Out of control 15 month old. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 08-31-2008, 11:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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xposted in parenting but i need advice asap

My friend has a 15 month old daughter, and doesn't know what to do with her.
The baby screams at the top of her lungs all the time if she doesn't get her way, she kicks and hits, has numerous temper tantrums all through out the day.


I think the reason she is doing this is because she doesn't get enough attention. My friend is ALWAYS on the computer playing games and lets the baby get into whatever she wants (including CAT LITTER the other day).

But now she wants to learn ways to disipline the child or how to stop this from getting worse, (think kids on Nanny 911 lol), because she doesn't want to hit her.

im at a loss for words because my kids were never like that all of the time.
Any ideas?
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#2 of 7 Old 09-01-2008, 06:47 PM
 
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I'd say, and this is JMO but if she doesn't play with her or interact in her life she has no business disciplining her. First, she needs to start by earning her 15m/o respect. JMO

Danielle, wife to John, mama to Valley9.24.07
expecting our miracle babies around 5.12.10- praying that baby B grows healthy and strong!
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#3 of 7 Old 09-01-2008, 09:01 PM
 
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First things first - I would encourage her to spend a day (or better, a week) with the computer OFF, and see what improvements she notices.

Second, she is going to have to learn ways of interacting that limit direct confrontation. My LO has a similar personality, though it's improved immensely now that he is very verbal. Sign language helped at that age, but he has very little patience for direct confrontation. So, you come up with playful and creative ways of getting them to do what you need.

For example, at that age, he would be filled with rage if I just said that it was time to leave the park. So, instead of even talking about leaving the park, I would scoop him up and "fly" him like an airplane, and talk about how we were going to go home and eat a snack, while he "flew" to the car. I'd never say that we were leaving, though, and by the time he figured it out, he was happily thinking about a snack at home.

To get him into his carseat, I would tickle him into sitting, then ask him, "Where's your nose? Do you see a doggy outside? Do you want your stuffed duck or this little singing toy?" etc., to distract him. If he pitched a fit, I did not force him into the seat. Instead, I let him play on the seat nearby for a minute, then offered him a snack or something else, and said, "Ok, come sit in your seat and we'll have the raisins," and handed them to him while I buckled him in. Or something else. But forcing him once would mean I'd have to force him every time.

The key, for my son, at least, is avoiding showing any irritation in your voice, and never, ever force him to do things that are not absolutely necessary. For us, that meant the only thing I ever really forced was 1 nebulizer treatment in an emergency situation. Anything else could be done differently, or we could wait a minute or two, or come up with a way to make it enjoyable. There were other things we started to force, then realized it wasn't a good idea, and we'd still have to work much harder the next 5 times to get him to go along with doing whatever it was, because he felt threatened.

I know many of my GD friends have often thought, "Why doesn't she just make him do it?" at one time or another. But then they've witnessed the kind of blow-up that occurs if I do make that choice, and they realize that their own children recover quickly from being forced to do something, and mine does not.

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#4 of 7 Old 09-01-2008, 09:07 PM
 
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nak

15 month olds need lots of attention and interaction. That right there should "solve" the problem. However, if things persisted after her really getting down on the floor and interacting I would explore food intolerances or allergies. My kid is a meltdown monster if he gets any sort of cow's milk on accident.
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#5 of 7 Old 09-01-2008, 09:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Danielle13 View Post
I'd say, and this is JMO but if she doesn't play with her or interact in her life she has no business disciplining her. First, she needs to start by earning her 15m/o respect. JMO

She's obviously just trying to get mom's attention so the easy solution? She needs to pay attention to her. No discipline is needed at this point.

Mama to DS (3/7/06)om.gif, DSD  hearts.gif(11/17/02), DD (1/16/08 )energy.gif ,  DS2 (5/30/10) sleepytime.gif and Baby Quinn angel.gif (R.I.P 3/22/13)

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#6 of 7 Old 09-01-2008, 10:35 PM
 
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My job requires me to ocassionally be at the computer for periods of time during the day. I am a technical editor and, while I usually try to get things done after bedtime, deadlines have a way of not caring about what schedule works best for my son. While the times that I have to sit at the computer for an hour or so while my son is awake are rare, they do happen and when they do the little one is not a happy camper... Honestly, he is not happy when I sit down to just write a few emails. He has learned that when I sit at the kitchen table with my laptop he will be ignored (though I always try to talk and interact with him anyway, and work or not I will pick him up if he is having a meltdown), and so as soon as my rear hits my chair he will let out an ear-piercing scream. Not fun for either of us...

So my point to the ramble is I agree with the previous posters. The babe is not happy 'cause she's outright being ignored. Little minds can't wrap themselves around that, and after awhile the only way of communicating their needs becomes crying, screaming, and acting out. Until your friend quits the games and gets down on the floor and plays with her child, she's going to continue to act out. Though of course there is definitely a certain amount of out-of-control-ed-ness that just comes with the territory when you're talking about a 15-month old, but this sounds above and beyond that...

One little guy born 6/17/07 : :
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#7 of 7 Old 09-01-2008, 10:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aaronsmom View Post

She's obviously just trying to get mom's attention so the easy solution? She needs to pay attention to her. No discipline is needed at this point.


That is what I told her in the first place, but she won't give up her computer.
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