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Old 04-10-2008, 10:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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What is a good way to punish a 3 yr old?

Chloe is generally good for the most part and everyone says I am lucky.She listens for the most part and is cheerful and happy.However there are some days when she talks back,doesn't clean up her messes - but instead makes them worse or just screams and tantrums and she gets saucy sometimes.How do I deal with this and what are appropriate things THAT WORK?

Chloe started daycare in September and I know she has learned some of these things off of the other kids.
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Old 04-10-2008, 11:13 AM
 
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What is a good way to punish a 3 yr old?

Chloe is generally good for the most part and everyone says I am lucky.She listens for the most part and is cheerful and happy.However there are some days when she talks back,doesn't clean up her messes - but instead makes them worse or just screams and tantrums and she gets saucy sometimes.How do I deal with this and what are appropriate things THAT WORK?

Chloe started daycare in September and I know she has learned some of these things off of the other kids.
I'm quite new to this board, so I may be wrong, but I've been assuming that gentle discipline doesn't include punishments of any kind. I guess someone will set me straight if I'm wrong lol.

My personal view would be that instead of looking for ways to punish her behaviour, you look for the root causes of it, and try to deal with those. Is it possible you're expecting too much from her? Could she be overtired? Is she feeling cross because you can't be there all day every for her?

These are just wild guesses, but I think that when children are "naughty" they are really just trying to signal that they have an unmet need. So my advice would be to look beyond the behaviour and check that all her needs are being met.
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Old 04-10-2008, 11:20 AM
 
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Sounds like a normal 3 year old to me. When my dd (6) does this, she needs lots of extra attention, and probably a snack. (And I still don't know how to get her to pick up her messes!)
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Old 04-10-2008, 11:25 AM
 
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She's 3!!! Everything she is doing is normal! Difficult for us mom's, but totally normal. And yes, the general consensus here is that punishments don't work. Look through the sticky's for alternatives to punishment.

Something I would ask myself is, How do *I* feel when things aren't going my way? Frustrated? Angry? Impatient? Your 3 year old is no different, except for maybe she hasn't learned to stifle feelings, so she lets them out with a fury. Think about how many things in her day don't go HER way. It will really help you to understand where she is coming from.

As for her not listening, I would ask myself if I'm making too many demands of her. And if the things I am asking of her are really that important.
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Old 04-10-2008, 11:32 AM
 
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I'm quite new to this board, so I may be wrong, but I've been assuming that gentle discipline doesn't include punishments of any kind. I guess someone will set me straight if I'm wrong lol.

My personal view would be that instead of looking for ways to punish her behaviour, you look for the root causes of it, and try to deal with those. Is it possible you're expecting too much from her? Could she be overtired? Is she feeling cross because you can't be there all day every for her?

These are just wild guesses, but I think that when children are "naughty" they are really just trying to signal that they have an unmet need. So my advice would be to look beyond the behaviour and check that all her needs are being met.

Yep yep! Well said!

If an adult did all of these things to you, you wouldn't be looking to 'punish' them...well I guess some people might but lets face it, thats not a nice thing to do or a mature thing at that either. Children do not deserve any less just because of their age and your advantage over them. So it is perfectly alright to simply tell her, like you would any other person in the world, 'you know I really do not appreciate it when you yell at me' - and then as the poster above has said, look for the root cause of her behaviour.

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Something I would ask myself is, How do *I* feel when things aren't going my way? Frustrated? Angry? Impatient? Your 3 year old is no different, except for maybe she hasn't learned to stifle feelings, so she lets them out with a fury. Think about how many things in her day don't go HER way. It will really help you to understand where she is coming from.
Exactly - So talk to her about her feelings! 'Are you feeling angry/upset/frustrated because this and this....' and relate to her 'You know I feel angry/upset/frustrated sometimes to...'

So you don't appreciate her yelling at you for example, you talk to her about her feelings, you find the root cause... and then you can help her find a solution. Because it is perfectly okay to have feelings, we all have them! But its not okay to act out on our feelings in certain ways (like yelling at someone or hitting someone) so you can help her find a suitable solution to what she can do - like screaming into a pillow or hitting the pillow say when she is angry. Be open for her as well, so she can feel comfortable in coming to you with her problems.

She is only 3 years old - so expecting more from your child than they are capable of is a lot of pressure on them as well. Always keep your childs age in mind and dont compare them to another child. My son is way 'behind' most child I know his age, but I know what my son is capable of and I shouldnt expect from him what I would expect from john or suzy! hehe

Mummy me : > Thats Ann! and my beautiful SONS Duncanand Hamish 19/09/05 & 22/04/10!
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Old 04-10-2008, 05:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the advice.I really appreciate it.

It seems I am always reading or hearing different things,about punishing or not punishing.It gets confusing...especially since I am a young,first time mom.

Oh I wanted to add tho,she actually used to clean up her messes no problem.She seemed to have fun doing it.She would run around picking up her toys and singing.Now she doesn't wanna do it anymore.Her daycare has told me that she stopped cleaning up there too...she won't even help clean up when the other kids are doing it.

I am just so exhausted right now....
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Old 04-10-2008, 06:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 709Juggalette View Post
Thanks for the advice.I really appreciate it.

It seems I am always reading or hearing different things,about punishing or not punishing.It gets confusing...especially since I am a young,first time mom.

Oh I wanted to add tho,she actually used to clean up her messes no problem.She seemed to have fun doing it.She would run around picking up her toys and singing.Now she doesn't wanna do it anymore.Her daycare has told me that she stopped cleaning up there too...she won't even help clean up when the other kids are doing it.

I am just so exhausted right now....
Oh it is confusing!!!.... Its all just a 'phase' though! My motto is 'this too shall pass'! hehe

If you would like to read some books on the matter, I highly suggest anything by Alfie Kohn. Use Amazon! hehe

Mummy me : > Thats Ann! and my beautiful SONS Duncanand Hamish 19/09/05 & 22/04/10!
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Old 04-10-2008, 06:50 PM
 
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Oh I wanted to add tho,she actually used to clean up her messes no problem.She seemed to have fun doing it.She would run around picking up her toys and singing.Now she doesn't wanna do it anymore.Her daycare has told me that she stopped cleaning up there too...she won't even help clean up when the other kids are doing it.
Yes, this is very typical of a three year old. I wouldn't despair of her ever cleaning up again, though. Just continue to expect it, if that makes sense. I think it's most useful to have a routine, too. Like every day after dinner, you pick up all the toys in the living room. Eventually, you'll wear her down!

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Old 04-11-2008, 08:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh it is confusing!!!.... Its all just a 'phase' though! My motto is 'this too shall pass'! hehe

If you would like to read some books on the matter, I highly suggest anything by Alfie Kohn. Use Amazon! hehe
Thank you!
Hehehe...I just discovered Amazon a few days ago!!!
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