The Almost 3 Who Doesn't Listen - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 06-23-2008, 01:29 PM - Thread Starter
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DD is 34 months and while there have been small bouts of tuning us out before, it is now reappearing with 'defiance' ~ I'd love some ideas on working together on this ~ we do UP and are open to consensual ideas, too.

So far:
~We give lots of warning/ transition time when possible.
~get down to her level when she ignores us, make eye contact and repeat.
~she is in a running away as soon as we speak mode, though!
~sometimes we just walk away, let it be and then come back after a few minutes.
~when it is a danger issue she gets picked up and moved (ie running back to a high embankment over stream last night~ I carried her away and then set her down to repeat the reason she can't be there, held her hand and walked away)~ but it is force!
~consequences~ she ran down a hill towards a wet boggy spot (safe enough, though)~ was asked to stop, she would get wet. She ran on, got wet, cried, Grandma rescued her, we said no more about it, went home and hosed her down (which she was fine with, I don't mean a mean hosing LOL)

But it pushes our buttons when she does this. And I'd love so more tools along with consistency, to help us out!

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#2 of 6 Old 06-23-2008, 10:23 PM
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#3 of 6 Old 06-24-2008, 02:12 AM
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I like the connect before you direct method. When you want your child to do something, first acknowledge her and what she is doing. Get interested in what is going on with her. After you have spent a little time together, mention that it is time for whatever it is.

This lets the child know you value what she is doing. When her pursuits feel valued, she is more open to what you want.

In the case of the large embankment, would it have been safe for you to be with her there and discuss how far down it was? Satisfy her curiousity a little bit in a safe manner.

I don't think it is defiance, but not knowing how to assert her needs in an acceptable manner. She has stuff she wants to do, and often the stuff parents want kids to do is in conflict with the things the kids want to do.
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#4 of 6 Old 06-24-2008, 02:26 AM
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eta-wrong forum, sorry.
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#5 of 6 Old 06-24-2008, 11:05 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks kacy, I agree, which is why I said 'defiance' I know it is just normal stuff and I appreciate you finding better words for me!
We had been over the embankment issue (she can stand and throw stuff in only if holding my hand and we do this with some regularity)~ she just wasn't ready to go.
I like the connect before you direct ~ thanks!
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#6 of 6 Old 06-25-2008, 01:06 AM
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We're struggling with similar issues here. One thing that really seems to help with DS is humor. Sometimes if I sing a request, or clap (in an upbeat way, if that makes sense) while I talk, it really catches his attention, and puts a big smile on his face, and he cooperates with no problems. Today, I rapped. : I'm sure he was laughing *at* me in this case, but it worked, and everyone was happy. Usually, me being a dork puts us both in a good frame of mind. It doesn't work 100% of the time, but what does?
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