Recommend a book or two - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-28-2008, 01:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am SO not happy with the way I tend to handle DS1. He's very spirited, sometimes stubborn, and awfully emotionally sensitive. He's 27 months and I would like to took into GD. I know there's a looooooooong list of books in the sticky at the top of the forum, but I would like specific recommendations from moms who have BTDT.

Some more info on DS1 ... he's very verbally and cognitively advanced in some ways. According to every milestone chart/website I've read, some of his skills are closer to a 4-year-old. He's very sensitive to emotions - positive and negative, and that's the hardest part for me. I try to keep calm and inform him of his options (sit on the couch, or dance on the floor - not dance on the couch!), and when he won't listen or make a choice, I tell him that I will choose for him and WHAT I will choose. Then when he doesn't get his way, he just plain melts down. Then he gets really really clingy. I try very hard to stay with him until he calms down, but sometimes he gets so worked up he's screaming and crying and thrashing (because we don't have any M&Ms) and he's unreachable. He doesn't want me to hold him, he doesn't want me to leave him, he doesn't want to lay on his bed or in the crib to calm down ... what does that leave me with??

Any book suggestions?

Married 6/16/01 ~ WOHM to DS1 4/29/06 and DS2 2/13/08 ~  ALMOST an RVT ~ dog2.gif dog2.gif goldfish.gif

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Old 07-29-2008, 04:04 AM
 
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We ignore tantrums and go read books until he's done. Trying to calm him or reason with him only makes things worse. When he's done and comes to me, he gets nursed and consoled, "Such big emotions for such a little guy." But he doesn't get the object of his tantrum. His 2 year old tantrums only lasted about 3 weeks and he stopped.

Created an instant family (7/89 and 5/91) in 1997. Made a baby boy 12/05 adopted a baby girl 8/08. Ask me about tandem adoptive nursing. Now living as gluten, dairy, cane sugar, and tomato free vegetarians. Homeschooling and loving it.

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Old 07-29-2008, 08:27 PM
 
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I really liked "The First Three Years" http://www.amazon.com/New-First-Thre.../dp/0684804190

Also, anything by Dr. Sears

and here's a mothering link http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=115037
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Old 08-03-2008, 03:44 PM
 
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Your DS sounds quite a bit like my DS. Depending on which books you've read my DS1 could be called *spirited*, *high-need* or*highly sensitive*. He is also EXTREMELY emotional (he is now 3.5 YO and the tantrums are a little less frequent, but even more intense) and can have a meltdown about the smallest thing. So...books...I would first recommend Stanley Greenspan's The Challenging Child . If your child is like mine, his chapter on the *highly sensitive child* comes closest to describing him and is very gentle and respectful. It's not really about discipline, though. I would also recommend Raising Your Spirited Child.
For more general parenting books I love Unconditional Parenting and Kids Are Worth It.
Good luck!
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Old 08-04-2008, 04:31 AM
 
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i love raising your spirited child. I'm reading that right now and just love it. ds is a spirited little guy and it has just helped me understand him so much better! I also love adele farbers books How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk!! Love that one too! best of luck
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Old 08-04-2008, 10:02 PM
 
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I just started reading "playful parenting" and love it, I can't read it fast enough!!!

Tara--mama to Riley (9/01) Nolan (4/04) and Finnegan (11/08). Unschooling Rocks!!!
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Old 08-05-2008, 12:51 PM
 
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Absolutely, Raising your Spirited Child, as well as the accompanying workbook. My son is also emotionally sensitive (if I cry, he doesn't recover for days) and it's great.

The Explosive Child is great, even for kids you wouldn't consider explosive. It's a little old for your son now, but keep it in mind.

Playful Parenting is fab.

I personally don't love Dr. Sears, especially for discipline stuff. My favorite book of all time is Unconditional Parenting, but it doesn't have a lot of practical advice. More practical is How to Talk so Kinds Will Listen... but I didn't find it helpful for toddlers (lots of people do though).

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Originally Posted by Avarie View Post
He doesn't want me to hold him, he doesn't want me to leave him, he doesn't want to lay on his bed or in the crib to calm down ... what does that leave me with??
I don't know if that was rhetoric, but I'll answer anyway. I will tell my son I'm here when he's ready and do something else while he's tantruming, if he doesn't want me to touch him. I'll do a chore right where he is (even if nothing needs to be done - I can dust a windowsill with a tissue for a really long time) and give him a chance to settle himself and be ready to either move on or be comforted. And yes, those tantrums when he's crossed some line inside himself and I can't help him come back? They last for a long time. But they last longer the more I try to help.

Now, in terms of giving him the choice of dancing on the floor versus sitting on the couch, that kind of the thing never worked for my son. He would just get sillier and sillier about it. If he's jumping on the couch and doesn't get down when I tell him to jump on the floor or on his bed instead, I'll scoop him up and we'll do something silly together. Especially closer to age 2, distraction and redirection worked WAY better than any sort of logic for us. Now that he's over three, choices like that are starting to mean something to him, but redirection and distraction are still our best bets.

Back to the topic: If it were me, I'd get Playful Parenting and Raising your Spirited Child first.
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Old 08-05-2008, 11:59 PM
 
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Playful Parenting (Cohen) gave me my first real perspective shift. I can't say enough about this book. I'm currently re-reading it for the umpteenth time.

Em 43 - Wife to hubby Mom to DS born: Jan. '01
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Old 08-09-2008, 12:18 AM
 
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Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Rebecca A. Bailey
Becoming The Parent You Want to Be by Laura Davis & Janis Keyser

These are the ones that I found had the most practical advice.
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Old 08-09-2008, 12:23 AM
 
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This book helped me: http://www.amazon.com/Living-Active-...8248498&sr=8-1

and some of the author's thoughts here: http://www.network54.com/Realm/Spirited_Kids/Budd.htm

My dd fits some of the qualities she gives but not all.

mom of 3 , homeschooling the oldest with google and the internet
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Old 08-09-2008, 12:53 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Embee View Post
Playful Parenting (Cohen) gave me my first real perspective shift. I can't say enough about this book. I'm currently re-reading it for the umpteenth time.
I love this book. I've read it a few times too. For some reason, I often don't remember to try being playful or silly. When I do though, it usually works wonders!

Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynthfair View Post
Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Rebecca A. Bailey
I'm reading this now from the library and already can tell I will need to buy it. I think it's excellent and definitely does have lots of practical advice.

I also really love the book Connection Parenting by Pam Leo.
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