This is hard for me to ask- help hold me accountable. - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-09-2003, 06:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've been having a really hard time lately with ds just not listening to me. I want to GD, but I end up reverting back to a punitive style of discipline.

Like today at church, a girl grabbed a truck from him. I got it for him and them he decided to "give it back" by throwing it at her. I held him on my lap (while trying to hold dd also) and he was screaming and pitching a fit because I wouldn't let him get back up until he stopped screaming. I ended up threatening to spank him if he didn't stop. Then he went from screaming to crying, which wasn't the idea. But what did I expect, I told him I was going to hit him. What should I have done?

I'd really like it if people could email or AIM me for support with this whole discipline thing.

My AIM is nurniemom

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
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Old 11-14-2003, 07:50 AM
 
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I can really relate to how hard it is not to revert to punitive styles of discipline. I don't have any great advice, but please know that you are not alone. I do tend to do better when I am well rested and well fed though. Fill yourself with positive good mama thoughts, keep doing your best and if you make mistakes, apologize and try again.
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Old 11-18-2003, 12:25 PM
 
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I know, it is very hard sometimes when they are pitching a fit and acting horrible; it makes YOU want to pitch a fit & act horrible. But of course that is not a good idea. I see you have a new baby too. I definitely noticed my older son had some behavioral problems after my younger son was born & I also noticed I had much less patience with him after my younger son was born. This is tough. I definitely think if you want to stop the cycle of anger, you need help. Do you have family around you? Maybe once a week your mother, MIL , your dh, or even hire a babysitter, can take the baby & you can spend focused one-on-one time with your oldest. This can really make a difference. Also, carving out time for yourself to exercise & enjoy something you like doing can go a long way towards giving you more patience with your kids. I know it's almost impossible with 2 children, but I go to bed early & get up early to get this important time to myself. Lastly, Dr Sears Discipline Book & a book called "Becoming the Parent You Want To Be" have been helpful to me. Good luck to you. I know you can do this!

Stephanie, mom to 4.5 yr old Neil & 9 month old Reid
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Old 11-18-2003, 09:52 PM
 
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When I lose it and say or do or threaten things that don't fit with the way I want to parent I have had to learn to forgive myself. Actually, this ids the hardest part, I'm still working on not spiralling down into a guilty, self hating cave. Then I try to explain to my kids that I made a mistake. Something along the lines of Ït didn't feel very good for you when I did that did it? I'm really sorry that happened and it won't happen again""(except more specific, of course). I think its important to apologise and give our kids a model of what to do when they make mistakes. My kids know I'm not perfect. I don't want them to have the same feelings of shame and guilt as I do. I also really like the book, Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. It is really supportive of one's parenting choices and not preachy or prescriptive.
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Old 11-23-2003, 11:17 PM
 
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Just checking in to see how it's going. I hope you're hanging in there. I know how hard it can be, especially in the heat of the moment. Just know that you have lots of support here!

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

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