Told MIL we're to have a mw instead of an OB this time around... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 05-07-2006, 05:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So Ils all come over to celebrate dh's birthday. ( )

Mil asks:

"So have you seen the doctor yet?" (I did the OB, hospital thing w/ ds)

"no...actually we have an appt with a midwife on Tuesday."

**insert look of shock and horror by mil here**


"Oh really? Even after they had to suck that baby out last time?"

(vaccum was used with ds....nuchal hand ((hand by head))...long story)

my dumbfounded response: "umm, er...yeah. That shouldn't have happened actually. We're making some different decisions this time around..."

"ooooookay...."


~~silence~~


That's just when she found out we're using a midwife instead of an ob!! Wait until she finds out that this baby wil be born at home!!

She is really a pretty cool/loving lady but sometimes she drives me BONKERS!! :

After I'd cleaned my house and cooked a huge meal.....I felt very wrongly judged and disrespected in my own house.

She has issues with extended breastfeeding, and now this. She also thinks that homeschooling is 'bad' for kids. Can't wait till that battle.

Dh is supportive but thinks that I am overreacting. Isn't that an oxymoron? Anyway..........thanks for letting me vent.
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#2 of 14 Old 05-07-2006, 06:30 PM
 
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I'm sorry you had to experience that today. Maybe now that you're past the initial delivery of information to her, you or DH can declare the topic off-limits. You need to surround yourself with positive energy right now (so glad to hear that your DH is supportive! ), and MILs don't always come with positive energy.

You have made an informed decision (and IMNSHO, a great decison!), and you probably aren't going to convince her of anything, no matter how many articles, books, arguments you offer her. So just be confident in your choice, and say "Not up for discussion."

The funny thing is, I COMPLETELY expect to have the same conversation with my MIL in the near future. I had even suggested to DH that we just not tell her that we were going to homebirth again and call her when the baby arrives. Um, he laughed in my face (in a nice way ).

Good luck!
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#3 of 14 Old 05-07-2006, 09:04 PM
 
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I have found if I tell people my birth wants I get the same reaction. For now I just plan to tell people we are doing a hospital birth and using a OB. That way I don't have to deal with them at this point. Sorry you were treated like that!
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#4 of 14 Old 05-07-2006, 09:32 PM
 
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I knew my in-laws would flip at the idea of a midwife, so whenever they asked what "the doctor" said at my last check-up, I just told them she said everything was fine.

Always better to avoid divulging anything the least bit freaky when it comes to in-laws. And tannersmommy, I think you will save yourselves a lot of hassle if you do exactly what you proposed: tell your MIL when the baby is born. Seriously - why does she need to know anything other than that she has a beautiful, healthy grandchild? Makes sense to me.
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#5 of 14 Old 05-08-2006, 08:49 AM
 
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: totally have to agree with PP

Be, happy momma to Liberty (12-31-02), Henry (3-17-07) and Prudence (7-02-09)
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#6 of 14 Old 05-08-2006, 09:14 AM
 
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"Oh really? Even after they had to suck that baby out last time?"


Wow, that's really rude!

I agree with the pp's--I would smile and nod and give the vaguest information possible from here on out. Pass the bean dip.

homeschool.gif mom to dd (11) read.gifand dd (9) crochetsmilie.gif and ds (3) bikenew.gif and  dog2.gif(x2)
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#7 of 14 Old 05-08-2006, 09:34 AM
 
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In-Laws....I know how you feel I have a pretty opinionated MIL.....
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#8 of 14 Old 05-08-2006, 09:44 AM
 
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Sarah- I can totally relate....My MIL would NEVER be supportive of things like homebirth or even drug-free birth, didnt encourage bf'ing with my SIL, no homeschooling, actually pokes at me and my more NFL type ways....I can see someone being uneducated and yet curious but most of the time I find with my MIL she just doesnt know doesnt care so then she doesnt agree. It drives me BANANAS as well.....but I still love her. SO thats good you say in general she is loving etc....

Sorry for bogarting the DDC....
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#9 of 14 Old 05-08-2006, 11:18 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamallama

Pass the bean dip.
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#10 of 14 Old 05-08-2006, 11:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PortraitPixie


That's just when she found out we're using a midwife instead of an ob!! Wait until she finds out that this baby wil be born at home!!
I agree with others: let's use Clinton's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. Most people not in the loop with "our NFL ways" won't know the questions to ask, so don't answer the unasked questions, right?

I personally might mention we'll have a midwife, but for sure won't tell anyone the baby will be born at home until after the fact. You don't need the stressors of other peoples' obtrusive and negative opinions.
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#11 of 14 Old 05-08-2006, 12:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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: Thanks for all the responses/support everyone.

Yeah, I'm still hot under the collar about it. I'm likin you're advice! Don't ask, don't tell. How unfortunate. Necassary, nut unfortunate.

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#12 of 14 Old 05-08-2006, 03:39 PM
 
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I feel your pain mama. My Grandmother (who is basically my mom, since my mom had me at 16) has been making me feel real bad about my decision to use a midwife this time around. Especially since I told her I want a home waterbirth. Whenever we talk about my pregnancy it is always tense. She is also not really for the whole extended breastfeeding. And the homeschooling...well my whole family things I am crazy and shoots me down when I mention it. Luckily, Bryan's family is pretty supportive. One thing I have learned in life is to only surround myself by the people that support me. If they cannot support me, I do not need them around, ya know? If they really love me, they will come around, that is what I honestly believe. My changing views on life have brought a lot of hardship in my own marriage...but it is getting better, as well as with my family and friends. The thing is, I have learned to stick to my guns and do what I know in my heart is right, and everything else now seems trivial to me. Oh, and lastly, I strongly believe in finding a local group of mommies that have the same values/beliefs as you. Their friendship and support is priceless.
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#13 of 14 Old 05-10-2006, 10:38 PM
 
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Im so glad my SIL broke my IL's in by becoming a CNM.

Hang in there...maybe they will be education in the process.
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#14 of 14 Old 05-11-2006, 04:56 PM
 
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I didnt wanna read and not say anything but I think you got some good advice already.. I like don't ask don't tell...
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