Raising your spirited child... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 114 Old 08-26-2007, 03:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone want to join up and make a support group and do sort of an on-line workshopish sort of thing?

I am a mama of 5 (my user name is a misnomer now. LOL), and I have a very spirited child... my 5 year old soon to be six, and my 3 year old is at least border line spirited (LOL).

I have the book by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka "Raising your spirited child" and have been reading it, not to far into at the moment as it is hard to find time to get to read it and focus.

Anyway, one of the activities she suggests is writing down all the "labels" that your child has that are bad IE bossy, nosy, wild, etc and then try to find the possative twist to them... IE In charge, curious, energetic etc.

I thought mybe this would be a great place to start.. to help us see our kid(s) in a better light.

ds#2
1. noisy---- zestful
2.wild--- full of enegry
3.emotional---(anyone?? idea)
4.impatient----compelling
5.picky--- selective
6.fussy---(anyone idea??)
7.unpredictable---flexible

You don't have to have this many, or you can have more...


H

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#2 of 114 Old 08-26-2007, 07:36 PM
 
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I'd have to think longer about the labels for my DD but I had some suggestions on what you put...

3 emotional - full of feeling/deeply held feelings

6 fussy - not afraid to let you know when she's bothered by something

hth
I'll think some more about my DD
peace,
robyn
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#3 of 114 Old 08-26-2007, 10:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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great! thanks

h

nak

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#4 of 114 Old 08-26-2007, 10:59 PM
 
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I just started reading this book, it describes my son perfectly. Hopefully it will help me out with helping him out. We just had a second child in may and since july our DS has been throwing temper tantrums daily. I am so at my wits end and frustrated and upset and feel like a failure as a mom because of this behavior, I feel like I can't handle having the two of them. This book is really helping me. Its good to know its not me and that my son isn't having psychotic episodes, he's just spirited. Phew.
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#5 of 114 Old 08-26-2007, 11:07 PM
 
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whiny- expressive
crazy- energetic

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#6 of 114 Old 08-27-2007, 02:14 AM
 
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demanding -- proactive
controlling -- a leader
stubborn -- persistent

Mom to :, , and :
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#7 of 114 Old 08-27-2007, 02:31 AM
 
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I'm going to bed now (should have went a long time ago: ) but I will be back. I have a spirited 4yo DD and it has become much harder to handle since 4 month old DS was born. The book has helped but I need to vent/get suggestions/ not feel so alone. I'll check back in.
Good night.
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#8 of 114 Old 08-27-2007, 03:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I just went thru some of the tests... ds#2 is spirited and an extrovert and I am spirited and an introvert. LOL It is now 11:45pm and the boy is still up wanting me to talk to, but I am desperate for some alone time.
He needs me to charge him up, but some days all I have is enough for me.
I really hate the way I am parenting lately, I seem like I hate it (at least that is the way it feels like I am acting) I want to love it, and I want it to appear that way too.

Goodnight mamas!

H

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#9 of 114 Old 08-27-2007, 10:33 PM
 
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sensory seeking = tactily (sp?) gifted
stubborn = knows her own mind
rigid = not easily swayed
controlling = attentive to detail
nudist = body confident
language delayed = efficient with words
short attention span = aware of her environment

thanks, that was theraputic for me! LOL
peace,
robyn
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#10 of 114 Old 08-27-2007, 11:20 PM
 
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nak...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaofthree
3.emotional---(anyone?? idea
3. emotional = passionate! :

I think this is a great idea! I'll be back to add more when the kids are settled...

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#11 of 114 Old 08-27-2007, 11:25 PM
 
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Great thread my DS definately fits this category, I will be checking for more ideas.
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#12 of 114 Old 08-28-2007, 12:08 AM
 
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Oh, I am so glad that some of you all are reading this book -- it has been a sanity saver for my "exuberant" 5 year old.

Here are some of the ways we have recast our dd:

She's so demanding ----> She has high expectations
She's whiny --------> She's got a flair for drama
She's bossy --------> She likes to organize groups
She's so emotional ----> She really experiences "the now"
She's excitable ----> She has a lot of enthusiasm


Js
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#13 of 114 Old 08-28-2007, 02:26 AM
 
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Mamaofthree- my wonderful, challenging, maddenning ds drives us absolutely crazy much of the time. I only have two kids- ds is 4 and dd is 2; but ds counts as two kids. I hope you are maintaining your sanity. I would love to chat with other moms going through the roller coaster ride that is having a spirited, or "highly sensitive" child. Just when we think we have a handle on things, we go through another bad few weeks with ds.

My 2 year old dd gets little to no attention b/c ds takes SO much time. We are trying very hard to work with his personality, but this means little time for dd. Most of the time, we feel we are horrible parents, spoiling our son, ignoring our dd....Not to mention the looks from people when we are in public and ds has a meltdown. Ds also was just asked, well told, to move from his classroom to another one in his preschool b/c he was too difficult for the teachers. This is a Montessori school too. I waver b/w seeking psychological therapy for him and just loving him for being the little guy that he is. Would love to hear experiences from other parents of spirited kids- just to make me feel better Are these spirited kids usually boys???
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#14 of 114 Old 08-28-2007, 02:28 AM
 
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Are these spirited kids usually boys???

mine isn't. My ds was a handful as a toddler to be sure, but is a calm, peaceful child now. My dd is heck on wheels.

Js
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#15 of 114 Old 08-28-2007, 11:30 AM
 
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I would LOVE to join you! My DD1 has always been a hand full. Now that I have DD2 (a quiet, smiling, passive baby so far) people always comment on the big difference.
As for labels I would need help. She is demanding, a very picky eater, loves being nude, an excellent memory, loves to get dirty (plays in dirt, with bugs, with POOP).
I will start reading the book and hope I can keep up ( I am also trying to become a LLL leader!)
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#16 of 114 Old 08-28-2007, 02:21 PM
 
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Can I join? I just got the book, and just finished the tests/personality assessments. The big eye opener for me was that it isn't just about my DD's personality (15 mos). It's her personality in combination with mine/my husband's. My older daughter (4) is very much like my personality, but this new little bundle of spirited joy (working on those new labels!) is quite the opposite of all of us.

So far the book has also made me realize that, even at 15 mos, I think she is much more extroverted than the rest of us, and I think we aren't doing enough to fill that side of her needs (I think she is also a bit on the sensory seeking side). It's a funny cycle - she does so much better out in public, but I can rarely bring myself to leave the house with both kids if I don't have to because it's so hard to get out the door with her independent ideas on what needs to be happening!

Anyhoo, look forward to hearing more from others!
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#17 of 114 Old 08-28-2007, 11:42 PM
 
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Well, I ordered the book today. Its about time I read it. I've heard it recommended many times.

Oh... and my spirited child is a girl.

Mom to :, , and :
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#18 of 114 Old 08-28-2007, 11:53 PM
 
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I was just about to order No Cry Sleep Solution for DS (child #2) and now will have to add this book to the list for DD (child #1). I have a friend who works at a daycare and does the 2 year old room with one other adult (14 kids) and she said (after visiting us for an overnight) that my daughter is challenging. She does whatever she wants whenever she wants (within some reason)...I was just thinking tonight that I need to add more structure to her life and see if that might curb some of her tantrums that she has when she does not get her way.

I really like the idea of looking at her defects in a different light. Thanks so much for starting this thread.

WOHM (Formerly SAHM) - 2 cuties, 1 old man and a few animals
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#19 of 114 Old 08-29-2007, 12:48 AM
 
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I would like to join!!! I have a very spirited 2 year old and I want to learn how to give her structure and boundaries without stifling that spirit...

Nichole

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#20 of 114 Old 08-29-2007, 01:10 AM
 
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Ok... I need to work some more on renaming bothersome traits...

defiant -- independantly minded
exhausting -- full of life
dominating -- practicing her leadership skills
needy -- loving
silvermist likes this.

Mom to :, , and :
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#21 of 114 Old 08-30-2007, 01:31 AM
 
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Ok! Got my book in the mail today. I'm off to start reading it, then maybe I'll be able to participate a little better. How is everyone else doing?

Mom to :, , and :
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#22 of 114 Old 08-30-2007, 03:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just wanted to chime in and say hi.
I am going to be a tad busy for a few days, dh is having a hernia repair tomorrow am.
The ds#2 and ds#3 are feeding off the stress and making me completely mad : !

H

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#23 of 114 Old 08-30-2007, 08:10 AM
 
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My nearly 6-year old DD is very spirited.

wild=energetic or exuberant
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#24 of 114 Old 09-01-2007, 08:36 PM
 
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My will-be-3-in-November guy is very spirited. To the point of nearly driving me to tears sometimes. I don't really mind not having a partner around to help out most of the time but some days I really really do not think that I can go another five minutes as a single parent.

I ordered a few books on Thursday (hopefully will get them Monday) including a couple mentioned in this thread. I can't say that I'm GD but would love to be and have it work for us. Obviously what we're (I'm) doing isn't working well for us for the most part. My guy can be SUCH a sweetheart but the other side of that is not so pretty - BEYOND what I would call "normal" temperament.

Peggy: full-time shift-working mama to Kiddo (Nov|04) and Babygirl (May|11). Fiancée to Babe. Step-mom to Tween, my bonus daughter (Sep|00). Currently TTC - http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3c1739

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#25 of 114 Old 09-01-2007, 09:26 PM
 
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Just started the book this past week, so I'm excited to find this thread. Our almost 3-year-old DS is very spirited. He makes us very tired. But he is so wonderful too. I do okay with his high energy level (most days), but I'm having lots of frustration with his aggression and defiance. I'll come back later and do the "look at it in a different light" exercise with some of his spirited traits.
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#26 of 114 Old 09-02-2007, 02:23 PM
 
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Ok...I thought I had escaped this but # 4(22 mos) seems to be spirited. I know the books describe spirited children as being that way from birth but she was a relatively easy baby..she is just evolving into spiritedness if that's even possible, either way she is just absolutely WILD:

So she is very extroverted and I am too..this is good.

She runs, jumps, climbs, is not easily redirected, refuses to do anything other than the way she wants to, orders me where to walk, where to drive, where to sit. And she screams at me if I or anyone else refuses to do her bidding..yeah, she's not even 2 yet. I read the book last year when I first started to see the signs.

I am worn out from this kid...thank goodness my other 3 weren't spirited because had they been #4 wouldn't exist
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#27 of 114 Old 09-02-2007, 04:04 PM
 
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: spoiled--loved
whiney-
clingy- loving
stubborn-she know's what she want's,so would that be intellegent?

familybed1.gifnovaxnocirc.gif nut.gifMommy to my amazing 6 yr old dd, we homeschool.gif, and  27 weeks belly.gifpuke.gifand have been sick the whole time so far, grrrrr!!!!!!!

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#28 of 114 Old 09-02-2007, 04:29 PM
 
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Okay, I've got a 10yo DS who came out talking, I think! Reclassifying is a good idea...

Loud...expressive
Hyper...boisterous
Exhausting...cure for laziness?
Whiny....flair for the drama
Explosive.......expressive
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#29 of 114 Old 09-03-2007, 12:53 PM
 
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relentless - deeply focused
restless - full of energy
stubborn - deeeeeply focused


..but hey - for today he is petting the dog "gently", kinda cool. The dog is not convinced yet

Tea drinking Momma::: Grady 8/06 and : Coralynn 8/09
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#30 of 114 Old 09-03-2007, 09:38 PM
 
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imahappymama had "feisty" in her sig - we used that a lot for our older one.

As a social worker in an orphanage in Honduras, I did lots of "relabeling" with our parents (kids of all ages and behaviors(bx) and challenges) and found that often "curious" was what described the child's bx...active often applied too.exploring...learning about her environment....relabeling helped when the parents could get there. Helps me too on "those" days.
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