Seeing a child get spanked in public - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 183 Old 11-16-2007, 11:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
TheLuckiestEllie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 37
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What do you do when you see a child get spanked in public? I witnessed this tonight. The kid was maybe 8 or 9 years, and wasn't doing a single thing wrong that I could see. The mom just screamed and screamed at him and then she spanked him several times. I felt sick to my stomach but I had no idea if I should do anything. I just gave DS a big hug and turned him away so he couldn't see. What would you have done?
TheLuckiestEllie is offline  
#2 of 183 Old 11-16-2007, 11:20 PM
 
dex_millie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: MD
Posts: 1,643
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Since you don't know why he got spank, I would not do anything. More than likely the mom would have just defended herself. Not saying there isn't a time when to speak up(So no flaming about not spreading the word of GD), I guess when those situation arises it will hopefully flow nicely without making a mother feel like she is 'bad' or have to defend herself.
dex_millie is offline  
#3 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 02:08 AM
Banned
 
pumpkinyum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 256
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wouldn't have done anything but just get dd away from the situation. If the mother was beating the child, then I would tell someone at the store, such as a manager.

Honestly, hearing screaming and hurtful words upsets me more than seeing a child get spanked.
pumpkinyum is offline  
#4 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 02:18 AM
 
funkygranolamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,681
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm scared to say anything to the parents about spanking for fear of them taking their anger toward me out on their child. I agree that I would tell store management and police if I saw beating.
funkygranolamama is offline  
#5 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 02:26 AM
 
medicmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: In the meadow.
Posts: 12,649
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I saw a mom smack a baby's hand at our pedi's office. My dd was in the sling touching the tree leaves and giggling. The other toddler was standing on a chair wanted to touch too. She grabed the leaves and pulled down the branches,and mom smacks her and yells don't touch! Baby cry's . My super sensitive 6 y/o yells ( at the top of his lungs ) at the mom "Don't hit her,she's only a baby!" ** Office worker calls doc and doc files abuse charges. **

Mom looks at me and tells me to mind my own unruly kid. I simply said touch her again I'm calling the police.

Doing what I can to make better choices every day!
medicmama is offline  
#6 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 02:31 AM
Banned
 
pumpkinyum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 256
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by medicmama View Post
I saw a mom smack a baby's hand at our pedi's office. My dd was in the sling touching the tree leaves and giggling. The other toddler was standing on a chair wanted to touch too. She grabed the leaves and pulled down the branches,and mom smacks her and yells don't touch! Baby cry's . My super sensitive 6 y/o yells ( at the top of his lungs ) at the mom "Don't hit her,she's only a baby!" ** Office worker calls doc and doc files abuse charges. **

Mom looks at me and tells me to mind my own unruly kid. I simply said touch her again I'm calling the police.

Call the police for what? I'm confused.
pumpkinyum is offline  
#7 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 11:59 AM
 
dex_millie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: MD
Posts: 1,643
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by medicmama View Post
I saw a mom smack a baby's hand at our pedi's office. My dd was in the sling touching the tree leaves and giggling. The other toddler was standing on a chair wanted to touch too. She grabed the leaves and pulled down the branches,and mom smacks her and yells don't touch! Baby cry's . My super sensitive 6 y/o yells ( at the top of his lungs ) at the mom "Don't hit her,she's only a baby!" ** Office worker calls doc and doc files abuse charges. **

Mom looks at me and tells me to mind my own unruly kid. I simply said touch her again I'm calling the police.
Call the police: What the hell: Fill abuse charges::

************Don't think I was advocating or defending physical punishment but I will take this paragraph out, just giving an example of not to judge everyone who smack on the hand*************

************I do plan on practicing it. But some of yall act like all spankers is the same, and all are abusive. That is all some people knew how children are to be raised and some really believed in it.

That is not to say that I also don't get some good tips from here. I just believe that sometimes the word 'abusive, abusers' are used lightly.
I know I might get flames for this but I guess this time I had to say something. Not all smacker on the hand people are abusers.
dex_millie is offline  
#8 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 12:00 PM
 
baileyandmikey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: NY
Posts: 3,068
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i hate it when i see a mom have an outburst and then start smaking her child, i feel bad, but it is not my place to say anything.

Kristin- Wife to J, Mommy to B (11), M-S (8), and little J (4) and J&J (7 months)
baileyandmikey is offline  
#9 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 12:39 PM
 
angieluvsramon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 272
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dex_millie View Post
Call the police: What the hell: Fill abuse charges::

My parents use to smack us on the hand when we was younger (that what they told us, we don't remember, too young). I would have been more devasted if CPS came to our house or took me away from my parents than to get a smack on a hand. Oh and my parents was NOT ABUSIVE. They are very kind and loving. It wasn't regular that they did this anyways(and it all stop when we was 6/7 - they don't believe in spanking after a certain age), I only remember getting spanked once and basically after/and befer they did some form of GD. They also never yelled at us(what yall proberly think all spankers did).

My spanker parents(mostly father) was loving, took us on trips 1- 2 times a year, always told us he loved, was proud of us, couldn't ask for better children. We went fishing, biking, kayaking, skating, sport games, had a party every year for my b-day, give us money(he would even ask us if we want and we would say 'no' sometimes you know why - because we knew he would gave us whenever we ask), everything he does and work for is for us, even bought and built a home in my mothers country so when we visit we have a place to stay(and he gave me a key). My younger sister jumps on his lap(she is 16), plays/plait his hair, hugs him, have jokes with him - does He sound like a Abuser. If we came to him with something we did at school(before the teacher did) he would just say "Well, just watch what you getting yourself into, and don't try don't do it again". Paid my way to college and the apt. I lived in until I got married. Paid for all my airline tickets to come home until I got married, etcc.....

Sometimes I don't even like comming to this GD forum. I do plan on practicing it. But some of yall act like all spankers is the same, and all are abusive. That is all some people knew how children are to be raised and some really believed in it.

I know I might get flames for this but I guess this time I had to say something. Not all smacker on the hand people are abusers.


: I feel the same way....some people are so quick to call the cops. It is not like she smacked her in the face, she tapped the baby's hand! Calling the cops in this situation is just a little extreme! I rarely come on this forum for the same reason!
angieluvsramon is offline  
#10 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 12:43 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: raising the revolution
Posts: 4,913
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It is true that not all spankers are abusing their children, but hitting a child is an abusive act. Plain and simple. It is certainly not a loving act. Please be reminded that advocating or defending physical punishment is never allowed on the GD forum or on MDC (see user agreement).


Anyway, OP that sure is a hard situation to be in. I admit I have reacted in (negative) emotional ways when I have seen spanking. I am getting better in my approach, as I realize it does put people on the defensive and feeling defensive isn't the way to open someone's mind or heart.

I have had the most success asking a mama if she is having a bad day or trying to empathize. NOT advocating hitting or sympathizing in the way that communicates "yeah, sometimes they need to be hit" -- but sympathizing in a way that communicates (in a gentle way) that the hitter's behavior isn't acceptable (to me) while also assuming that they don't usually act like this.

I like something like, "wow it looks like you are having a tough day. Do you need help?" in a genuinely concerned, non threatening way. Then I engage the child if it seems like that will help. It might not change their whole parenting style but at least they know someone is watching and also I think when they feel heard and validated (again, not validated in their hitting but in their feelings of frustration or stress) they usually calm down.

I usually engage a mama (or papa) before it gets to hitting if I see they are becoming frustrated/stressed/upset. If the child is around my child's age (or younger) I will say a validating/commiserating statement with maybe a veiled piece of advice -- something like "wow, when my daughter was that age the only thing that would comfort her is ____" or spin it into a positive like "wow, I see a singer in your future, what a strong voice!!" (if they are screaming or something). This is more for their benefit, because I think many parents feel like they have to be MORE of a hard@ss in public, lest someone think they are ineffective/bad parent/can't *control* thier child. I try to laugh and smile and engage them before the hitting happens -- and if it has happened I do what I mentioned above.

Hope that helps
captain crunchy is offline  
#11 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 12:48 PM
Banned
 
llamalluv's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Southwest Chicago suburbs
Posts: 2,680
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by medicmama View Post
I saw a mom smack a baby's hand at our pedi's office. My dd was in the sling touching the tree leaves and giggling. The other toddler was standing on a chair wanted to touch too. She grabed the leaves and pulled down the branches,and mom smacks her and yells don't touch! Baby cry's . My super sensitive 6 y/o yells ( at the top of his lungs ) at the mom "Don't hit her,she's only a baby!" ** Office worker calls doc and doc files abuse charges. **

Mom looks at me and tells me to mind my own unruly kid. I simply said touch her again I'm calling the police.
My biggest problem with the situation is that the toddler was STANDING ON A CHAIR while the mother just sat there. Did no one else catch that?!
llamalluv is offline  
#12 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 01:04 PM
 
Genesis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,540
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by captain crunchy View Post
It is true that not all spankers are abusing their children, but hitting a child is an abusive act. Plain and simple. It is certainly not a loving act.
:

knit.gifMama to reading.gif  and  babygirl.gif
Genesis is offline  
#13 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 04:18 PM
Banned
 
pumpkinyum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 256
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by captain crunchy View Post
It is true that not all spankers are abusing their children, but hitting a child is an abusive act. Plain and simple. It is certainly not a loving act.




Hope that helps

I have a very different opinion. And to call the police for someone smacking their hands child is incredibly over the top.:
pumpkinyum is offline  
#14 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 04:40 PM
 
onelilguysmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,606
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
you really cant do anything unless its all out beating


sorry but if someone came up and was trying to suggest stuff like my kid screaming to the point it makes me physically sick because i got a migraine that its a GOOD thing, id have a major issue with you, i mean thats really rude, imo. if a mama is trying to deal with her child screaming, and has another one, etc...umm..adding another voice in the mix, and saying something so rude is not going to help anything but make the mama more exasperated!!
onelilguysmommy is offline  
#15 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 05:26 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: raising the revolution
Posts: 4,913
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
wow, it has worked for me in the past (every time I should note) --- fortunately it wasn't you I approached

More times than not it isn't that the person has a migraine and they are physically sick (then why would you continue shopping in Target for like, wicker baskets if that were the case?) from the screaming, it is they are looking around getting all stressed because they perceive others are judging them and going to think they are not "being too harsh" in *controlling* their child.

On a completely unrelated note, did you know there was a no flaming tribe in FYT?

captain crunchy is offline  
#16 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 05:28 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: raising the revolution
Posts: 4,913
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by onelilguysmommy View Post
you really cant do anything unless its all out beating

No, you choose not to do anything unless it is an all out beating.
captain crunchy is offline  
#17 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 05:28 PM
 
thismama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Nursing the revolution
Posts: 14,356
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hitting a child is definitely an abusive act.

When I have seen it, I have said something to the parent, every time. It's not okay, and we need to not pretend it is.
thismama is offline  
#18 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 05:31 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: raising the revolution
Posts: 4,913
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama View Post
Hitting a child is definitely an abusive act.

When I have seen it, I have said something to the parent, every time. It's not okay, and we need to not pretend it is.
Don't think I haven't ticked that down in my ongoing list of things we agree on thismama

at your post.
captain crunchy is offline  
#19 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 05:31 PM
 
thismama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Nursing the revolution
Posts: 14,356
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
thismama is offline  
#20 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 05:37 PM
 
Genesis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,540
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama View Post
Hitting a child is definitely an abusive act.

When I have seen it, I have said something to the parent, every time. It's not okay, and we need to not pretend it is.

I completely agree. And good for you for saying something!

knit.gifMama to reading.gif  and  babygirl.gif
Genesis is offline  
#21 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 05:58 PM
 
Fuamami's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 4,496
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama View Post
Hitting a child is definitely an abusive act.

When I have seen it, I have said something to the parent, every time. It's not okay, and we need to not pretend it is.
Yes, but please don't burden the already overtaxed family court system with someone who smacks their child's hand. I agree that calling the police for that is over the top.

Mommy to kids

Fuamami is offline  
#22 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 06:00 PM
 
thismama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Nursing the revolution
Posts: 14,356
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by natensarah View Post
Yes, but please don't burden the already overtaxed family court system with someone who smacks their child's hand. I agree that calling the police for that is over the top.
The family court system has nothing to do with spanking. It addressed custody and divorce issues.

I have never called the police myself when someone hits a child, but really why is that such an overreaction? We would call the police for assault on an adult, why is assault on a child so much less important?
thismama is offline  
#23 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 06:13 PM
 
angieluvsramon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 272
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama View Post
The family court system has nothing to do with spanking. It addressed custody and divorce issues.

I have never called the police myself when someone hits a child, but really why is that such an overreaction? We would call the police for assault on an adult, why is assault on a child so much less important?
If I was in a situation where I spanked my childs hand I would hate for cps to come to my door and take my happy healthy children away from their home. Now I agree that spanking isnt right and I myself anm trying to stop spanking my child, but when you see these parents in public, you dont know them or their lifestyles and unless they are truly HARMING their child you should not just report them. A spank on the hand does not constitute as assault. Do you know how many times I have been cooking and my husband comes and tries to sneek a piece of food and I smacked his hand away???? what about when my husband smacks my butt?? Is that assault too???: if that is assault we should have been arrested a long time ago! I agree spanking isnt right but please dont use the assault line. Like I said before if she would have actually hurt the baby then yeah, please report it but a smack on the hand does not call for all that!
angieluvsramon is offline  
#24 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 06:22 PM
 
thismama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Nursing the revolution
Posts: 14,356
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
CPS does not automatically remove children, particularly not over a slap on the hand.
thismama is offline  
#25 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 06:23 PM
 
BoringTales's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 679
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by angieluvsramon View Post
: I feel the same way....some people are so quick to call the cops. It is not like she smacked her in the face, she tapped the baby's hand! Calling the cops in this situation is just a little extreme! I rarely come on this forum for the same reason!
me too...

Nicole - Mom to FOUR healthy, happy, wild boys.
BoringTales is offline  
#26 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 06:24 PM
 
angieluvsramon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 272
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama View Post
CPS does not automatically remove children, particularly not over a slap on the hand.
so what is the point of calling the police over this?
angieluvsramon is offline  
#27 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 06:27 PM
 
thismama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Nursing the revolution
Posts: 14,356
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by angieluvsramon View Post
so what is the point of calling the police over this?
I did not say I would call the police, that was somebody else. I just said I think it's really interesting that we don't consider child assault worthy of a police call. I think about all the time cops and firetrucks spend rushing to false burglar alarms sounding on business, and I think our chidren's safety should be prioritized a little better.

CPS also does other interventions besides child removal, such as parenting classes etc.
thismama is offline  
#28 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 06:27 PM
 
wonderwahine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: wi fi didnt do it!
Posts: 17,724
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by angieluvsramon View Post
so what is the point of calling the police over this?
to cause the family extreme stress over having cps in their lives........ i think its rediculious. I wouldnt call the cops or cps over a slap on the hand, and i would expect that noone called cps on me because of my nfl/ap parenting practices that some belive are not good for children.
wonderwahine is offline  
#29 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 06:37 PM
 
angieluvsramon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 272
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
everybody has their own parenting styles and nobody should be bashed or flamed over the way they parent. Nobody is perfect and we did not come with a parenting handbook. I am not saying it is ok and im not saying it is wrong, I am saying instead of trying to control the way people are with their children, give them resources and help them learn and see your point of view.
It might take some of us a while but Im sure those of us who have our head on straight will do what we think and hope is in the best interest of our child.
angieluvsramon is offline  
#30 of 183 Old 11-17-2007, 06:44 PM
 
angieluvsramon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 272
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama View Post
I did not say I would call the police, that was somebody else. I just said I think it's really interesting that we don't consider child assault worthy of a police call. I think about all the time cops and firetrucks spend rushing to false burglar alarms sounding on business, and I think our chidren's safety should be prioritized a little better.

CPS also does other interventions besides child removal, such as parenting classes etc.
I agree with this however what do you consider assaulting a child????? Children's safety should be prioritized but not when the case is as little as a slap on the hand. A slap in the face, yeah repeatedly spanking the child yeah, I thing worst case here is that the poor baby had hurt feelings not a black eye or broken hand.
angieluvsramon is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off