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How to help older sib who wants to be a baby again

610 views 5 replies 6 participants last post by  laoxinat 
#1 ·
I am looking for advice/a good book on how to help an older sib (3.5 yo dd)through the grieving process of having a baby brother (6 mo). I take her feelings seriously, hold and cuddle her, tell her stories about when she was a baby, and let her (occasionally) act like a baby for a while (like i'll spoon feed her a yogurt or something, if she is feeling really needy). I also try to highlight, throughout the day, the positive things she can do now that she is not a baby, and how great that is, etc. However, she seems really to be suffering this change now and I am wondering if you mamas have any advice?

Thanks!
 
#2 ·
I highly recommend "Siblings without Rivalry" I can't remember the author, but it is pretty common in most bookstores. Awesome book! Really helped me understand things from their viewpoint and gave great suggestions.

my DS and DD are only 18 months apart so we didn't have as many problems with this, but for us it really helped to give DS some possesion, DD was "HIS little sister", and to make sure even though he couldn't be loud because his little sister was sleeping we didn't phrase it that way. We really tried to limit the things that he couldn't do now that DD was around. Having him help with her was a big hit too.

Good Luck!
 
#4 ·
The approach I take is to tell both my kids that they will *always* be my baby. Even when they are all grown up.

This also takes away the power of bullies who call them a baby: 'cause they answer, well, I'll always be my mom's baby!

My dd1 hangs on before every developmental leap. dd2 hurdles them without a backward look. It seems to be a temperment thing.

dd1 does make the leaps, but I hang out with her whereever she is...They grow up way too fast anyway!!
 
#5 ·
I love the Playful Parenting book. It helped us use play to get through alot of those emotions. My 2 are the exact same age apart (about 3 years) as yours.

FWIW, I just indulge my DD when she wants to act like a baby....I'll give her a bottle (of water) and let her sit on my lap, we even play "baby" games like pretending to sleep in the crib etc. Usually she'll do this for a day or two - or even just 5 minutes - then her cup gets filled up and she's on to big girl activities...

I guess my philosophy is just that she needs to be reassured that she can still be a "baby" if she needs to and she will be accepted - but then as soon as she realizes it's okay, then she doesn't feel the need to anymore. Reverse psychology I guess. The main thing is that she is looking for connection with me and trying to figure out what the attraction of this baby is!

hth
peace,
robyn
 
#6 ·
Giving children their wishes in fantasy is also very powerful. As in: "You wish you could be a baby again. Tell me more about that." etc. Then let them talk about it as much as they like. Indulging their wants verbally may help them work through this stage a little easier. IMNSHO, trying to talk them out of it is disrespectful. They don't really want to go back, but there is likely some unfinished business needing to be attended to.
 
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