WWYD when another child is hit after interaction with your child - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 12-12-2007, 05:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ugh.
We were at a holiday family gathering. My aunt was there with her grandchild (T) who is 20 mos. T was so sweet. T kept trying to get my 20 mo dd to run and play. My dd is a recent walker, so she is still unsteady on her feet and doesn't run, yet. T ended up knocking her over a few times. Dd didn't cry, she just picked herself up and kept going. T also hugged her multiply times and knocked her over doing that, too. Honestly, I thought T was adorable and loving and exhuberant. But, everytime T knocked my dd over, my aunt hit T, either on the butt or the hand. I kept saying, "Please don't hit T on account of us. T's just being friendly". My aunt would say, "T has to learn to not be a bully". What more could I have said? I hate to know that T was getting hit because of us. Maybe I should have kept my dd away from T.
Ugh, again.

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Circumcision is wrong, regardless of gender
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#2 of 8 Old 12-12-2007, 05:19 PM
 
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I would have liked to have said that hitting someone is only teaching that it's OK to be a bully if your bigger. I mean, honestly, what does she think that she's teaching. "you do something I don't like and I'll hit you. That'll teach ya." Is that the way the world should work?

Truthfully, I probably wouldn't even say that because I get more shy than I would like. I would probably say what I do. (talk to the kid and explain why we don't hit. "hitting hurts" "look at your friends face", "we hit drums, not people".) and then explain that I do that because I don't want DC to think that hitting is OK in ANY situation. (HINT, HINT, HINT!)
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#3 of 8 Old 12-12-2007, 05:23 PM
 
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My aunt would say, "T has to learn to not be a bully". What more could I have said?

How is she going to learn that when you're doing the same to her?


I'm a bit too mouthy for my own good, though.
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#4 of 8 Old 12-12-2007, 06:34 PM
 
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"she's not learning not to be a bully by getting hit. T's only learning that its OK to hit if your bigger.

You could say that you don't feel comfortable having your DC exposed to people hitting others.

you could say that you don't think that violence should be used as a teaching tool.

I may think of some more later. But, I've got to get snack out.
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#5 of 8 Old 12-12-2007, 08:43 PM
 
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I hate situations like these We have the same problem with my MIL's neighbor (townhouse community, so their doors are close to each others').

If Joe (a few months younger than DD) gets a little rough w/DD, his mom whacks him one and screams at him to be nice. DD looks at her horrified and then the woman thinks it's because of her son! I feel like screaming: "DUH, IT'S YOU!" We usually pick up DD and walk away at that point, making some excuse about having to use the bathroom inside or something.

We avoid them now, but I know your situation is different because they are your family.
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#6 of 8 Old 12-12-2007, 08:56 PM
 
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It doesn't even sound like T was hitting or being innapropriate in any way! It's not like they were fighting over a toy and T hit your DC- these were all true accidents!

I probably would have stood up for T and said something like "T didn't hit DD. I was watching, and I could see that it was an accident. Look, DD isn't even hurt!"

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#7 of 8 Old 12-13-2007, 03:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, Ruth, it was all just toddler clumsiness, nothing intentional.

Next time, I will say something like, "T's not being a bully. T's just excited." and if that doesn't work, I'll say, "T is just going to learn that hitting is okay if the other person is smaller".
I'm also going to talk to T's mom, my cousin. I'm not sure she knows about this.

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#8 of 8 Old 12-13-2007, 04:27 AM
 
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Do T's parents know that her GM is hitting T frequently for dumb reasons? I would definitly let your cousin know about it. They may choose to not use your aunt as a bsbysitter anymore.

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