I have an incredibly violent 3 year old who scares me - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 46 Old 05-28-2008, 08:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks again for all the help and links and advice.
good news...today was a GREAT day. i absolutely refused to allow myself to become worked up about anything he did and i remained calm and happy all day and my mood apparently affected him because hes been a happy-go-lucky kid today.
i did give him his multi (which ive been slacking on for a while), and some theanine (relax-a-saurus) which has helped his moods inthe past. he got a single dose of calm child this morning when he began to have his fits as soon as i woke up and he was totally different within 10 minutes.
he's even cooperating with potty learning some today which he had been revolting against for weeks now.
i feel like today i got my kid back that i love and adore so much. im gonna keep this routine up for a while and see how he responds.
oh...and no popsickles since early this am.
im gonna get some 100% juice and make my own from now on.
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#32 of 46 Old 05-28-2008, 08:44 PM
 
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does your son act this way only for you, or is his behavior consistent regardless of who's watching him? if his behavior is the same under anyone's care then i would hands-down first look into food allergies. if his behavior is reserved solely for you and he seems to control himself in another's care - well it probably is not food allergies. the feingold diet is excellent. www.feingold.org there are also many other excellent diets out there, and if you search in the forums for health & healing and nutriton - you will get lots of amazing mama wisdom from ladies who have been in your shoes.

big hugs to you.

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#33 of 46 Old 05-28-2008, 08:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bri276 View Post
I would ask for a referral from your pediatrician to a developmental pediatrician.

How is he at daycare? How often does he go?

I always hesitate to post this because I think people will take it the wrong way, (I have a daughter with a genetic condition) but would you consider stopping by the special needs forum, not because I'm saying there is definitely something "wrong" with your son, but because there are many very experienced, knowledgeable mothers there with great advice?

http://mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=157

I don't usually have much to offer in this forum, but I wanted to give you a and tell you I agree with this.

And I also wanted to tell you that your son's behavior sounds strikingly similar to what I've read in Dr. Amen's attention deficit disorder books regarding patients with temperal lobe problems. Issues with violence (whether AD/HD related or not) often originate from slight abnormalities in the temperal lobe. I only know this because I think violent temperal lobe issues run in my dad's side of the family.

I think if you xpost your story here in special needs, you may find that there are mamas there to which his behavior sounds familiar and may be able to give you a lot of good advice and direction (as well as what you're getting here..)

Another
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#34 of 46 Old 05-29-2008, 12:04 AM
 
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You need to take him to another therapist before you take him to your pastor to be prayed over, please.

Someone different and willing to work with you and listen to you. Maybe even another ped. Mention the family history of violent tendancies.
i respectfuly disagree with this. there's no reason you shouldn't do both at the same time. science does not negate spirituality and vice versa. they have done serious scientific studies to find that cancer patients who had large congregations pray for them recovered much faster and overall did better. consider a sort of collective consciousness effect.

anyway, i'm tibetan buddhist and we also have this tradition of specific prayer for emotional problems going on and i have seen so many miraculous turn arounds.

there's been so much good advice already, i just want to add that you could consider visiting a pastor along with whatever treatment plan you see fit.

also, pray over the situation yourself! if all else fails - try meditation, a few minutes being quiet and pushing thoughts out of your head can really recharge your battery and keep you grounded, which as you mentioned yourself can go a long way towards keeping him that happy-go-lucky little guy you love.

i am sending you lots of positive energy and healing thoughts. i am so sorry you are going through this. it will get better.
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#35 of 46 Old 12-02-2008, 11:27 PM
 
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i dont have any advice for you but i am letting you know you are not the only one i am going through the same thing with my son the only exception is i have a one year old daughter who he takes it out on i called my local childrens hospital and they have referred me to a child mental health service and i am just waiting for a call back but will let you know how it went and maybe you could try it in the meantime
from one stressed mum to another keep your head up and just keep trying thats all i have been doen even though some days i just feel like giving up and leaving forever.
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#36 of 46 Old 12-02-2008, 11:54 PM
 
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i just want to say a huge thankyou i went to the first link you provided and it described my son to a tee i now have something to start with so thankyou again for going out of your way to help parents like us
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#37 of 46 Old 12-02-2008, 11:59 PM
 
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You have gotten so much good advice here I don't have much more except to say that along with red dye some yellow and green dyes have been implicated in causing behavioral reactions. When my brother was young yellow dye would cause near psychosis in him and with 10 popsicles a day your child can end up with quite a dose of them. Along with the other foods you are monitoring I would cut all dyes out of your child's diet. It may not cure the issues but it certainly can't help him to eat them.

You are a really GOOD mom to be working through all this and figuring out ways of helping him.
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#38 of 46 Old 12-03-2008, 12:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow its been a while since I started this thread and I just wanted to add that we stopped popsicles shortly after I first posted this and he has greatly improved. In fact even his tantrums have simmered down quite a bit. So maybe there really is something to the dyes he was ingesting or maybe its just that he gotten older but he is doing great now and I havent even thought about his past violent behaviours in a long time so that says a lot. So to all you moms who are dealing with this same issue.... Hang in there and hopefully things will improve for all of you too like it did for us.

Guess i should also mention that we finally got a house and moved to be with daddy so hes not dealing with daddy leaving him for weeks at a time anymore either and that has made an improvement. I was also concerned about having a new baby and turns out she is his princess and he adores and loves all over her.
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#39 of 46 Old 04-22-2009, 02:00 PM
 
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#40 of 46 Old 04-22-2009, 03:35 PM
 
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I'd try to keep him away from the dogs. Can you gate off part of the house for the dogs to be away from him? Can you send your dogs to a friend's or your mom's? I would not take him to your mom's house for a while to just keep her and her dog safer.

Is he getting any positive attention? Try to praise him when he is doing good things, or being good.

I think you should be able to protect yourself. Don't get into physical positions where he can kick you in the gut.

Don't spank him. Spanking him gives him the message that violence is OK.

I am sorry you are all hurting.

Are there any activities he likes to do with you? Reading, playing catch? Do those nice things with him to fill him up with positive energy. He may need exercise to get out some energy too so he can be calmer with family members.

Good luck! Please do not spank him. Go to your bedroom and calm yourself (take the dogs with you if you are worried about their safety) and just work out your frustration rather than beating him.
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#41 of 46 Old 04-22-2009, 03:39 PM
 
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I also think you are going to need to be more active in prevention -- taking items away from him when you see him getting ready to attack, and moving away and defending yourself and your animals. Once you see him with a pudding case and heading towards the dog, you get him then. Once he kicks you once (if he gets that far) you get up and move away where he can't get you. I'm sure you're tired but you've got to protect yourselves and teach him that you won't let him follow through on hitting and kicking.
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#42 of 46 Old 04-22-2009, 03:59 PM
 
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OP, I just saw this thread in new posts, and was wondering if you have looked into food allergies as a trigger?
I have seen a number of children with rage issues calm down considerably, if not all the way, when processed dairy was removed from their diet.
Not saying this is the magical cure, but it is well worth testing out.
Hugs! Paula

Paula, wife to Steve, mother hen to 38 , busy doing : TTC after 6
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#43 of 46 Old 04-22-2009, 04:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by amma-la View Post
i respectfuly disagree with this. there's no reason you shouldn't do both at the same time. science does not negate spirituality and vice versa. they have done serious scientific studies to find that cancer patients who had large congregations pray for them recovered much faster and overall did better. consider a sort of collective consciousness effect.

anyway, i'm tibetan buddhist and we also have this tradition of specific prayer for emotional problems going on and i have seen so many miraculous turn arounds.

there's been so much good advice already, i just want to add that you could consider visiting a pastor along with whatever treatment plan you see fit.

also, pray over the situation yourself! if all else fails - try meditation, a few minutes being quiet and pushing thoughts out of your head can really recharge your battery and keep you grounded, which as you mentioned yourself can go a long way towards keeping him that happy-go-lucky little guy you love.

i am sending you lots of positive energy and healing thoughts. i am so sorry you are going through this. it will get better.
:
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#44 of 46 Old 04-22-2009, 04:23 PM
 
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Originally Posted by darlintxmomma View Post
thanks again for all the help and links and advice.
good news...today was a GREAT day. i absolutely refused to allow myself to become worked up about anything he did and i remained calm and happy all day and my mood apparently affected him because hes been a happy-go-lucky kid today.
i did give him his multi (which ive been slacking on for a while), and some theanine (relax-a-saurus) which has helped his moods inthe past. he got a single dose of calm child this morning when he began to have his fits as soon as i woke up and he was totally different within 10 minutes.
he's even cooperating with potty learning some today which he had been revolting against for weeks now.
i feel like today i got my kid back that i love and adore so much. im gonna keep this routine up for a while and see how he responds.
oh...and no popsickles since early this am.
im gonna get some 100% juice and make my own from now on.
Great updates -- hope you are still doing well!
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#45 of 46 Old 04-22-2009, 07:58 PM
 
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Wow. This thread is REALLY old !

So how did things turn out?
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#46 of 46 Old 04-22-2009, 08:14 PM
 
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The OP updated a few posts back that things have really turned around.
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