Originally Posted by WuWei
Have you considered doing a phone consult with Scott Noelle, Jan Hunt or Naomi Aldort?
Thanks, Pat. Let me go through the list here:
I actually had a coaching session with Scott Noelle - did not go well for me at all. (PM me if anyone wants details). Not the right person for me, probably related to my sig.
Naomi Aldort - Whenever i read her stuff, she just rubs me the wrong way. While I agree with her approaches philosophically, something about her writing just irritates me. I actually unsubscribed from her mailing list. Is it pretentiousness? I just don't know.
Jan Hunt - I would consider. But at this point I feel beyond coaching and like we need to move into family therapy. If I don't find a local therapist, I will see about setting up some sessions with her or perhaps your friend.
Local API chapter had no resources to give me. It's just getting started. I've met the organizer - very nice woman. She works, too and her DH stays home with the children, so it was REALLY nice to connect with another employed attachment kind of mom.
Marshall Rosenberg and NVC - I've been to some classes and done some work with that. My church uses NVC approach. I've got Inbal Kashton's pamphlet. The generic NVC practice group was somewhat helpful, but they don't necessarily have a model for respectful communication with children. It was more like people getting over the spanking paradigm. I'm well-beyond that and trying to move to the next leve in a power-with rather than power-over approach. But I kept getting generic parenting advice - the BEST of which recommended Faber and Maslich - but again, I need more help.
Do I sound whiny here? I really feel like I've tried everything and I/we need something more.
It's interesting that you bring up finding a therapist without children. I thought I wanted a woman counselor, but when my friend told me she loved her shrink (male) it really hit me that I didn't want someone who would impose their own views about child-rearing and I thought that would be even MORE likely with a woman.
Daughter would probably be find seeing a counselor as is DH. I'm billing this as help for the family. It's not her, it's not, me it's not DH. It's our whole dynamic together.
Daughte had ANOTHER tantrum as we tried to go to school this morning. I was AGAIN late to work and then she had these sensory issues - all of the socks hurt and all of the pants were too tight, including everything we had picked out the night before DH was running around trying to be "efficient" when I asked for help with DD. He said someone needed to help her and someone needed to "do things" around the house. I remarked that he needed to be the helper right now because I was OUT of patience. He agreed, but then wanted to know what I would be doing with the time as we was going to unload the dishwasher. Now, I'm triggered and annoyed. I need to grab a banana for breakfast and take my vitamins.
I come upstairs and there are 4 pairs of discarded socks and DH is telling her that she's tried the last pair and now she needs to pick from among the choices she has.
I go back downstairs, and now she decides the pants aren't right and DH remarks nastily that he could use some help finding the pink shoes. This is the first I've heard of the pink shoes, I thought we were wearing the black shoes. I get the pink shoes and now I start crying because I REALLY want to go to work.
DH always tells me that if I could give her one more minute of patience everything would be fine. But I feel like I do that 39x in the morning and now I'm 40 minutes late for work. DH finally tells me that I can go and they'll be OK. Thank GOD ONE of us can go to work and not be an hour late. Daughter is now crying.
Now I have to scrape ice off the car. Now I'm pissed and scraping for all I'm worth. DD is in the house crying because mommy has left and we haven't done our usual ritual which is for us to leave together and for her to blow me a kiss from Daddy's car.
DH comes to tell me to stop broadcasting my pissed all over the neighborhood. All I was DOING was scraping vigorously, but now I'm pissed at him and now it IS all over the neighborhood. He doesn't want to discuss this outside, he just wants to tell me I'm wrong. I tell him, you walked into this - you came outside and brought it up.
I get ready to get in the car and DH brings DD out to car - she is crying and she tells me "It's all my fault mommy. It's all my fault. I'm sorry."
AND - the worst-mother-of-the-year award goes to ME!!!
Now I feel like shit. I cry all the way to work. I call the pediatrician for help with sensory issues on our regular insurance. I go into the conference room to call the EAP for the family issues and I posted here.
I feel like this happens 3x a week.