"I don't like Daddy" xposted in toddlers - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 10-21-2008, 03:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DD is 2.5 and is in an anti-daddy phase right now. She has never had the "daddy" phase, where she was all about daddy, loved daddy, etc., we are still waiting for that.
She is so mean to DH and it hurts him. Don't get me wrong he understands that she is just 2.5, and tries not to take it personally, but still it hurts, it would hurt me if the roles were reversed.
She says things like "I don't like daddy", "I don't love daddy", "daddy doesn't love me", "i'm not your girl", "I don't want to see daddy", etc. all the time and we're not sure how to respond to it. She says it with this smile on her face, almost like she likes it when he gets sad or she wants him to be sad. Sometimes he is around when she talks like this, sometimes it is just the two of us. How do I/we respond to her when she talks like this, I really am at a loss for what to say. I have tried telling her that it hurts his feelings, makes him sad, that it is not nice, that he loves her very much, it seems to egg her on and makes her say it more.
He is great with her, he plays with her, wrestles with her, throws her around and she loves it, but she can go from asking for more, more to I don't love you in 3 seconds flat. He is very involved, gets up with her every morning, gives her a bath at night, plays with her quite a bit.

This morning she threw him out of the bathroom and made me get up and go in there to wipe her butt! I'm not sure what to do in these situations either, let DH help her while she cries and screams for me or let her control who helps her with what. Help Please!!

Mom to Morgan 4-3-06 and announcing Baby Kelsey 4-11-10
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#2 of 4 Old 10-21-2008, 05:37 PM
 
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We've never had problems with it (meaning we didn't let our feelings get hurt) when DS was in that sort of phase (and sometimes he turns on me, LOL, only wanting his dad). Kids are little, we're grownups, so we don't let it bother us. It's normal, it's OK, and we can deal with it.
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#3 of 4 Old 10-21-2008, 07:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know it is normal and a phase, I am looking for suggestions on how to ride it out, how to respond to it. There are lots of phases toddlers go through - biting, whining, etc. and as parents we look for ways to deal with their behavior during that phase.

Mom to Morgan 4-3-06 and announcing Baby Kelsey 4-11-10
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#4 of 4 Old 10-21-2008, 07:29 PM
 
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Oh- how I can relate! Only DS changes who he doesn't want around depending on the situation. For DS it is very much an attachment issue- he starts pushing away the parent he is feeling distanced from. So when DH went back to work after summer holidays, suddenly it was "No! Mama do it!" to everything. Now with our new baby's arrival, it has switched. Only Papa can give the vitamins, put on the bib, pour the water etc etc. What works for us (though "works" is a strong word- we are still very much in the midst of this...) is to make sure the parent being pushed away has lots of extra time for DS- and special time where we let him know how much he means to us, and how hard this new transition is etc. Since the new baby, sometimes DS is actually aggresive to me (never to the baby thankfully) and then I hand the baby off to DH and sit with DS- and sometimes hold him if he is trying to hurt me- and talk through the "sads" as he crys through it. He is always cuddly and responsive after that. Hugs to you and your DH though- it is hard. I can't pretand that I don't feel sad when DS yells "get away from me- I want my Papa!" but I know it is ultimatly coming from a place of him wanting more connection, not less.
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