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#61 of 140 Old 08-21-2008, 09:54 AM
 
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alley cat, with our dd's aggression and name-calling we found that we needed to help her improve the skills of identifying her emotions and physical state, communicating her emotions and needs/concerns, and coping with uncomfortable emotions.

Initially, we'd sit down with her and talk about other things she can do when she's angry. We'd come up with a solution that sounded realistic and that she'd agree to, but the next time she got mad she'd be aggressive again. We'd also try to mediate Plan B between the kids when things got heated, but still we had a problem with aggression. We thought this might be an issue that Plan B just wouldn't work for. Eventually we figured out that we needed to be a lot *more* proactive than that: she really needed us to be helping her throughout the day every day identify her emotions, identify her concerns and needs (inluding things like I'm tired or hungry), learn coping skills, and learn better communication and problem-solving skills. This was something we had to start doing when things were good, not just in the heat of the moment. When she was aggressive (*better yet, when she was showing signs of nearing that point but not actually there yet), we'd have her leave the situation and sit until she was calm (taking space, chilling out, calming down so she could solve the problem--with some empathy/reflective listening from a parent, which helped her put those feelings into words). So for us Plan B for aggression really boiled down to: dd's concern (though she couldn't put it in words) was that she didn't have the skills to handle anger (or frustration or anxiety or irritability) more adaptively (and has difficulty regulating her emotions, which is part of handling them adaptively), our concern was that we needed her to be more safe in handling anger, etc., the solution was to find new, more effective ways of helping her learn the skills she needed.

There are a couple of books we liked, which helped us with ideas for helping dd learn skills: Raising A Thinking Child has a lot of ideas about helping kids learn the communication, perspective-taking (empathy), and problem-solving skills they need to resolve conflicts with others (including things like evaluating how someone might feel if you say or do [x], learning to brainstorm, identifying feelings). What To Do When Your Temper Flares is a book for kids (with adult help) about managing anger which inludes good information about anger, how to recognize it, how to defuse it and prevent it from getting out of control (taking breaks to calm down, keeping yourself calm), how to safely release anger, problem-solving, recognizing triggers, and "growing a fuse." This book is great because even if it seems a little advanced for a 6 year old, it's easy to read it as a parent and adapt it to help your child learn these things.
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#62 of 140 Old 08-21-2008, 01:26 PM
 
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One of my children is what is known as a HSC.

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm

Sometimes that trait manifested in meltdowns of the highest order. Scary ones, long ones.

One thing that worked for my child was being present, but quiet and calm. He could not express the why of his behaviors. He could not, until he was older, express that his insides were 'bunched up". For him, and still, less talk, more presence and calmness helps to bring him back.

It got easier as he got older, and now he is articulate about what's going on inside, and can now even say "I'm worried about this" or "This is making me anxious. It's too loud/busy/whatever".

4 can be a tricky age anyway, but for impulsive kids who feel 'bunched up' inside, it's even trickier. When we figured out the insides were not calm, we realized we had to make the 'outside' input calm, or at least calmer. That meant, for our child, less talk, no questions in the heat of the moment, and a parent nearby at all times. Maybe touching, maybe not if it felt overstimulating to the child. No trying reason, no asking why, or what are feeling, why are you doing this?". That part comes later, after the meltdown, but even then kids don't always know why they do certain things, and certainly little ones often have a more difficult time articulating inner turmoil. They don't feel right, but they don't know how or why that is. It's not a question a lot of chiclren can even begin to answer.

We can't always change our children's reactions to events, but we can change our reactions to these meltdowns. Being a rock as best you can is often very helpful to some children.

Also, reassuring him that the emotions and the 'bunched up' feelings will subside and he will feel himself again was very helpful for our child. "You feel upset right now, and that can be scary, but your body will calm down soon. You will be ok". Maybe a child can't hear this during the distress, but it's something they can hear later. "You felt so upset, but now it's ok. Your body is relaxed now. Your body can take care of you". etc.
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#63 of 140 Old 08-22-2008, 01:22 AM
 
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alley cat, with our dd's aggression and name-calling we found that we needed to help her improve the skills of identifying her emotions and physical state, communicating her emotions and needs/concerns, and coping with uncomfortable emotions.

Initially, we'd sit down with her and talk about other things she can do when she's angry. We'd come up with a solution that sounded realistic and that she'd agree to, but the next time she got mad she'd be aggressive again. We'd also try to mediate Plan B between the kids when things got heated, but still we had a problem with aggression. We thought this might be an issue that Plan B just wouldn't work for. Eventually we figured out that we needed to be a lot *more* proactive than that: she really needed us to be helping her throughout the day every day identify her emotions, identify her concerns and needs (inluding things like I'm tired or hungry), learn coping skills, and learn better communication and problem-solving skills. This was something we had to start doing when things were good, not just in the heat of the moment. When she was aggressive (*better yet, when she was showing signs of nearing that point but not actually there yet), we'd have her leave the situation and sit until she was calm (taking space, chilling out, calming down so she could solve the problem--with some empathy/reflective listening from a parent, which helped her put those feelings into words). So for us Plan B for aggression really boiled down to: dd's concern (though she couldn't put it in words) was that she didn't have the skills to handle anger (or frustration or anxiety or irritability) more adaptively (and has difficulty regulating her emotions, which is part of handling them adaptively), our concern was that we needed her to be more safe in handling anger, etc., the solution was to find new, more effective ways of helping her learn the skills she needed.

There are a couple of books we liked, which helped us with ideas for helping dd learn skills: Raising A Thinking Child has a lot of ideas about helping kids learn the communication, perspective-taking (empathy), and problem-solving skills they need to resolve conflicts with others (including things like evaluating how someone might feel if you say or do [x], learning to brainstorm, identifying feelings). What To Do When Your Temper Flares is a book for kids (with adult help) about managing anger which inludes good information about anger, how to recognize it, how to defuse it and prevent it from getting out of control (taking breaks to calm down, keeping yourself calm), how to safely release anger, problem-solving, recognizing triggers, and "growing a fuse." This book is great because even if it seems a little advanced for a 6 year old, it's easy to read it as a parent and adapt it to help your child learn these things.
Thank you for your reply and your advice. Also I will see if I can get those books out of the library.

My son really has me stumped a lot of the time on how to react to him. This morning his shoe was not put on properly and he was walking funny through the school gate and I was offering to help him, you would think I was trying to torture him from the massive reaction. I finally had to leave him with his shoe still hanging on funny as he did not want my help and was pushing me and getting really angry at me in the locker room , I am sure his teacher could see his antics and I was starting to feel really embarassed.
I think he gets embarrassed by my presence these days as I am not even allowed to kiss him goodbye anymore I have to wave goodbye, gee he is still only 5. His 7 year old sister gives me a big hug and kiss goodbye , oh well I shouldn't compare.
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#64 of 140 Old 08-22-2008, 09:12 AM
 
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alley_cat, You might want to try social stories too. You can also make one yourself. I'm not very creative, but if I can figure out the content and the picture I want, I can have my MIL help me as she's really creative and writes kids stories all the time. Maybe I'll get her to publish it since there's not many good anger management books for small kids.

I'm looking at getting:

It's Hard to Be 5

Hands are Not for Hitting

When I Feel Angry and other Way I Feel series

Words are Not for Hurting

Today I Feel Silly - This would be for teaching about other emtions, but I want something that teaches him how to handle these emotions, and from reading the reviews it might not be what I'm looking for.

Also, I've heard from many people that 6-7yo is a hard stage too. Maybe your DS is starting a little young. My friend's son who just turned 6 all the sudden started becoming real mean to her little sister and being very mouthy.

I also recently learned about PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorder Associated with Streptococcus). Here are some links:

A mom's experience with her DD: http://gfcfblog.blogspot.com/2008/05/pandas.html
http://www.adhd.com.au/PANDAS.htm and http://cbtny.com/pandas
http://www.enzymestory.com/PANDAS.html
http://www.webpediatrics.com/pandas.html
http://www.cidpusa.org/PANDAS.htm
http://intramural.nimh.nih.gov/pdn/web.htm
https://www.neurorelief.com/index.ph...=379&Itemid=73

~Katie
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#65 of 140 Old 08-24-2008, 12:39 AM
 
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alley_cat, You might want to try social stories too. You can also make one yourself. I'm not very creative, but if I can figure out the content and the picture I want, I can have my MIL help me as she's really creative and writes kids stories all the time. Maybe I'll get her to publish it since there's not many good anger management books for small kids.

I'm looking at getting:

It's Hard to Be 5

Hands are Not for Hitting

When I Feel Angry and other Way I Feel series

Words are Not for Hurting

Today I Feel Silly - This would be for teaching about other emtions, but I want something that teaches him how to handle these emotions, and from reading the reviews it might not be what I'm looking for.

Also, I've heard from many people that 6-7yo is a hard stage too. Maybe your DS is starting a little young. My friend's son who just turned 6 all the sudden started becoming real mean to her little sister and being very mouthy.

I also recently learned about PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorder Associated with Streptococcus). Here are some links:

A mom's experience with her DD: http://gfcfblog.blogspot.com/2008/05/pandas.html
http://www.adhd.com.au/PANDAS.htm and http://cbtny.com/pandas
http://www.enzymestory.com/PANDAS.html
http://www.webpediatrics.com/pandas.html
http://www.cidpusa.org/PANDAS.htm
http://intramural.nimh.nih.gov/pdn/web.htm
https://www.neurorelief.com/index.ph...=379&Itemid=73
Thank you for that.
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#66 of 140 Old 10-27-2008, 06:21 PM
 
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subbing, will read later.
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#67 of 140 Old 10-27-2008, 07:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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subbing, will read later.
I need to reconnect with you guys too. DS has been much better since we are trying to use empathy much more but he still has a really tough time dealing with things when he is tired. He got really angry at me the other day because I wouldn't take away something of his that was special from his sister. He was still angry even after we worked together to get it back verbally. He thought I should have just taken it from her.

Thanks for the links FluffiB. I hope to check them out more later.
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#68 of 140 Old 10-27-2008, 11:40 PM
 
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My 4yo has been better too, but we're still not able to do the problem-solving thing too well, so we're still doing the picking the battles thing.

He's soooo persistent when it comes to what he wants (i.e. junk food for dinner). Our social worker says not to engage him and to endure the meltdowns. Uggg....

I've been doing a lot of reading and research (more yahoo groups) to address his behavior from a different angle. I know we don't have the perfect diet, so I'm sure candida (yeast overgrowth) has something to do with it. It sure did with me - I was irritable all the time, so I started taking anti-yeast supplements, and within a day I was calm and not so anxious. So I started giving DS probiotics as well as Omega 3, cutting down on dairy (seems to help a lot - I just need to keep a food diary), and cutting out processed foods.

I'm reading a book called Healing the New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, ADHD, Asthma, and Allergies. OMG, what an eye opener!!!!! I highly recommend this book to anyone, even adults, who suffer from any of these 4-As. Even if your child doesn't have the ADHD label but has similar symptoms, you should read it. And causes of asthma and allergies are very closely related. It's an amazing book. It makes sense why so many kids have these disorders now compared to 15 years ago.

~Katie
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#69 of 140 Old 10-28-2008, 12:03 AM
 
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since Addy has been going to OT for SID her explosiveness is WAY less. when its easier for her to cope with her sensory stuff, then she isnt constantly on edge and isnt blowing up at seemingly small things.
i am always looking for new additions to her sensory diet to help fulfill her sensory needs.
in the upcoming sessions we will be learning the "how my engine runs" theory, and learn how to help her express her needs better.
seriously OT has been a lifesaver to us.

treehugger.gif )O( unschooling, witchy mum to Addy(7) and Niamh(4)
Living with an invisible chronic illness.
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#70 of 140 Old 10-28-2008, 08:52 AM
 
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I need to reconnect with you guys too. DS has been much better since we are trying to use empathy much more but he still has a really tough time dealing with things when he is tired. He got really angry at me the other day because I wouldn't take away something of his that was special from his sister. He was still angry even after we worked together to get it back verbally. He thought I should have just taken it from her.

Thanks for the links FluffiB. I hope to check them out more later.


si, DS is s demon when tired in the evening. it starts about 5 PM and then just deteriorates from there. a friend was watching him the other day and DH went to get him about 5:30 and she said "you were right, it's like someone throws a switch with him. one minute he is fine, the next nothing is fine." yup.

evenings are still the hardest around here.

"Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift." -- Mary Olivercoolshine.gif

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#71 of 140 Old 10-28-2008, 10:23 AM
 
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seriously OT has been a lifesaver to us.
Mine actually just graduated from 6 mths of OT. Our OT said yes, his issues are sometimes sensory-related, but most of them are behavioral. She does behavioral OT too, so she worked w/ him for a few months. He did so well for her that she couldn't get him to get mad or anything. It came to a point where she couldn't help him anymore, so we decided to stop.

I know it's completely normal for kids to behave well when under someone else's care. And I know it has to do with kids being comfortable with their own parents, but part of me thinks it IS me and that I should be firm and say "no" more often. I guess I'll try to let go of the bad stuff and praise him for the good.

~Katie
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#72 of 140 Old 10-28-2008, 10:38 AM
 
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Mine actually just graduated from 6 mths of OT. Our OT said yes, his issues are sometimes sensory-related, but most of them are behavioral. She does behavioral OT too, so she worked w/ him for a few months. He did so well for her that she couldn't get him to get mad or anything. It came to a point where she couldn't help him anymore, so we decided to stop.

I know it's completely normal for kids to behave well when under someone else's care. And I know it has to do with kids being comfortable with their own parents, but part of me thinks it IS me and that I should be firm and say "no" more often. I guess I'll try to let go of the bad stuff and praise him for the good.
that's interesting. my OT (a sensory specialist) said there is no possible way to separate disorder from behavior. they are one and the same and apparently she just went to conference in new england on this very topic. the consensus is that the disorder (and it's needs) drives the behavior (the behavior expresses the disorder) and so they need to be viewed and treated as the very same thing.

i wonder how your OT thinks she can tell them apart?

"Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift." -- Mary Olivercoolshine.gif

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#73 of 140 Old 10-28-2008, 12:23 PM
 
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Interesting! She is an OT/D (a doctor) so I assumed she knew her stuff, but there's always new things coming up like you mentioned.

His sensory issue is mainly tactile and a bit of proprioceptive and auditory, but I don't think they're any worse than regular kids and adults who are a bit clumsy or doesn't like loud or busy backgroud noises. I have the same exact issues as he does, and I was recently diagnosed as ADHD inattentive type (I'm beginning to doubt this Dx after reading the book I mentioned). I do think it's part of his personality, or that his executive functions still haven't developed enough.

And a lot has to do with how hungry he is, so I really have to be strict on cutting out junk food that causes blood sugar roller coaster (same with me too).

This morning could've been really ugly, but we managed to not blow up or trash the house. I just have to be with him when he's mad so I can guide him to calming down without destroying anything. I reminded him the things he can do to calm down, and although it took him a while, he did it!

~Katie
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#74 of 140 Old 10-28-2008, 01:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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And a lot has to do with how hungry he is, so I really have to be strict on cutting out junk food that causes blood sugar roller coaster (same with me too).

This morning could've been really ugly, but we managed to not blow up or trash the house. I just have to be with him when he's mad so I can guide him to calming down without destroying anything. I reminded him the things he can do to calm down, and although it took him a while, he did it!
Yeah, for sucessful strategies!!!!
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#75 of 140 Old 11-18-2008, 08:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DS has had multiple major meltdowns in the last week. What do you do when you DC has a meltdown? I am not sure why the backside but he was clearly very hungry at least 2x. Last night he was running around outside in the pitch black without supervision. DH dragged him inside and he started kicking, hitting, screaming, and scratching. I just kept saying a calm voice, "It is not ok to hit," and "I won't let you hurt me" as I deflected his blows. I encouraged him to vent his anger with yelling. Finally he calmed down with a story told about the situation with kitty puppets and chocolate sorbet. This was one of the more violent outbursts. Any other ideas or examples of what you do.
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#76 of 140 Old 11-18-2008, 09:08 PM
 
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Wow! Thanks for resurrecting this thread. This describes my son perfectly. Now I have a new vocabulary term to help me find more information.

Quote:
Originally Posted by InochiZo View Post
DS has had multiple major meltdowns in the last week. What do you do when you DC has a meltdown? I am not sure why the backside but he was clearly very hungry at least 2x. Last night he was running around outside in the pitch black without supervision. DH dragged him inside and he started kicking, hitting, screaming, and scratching. I just kept saying a calm voice, "It is not ok to hit," and "I won't let you hurt me" as I deflected his blows. I encouraged him to vent his anger with yelling. Finally he calmed down with a story told about the situation with kitty puppets and chocolate sorbet. This was one of the more violent outbursts. Any other ideas or examples of what you do.
I find it is not a good idea to try to interact with my son during an outburst. If I try to hug him, reason with him, instruct him on how to be kind, or change the subject, I will make it worse.

I've created a special spot for him to be while he calms down. The first few times I had to insist that he remain there until he was calm (by placing him back there each time he tried to leave--I realize this strategy will not jive with some mamas here, but mine has some special needs and this was right for him). Now he will even go there himself until he is ready to speak and listen without anger. Believe me, he sounds horrid while he is in there, but gradually his outbursts have decreased in length. It used to take him 20-30 minutes to calm down. Now he is often finished in 30 seconds!

This may not be what your child needs, but it's an idea anyhow. I hope you have good luck figuring out what works for your family!

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#77 of 140 Old 11-18-2008, 10:10 PM
 
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My 4yo's social worker has been doing play therapy with him, and it's helping a lot. I don't know what she does, but I assume she uses figurines or something to act out situations. So I use his favorite stuffed animals to do act out what his animal does when she gets mad. And when he does get mad I remind him about what the animal does to calm down. Once he's trying to calm down, I try to distract him by talking about something else.

We can't interact when he blows up either. He's completely incoherent.

Another thing that's helping here is giving anti-fungal supplements for possible yeast overgrowth, as well as other supplements. Yeast overgrowth caused my irritability and explosiveness in me. It was also causing my blood sugar problems - when I got hungry my blood sugar plumeted (yeast needs sugar to live, so when the immediate sugar was no longer available it would take it from wherever it can). My ADD diagnosis was all wrong - it was all yeast overgrowth!

I'm giving him good vitamins, whole food supplements, extra vitamin C, cal/mag combo, and probiotics. For anti-fungal, I give him a 1/4 tablet of Grapefruit Seed Extract first thing in the morning at least 2 hours away from the other supplements. I'm going to increase it to twice a day and try it for 2 weeks or so. It's only been 4 days on GSE, but it has really helped with his mood swings! And he hasn't been too bad when he gets hungry.

Extra vitamin C is for immune system and sugar cravings. When you have yeast, you crave carbs because that's what yeast feeds on. Vitamin C is similar to sugar molecularly, so they fight each other upon enter cells. If there's more sugar around, Vitamin C loses and vice versa. This somehow reduces sugar cravings (it does for me!). Vitamin C with rose hips is easier to absorb than just C alone.

ETA: I should've added that I'm giving him all these supplements because he doesn't eat veggies, we haven't gone all organic yet, and I'm trying to cut down his dairy intake (he was never a huge dairy fan anyway). He also catches every little cold that goes around. I actually started taking a really good whole food supplement, and I feel like a whole new person! I felt like I was coming down with a cold, and that was the end of it. I've never felt this good, ever!

~Katie
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#78 of 140 Old 11-18-2008, 10:30 PM
 
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My dd is very explosive. We have a dx of ODD. We're trying to get some support right now. I'm also trying to find the time to read Dr. Greene's book 'Treating Explosive Kids'. Thanks to the PP who talked about not being able to connect the outbursts to a problem to be solved, as this is something I've been trying to figure out lately.

DD is back in public school for now, on a special every-other-day schedule. We may return to homeschooling.
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#79 of 140 Old 11-22-2008, 01:57 AM
 
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Mom of a highly inflexible 8 y/o dd here.

Thanks for all the posts, I need to reread the book. It did well to describe my dd.

What resonates with me here is that she possibly does not recognize the emotions and feeling she is experiencing. I lack the skill of teaching recognition of feelings...I feel I dont communicate such things very well to her.

The hardest part for us is that she is hardest on herself. Negative self talk. When I do attempt to work things out with her she automatically takes it as an insult against her no matter how positive a spin I put on it.

"You don't like me"
"I am stupid"
"That is just who I am, why do you want to change me"

I need to re read.

thanks for the revisit.
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#80 of 140 Old 11-23-2008, 02:47 PM
 
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#81 of 140 Old 11-25-2008, 04:26 AM
 
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#82 of 140 Old 11-25-2008, 08:18 AM
 
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This is my son.

I like how they explain that learning how to deal with frustration is like any other milestone a child has to learn (like sitting up, crawling, walking, etc) and that children reach this point at different rates - and that those with other added issues (ASD/ODD/ADHD/etc) might need extra help with this.

I will have to read through this post at some point. The book was recently given to me by a friend in our home ed group who thought I could use it - she said it was very helpful for her and her some who has aspergers.

Though no official dx - my son has SPD and I suspect an ASD such as pdd-nos. The cause of a lot of his 'agressions' I know are because he can not process things like other children his age. He had not reached that milestone yet. And also, things 'hinder' it - such as being easily overwhelemed by crowds of people (twos a crowd for him! lol), loud noises, perfectionism in him (possible OCD - I have it - dx at 10 - so I wouldnt be surprised), etc.

What I hate and what bothers me the most ...and I know its my issue to deal with but it does leave me in tears at time - is the narrowminded ignorant society in which we live in. 'Nothing' is wrong with DS - he is just 'naughty' and 'manipulative' and I am just a 'permissive' parent who must have her hands full. Its funny because these same people will comment on how well 'behaved' DS is and how he must have just been born 'easy' when he is having a 'good day' (ie - not overwhelemed by the world he lives in). Sigh...

Mummy me : > Thats Ann! and my beautiful SONS Duncanand Hamish 19/09/05 & 22/04/10!
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#83 of 140 Old 11-25-2008, 11:10 AM
 
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Ann - does he receive occupational therapy? This has helped my son with SPD. His tactile defensiveness lessened, his anxiety level is almost non-existent now, and he is generally a lot happier. He graduated after 6 months of going weekly for an hour.

Did he ever receive vaccinations with thimerosal (mercury)? It's actually not just mercury in the vax anymore - it's aluminum too that's neurotoxic. Toxins are also found in the air, water, etc. If you live near an industrial city like NJ, it could be due to arsenic. Fire-retardant chemicals in kids mattresses and clothes are antimony. You might find her site helpful to read:

http://www.danasview.net/

A few supplements might help too depending on his symptoms. Yeast overgrowth is a huge one since mercury interferes with your body's own ability to control yeast.

http://www.danasview.net/yeast.htm

Just deyeasting myself has eliminated most of my irritability and ADD symptoms (yes, I was officially diagnosed not too long ago).

It might also help if he does GFCF diet or take digestive enzymes.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/gfcfkids/

http://www.enzymestuff.com/

Eliminating artificial flavorings, colorings, hydrogenated fats (trans fats), and going organic is also helpful as the body will think these processed and artificial foods and chemicals are all toxic.

De-yeasting, going GFCF or taking enzymes, and eliminating processed foods have been shown to produce a lot of improvement.

It's a lot of info to take in. Oh, a really excellent book is Healing the New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, ADHD, Asthma, and Allergies. It's a biomedical approach to curing autism and the other 4-As. Yes, I have read a lot of people's testimonials that after they chelate heavy metals from their bodies, asthma and allergies disappeared too!

If you're really interested in learning more, join this yahoo group:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Autism-Mercury/

~Katie
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#84 of 140 Old 11-25-2008, 03:39 PM
 
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He does not get OT no (with no offical DX he wont - but this is something we are reassesing ourselves every year beause if I feel that getting a DX will help him, then we will go that painful route) - but we do do OT type things in our house. He is 'overly sensitive' to things - so its sometimes hard to try and thing of things to do with him as a lot of the OT stuff I have looked up in doing in your own home is/seems geared more towards those who are sensory seeking. But I have got myself books such as 'the out of sync child' etc (to help me come up with ideas of things to do in our own home) - and I do notice they help like the bach flower remedies do.

He recieved the first vaccinations. I do not know what was in them. I was ignorant as much of the population at that time. It was only when about 12 hours later after the vaccination when he started crying unconsolably for hours as he never has before in a high shrill sound like I have never heard from any baby before that I researched more into vaccines and we stopped vaccinating all together. I have been looking into using a homeopathic remedy for this. I swear to this day it was that vaccine that has made him the way he is - at least 'helped' to create him the way he is.

He doesn't eat 'crap' lol...I have not looked into supplements though. I have been giving that some thought. We also live out in the country (in England).

I have to say though, I am not sure I believe that you can 'cure' autism.

Mummy me : > Thats Ann! and my beautiful SONS Duncanand Hamish 19/09/05 & 22/04/10!
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#85 of 140 Old 11-25-2008, 05:49 PM
 
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I actually read another of his books first, Lost At School, and am just starting The Explosive Child. This one is much more applicable to us since we homeschool but Lost At School is good too.

An interesting thing I find (among lots of interesting things!) is that he is also talking here about not just explosive children, but those who are implosive as well, "those whose inflexibility and poor tolerance for frustration cause them to shut down and withdraw." My oldest son does a bit of both, but as an introvert he does more of the latter.
Anyhow, I am finding the book very relevant and a lot of it reminds me of some tools my own parents could certainly have used too.

I'd love to write more but can't right now - thought had a moment but clearly I don't. As long as I don't explode too we'll be fine!
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#86 of 140 Old 11-25-2008, 06:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
I have to say though, I am not sure I believe that you can 'cure' autism.
Dana has I believe 4 kids that she chelated and are all fine now. She even wrote a story that one of her kids was severely autistic that the doctor told her there is no chance that he will recognize his own mom and that she might as well put him in an institution. I don't know how many rounds of chelation it took, but he no longer has autistic symptoms.

The 4-As disorder book also has many stories of kids who have made a major turnaround.

The word "cure" is really just the word I chose to use because of lack of better words. Autism is really just a name for a collection of symptoms (just like ADHD, fibromyalgia, anxiety, depression, allergies, etc are). So by eliminating the symptoms by finding the cause and fixing it, you have "cured" the disorder. I should've said "eliminate autistic symptoms" instead of "cure" as "cure" is harder to believe for most people.

You can even google about Jenny McCarthy's son - he received biomedical treatments for his autism and is fine now. It's powerful stuff.

~Katie
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#87 of 140 Old 11-25-2008, 07:07 PM
 
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i believe mercury poisoning and autism are different things, though they can look very similar. one can be treated, one is how a person is hard wired.

"Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift." -- Mary Olivercoolshine.gif

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#88 of 140 Old 12-01-2008, 10:23 PM
 
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Hi Mamas, I just wanted to chime in. DS almost 3 fits this category, and the excerpts I have read from the book make me want to cry. He recently tantrumed and cried til he was about to puke because I switched to my winter coat. Even as a small toddler he cried/tantrumed for an hour about turning out the light....chronically inflexible and low tolerance for frustration are a great description.

He is SPD, no vax at all, and he receives OT but it is not helping. The OT doesn't seem to really "get it"

We had a rough day today, he has trouble falling asleep, and today at naptime, tired as he was, he could not fall asleep and when I tried to hold him in my arms to help him "stop" which usually helps even though he cries, but today he started scratching my face and slapping and kicking me. It's horrible to admit, I feel so embarassed, like I am ineffectual at GDing him. Plus I hate being hit and was hit alot myself as a kid so it triggers me. I am doing well at staying calm, but am unsure how to set good boundaries, take care of myself in situations like that.

I usually say something like "I hear that you are really angry and I am listening to you but I have to be safe so I am moving over here" Today he had a meltdown because I took a 8" kitchen knife out of his hand. While he was tantrumming, I had a "validation breakthrough". Instead of naming his feelings, I said, with true enthusiasm, "Oh, I get it, you were really so excited to come and help me in the kitchen, and as soon as you got up on your stool and started to help, I took that knife away from you". He stopped in his tracks and looked at me with sincere relief. It didn't stop the tantrum totally, but he wound down from there. I offered options "Lets go buy the tomatoes I need and we can cut them together with the big knife." but he didn't want to. he eventually settled for nursing and reading in the "reading corner"

Support from other mama's with similar kids would be great. Thanks to the OP for starting this thread.

Wife to Bear - Mom to DS 7, gifted with SPD and DD 2, a Joybunny!
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#89 of 140 Old 12-02-2008, 12:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by pitchfork View Post
It's horrible to admit, I feel so embarassed, like I am ineffectual at GDing him. Plus I hate being hit and was hit alot myself as a kid so it triggers me. I am doing well at staying calm, but am unsure how to set good boundaries, take care of myself in situations like that.
I think the ineffectual thing was the reason I started this thread. I really feel like GD is not working sometimes. I have been looking into ADD and many of the counseling places or Drs. talk about reward systems and punishment. I haven't found anyone doing the Collaborative Problem solving locally yet but I don't have the connections or resources I need yet.

DH talked to his teacher today and he will probably quit that preschool soon. Hopefully, he will have Early Education assessment soon but I know the wheels turn slowly. I really wouldn't persue this if I could afford to either stay home or send him to a school with very small classroom. I am also hoping it will connect me to good resources in the community.

I need to work really hard on the boundaries. I really don't do well with the anger. I need to remember that most of the time DS really doesn't have the control he needs. In the evenings, he really, is not thinking well at all.
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#90 of 140 Old 12-02-2008, 11:46 AM
 
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So here's a question - do AP/UP (Unconditional Parenting) styles even work with explosive kids, or do they *need* a system of rewards and punishments, since the inherent, natural consequences don't seem to affect them?

Ann, that *is* annoying - if a child can be born with an easygoing temperament, then the can be born with the opposite!

DH had some success last night, using humour (I guess kinda like Playful Parenting, though we haven't read that book) - dd was having a fit, the kind that usually escalate, and she was telling him to "shoo! shoo!" while throwing stuff, and she had a sock in her hand. He replied, "Shoe? That's not a shoe, that's a sock!" and she started to giggle and it didn't escalate.

I have another question: sometimes when she won't obey our timeouts we end up carrying her to another room. She's 6. She's tall. Eventually this won't work, heck, it really doens't work now. It seems, according to AP ideals, disresepctful to carry her body, but I don't know how else to remove her, for the safety of everyone else.
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