Help me stop yelling - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 4 Old 10-14-2008, 08:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't want to yell at my daughter anymore. I never wanted to in the first place. She just turned 3 and she is an amazing little girl. She's so sensitive and kind hearted. It makes me so sad that I have yelled at her. In her mind if I raise my voice to get her attention I am screaming at her.

I realize that it's not effective anyway.
It makes me feel like crap afterwards.
Like I said she is so sensitive, she has never been hit, and she has for the most part always been spoken to with a lot of respect so she takes me raising my voice so hard. She makes me apologize to her--which I love. She's so confident and will say to me, "Mommy don't talk to me with that voice."

Lately I've been feeling overwhelmed and tapped out. My son is 16 months and teething, he nurses constantly and I am pregnant. I don't ever want to see yelling as OK, for instance, I don't want to use it as an alternative to hitting, I think that yelling is (especially to super sensitive kids) a form of violence.

What do you do when you find yourself yelling, how do you stop yourself? How can I stop before I get to that point? Tell me what works, I want to change.

TIA
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#2 of 4 Old 10-14-2008, 09:51 AM
 
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I think it's important for parents to realize that sometimes we need a "time out" to calm ourselves too. I was in a very similar situation... pregnant with #3, tired and cranky with 2 LOs to keep up with. It's hard and sometimes you need a break! I found that the easiest way to keep my sanity was to grab a snack. I'd grab something for all of us and we'd all camp out on the couch and veg out in front of the tv for a little bit. I also kept an emergency stash of Ghiardelli (sp?) raspberry filled chocolate squares in my pantry just in case! (Okay, I still do, but don't tell DH.)

So, take a deep breath and evaluate the situation as if you were watching a child about to lose it and have a tantrum... you'd be wondering if the child was hungry or tired, right? So think about yourself the same way - are you tired? are you hungry? (You're pregnant so the answer is probably yes to both.)

HUGS to you. It's hard sometimes to stop the yelling. I still slip up sometimes too. I apologize and use it as a learning experience for both of us... I ask my DD "what should I have done instead?" and she tells me I should sit and look at a book until I calmed down.

Beth
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#3 of 4 Old 10-14-2008, 11:22 AM
 
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I always yell when I get tapped out. I have no energy to reach into my "parenting toolbox." Try to get some "you" time. Even if it's just a long shower or walk by yourself it may help. I also find a diet with lots of complex carbs help immensely. Unlike the pp, the snacks I hide (mama, I smell chocolate - why do you smell like chocolate?) make me lose my temper quicker. Be gentle with yourself and maybe try the good 'ol, "count to 10" first.

-H
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#4 of 4 Old 10-14-2008, 11:26 AM
 
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I so understand because I do the same thing. There's a thread not too long ago with me asking a similar question.

What I realized is that I need to go and *get* dd instead of yelling. She doesn't listen (she probably can't) and I just get more upset. So instead of yelling, it's better go go over to the child, go to her level, make eye contact and make that connection.

Now theoretically that's easy to say. I'm still working on it. But my mantra lately has been 'make a connection'.

There's also an 'alternatives to yelling' thread i can bump up for you.
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