"But you only asked me 4 times!" - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 01-05-2008, 09:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The other day I was getting my kids ready for bed and I asked my 5yo DD to get her pajamas on. She was shivering and complaining that she was cold after her bath, so I told her to hurry up and get her pajamas on and that would warm her up. She ignored me.

I didn't think she'd heard me, so I repeated, "It's time to get ready for bed. Please put your pajamas on." She looked at me and didn't move.

So I touched her arm lightly to make sure she was paying attention and said, "Go put your pajamas on now, please."

She still didn't do it, so I gently took her arm and turned her so she was facing me, and while making good eye contact and enunciating very clearly, I slowly said, "Go. Put. On. Your. Pajamas. Right. NOW."

She looked at me, surprised, and in a slightly affronted tone she said, "But, Mommy, you've only asked me 4 times!"

It made me realize that I've actually taught my children to wait until the 5th or 6th time I ask them to do something before they act.

Now I'm working on making sure I get their attention and good eye contact, telling them once, and then making sure I follow through with helping them do it.

If it's something important enough to ask/tell them to do it, then I need to treat it as important enough to be proactive about it. It's not good to just keep asking over and over while they play for another 15-20 minutes before I actually follow through in making sure they do it.

I think it's better to not ask them at all until/unless I'm ready to follow through, or just make it a suggestion with the freedom for them to say no. In most cases I can probably do the latter. But when it really is necessary for them to obey, I need to make that clear and be willing to put out the energy to help them do it right away.
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#2 of 9 Old 01-06-2008, 01:01 AM
 
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LOL! Thanks for sharing =). Kudos to you on recognizing the problem and coming up with a very reasonable plan of action to change your (and their) behavior!
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#3 of 9 Old 01-06-2008, 02:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purple_kangaroo View Post
She looked at me, surprised, and in a slightly affronted tone she said, "But, Mommy, you've only asked me 4 times!"
Is it really bad that I find that funny? lol

Sounds like your new goals are on the right track.
I remember reading on here a while ago, that if asking the first time doesn't work, to change your tactic. I found that quite helpful.

Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
 

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#4 of 9 Old 01-06-2008, 02:25 PM
 
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that so sounds like what my dd would say

good for you though sounds like a good plan

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#5 of 9 Old 01-06-2008, 02:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Deva33mommy View Post
Is it really bad that I find that funny? lol

Sounds like your new goals are on the right track.
I remember reading on here a while ago, that if asking the first time doesn't work, to change your tactic. I found that quite helpful.
Oh, I found it hilarious! Especially that she not only said it, but that she was actually counting the number of times I asked her. I should ask her how many times I usually tell her to do something before I actually make sure she does it . . . she probably knows.
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#6 of 9 Old 01-06-2008, 03:03 PM
 
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Another option is to make observations or ask questions? "You seem cold, what do you think might help with that?" "What do you usually do next?" And that sort of thing. We find the questioning leads to engagement that direct suggestions doesn't. Also, for a kid that age I would think about having some kind of routine on paper. Some kids do well to have a visual reminder to check.
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#7 of 9 Old 01-06-2008, 10:28 PM
 
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thanks so much for posting this...today dd (5 yo as of 3 weeks ago) had this scene:

me: go in the car now

dd: just a minute

me: it's time to go to the car now

dd: just a minute

me: (taking her by the arm and tuning her toward the car) "i'm tired of just a minute. go now"

dd: I'm tired of "go".

I need to get on the "ask once and immediately follow-up plan!"
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#8 of 9 Old 01-07-2008, 12:51 AM
 
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Quote:
I think it's better to not ask them at all until/unless I'm ready to follow through, or just make it a suggestion with the freedom for them to say no. In most cases I can probably do the latter. But when it really is necessary for them to obey, I need to make that clear and be willing to put out the energy to help them do it right away.
Wise words. Thanks so much for sharing! it's great that your kids are so articulate and could discover the crux of the problem.

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#9 of 9 Old 01-08-2008, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks to all of you. I appreciate the ideas and suggestions, and the encouragement.

Roar, I like that idea and am trying to include more of that type of response in my parenting.
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