Just found out friend was due with me, and she miscarried - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 06-13-2006, 01:55 PM - Thread Starter
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Yesterday I ran into a friend of mine I've known since high school. She has one child, who is 6 years old. She's been trying for a second practically since the first child was born. She appeared to be very upset, so I sat down and listened to her. She was due exactly 2 weeks before me, and just miscarried a couple weeks ago. I encouraged her to refer to the baby by the name she had picked out. I supported her as she grieved.

She doesn't know I'm pregnant yet. She was telling me how hard it is for her to see pregnant women, and how it will be even rougher on her when she sees women due around the same time she was due. I can't keep this a secret from her forever. She'll eventually know. How do I tell her? Do I tell her? Do I avoid seeing her when I'm showing? We're not buddy buddy friends anymore. In fact, I hadn't seen her since January. She wants me to call her, though. She needs the support. Y'know, somebody who's not going to tell her "It wasn't meant to be." or "There was probably something wrong with the baby" or other crap like that.

I don't know. I'm emotional about all of this, as I'm sure she will be as well.
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#2 of 3 Old 06-13-2006, 02:17 PM
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Wow that's tough. Your right you can't hide it forever. But if it were me I probaby wouldn't tell her for a little while. She needs time to grieve. If she asks later why you didn't tell you can say... you weren't telling ppl yet.
I hope someone else can give some better advice... as I have never been (and hope never to be) in that situation.
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#3 of 3 Old 06-13-2006, 02:19 PM
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That's tough. You shouldn't feel guilty or bad that you are still pregnant and if you don't tell her soon, I think you will.

If you plan to become part of her regular life then you need to be upfront and just ask to meet with her or talk on the phone. Tell her that you are expecting. It is a senstive issue for her and she may deal with it in an unexpected way. Let her do what she is going to do and feel what she is going to feel. You just need to be honest and not hide this because if she finds out later after she has been confiding in you and trusting you with her feelings then she will feel betrayed.

You love her and want to be there for her, but she needs to know that you are pregnant.

If you don't plan on being in her regular life, then maybe just don't call her and you maybe won't run into her...it's a gamble.

Trying to build up my house, not tear it down namaste.gif.   Got 3 wonderful kids jumpers.gif  ribboncesarean.gif autismribbon.gif, blessed with a wonderful husband luxlove.gif and have the privilege of staying home full time to enjoy it all! 

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