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#181 of 270 Old 05-24-2008, 11:51 PM
 
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It was a bad bad day here. I woke up to dh yelling at the boys. They were being ridiculous and horrible to him and he (with the patience of a saint) just lost it. Later I was the same way with them. A bit later, dh again. I went in to lay down with one of them and I forced myself to remember when he was a baby. We had a sweet time together. Things were good for the rest of the afternoon. I helped them plant something, they played nicely together. At dinner, I was telling them how nice the meal was and how much I was enjoying being with them then. Shortly after, it's as if they were reminded that they weren't being crazy, and got that way. They started screaming and pulling on the curtains and ignoring dh and I telling them it was bedtime. The night ended with me yelling at them again and a very abrupt "good night". Dh and I just talked about what an awful day it was and how we're at a loss of how to handle life with them. I told him I feel terrible saying it, but there are times (frequently lately) where I just don't like being around them. And that's a sad feeling, but it's how I feel.

I just pulled out my copy of Connection Parenting and am going to re-read it. I was sleep deprived with a new baby last time I read it. I'm lucky because dh and I are on the same page and he agrees with everything I've read and discussed with him. We know that GD doesn't mean easy. It's the best thing in the long run though. The problem is, I don't feel very GD anymore.

I don't expect them to be perfect, but a lot of the things they do are completely unacceptable. Dh and I are pretty patient people, but those three boys can push our buttons and I think they know it.

Tomorrow is a new day. Sigh.
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#182 of 270 Old 05-25-2008, 01:20 AM
 
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It was a bad bad day here. I woke up to dh yelling at the boys. They were being ridiculous and horrible to him and he (with the patience of a saint) just lost it. Later I was the same way with them. A bit later, dh again. I went in to lay down with one of them and I forced myself to remember when he was a baby. We had a sweet time together. Things were good for the rest of the afternoon. I helped them plant something, they played nicely together. At dinner, I was telling them how nice the meal was and how much I was enjoying being with them then. Shortly after, it's as if they were reminded that they weren't being crazy, and got that way. They started screaming and pulling on the curtains and ignoring dh and I telling them it was bedtime. The night ended with me yelling at them again and a very abrupt "good night". Dh and I just talked about what an awful day it was and how we're at a loss of how to handle life with them. I told him I feel terrible saying it, but there are times (frequently lately) where I just don't like being around them. And that's a sad feeling, but it's how I feel.

I just pulled out my copy of Connection Parenting and am going to re-read it. I was sleep deprived with a new baby last time I read it. I'm lucky because dh and I are on the same page and he agrees with everything I've read and discussed with him. We know that GD doesn't mean easy. It's the best thing in the long run though. The problem is, I don't feel very GD anymore.

I don't expect them to be perfect, but a lot of the things they do are completely unacceptable. Dh and I are pretty patient people, but those three boys can push our buttons and I think they know it.

Tomorrow is a new day. Sigh.
Kristi, I hope tomorrow will be better. Maybe you could start off the morning doing something nice together as a family-- going out to breakfast, staying in bed and having a late morning cuddle, something like that. I really think I need to read Connection Parenting... it sounds like a really helpful book. Good luck!

Mommy to two boys, ages 4 and 6.

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#183 of 270 Old 05-26-2008, 10:37 AM
 
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OkiMomApparently I'm in the same boat as you, I'm pregnant, AGAIN!!!So, like you my temperment isn't the same. I least I know what the issue is now, so I'll try harder to be a cool head.

: 2:Ma To 6 :12,8,7,5,2,1&
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#184 of 270 Old 05-26-2008, 10:48 AM
 
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OkiMomApparently I'm in the same boat as you, I'm pregnant, AGAIN!!!So, like you my temperment isn't the same. I least I know what the issue is now, so I'll try harder to be a cool head.
Congrats on the pregnancy! When you due?

Im glad it not only me.. I swear I have no patience anymore and I was known for my patience before (I helped run a church nursery where there was 25-30 kids with one other person). Everyone always thought I never losed my cool but I have been so much lately.. I can't wait to get back home, I think being in my own place will help me cool down since Im really a homebody.
I did do better the last couple days. When I start to feel myself lose it I try to take a break and do something else or play with DD. Usually when she does stuff I don't want her doing it is because Im not paying enough attention to her.

~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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#185 of 270 Old 05-26-2008, 11:12 AM
 
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Congrats on the pregnancy! When you due?

Im glad it not only me.. I swear I have no patience anymore and I was known for my patience before (I helped run a church nursery where there was 25-30 kids with one other person). Everyone always thought I never losed my cool but I have been so much lately.. I can't wait to get back home, I think being in my own place will help me cool down since Im really a homebody.
I did do better the last couple days. When I start to feel myself lose it I try to take a break and do something else or play with DD. Usually when she does stuff I don't want her doing it is because Im not paying enough attention to her.

Congrats on your pregnancy as well. I haven't gone to the Dr. yet, but I'm calculating that I'm due early January. I'm suppossed to have a c-section, so I'll probably have the baby in mid to late December. That's a whole nother story. I'm going to really research getting a VBAC.


I know that I have to make sure that I eat right and get enough rest, so that I'm not cranky.

: 2:Ma To 6 :12,8,7,5,2,1&
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#186 of 270 Old 05-26-2008, 06:25 PM
 
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Congrats on your pregnancy as well. I haven't gone to the Dr. yet, but I'm calculating that I'm due early January. I'm suppossed to have a c-section, so I'll probably have the baby in mid to late December. That's a whole nother story. I'm going to really research getting a VBAC.


I know that I have to make sure that I eat right and get enough rest, so that I'm not cranky.
Thanks! DD was born at the end of January. Im due in November but I haven't gone to a docs appointment yet. Im not near where my insurance is taken so I have to wait till I get home..
Try to get rest, Ive noticed the more tired I am the more cranky and less I can handle. Also Ive noticed if Im hungry Im crabby because when I get hungry I start feeling sick.

~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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#187 of 270 Old 05-28-2008, 03:40 PM
 
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Just want to say I have been having a better time with my two year old. She and I are now friends again..haha! I just need to stay focused which is hard for me to do. My DH has helped us out a lot with trying to understand everything and why she has tantrums and how to avoid them. It has worked wonders. We are working on several things right now to help us but it is going ok. I feel better and I am sure my LO does too. How is everyone else doing?
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#188 of 270 Old 05-29-2008, 12:35 AM
 
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I am almost finished reading th book, "raising our children raising oursleves" and I have been applying the validate feelings method and while i still am at a loss at some points it is REALLY working well!!
My kids sense it as well.
This book not only told me that kids need gentleness but it is showing me exactly how do it.
Things are looking good over here. you know...so far

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#189 of 270 Old 06-02-2008, 04:28 AM
 
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I'm joining in too. Usually I'm pretty good about the gentle discipline until it gets down to physical pain. I find myself unable to remain calm and gentle when my hair is being pulled, or some other situation where I'm being jumped on, head butted, elbowed or kicked or kneed in the nose or face, all from a very happy, excited and fun loving toddler. I know he's having fun and doesn't mean to hurt me, but it hurts and I want it to stop as quickly as possible and my pain receptors make me less than calm or gentle in order to facilitate that end.

Sigh. Anyone know what I'm talking about?

After I calm down, and get him off of me, I'm generally able to explain to him that he needs to be gentle and loving towards his mama. Other times, I'm so upset I find myself putting distance between us for a few minutes while I can calm down and feel like putting said toddler in my personal space again.

M.Ed. Mama to Chunka (1/07), Beauty (5/09) and Elizabear 3/12): Birth Doula (working toward certification) AAMI Midwifery Student, Advocating with Solace for Mothers & The Birth Survey

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#190 of 270 Old 06-02-2008, 10:18 AM
 
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I am joining in as well!

Yelling is not really my problem that much, except to be heard over the din sometimes. Plus my 7 and 5.5 year olds will hold me accountable on that one.

I have such an easier time with gentle, non coercive parenting when my kiddos are babies and toddlers than the older ages. And really, one on one we do pretty damn good if I do say so myself. But the f.i.g.h.t.i.n.g. OMG.
I just snap! I am sooo sick of the buggin, whining, fighting, annoying each other. ((And just in case my mother EVER reads this post, yes, I do know I am getting my comeuppance. My brother will too, i am sure. ))

I read that other thread about sibling fighting, but wanted to post here for ongoing accountability with my newer ways to handle it. I so want to help them get along better without handling their problems for them.

So. I am a new mama today. (Ok, my older two are at their fathers until the 15th, but babe just turned 14 months and the fits have started, so I will have enough practicing my patience this month.)

Blessings!

Shelley, mom to dd 5/19/01, ds 9/06/02, and ds 4/01/07.  Lost babe 4/09

belly.gifDue 12/18/12!

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#191 of 270 Old 06-02-2008, 06:38 PM
 
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I will like to join. So far day 6 of no yelling.
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#192 of 270 Old 06-03-2008, 01:51 AM
 
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I found this thread this morning from the front page of mothering. I would like to join you if anyone is still around. Ironically while I was starting to read the thread my daughter got ahold of a marker and started coloring in the front page of my textbook. I jumped up and snapped at her and yanked the book away. I immediately felt horrible and decided we were both hungry and made us lunch and inspired by this thread I apologized to her for yelling. She said "mama took the book, mama sorry" then she paused and said "I sorry mama I color book".
Inspired by another poster in this thread I went and found a youtube video of the song mama says and danced around with her by way of sealing the apology. Then I was so inspired I got up and did all the dishes!

Thank you ladies for posting your stories. Lately I beat myself up so much over not being the mama I want to be, I feel so useless when I do not meet my own standards. It is good to know I am not the only mama that has to try hard.
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#193 of 270 Old 06-03-2008, 05:17 PM
 
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I too always think of myself as a compassionate parent and in favor of gentile discipline. However there are too many times I can't control myself too! We also do not hit our kids. My own bad behavior came out today tho as my 3 yo dd decided to dart off out of a store (after a particularly difficult morning already) with me chasing after her with my 9 mo old ds bouncing in a sling. By the time I caught up with her I was so angry and desparate for her to stop so I could catch her that I reached out and grabbed onto her hair and pulled it. Partially because it was the only thing I could get a good grip on to catch her and partially because I WANTED to! Afterwards I made her hold my hand and not let go. However, that didn't even seem very "gentile" since she was pulling and tugging me so much I was squishing onto her poor little arm! Oh what a day.
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#194 of 270 Old 06-03-2008, 05:27 PM
 
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I have such an easier time with gentle, non coercive parenting when my kiddos are babies and toddlers than the older ages. And really, one on one we do pretty damn good if I do say so myself. But the f.i.g.h.t.i.n.g. OMG.
I just snap! I am sooo sick of the buggin, whining, fighting, annoying each other. ((And just in case my mother EVER reads this post, yes, I do know I am getting my comeuppance. My brother will too, i am sure. ))

I read that other thread about sibling fighting, but wanted to post here for ongoing accountability with my newer ways to handle it. I so want to help them get along better without handling their problems for them.
That is totally me, too. I can handle it all EXCEPT the constant nit picking and nah nahing at each other. It is their fights that get me crazy.
I know DD is jealous of her little brother. I know he is just copying her. I just don't know how to work through it.
some days they play great and some days not. Am I not even supposed to change it?
I don't know the lesson in that one.

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#195 of 270 Old 06-03-2008, 05:51 PM
 
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I have such an easier time with gentle, non coercive parenting when my kiddos are babies and toddlers than the older ages. And really, one on one we do pretty damn good if I do say so myself. But the f.i.g.h.t.i.n.g. OMG.
I just snap! I am sooo sick of the buggin, whining, fighting, annoying each other.
Wow, this is me, word for word! One on one, things are usually great- even when one of them is misbehaving I can use the GD techniques and take time to talk it out with them or whatever they need. But together, it's impossible. If I try to take one aside and spend special time with them when they're needy, they other one begs for my attention and picks on us and gets in our face until we're all upset. I am just totally ineffective with more than one child.

There is a sibling fighting thread?? I have got to find that!

So far so good- things are usually worst when I and DS are tired and we're really busy. Today we're all short on sleep, have been out and rushing around all day, and NO major blowups! It's easier to be calm and handle things well when I'm well rested and fed, but I always blow it when we're physically not doing as well and stressed. So even though it isn't a great day, just getting through it with no yelling or freaking out on my part is a success!!! It's only 4:52pm though, so I have a few more hours to make it!
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#196 of 270 Old 06-03-2008, 08:01 PM
 
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HI ya'll,

OK, so here are the strategies and techniques that the pros use ("pros" meaning people with Master's and PhD's in child development who work with young children every day and teach others how to do these same things.....and I am actually NOT one of these pros, but I work with them so I learned this through osmosis......thank god I worked with them before having my own kids because we don't actually struggle with discipline as a result.)

1) Learn conflict resolution skills. The book "You Can't Come to My Birthday Party," Published by Redleaf Press is pricey ($25) but is SO WORTH IT. It's pretty repetitive, but by the end you totally have it down. You can do this with children as young as 18 months old. These are strategies that professional mediators use with adults, so you can basically use the same thing with your spouses and teenage children. This is absolutely critical in reducing arguments, temper tantrums, and most importantly, in teaching children how to negotiate conflict themselves.

2) REFLECT REFLECT REFLECT! This is SO important. Just look at your screaming child and say, "Wow, you are SO MAD at mama today! You are SERIOUSLY angry! You are so angry because I did (or didn't) do x, or papa said Y (or whatever). You have a right to be angry! I can see/hear that you are feeling really intensely right now!" Just keep repeating how it appears that they feel until they know that they have been heard. Don't react, don't say ANYTHING except for reflecting verbally how they feel until they calm down.

If you are in the store, just ignore everyone else, just get down at your tantrummy child's level, don't touch them (unless they are getting violent, of course) and say, "You are so angry right now! You are so mad!" Once your child KNOWS in his/her soul that you are THERE and present with them, knows that they are being heard, they will calm down and THEN you can say something like, "I think you are feeling angry because I said that you cannot have the candy bar." Wait for child's response. "It's really hard to want something so much and know that you cannot have it (hugs hugs hugs while you are saying this). It feels really hard and icky, huh?" Depending on your child's age and receptiveness, you can tell them about something you really wanted that you couldn't have, and how you dealt with it.

If they are just whining and it's just driving you crazy, tell your child, "You are whining right now. This hurts mama's ears. I don't like giving you what you ask for when you use that voice because I feel disrespected and annoyed. What's a different way that you can ask me for something? " And then help them practice, make a sing songy game out of this part "If you want X, then ask mama like this: Mama, I would like to have X, please - and then I give you hugs and kisses!." Our two year old no longer whines - it took about 4 months of doing this - but he just turned two he no longer whines!

3) Tell your child (with respectful words but not necessarily in a calm or quiet voice) what the impact of their actions has on you.

"When you do/say X (the observation), I assume you are trying to do Y (what you THINK the person is doing), and it makes mama feel like Z (feelings)! Is that what you intend (let the person respond)?"

These things do not necessarily have to be quietly or calmly communicated - if you are feeling upset or angry, use a loud voice. It's not the LOUDNESS that's harmful, it's the contempt and disrespect - the words you say and the tone that you say them that does the damage. I have definitely yelled things like, "OH MY GOD- WHEN YOU USE YOUR VOICE LIKE THIS I ASSUME YOU ARE TRYING TO MAKE ME ANGRY AND IT MAKES ME FEEL SO DISRESPECTED/ANGRY/CRAZY!

IS THAT WHAT YOU INTEND? (This works for young children as well as spouses, by the way).

4) Time out doesn't work. It' manipulative, so don't even try it. It only makes the child worried about the punishment, but not about the actual action. A time out is not a natural consequence. And it's a power struggle. The only time the phrase "time out" should be used is when you say, "You know what? Mama needs a time out. Let's stop for a minute and take a breather. Change course."

Natural consequences - if milk is spilled, then the child cleans it up. If child breaks something, then the child needs to fix it (with help, of course). If child bites/hits/kicks/etc, say "Biting hurts. I don;t want to be around you when you bite. If you do this again, I will put you down/stop playing with you, etc." If they do it again, abruptly get up and walk away )or put child down). Crying will probably ensue, after a minute or two, come back and say, "You are feeling upset because mama put you down (say this until child is calm). Mama put you down because you bit mama and it hurt. When you feel like you need to bite, what can you do instead of biting mama? You can bite this bear (etc.) Let's practice."

5) Following through with fair boundaries is also critical, of course. AND it's even better for parents who have spouses/partners to both be on the same page with what those boundaries should be. But at the same time, it's important to be willing to negotiate those boundaries as they get older. Our kids are ALWAYS ahead of us on this one. Sometimes, the root of our conflicts has to do with the fact that we are still operating on our kids' development from 6 months ago, but they develop so quickly that it's hard for us to keep pace with them (in terms of what we allow them and teach them to do).

6) good nutrition and exercise. Wow my kids are NUTS - SERIOUSLY CRAZY if someone gives them M&M's. It has to be the dyes in those things, because our kids DO eat chocolate fairly regularly without acting like they have ADHD.

7) And probably the most important thing that I realized is that my role is to help them and guide them - it's NOT to get myself all wrapped up in their mental world. I love them dearly, but there is nothing that they can say or do that would make me feel offended, because it's not about ME. It's about THEM. Their development is about THEM, and my own issues about feeling offended or whatever is just an immature reaction that I may have to their developmental stage. Once that realization is fully integrated, it's just liberating as a parent, and it makes things so much easier and delightful....and humorous It also really helps to end conflicts sooner, because there are no power struggles, no personal emotions getting in the way of your child's emotional development.

Oh yeah - single parents - I do NOT know what I would do without my husband to take over sometimes. I am very fortunate in this area which helps a LOT. I have heard of single parents entering into cooperative living arrangements with other single parents/friends or whatever to be able to play this role of stepping in when you get into "touched out freak out mode." Having another person around - whoever that person is - is SO important to balancing out those emotional peaks that we all have. speaking of which....this may sound odd, but I also think that taking fish oil is also really helpful. Apparently the EU is doing some research into the effects of fish oil on mood disorders and I have to say that my personal experience with this has been great. I personally feel a lot more balanced and emotionally calm, and I believe that my kids are as well, because we take fish oil. Of course, this last point isn't based on much, but I really believe it helps a lot.
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#197 of 270 Old 06-03-2008, 08:07 PM
 
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2) REFLECT REFLECT REFLECT! This is SO important. Just look at your screaming child and say, "Wow, you are SO MAD at mama today! You are SERIOUSLY angry! You are so angry because I did (or didn't) do x, or papa said Y (or whatever). You have a right to be angry! I can see/hear that you are feeling really intensely right now!" Just keep repeating how it appears that they feel until they know that they have been heard. Don't react, don't say ANYTHING except for reflecting verbally how they feel until they calm down.
that works with my son but it has NEVER worked with my DD. she hates having her feelings mirrored back to her.
I remember once she was little toddler in the car seat and having a terrible time. Ii was doing the "good mommy" reflecting and she was not enjoying it. finally I said, "Johanna I am trying to help what do you need?"
She said, "Stop talking"
So I did.
and she wailed for a bit more than was done.

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#198 of 270 Old 06-04-2008, 01:14 PM
 
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Oh, thank you mamas for being here! I'm going to try to come back and check in here every day, because that sense of fellowship is so crucial to me maintaining my perspective and composure.

I have been having a really hard time lately with dd (4 1/2 yo). She's been non-responsive, doing the opposite of what I'm asking, speaking rudely and disrespectfully to me … generally being a real pain!

There are a lot of extenuating factors: She's got Lyme disease and may not feel that well and is having to take medicine a lot and have ticks removed, blood drawn, etc., so she's feeling a loss of control (in addition to the lack of control that everyone feels at that age!), her year of preschool is ending and she is not going back next year because we're homeschooling AND, because we're moving. Plus her great-grandfather died a couple of months ago.

So there are lots of reasons for us both to be stressed and edgy, but I have to say this has been a trend for a pretty long time in our relationship. Friends have talked to me about being uncomfortable with how she talks to me at times, and it's getting hard to go to family gatherings with her because it becomes all about button-pushing.

I really want to get back on track now and stop these forming patterns before they become more ingrained, but I am at a loss about how to respond in those moments, and what to do. I fall back on intolerance, time-out, threats (though they're pretty vague because I don't feel like I have much ammunition…). I know perfectly well that these responses don't really help, but I start feeling like a doormat and I'm worried about everyone's judgement of my parenting, and that we're on a path leading to bad boundaries and Trouble. Whatever that may be.

As a single mama I feel really isolated and I don't get breaks. Without a third personality in the mix, all her limits-testing, independence-seeking, envelope-pushing has nowhere else to go but onto me, and vice versa. I have a hard time consistently being the grownup in the situation, which is good for no one.

AND she is another one who HATES having her feelings mirrored back to her. She gets enraged and insulted and just YELLS. I don't know if maybe I need to stick with it a little farther and get through the intensity so she can see that we can go through it, but in the past it sure seems like it makes things worse not better.

Anyway, I'd love any feedback, info, support, help you great mamas can give, and I'm going to try and come back and check in every day!
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#199 of 270 Old 06-04-2008, 01:36 PM
 
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Yikes, I just stumbled on this thread and I really need it. I just yelled and kicked my kids out of the kitchen and yelled at Lily for asking to go outside for the millionth time.

Marissa just found some brand new dolls, that are in a box to be donated and now she is incessantly whining about them. She is now calling me "bad" She already has 9698759765 dolls that she does not play with, she does not need these.
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#200 of 270 Old 06-05-2008, 01:30 PM
 
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Having kind of a bad day today. I woke up about 2 hours earlier than usual this morning to DH angry and telling ds to go back into his bed. Ds had gotten up at 5am so dh took him pee then went with him to sleep in his bed. DH got up at 630 to go to work and apparently ds spit in his face. Good morning. So then ds came into bed with me and I asked him why he did that, he said he was upset that daddy keeps leaving him

We've not had a great day since then. I tried to take us outside to play but it's actually quite cold and damp out and we all wanted to come right back in. Dd is fighting her naps and getting overtired, I'm tired and cranky and ds talks.non.stop. He wants my help with something, then yells at me, snatches it away, interrupts what I'm trying to say... It's all wearing me out. I had dd nursed to sleep in the rocking chair in my room, and ds came in and started talking and it woke her right up, she was excited to see him and would not go back to sleep. I put dd on the floor with some toys and tried to go into the washroom to pee by myself and ds came to the door and started crying because he "wanted to see what I was doing". Argh.

So I got down on his level and explained that we were all tired and cranky. I needed a few minutes of quiet time because my brain was feeling scrambled and what did he want to do for a few minutes by himself so mommy could have some quiet time. Of course he picked watch tv but I really don't care.

So now they're both upstairs watching Curious George and I put a coffee on for myself and came here to check in. Yes my 10mo is watching tv. Just get through today. Tomorrow will be better.


ETA writing that and rereading it just made me feel so much better already. Once the caffeine kicks in I should be ok, especially if it warms up this afternoon, I'll stick dd in the mei tai and we'll head out.

Amanda - wife to DH Kellyjog.gif, Mummers to Trentreading.gif born 03/03/05 Bridgetdust.gif born 08/08/07 and a IT'S A BOY! Kennedy babyboy.gifborn 02/20/11!
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#201 of 270 Old 06-05-2008, 04:49 PM
 
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thanks for your post surumita!

Wife to DH(15 years)and Mama to: Jacob(5/02)kid.gifribbonpurple.gif, and Alina(7/07)energy.gifI luxlove.gifbellyhair.gif
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#202 of 270 Old 06-06-2008, 12:34 PM
 
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I haven't readall the posts but really want to sub and lend my two cents.
I now have auditory hypersensory issues (medical related) so I do not - cannot yell - unless someone is in imminent danger but becuase of the aud-hyp issues when yelling ensus - even whrn my beloved and li'l ones get exciting playing a game I HAVE to leave the room. So I don't yell.
And on more thna one occasion have stoped the car whan thwir yellign got too far past my comfort level - noit as punbishement but beucase I had to.
But when I get really angry and frustrated I end up hitting the counter, wall or stomping which is NOT good moddling but stops me attempting roughly pull or grab them. Awful I know.
My beloved, to stop himself yelling will go a lift weights (mini gym setup in a back shed) or water the flowers - odd combination I know.
I like what another poster said about raindrops and hailstones but one thing I will not stress about is clothes - especially with teens. They can wear whatever they like as long as its clean and they do actually wear Something.
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#203 of 270 Old 06-07-2008, 03:14 AM
 
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subbing b/c I am working so hard to do better...no yelling, no guilit, no threats....so much easier to plan than do when ds attacks dd for the 5th time and baby is screaming....ahh...today he said "mom, stop the angryness" when I raised my voice at him and ds after they threw all their food and refused to help clean up feel SO bad. lack of sleep and high stress are a reality right now, I need strength to do better and give more...back to read the posts now....
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#204 of 270 Old 06-07-2008, 04:42 PM
 
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Still here too. Ups and downs. :

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#205 of 270 Old 06-07-2008, 09:39 PM
 
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what a great thread! i'm so glad i actually read it now!!!! i can totally relate. i HATE when i yell!!! i just HATE it!!! it infuriates me, and i get so mad at myself!!! but it seems when i yell it is the only time my kids know "oh wow, mom means it". i'm easy going and a bit of a self-confessed push-over ..... i feel like too often i'm like...."okay guys i mean it ...for real now...then they don't listen & it will eventually escalate to me yelling, "LISTEN TO ME". then i go into self-loathing mode for yelling (AGAIN!). my kids rock!! i adore them. we are together 24/7 though literally and my dh works.all.of.the.time. i'm glad i can come here and get inspired and use ideas to regroup. i have some great tips saved on my desktop by lilygrace....i need to print those out again as a refresher course!!

anyway - GREAT thread!!!!

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#206 of 270 Old 06-08-2008, 03:25 PM
 
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Thank you so much. I have been really stuggling to not yell lately- this didn't used to ever be an issue. I know that I am under more stress lately and feel horribly guilty. I love the idea of a check in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by becoming View Post
No more yelling.
No more threatening.
No more guilting.

And this is my thread for accountability.

If anyone wants to join me, please do so!
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#207 of 270 Old 06-08-2008, 10:30 PM
 
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just wanted to offer you a hug. Sounds like a rough day. I have had many like that, where it just starts out wrong and stays that way all day! Good for you for taking a break, even if it means tv for a few minutes, a sane mommy is more important.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cujobunny View Post
Having kind of a bad day today. I woke up about 2 hours earlier than usual this morning to DH angry and telling ds to go back into his bed. Ds had gotten up at 5am so dh took him pee then went with him to sleep in his bed. DH got up at 630 to go to work and apparently ds spit in his face. Good morning. So then ds came into bed with me and I asked him why he did that, he said he was upset that daddy keeps leaving him

We've not had a great day since then. I tried to take us outside to play but it's actually quite cold and damp out and we all wanted to come right back in. Dd is fighting her naps and getting overtired, I'm tired and cranky and ds talks.non.stop. He wants my help with something, then yells at me, snatches it away, interrupts what I'm trying to say... It's all wearing me out. I had dd nursed to sleep in the rocking chair in my room, and ds came in and started talking and it woke her right up, she was excited to see him and would not go back to sleep. I put dd on the floor with some toys and tried to go into the washroom to pee by myself and ds came to the door and started crying because he "wanted to see what I was doing". Argh.

So I got down on his level and explained that we were all tired and cranky. I needed a few minutes of quiet time because my brain was feeling scrambled and what did he want to do for a few minutes by himself so mommy could have some quiet time. Of course he picked watch tv but I really don't care.

So now they're both upstairs watching Curious George and I put a coffee on for myself and came here to check in. Yes my 10mo is watching tv. Just get through today. Tomorrow will be better.


ETA writing that and rereading it just made me feel so much better already. Once the caffeine kicks in I should be ok, especially if it warms up this afternoon, I'll stick dd in the mei tai and we'll head out.
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#208 of 270 Old 06-09-2008, 10:22 PM
 
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ugh. dd woke me more than an hour eaarlier than usual. my worst days are always when i did not get enough sleep. even if i make a mental note "be extra gentle" yikes. my biology takes over or something.

we had the history repeating itself moment, where i was my mom and dd was me: "don't use that voice with me!" "but Mom!" "what did i just say?" "MOM!!!"

awful. if she uses an angry voice i feel like she must have got it from me. i start the self-flagellation (no, of course not literally)

so it's just goos to know i'm not alone. trying. not doing so hot. trying again.

mama to one amazing daughter born 1/2004
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#209 of 270 Old 06-09-2008, 11:03 PM
 
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i am in the middle of a bad night and posting so that I don't scream or slam doors...ok...back to try agian.
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#210 of 270 Old 06-10-2008, 12:58 AM
 
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Do you ever read Catherine Newman?

This is from her latest post: (bolding mine)
Quote:
"Mama, watch!" Birdy has wedged herself now between me and my sewing, cuddling close and looking up into my face with her round brown calf's eyes, and I feel my heart beat more quietly; I feel the shawl of motherly patience drop lightly around my shoulders again.
Isn't that beautiful?

the whole article is found here:
http://wondertime.go.com/parent-to-p.../06022008.html

The first rule of homeschooling: water the plants! :
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