whats going on with my 4yo dd? - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-09-2008, 04:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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In the last month or two, dd who turned 4 this spring has ceased to listen to me at all. I will be talking, asking her not to do something or to do something and she will be walking away from me completely ignoring me. So I have to raise my voice or run after her and hold her still so she will look at me. Even when I yell, she it seems to make her move away from me even faster(guess I can't blmae her on that one). She has also started to hit me when I discipline her. For example, she was sitting up on a shelf, getting into my bead box. I told her, "please don't get into those without asking". Then I had to leave the room briefly to deal with dd2. When I come back she has a few handfuls of beads and is about to take thme somewhere. I take them from her and when she says she wants to do an art project with them. I tell her she lost the privilage today, but she can tommorrow if she asks me before she gets intot them. Then she starts hitting me with a pillow and screaming. I get angry that she is hitting me and carry her to her room and close the door. Not very GD I know, but I feel so ignored and disrespected by her all the time. Everything I ask of her is such a struggle. What am I doing wrong here?
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Old 09-10-2008, 04:52 AM
 
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I am right there with you. My 4 yr old son does not hit us, but he doesnt listen very well at all. He listens to my husband even less. Sometimes when I am talking he makes noises on top of me and starts walking away. I have to grab him and make him stand in front of me while I talk. Then hes back at it again minutes later. When I put him on time out he cries the whole time, repeating over and over that hes ready to get up. Or he gets up and keeps saying hes done. So a 4 minute time out turns into a ten minute time out because he wont sit or stop crying. I spend the whole day telling him not to do this or that. Its exhausting and I dont know what to do anymore. Honestly, parenting is not fun at all right now. And I have a 5 month old DD as well. He wears me out. I love him dearly but he is a handful.
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Old 09-10-2008, 05:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by elvenom View Post
I am right there with you. My 4 yr old son does not hit us, but he doesnt listen very well at all. He listens to my husband even less. Sometimes when I am talking he makes noises on top of me and starts walking away. I have to grab him and make him stand in front of me while I talk. Then hes back at it again minutes later. When I put him on time out he cries the whole time, repeating over and over that hes ready to get up. Or he gets up and keeps saying hes done. So a 4 minute time out turns into a ten minute time out because he wont sit or stop crying. I spend the whole day telling him not to do this or that. Its exhausting and I dont know what to do anymore. Honestly, parenting is not fun at all right now. And I have a 5 month old DD as well. He wears me out. I love him dearly but he is a handful.
Must be a 4yo thing, my dd is the same.

Today all I wanted to say to her was "The baby (dd2, 6mo) is tired and doesn't want to play right now please stop jumping on the do-nut" cause I needed to cook dinner and the baby was fussing but would have sat in her inflatable ring and played for a while if dd1 wasn't trying to sit on her head. dd1 started screaming hysterics as soon as I said " listen..." SHe started kicking me and screaming 'get away - I don't want to listen to you" I put her on the 'calm down chair' (which is for both of us to sit on if we're feeling angry - an ongoing issue with both of us) and she screamed for 10 mins! I put her to bed not long after this incident as she was really tired from being in full time school since last monday.

The not listening thing is also an ongoing thing at the moment (and since I'm not the only one, I am guessing age appropriate) When I tell her something I often ask her 'what did I just say?' more often than not she says 'I don't know' or 'I can't remember' in which case I repeat myself and ask her again. I also had a conversation with her about how we listen and explained that we look at someone in the eyes when they talk and hear what they say. I find things a lot worse if she tired/hungry or if she knows what I'm going to say and doesn't want to hear it!

Sorry not much advice but I understand how frustrating it is to be ignored hopefully thing will get better as our children mature.

I'm sure having a new baby has a lot to do with it but I'm finding 4 by far the most difficult age so far!

good luck and patience to us all

Kirsty x
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Old 09-10-2008, 09:47 PM
 
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I was talking to a bunch of other parents of 4 yr olds at the park and we ALL said this was so new, strange and FRUSTRATING!.

Actually, as I am posting this, my DS is currently walking away and ignoring my DH who is wants to wipe his face.

Please, please be a quick phase!
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Old 09-10-2008, 10:15 PM
 
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When I tell her something I often ask her 'what did I just say?' more often than not she says 'I don't know' or 'I can't remember' in which case I repeat myself and ask her again. I also had a conversation with her about how we listen and explained that we look at someone in the eyes when they talk and hear what they say. I find things a lot worse if she tired/hungry or if she knows what I'm going to say and doesn't want to hear it!
this my DSD2. i ask her what i said and she has no clue. i can tell looking in her eyes she has no clue. she was even looking at me when i said it. i have asked her 3 times. i dont quit asking or repeating until she repeats back. sometimes she gets it right the first time now!

Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
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