a year ago I bought the book, and started reading it and then it ended up on my bookshelf. I loved what I read, even brought me to tears. I'm looking forward to getting things in control. I think the warm weather makes things worse. He's a firey, red, pitta, leo and the warm weather makes him miserable. And my almost 5 yr old dd is such a little mama, I feel bad that she is always sheparding him in the right direction, while putting up with his pent up energy in the form of pinching, kicking, etc. She's really so awesome and the best big sis. I'm concerned about the salicylates as we are raw foodists and the list of salicylate foods is very long. I'm hoping to go there last! Maybe I'll try to be aware of it for now. Ready to start fresh tomorrow! We had a great night running around the playground until after dark with dh. Playgrounds are so great for blowing off steam!
Thanks for the ideas!
Blessings.
ConsciousMama is offline  
#68 of 114 Old 10-09-2007, 12:10 AM
 
Spritesmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 82
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well...Ya know...sometimes I make this Mothering thing harder than it has to be!! The reading specialist was very nice - she has never even met DD - someone else gave DD the test. From what I saw the little minx is reading better at school than she is at home. Hmmmm. Have to be careful about labelling. She is saying "Well - I'm just Active Alert and you have to deal with it." - when she starts behaving badly and we call her on it. : We are not letting her get away with that but I know she has heard me describing her as a "Wild Woman". She might be getting just a little kick out of that. Bad dream again, tonight. This one is really freaking her out and DH and me, as well, when she starts screaming for us. She is really terrified. She hasn't done this in a long time. She just keeps replaying it over and over. Apparently it comes from a TV commercial for a local amusement parks Halloween festivities. Dh is trying to find it online right now. I need to see it so I can suggest ways for her to change the dream - she's not up to that right now but the power of suggestion has to kick in eventually. She had to see this commercial in the hour she watched TV this Sat. morning!! :
Spritesmom is offline  
#69 of 114 Old 10-09-2007, 08:23 PM
 
Inanna_Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 609
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just back from the evaluation with DS. We were concerned that he might have some sensory integration issues - mostly due to his biting himself when frustrated or angry.

They recommended that I take him to a pediatrician to have him check his ears (he tugs at them a lot, but they don't think it's sensory related - I agree after the OT explained the difference between sensory issues, behavioral issues and physical concerns). They think he's just chronically over-tired as well.

The program is free and we qualify to get a weekly visit from a social worker to help us with sleep issues. Although the eval folks were kind enough and certainly had the best of intentions, it was clear that they want me to stop nursing on demand and co-sleeping. Not gonna happen.

So, when the case manager calls tomorrow, I'm going to tell her thanks, but no thanks. We'll take DS to the pedi, then start getting serious on the No Cry Sleep Solution. It worked for nap time, so it's worth a try at night, too. As for the biting...well, I'm not sure what to do.

They think he's distractable enough that I should be able to use that as a solution. But he's so fast! That hand is in his mouth before I can come up with a distraction. Sometimes he can work through it on his own. He may fuss a bit, but not erupt. Other times, he's straight to self-gnawing. Any thoughts on how to help him manage his temper, or is he just too young yet?

crochetsmilie.gifread.gif Wife & Mama to 5 yo superhero.gifboy and 13 yo cat.gif.

Inanna_Mama is offline  
#70 of 114 Old 10-10-2007, 12:37 AM
 
Spritesmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 82
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
WOW!! I'm thinking distraction, too. Maybe if you do the same thing every time, he will eventually just do IT instead of the gnawing when he gets mad. This is a hard one. Can't the case workers help you with the anger issue without getting too into the sleep issue? They are probably related but they should be able to help you figure out what could work when he gets mad so you are ready the next time. So are they saying that this is behavioral? I think everyone I know is sleep deprived!
Spritesmom is offline  
#71 of 114 Old 10-10-2007, 09:14 AM
 
cmoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 691
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
hugs: mama, I wish I had some advice for you.
cmoma is offline  
#72 of 114 Old 10-11-2007, 01:51 PM
 
Inanna_Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 609
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks so much for the hugs, Mamas!

Yep, they think it's all behavioral - thanks to his Mama who allowed these habits to form

I'm trying not to take it too hard as I'm an AP, aspiring-to-be GD parent, and these folks clearly are not. I really believe that if I had stopped nursing on demand, co-sleeping and immediately responding to his needs before now, we would be in a far worse place.

But, you're right, Spritesmom. I probably do need help with distraction/anger management tips for DS. Still, I'm hoping to get them from like-minded folks instead of mainstream behavioralists (is that a word? ).

On the up side, over the past few days DS's started showing signs of wanting cuddles! This is very exciting as a single hug from him reduces my stress levels considerably which, hopefully, in-turn will reduce his.

crochetsmilie.gifread.gif Wife & Mama to 5 yo superhero.gifboy and 13 yo cat.gif.

Inanna_Mama is offline  
#73 of 114 Old 10-11-2007, 02:20 PM
 
cmoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 691
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inanna_Mama View Post
On the up side, over the past few days DS's started showing signs of wanting cuddles! This is very exciting as a single hug from him reduces my stress levels considerably which, hopefully, in-turn will reduce his.

thats great!
cmoma is offline  
#74 of 114 Old 10-13-2007, 07:01 PM
 
Sage_SS's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West Coast, BC
Posts: 2,793
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My daughter is 7. She's always been LOUD. She started talking very early and speaking very well. As a result, she's quite talkative and expresses herself constantly. She's been called bossy by impatient people, and has been said to have "mother hen syndrome" by nicer people. When she was in preschool and the kids were fighting or arguing, she'd walk over to them and loudly tell everyone to just take a deep breath and calm down. She has very clear ideas of what she wants and when others don't share her vision, she becomes obstinate, which gradually becomes complacency saturated with sarcasm. She has ALOT of energy for the things she wants to do, but if I ask her to do something, she's suddenly the laziest kid on the planet. And I mean ANYTHING. She's UNBELIEVABLY argumentative! She argues with me about everything and anything, and even if I can prove her wrong ( oh, how I low I fall sometimes) she still argues with me, just for arguing with her. I cannot explain here how often she argues with me!
She is very friendly and so compassionate. Her passion runs deep and her understanding of emotions is astounding.
She is very intelligent, but getting her to do her work is ridiculous. Its easy for her, but she hates to do it. Ugh.
Her teachers tell me that she talks too much, tends to be bossy but has alot of friends.
She is almost hyper active. My mom looks at her like she's special needs when my daugher gets excited about something.
I have spent so much of her life feeling like a terrible parent.
She's in Sun Hang Do, which she loves because she's encouraged to be LOUD. She's in cheer leading which she loves for the same reason.

I'm so glad to find that I'm not alone!! There are other kids like her! This sounds terrible, but I've oftened wondered if we did something wrong somewhere.. did we teach her to be that loud? By encouraging her to explore and ask questions and find her own answers, did I teach her that I know nothing? When we play with her, did we teach her to be extremely, over the top excitable when she's looking forward to something or really happy? When teaching her never to ostersize anyone, did we teach her to be bossy and try to force kids to do things her way?
Sage_SS is offline  
#75 of 114 Old 10-13-2007, 10:56 PM
 
imbarefoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oly
Posts: 834
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hello

I am the mother to an extremely spirited child.

I'm also reading this book at the moment, I will do my list.

Dramatic-Charismatic
Doesn't listen-Independent
Stubborn-Strong Willed
Demands Attention-Affectionate
Can't focus on one thing-Very Perceptive of her surroundings
Shy around others-Likes to observe before engaging
Easily upset and whiny-Sensitive

Doula mama to artistic DD and monster DS. #3 on the way!
HAVE YOU HEARD OF SQUAT ANARCHIST BIRTH JOURNAL YET?? IF NOT, GOOGLE IT!
imbarefoot is offline  
#76 of 114 Old 10-14-2007, 09:36 PM
 
cmoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 691
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
: UGH Hi ladies I just need to vent a bit before I head to bed. We had the roughest day today with DS. He spent the day yesterday with his Nana and Popa, I think he has a hard time transitioning from being with his nana. I'm thinking it may have something to do with all the one on one she gives him. Even though DD 18m was there too. She still focuses on him a lot. Atleast that is my feeling. Does anyone notice this? Anyway he is also lacking sleep which is in itself bad. But today a day where we are normally all home together (dad was out for the day) he was OUT OF CONTROL! Just had a hard time listening and handling a "no" from me. He didn't nap but instead the only good moment of the day (except when he fell asleep) he built and awesome firehouse with his legos. DH came home and was exhausted from gettin up at 3:30 and plopped on the couch to rest. I was trying to get DS to clean up and he was just resisting he wanted to sleep with Dad. I finally just gave up and did it myself. We then headed out to run a couple errands but while at the first store he began to just lose it. By the time we left our patience was thin and we headed for the nearest park. He managed ok there but when we came home the struggles really began. I was in the kitchen getting dinner and DS decided he wanted to draw well he is becoming a perfectionist with his drawing and if the do not come out EXACTLY the way he intended them too he totally melts down. I wanted DH to deal with him without me. He kept trying to calm DS down but it wasn't happening eventually he came to eat which was another issue I gave him the wrong noodles and didn't let him put the ketchup on them! I then set the timer for bedtime. Well halfway through DH decided he had had enough and declared it was now bedtime. DS freaked ran into the kitchen locked the gate behind him and hid under the table. I tried talking but it was no use. We did finally get him into bed and he fell asleep soon after. But PHEW! That last hour was not good. DH came down and said either he is tired beyond belief or there is something wrong. He had no patience today for him, I talked to DH but got no response from him about it at all. There isn't anything wrong he just gets that way from different reasons. We also haven't figured out how to respond to him before and after his freak out, meltdown tantrums. I need to read up on some GD and see how that might help us. He defintely feeds off of our emotions which is part of the problem.

anyway thanks for reading if you got this far I just needed vent
cmoma is offline  
#77 of 114 Old 10-14-2007, 09:56 PM
 
imbarefoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oly
Posts: 834
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmoma View Post
: UGH Hi ladies I just need to vent a bit before I head to bed. We had the roughest day today with DS. He spent the day yesterday with his Nana and Popa, I think he has a hard time transitioning from being with his nana. I'm thinking it may have something to do with all the one on one she gives him. Even though DD 18m was there too. She still focuses on him a lot. Atleast that is my feeling. Does anyone notice this? Anyway he is also lacking sleep which is in itself bad. But today a day where we are normally all home together (dad was out for the day) he was OUT OF CONTROL! Just had a hard time listening and handling a "no" from me. He didn't nap but instead the only good moment of the day (except when he fell asleep) he built and awesome firehouse with his legos. DH came home and was exhausted from gettin up at 3:30 and plopped on the couch to rest. I was trying to get DS to clean up and he was just resisting he wanted to sleep with Dad. I finally just gave up and did it myself. We then headed out to run a couple errands but while at the first store he began to just lose it. By the time we left our patience was thin and we headed for the nearest park. He managed ok there but when we came home the struggles really began. I was in the kitchen getting dinner and DS decided he wanted to draw well he is becoming a perfectionist with his drawing and if the do not come out EXACTLY the way he intended them too he totally melts down. I wanted DH to deal with him without me. He kept trying to calm DS down but it wasn't happening eventually he came to eat which was another issue I gave him the wrong noodles and didn't let him put the ketchup on them! I then set the timer for bedtime. Well halfway through DH decided he had had enough and declared it was now bedtime. DS freaked ran into the kitchen locked the gate behind him and hid under the table. I tried talking but it was no use. We did finally get him into bed and he fell asleep soon after. But PHEW! That last hour was not good. DH came down and said either he is tired beyond belief or there is something wrong. He had no patience today for him, I talked to DH but got no response from him about it at all. There isn't anything wrong he just gets that way from different reasons. We also haven't figured out how to respond to him before and after his freak out, meltdown tantrums. I need to read up on some GD and see how that might help us. He defintely feeds off of our emotions which is part of the problem.

anyway thanks for reading if you got this far I just needed vent
Hugs! Those kinds of days can be very trying. I hope you get some relief tomorrow!

Have you talked to your mom about how he acts once he leaves there? Could she be possibly feeding him things with High Fructose Corn Syrup, Red dye 40, caffeine, or some sort of artificial flavors/colors? I have no idea if you cut those things from your children's diets, but I really think those contribute so much to behaviors and moods of young children. I know my parents had no idea until I let them know and backed it up with some articles.

Anyway, that was just my first question after reading that.

Doula mama to artistic DD and monster DS. #3 on the way!
HAVE YOU HEARD OF SQUAT ANARCHIST BIRTH JOURNAL YET?? IF NOT, GOOGLE IT!
imbarefoot is offline  
#78 of 114 Old 10-15-2007, 06:41 AM
 
cmoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 691
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by imbarefoot View Post
Hugs! Those kinds of days can be very trying. I hope you get some relief tomorrow!

Have you talked to your mom about how he acts once he leaves there? Could she be possibly feeding him things with High Fructose Corn Syrup, Red dye 40, caffeine, or some sort of artificial flavors/colors? I have no idea if you cut those things from your children's diets, but I really think those contribute so much to behaviors and moods of young children. I know my parents had no idea until I let them know and backed it up with some articles.

Anyway, that was just my first question after reading that.
At our house there is no hfcs, caffeine aftificial colorings but now that you mention it she does give him yogurt that has hfcs I made a comment about it but I have not made her change it because well when I made the comment about it not being good for you she just gave me a face She seems to do well when I am there about not giving him junk but I know she does not feed him the things that I feed at home well she does but they aret the things I hve stopped buying. Like processed meats with nitrates and mac and cheese. Hmmmm I am going to have to check into this. Maybe he's more sensitive than I thought.

Thanks for bringing that up. IF it is the case it is going to be VERY difficult to get her on board with this. But either she will or he won't be going over...
cmoma is offline  
#79 of 114 Old 10-15-2007, 07:43 AM
 
Meg_s's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,384
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm just so happy I had to post, since it related to my spirited son. Normally I take him to a day care like thing for 2-3 hours in the morning, though it's kind of a pain since we don't have a car and it involves an hour of commuting on the bike altogether, and the littlest one doesn't like the trailer. My husband was away on business for the 2nd half of last week, and then is gone again for the first half of this week, and i just haven' tbothered to take him, too tired, too much hassle, which means I've controlled his food 100%. They are not supposed to give him anything that is not on the allowed list, but I suspect they do because of his behaviour, and because of them telling my husband "well we try not to give him raisins, but he loves them so much.. and he is doing so much better so just a few doesn't seem to be hurting" well it was hurting. Anyway, since he has been home and had time to be "desalicylated" (although I have given him peeled apple, and gummy bears but no red ones, and small amounts of carrot in his beef stew) he has been such an incredibly wonderful little guy to be around. Even when he is hungry, even when he is exhausted, he is just AWESOME. We had so many incidents this morning which would normally have been 30-90 minute insane ordeals but they were mere blips, he got upset and then quickly got over it. I love having him so content.. this totally makes me want to keep him home for good now. DH and I are falling all over ourselves loving him because he is sweet and OMG affectionate. He's always coming up to me and give me big hugs and kisses, and when I put him to bed he rubs my arm and pats my back and keeps kissing my face and hugging me.
Meg_s is offline  
#80 of 114 Old 10-15-2007, 02:30 PM
 
Inanna_Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 609
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmoma View Post
: We had the roughest day today with DS. He defintely feeds off of our emotions which is part of the problem.


I'm so sorry you had such a difficult day. My DS feeds off my emotions, too. I try to take heart in trusting that it's a sign that he is truly attached, which means we have the potential to be a team - even if most days don't feel like it.

How wonderful to have a day like Meg's to hope for and look forward to!

:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meg_s
He's always coming up to me and give me big hugs and kisses, and when I put him to bed he rubs my arm and pats my back and keeps kissing my face and hugging me.
imbarefoot and sage

Thanks for sharing your list, IMBF. I really need to get on that before I take DS to see my family again at Thanksgiving. It will really be ugly if I'm not prepared this time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sage_SS
I've oftened wondered if we did something wrong somewhere.. did we teach her to be that loud? By encouraging her to explore and ask questions and find her own answers, did I teach her that I know nothing? When we play with her, did we teach her to be extremely, over the top excitable when she's looking forward to something or really happy? When teaching her never to ostersize anyone, did we teach her to be bossy and try to force kids to do things her way?


Sage, DS is also very loud, bright, strong, and excitable with a clear idea of the way things should be. DH is very patient, gentle, even-keeled and soft spoken. While I'm not as Zen as DH, I'm not off the charts the other direction, either.

I am just a beginner at this parenting thing, but already I am overwhelmed by questions much like those you are asking here. While I want to take responsibility for helping DS become a compassionate, thoughtful, well-adjusted human being; I feel like I also need to accept his unique personality and find ways to help him develop into his own person, which means first letting go of a lot of questions that suggest I've done something wrong.

Of course, I can't say that I'm anywhere near being *able* to do this, but it's something I want to start working on. I bet there are other Mamas here who feel similarly.

crochetsmilie.gifread.gif Wife & Mama to 5 yo superhero.gifboy and 13 yo cat.gif.

Inanna_Mama is offline  
#81 of 114 Old 10-15-2007, 02:55 PM
 
cmoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 691
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Meg: Hooray for the happy day!!

I just put myself on the list for the Feingold Cookbook, I want to see how that might change things. Today has been a much nicer day Kepping an eye on his food. Are blueberries salicylated? Anyway so far so good I am even feeling good about him actually getting a nap in today!! I checked out the feingold site and he seems to fall into lots of the catagories for symptoms. Hmmmm...
cmoma is offline  
#82 of 114 Old 10-16-2007, 01:09 AM
 
imbarefoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oly
Posts: 834
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmoma View Post
At our house there is no hfcs, caffeine aftificial colorings but now that you mention it she does give him yogurt that has hfcs I made a comment about it but I have not made her change it because well when I made the comment about it not being good for you she just gave me a face She seems to do well when I am there about not giving him junk but I know she does not feed him the things that I feed at home well she does but they aret the things I hve stopped buying. Like processed meats with nitrates and mac and cheese. Hmmmm I am going to have to check into this. Maybe he's more sensitive than I thought.

Thanks for bringing that up. IF it is the case it is going to be VERY difficult to get her on board with this. But either she will or he won't be going over...
I think that's a very reasonable request. If she can't abide by your requests for him to eat healthy and safe foods, then you're right, he shouldn't go over there. You know, it didn't go over well with my IL's either at first, but my husband was firm but gentle about it. "It's our child and we don't want to put junk into her. Will are happy to provide you with food when she's in your care, but either way, she cannot have these things." Also, you may want to check that yogurt out that your mom gives him. Unorganic yogurts are notorious for having Red 40 in them if they are red or purple. Also blue ones usually have the blue dye and the yellow ones usually have the yellow dyes. I like Brown Cow yogurt. It's not organic but they use honey for a sweetner, rather than sugar (like the Yobaby uses). And it's amazing how many products they put HFCS in! Graham crackers, cereal, breads, and more! So he def could have consumed some if your mother was feeding him those sorts of things. Children can be very sensitive to those things, I know mine is! So it's not too unusual.

Either way, I hope you are able to sort this out! Hugs!

Doula mama to artistic DD and monster DS. #3 on the way!
HAVE YOU HEARD OF SQUAT ANARCHIST BIRTH JOURNAL YET?? IF NOT, GOOGLE IT!
imbarefoot is offline  
#83 of 114 Old 10-16-2007, 01:11 AM
 
imbarefoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oly
Posts: 834
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meg_s View Post
I'm just so happy I had to post, since it related to my spirited son. Normally I take him to a day care like thing for 2-3 hours in the morning, though it's kind of a pain since we don't have a car and it involves an hour of commuting on the bike altogether, and the littlest one doesn't like the trailer. My husband was away on business for the 2nd half of last week, and then is gone again for the first half of this week, and i just haven' tbothered to take him, too tired, too much hassle, which means I've controlled his food 100%. They are not supposed to give him anything that is not on the allowed list, but I suspect they do because of his behaviour, and because of them telling my husband "well we try not to give him raisins, but he loves them so much.. and he is doing so much better so just a few doesn't seem to be hurting" well it was hurting. Anyway, since he has been home and had time to be "desalicylated" (although I have given him peeled apple, and gummy bears but no red ones, and small amounts of carrot in his beef stew) he has been such an incredibly wonderful little guy to be around. Even when he is hungry, even when he is exhausted, he is just AWESOME. We had so many incidents this morning which would normally have been 30-90 minute insane ordeals but they were mere blips, he got upset and then quickly got over it. I love having him so content.. this totally makes me want to keep him home for good now. DH and I are falling all over ourselves loving him because he is sweet and OMG affectionate. He's always coming up to me and give me big hugs and kisses, and when I put him to bed he rubs my arm and pats my back and keeps kissing my face and hugging me.
That's so heartwarming to hear. I hope your family is able to make this work so you can stay home with him. Sounds like that's what's best.

Doula mama to artistic DD and monster DS. #3 on the way!
HAVE YOU HEARD OF SQUAT ANARCHIST BIRTH JOURNAL YET?? IF NOT, GOOGLE IT!
imbarefoot is offline  
#84 of 114 Old 10-16-2007, 01:23 AM
 
imbarefoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oly
Posts: 834
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inanna_Mama View Post


I'm so sorry you had such a difficult day. My DS feeds off my emotions, too. I try to take heart in trusting that it's a sign that he is truly attached, which means we have the potential to be a team - even if most days don't feel like it.

How wonderful to have a day like Meg's to hope for and look forward to!

:



imbarefoot and sage

Thanks for sharing your list, IMBF. I really need to get on that before I take DS to see my family again at Thanksgiving. It will really be ugly if I'm not prepared this time.





Sage, DS is also very loud, bright, strong, and excitable with a clear idea of the way things should be. DH is very patient, gentle, even-keeled and soft spoken. While I'm not as Zen as DH, I'm not off the charts the other direction, either.

I am just a beginner at this parenting thing, but already I am overwhelmed by questions much like those you are asking here. While I want to take responsibility for helping DS become a compassionate, thoughtful, well-adjusted human being; I feel like I also need to accept his unique personality and find ways to help him develop into his own person, which means first letting go of a lot of questions that suggest I've done something wrong.

Of course, I can't say that I'm anywhere near being *able* to do this, but it's something I want to start working on. I bet there are other Mamas here who feel similarly.
I know what you mean. Hugs! We are all on the same journey as you and all doing the best that we can. Keep your head up!

I think that by encouraging and guiding your children to be compassionate, thoughtful and well-adjusted human beings, we aren't not letting them be who they naturally are. I think possessing those traits are important and unfortunately, a lot of children these days lack that. So it's important to me to raise my child with those values, along with values that line up within my faith. At the same time, I think fostering your child's unique personality is just as important. I don't think it's about changing them. But trying to make them more well rounded individuals. Encouraging them to be kind, but also be themselves.

I definitely think you should let go of those questions that make you feel as if you've done something wrong. You are a wonderful mother. I can tell that just by you being right here on this thread, looking for answers, looking for guidance, and admitting that you aren't perfect. None of us are. I think what's important is continuing to learn ourselves and just doing the best that we can. And keeping in mind that if we make a mistake, we need to take responsibility for it (to yourself and to your child) and the move on, without holding major guilt.

Have you looked into parenting classes in your area? I have heard that in some bigger cities (and who knows, possibly in some smaller cities depending on your area) that classes are held for children like ours, spirited children. Classes that encourage gentle and non violent discipline. That's something that I myself want to look into. Because I feel like the more I put myself in a position to learn something, the better a parent I will become. I may take some things and leave others, but I feel that I could benefit from a professional that believes in the same kind of discipline that I do.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a relaxed night tonight. It's been a great night for me because my husband took our daughter to his mothers house for the entire day! 9 hours to myself! My house is actually clean!

Doula mama to artistic DD and monster DS. #3 on the way!
HAVE YOU HEARD OF SQUAT ANARCHIST BIRTH JOURNAL YET?? IF NOT, GOOGLE IT!
imbarefoot is offline  
#85 of 114 Old 10-16-2007, 02:13 PM
 
Meg_s's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,384
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Unfortunately feingold is outdated, a lot of the foods contain salicylates. Check out the "failsafe" diet. Blackberries have lots :
Meg_s is offline  
#86 of 114 Old 10-16-2007, 03:58 PM
 
cmoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 691
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So my sweet boy took a 3 hr nap yesterday: first I was like : then I was like doing this : : :

We has such a great day yesterday. He ate at home all day yesterday and while I am not yet foloowing the diet he did not ingest any chem's but he did have some blueberries I think....?

TODAY was another story. My nana was in town so she wanted to take the kids and I out for B-fast. DS had french toast (1 slice) with syrup (couple tbsp) and sausages (2 links). Well I wasn't even thinking about it, We came home and he got engaged in his tinker toys trying to buile a race car that was shown on the pamphlet. Well he just started losing it!!! To the same intensity that it was the other night. Just unable to settle down he would listen to me, he wouldn't listent himself. He was going "wacky" I all of a sudden flashed to his breakfast and all the crap he probably just ingested. The syrup alone was probably enough to set him off since it of course was not real.. Anyway I am still not sure if the chems are what are triggering him but after today I definitely going to give it a go. Ohh should also say that he has been doing really well since that episode this morning. Very easy to manage! I love it when he is easy to manage!!

Meg : Are you saying a lot of the foods he reccomends have salysilates? In the cookbook I just got from the library he does state that all berries have them, an are not to be eaten. (this would include blackberries)
cmoma is offline  
#87 of 114 Old 10-16-2007, 09:47 PM
 
kayt707's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 7
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi asll I just joined the site for this thread actually. My son is what you would called spirited. He fits so much that I have found on the subject. I am one of those moms that everyone has advice for...and I keep telling them Ive tried it. But no one seems to think I have or I havent been doing it right
Ive also been asked if he has ADD but he just didnt seem to fit that criteria right either. I hope I can pick up a few tricks from you all to make both his and my life a little easier and calmer.
kayt707 is offline  
#88 of 114 Old 10-17-2007, 02:50 AM
 
Meg_s's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,384
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmoma View Post

Meg : Are you saying a lot of the foods he reccomends have salysilates? In the cookbook I just got from the library he does state that all berries have them, an are not to be eaten. (this would include blackberries)
I am not 100 certain, I just remember reading that in the past the feingold diet was successful for some, and not others, and the reason was that the food list was not eliminating all of the salicylates, so people who were sensitive enough were not getting the change they needed.

Syrup and sausages : my son loves sausages, but we're lucky enough to have an organic butcher who makes them for us with absolutely no additives of any kind, and seasoned with just salt. I believe pure maple syrup is ok! My son eats french toast for breakfast, usually 1 or 2 eggs, white bread with no [reservatives or additives or dairy (we're in europe so easy to find) saturated to the fullest with the eggs, and cooked in butter oil that I've made in advance to get rid of the casein. I sprinkle a little sugar on it. The bread and sugar makes me cringe, but he EATS it and is getting important fat and protein.

I also make "apple cake" which is eggs and just a little flour in the blender, then all in the frying pan with plenty of paper thin sliced apple. To make a thick cake just make plenty of the pancake type flats and pile them on top of each other and slice.

For lunch and dinner we do a lot of crock pot dishes that are delicious for all of us, and safe for him to eat. eg: stew beef, carrots, leek, celeriac, stewed for about 24 hours. I add the butter oil and some peeled boiled white potato to his since it's pretty low fat. Sweet and sour pork is also delicious. Simmer pork belly (fresh side) for a long time with some vinegar water and a little sugar. Before serving, thicken with a little tapioca starch, and for the grownups I add chopped scallion.
Meg_s is offline  
#89 of 114 Old 10-17-2007, 08:06 AM
 
cmoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 691
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
kayt707: HI and welcome!

So I found this link: http://eklhad.net/foods/foods9.html

Which talks about the difference between the feingold and the failsafe. Basically the Feingold's salicylates list is based upon information from parents saying this food (ie: grapes) makes my son off the wall. As opposed to the Failsafe which tested the foods for salicylates and came up with many more foods that contain them. So I guess trying feingold first to see if you child is reacting to the more common foods would be a good place to start them moving to failsafe if you are not seeing any improvements. Anyway just thought I would share.

I also wanted to add the DH is thankfully on board with this whole food change thing. Which is great but having him backing me when I have to tell the mil is really great! She's going to be watching him Friday. I'm just going to bring food for him....

How would you tell her what we are doing. I want it to make sense to her when I say it and sometimes I get a little worked up telling her things like this. Any suggestions??
cmoma is offline  
#90 of 114 Old 10-17-2007, 01:04 PM
 
kayt707's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 7
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A litle more on my son.
Full of energy. He moves non stop. Even trying to get him to sleep is so difficult. He will keep moving either his arms or legs just to stop falling asleep. we are still laying down with him because it is the only way we can keep in in bed. we've tried just laying him down but he just keeps getting up. He will do this for hours.

He is so outgoing and has no fear of things. He has been speech delayed. He talks all the time but it seems to be in his own language. He has gotten good about asking for things...over and over again, but trying to have a conversation with him is really difficult. I feel like theres something wrong that Im doing but dont know what else to do.

Hes very independent. He just does so many things for himself. Which is good in one way but also dangerous at times. Trying to get him to understand that he cant do those things is impossible. At preschool if the door to the classroom is locked he will run through the office and kitchen to the back door of the classroom to let himself in. Great problem solving but obviously dangerous.

Sometimes it feels like you just cant get his attention because he is so intent on what he is doing.

My aunt refers to him as a force of nature.

when he gets frustrated over something though we have complete melt down. To the extent that there is no way to figure out what is wrong because he cant stop his crying to tell you anything. I think that he ends up upset not because of what ever happened but because hes upset.

Sometimes I just feel like Im at my wits end. Im been told to be stricter, to try all these different techniques, which I have but they either dont work or make it worse. Ive been asked if he has ADD, I have to admit Ive worried about that myself...but he just doesn't fit the profile for it. I knew that he wasnt just your average active toddler though when the other parents at pre-school would look at me and say wow you really have your hands full.

I want to go find the book you all are talking about because Im hoping that it will give me some ideas that will help both of us.
kayt707 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off