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#31 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 05:10 PM
 
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I'm sorry mama!!!

Well, I wouldn't be suspicious as much as hurt and upset. :

I get that guys need some space to kind of freak out and do their guy thing before becoming a father (this is his first, right?), but I don't think he's being very kind or sensitive to you. Hopefully, you can discuss it in terms that will make him understand why it bothered you so much when he returns, and explain that his behavior smacks of selfishness and insensitivity, and that he needs to take you and the baby into more careful consideration when making decisions from now on.

And if that doesn't work, there's always the face-ripping option!!!
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#32 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 05:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I get that guys need some space to kind of freak out and do their guy thing before becoming a father (this is his first, right?),
This is not his first...but his son is already 14 yrs old and he's been divorced (flying solo) for 11 years. So, I guess he is used to having the independence of just doing things like this when he feels like it and being the only one to have to suffer the financial part when he overbudgets.
This trip can even be considered health related because it is a raw food/sweatlodge and hot springs retreat...
But that's not the main issue for me is the money and his inability to prioritize.
Again, he feels he's "earned it" and that he deserves to make this investment in his health.
I don't know what else to say. I just want to go take a nap now.
I guess one good thing is that I'll be able to do something fun with my little boy this weekend..just the two of us.
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#33 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 05:31 PM
 
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This trip can even be considered health related because it is a raw food/sweatlodge and hot springs retreat...
But that's not the main issue for me is the money and his inability to prioritize.
Yeah, I think the problem is not that he wanted to go to this thing (under other circumstances, it would seem pretty cool, and a good way to reward himself for working hard), but the way that he handled it isn't very nice or fair or fiscally responsible...

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#34 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 05:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, I think the problem is not that he wanted to go to this thing (under other circumstances, it would seem pretty cool, and a good way to reward himself for working hard), but the way that he handled it isn't very nice or fair or fiscally responsible...

Thank you, Christina and everyone.....it feels so good to be understood.
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#35 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 05:37 PM
 
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I'm sorry. I would be upset about the money, but also that he will be around other naked woman possibly and the fact he thinks he deserves rewards, when he should be thinking of rewarding both of you. It stinks, momma.

I guess if it were me, I would give him a bill when he gets home of the money he owes savings from the earlier withdrawal and from this vacation. He can start paying back the money, immediately.

Trying to build up my house, not tear it down namaste.gif.   Got 3 wonderful kids jumpers.gif  ribboncesarean.gif autismribbon.gif, blessed with a wonderful husband luxlove.gif and have the privilege of staying home full time to enjoy it all! 

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#36 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 05:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He is paying for this vacation out of his own pocket...it's just that he hasn't repayed the debt yet and...

Oh Mamas, I'm afraid to tell you the other part.

He has promised to pay the final two installments to the midwife (at the very beginning of our relationship, I told him that I would prefer that in lieu of an engagement ring)...one due on 11/16 and the other on 12/16, each for $1200.I've already paid the first $800.
I'm starting to feel really stupid
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#37 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 05:53 PM
 
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I'm sorry that I'm suspicious about him knowing about it earlier or not really going to the health retreat. I think Mel knows her man way better than I do, so I would defer to her perceptions of this, of course.
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#38 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 05:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm sorry that I'm suspicious about him knowing about it earlier or not really going to the health retreat. I think Mel knows her man way better than I do, so I would defer to her perceptions of this, of course.
There is no need to be sorry...I am very suspicious right now too, I should add. That is me deferring to my own perceptions.
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#39 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 06:13 PM
 
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Not from your ddc.....and i feel terrible that I snooped into your post. I just want you to know how sorry I am that your feelings were not taken at all into consideration. Whether he is up to something or not, the way he went about leaving after you thought he was staying was so disrespectful and not OK. Sometimes my DH will do something that he knows I will disapprove of but decides to do it anyway and take the consequences, like a little boy. It makes me so MAD! I have no good advice...I just want you to know I'm sorry you're going through this, and his behavior is unacceptable. You're a beautiful, fertile, glowing mama and you deserve to be treated like the goddess that you are!
Good Luck,
Monica
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#40 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 07:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Not from your ddc.....and i feel terrible that I snooped into your post.
Thank you, Monica!
You are not snooping! These are public forums and frankly...I read other DDC forums all the time
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#41 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 09:20 PM
 
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He is paying for this vacation out of his own pocket...it's just that he hasn't repayed the debt yet and...

Oh Mamas, I'm afraid to tell you the other part.

He has promised to pay the final two installments to the midwife (at the very beginning of our relationship, I told him that I would prefer that in lieu of an engagement ring)...one due on 11/16 and the other on 12/16, each for $1200.I've already paid the first $800.
I'm starting to feel really stupid
"Out of his own pocket" is something I cannot relate to. Are you not in a relationship together? (Married?) Living together? Do you split ALL expenses right down the middle, 50/50? Is he going to pay you 1/2 of the money you are saving by breastfeeding each month?

The fact that "he" is paying for it makes zero difference to me. It sounds as though he has borrowed money from a joint savings account, which has yet to be paid back, but he "has" the money to go rejuvenate with other possibly naked women? Come on.

Now you're saying you don't have a ring, because he is supposed to pay the midwife... and it's not looking too good for him to make those payments on time, is it? So, you're going to be left with no ring and still paying the midwife yourself. Great.

I'm sorry. It just makes me so mad that a pregnant mama is having to deal with such insensitive, irresponsible bullshit.
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#42 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 09:33 PM
 
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How frustrating.... : I just had to stop in to your frustrated mama thread and tell you (a) thanks for your support and (b) you have much more of a right to be pissed than I do!! I would be hurt, upset, angry... You name it.... I was irritated with my DH just for going out to watch the Tigers game! I am very intolerant these days : and the thought of naked women, etc. would make me much, much less tolerante! I hope things work out with the payments for the midwife. In some ways, that's much worse than this vacation. You have a right to not expect him to go on a vacation, he has an OBLIGATION to help pay for the birth of his child!

sleepytime.gifC.- WOHM, CPST Instructor, and all around busy Mama to  blowkiss.gifA.- 02/04, bouncy.gif I. 01/07,babyf.gifE. 09/10 and

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#43 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 09:42 PM
 
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Before I post, can someone please clue me in about DDC forums? What does that mean?

Also -- you are not stupid just because someone does something wrong to you. He has violated your trust. You have been honorable.
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#44 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 09:51 PM
 
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Before I post, can someone please clue me in about DDC forums? What does that mean?
"Due Date Clubs"

This post is in the January 2007 forum, because the poster is pregnant and due that month.
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#45 of 56 Old 10-26-2006, 09:52 PM
 
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Oops, sorry, I'm not in the club either. I just saw this post on new posts and started replying and am now subscribed. :
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#46 of 56 Old 10-27-2006, 12:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oops, sorry, I'm not in the club either. I just saw this post on new posts and started replying and am now subscribed. :
I speak for myself when I say that I do not mind when others outside of the DDC respond to my posts....
Personally, your posts have been very affirming for me and I'm saying THANK YOU!
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#47 of 56 Old 10-27-2006, 12:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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[QUOTE=ilovemyavery;6376723]How frustrating.... : I just had to stop in to your frustrated mama thread and tell you (a) thanks for your support and (b) you have much more of a right to be pissed than I do!![QUOTE]
I am so glad that we are all here to support one another...I don't think that any one of us is to have our own experiences/emotional angst diminished because another mama is going through something too...
You have a right to your angst and I'm sure we all have our share.
I'm just so glad we all have one another for support!
On a happy note, my sis is bringing over her photography equipment tonight and doing a photo shoot for me! My little boy will be with his dad so it will be just our time together and I'll have some nice pregnancy photos!
As for my dh...he called and left a message this morning that was very loving. He also said he was FREEZING in the desert last night (can't say I feel sorry for him LOL). He also says he forgot his charger so he has minimal cell phone charge for the weekend. Nice dad-to-be...leave your pregnant woman home while you tromp to the middle of the middle of the desert AND don't take a working cell phone. Duh....

If he doesn't pay the midwife, that will be the last straw. I don't know what I'll do then but I can tell you this...I am looking after the best interest/security of me and my kid(s) first and foremost.
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#48 of 56 Old 10-29-2006, 06:18 PM
 
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Just checking the thread to see how you are doing. Thanks for reassuring me that it is OK to post in the DDC forums.
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#49 of 56 Old 10-29-2006, 08:19 PM
 
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Mel...just popping it to say... I hope you had a lovely weekend
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#50 of 56 Old 10-29-2006, 09:52 PM
 
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Mel...just popping it to say... I hope you had a lovely weekend
Me, too. I have been feeling too sicky sick to post, but I have been keeping up with you. And thinking of you. AND sending you a

I hope you had a nice weekend.

Jean, happy HS mom to Peter (5), Daniel (9) and Lucie (2) and also someone new... baby.gif
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#51 of 56 Old 10-30-2006, 02:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello Ladies...
Thank you so much for your care and concern and checking on me.
The weekend was not so bad.
Friday night my best friend came over and we chatted until I was so sleepy that I had to see her to the door She is talker...once she gets going, she's like me....hard to stop.
Saturday I just spent close to home with my little boy. We took a long nap together in the afternoon and then went out for a spaghetti dinner (local popular mom and pop spaghetti house) with my dad and his wife.
The major conflicts that came up over the weekend happened with my little boy...I swear that I think he picks up on my energy when I am gloomy. Whoa, does he go into a tizzy....two different times he threw incredible tantrums (one time shoving me in the stomach...that one ended with me pinning him down and tell him that HE CANNOT HIT ME). The second one happened when he wanted this sword toy and I was not willing to buy it. We didn't even make it out of the store before a total meltdown happened with him screaming that he hates me Yikes. I was feeling relieved when his dad came to get him last night for a visit.
I then spent 3 hours of just window shopping at a local mall...solitude and some peace. When I got home I took a very warm bath and went to bed.
I woke to my dh coming home...climbing into bed with me and wrapping me in a spoon embrace and giving me a bunch of kisses. I did not push him away and we just layed there in silence.
We have so much to talk about...so much came up for me emotionally this weekend (specifically, my needs for a reliable, considerate, responsible and honest partner...past partners of mine I feel failed me miserably and I am so afraid of it happening again).
So all of this is coming up for me. I'm sure I'm not the only pregnant woman who has major issues surface during pregnancy...I'm just the one getting all of the attention in this thread
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#52 of 56 Old 10-30-2006, 02:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Me, too. I have been feeling too sicky sick to post, but I have been keeping up with you. And thinking of you. AND sending you a

I hope you had a nice weekend.
I hope you are feeling better! I have been sick this whole last week too!
Bronchial virus/cough...but feeling much better now...hope you are on the mend as well.
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#53 of 56 Old 10-30-2006, 02:38 PM
 
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I look forward to more updates. It sounds like you are very sweet and very strong.
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#54 of 56 Old 11-16-2006, 09:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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UPDATE:

I forgot to come back and update : )
DH came home from said "relaxing" worktrade/retreat. I admit, I gave him the cold shoulder despite his affectionate advances for a few days. We didn't really have a chance to discuss anything until the week had ended...the week was busy (I work out of the home full-time during the day and then at night, it's the dinner/make lunches for the next day/bedtime/brushing teeth and reading routine for my 5 yr old...I fall asleep the same time as my little one-about 8 p.m.).
When we finally had a chance to discuss the previous weekend's events, it turns out that a person was seriously injured/disfigured during the trip and he was involved in administering emergency attention. He was quite jarred by the trauma of the experience to say the least. I admit that a lot of my ill feelings about the trip dissolved when I heard about what he had witnessed.
What a horrible experience for the injured person and also for those who witnessed it. I guess my empathy took over...a lot of the hard feelings dissolved in empathy and comfort. It also paved the way to a very open discussion in which I told him exactly how I felt and we arrived at some great agreements/resolutions.
Then he showed me a check he got for his work over the weekend...so it wasn't just a trade he negotiated after all...he got paid! : )
AND last week before the midwife appt he promptly counted 12 one hundred dollar bills into my hand : ) Yea!
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#55 of 56 Old 11-16-2006, 09:42 PM
 
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hmm.. thats sad about the guy... what happened to him?? slip in the hot tub??

and hey.. men handing over money.. thats a sight to see.. good for you!

Crys - mom to DS, C (6/04) expecting twins 2/23/13 joy.gif

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#56 of 56 Old 11-16-2006, 09:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The man fell into a pit of hot lava rocks....it peeled the skin right off of the charred parts of his skin and he started to go into shock. They had to drive him to local hospital several miles away..the hospital winded up air-lifting him elsewhere.
My dh was the one holding him and comforting him while a couple of others tried to administer what little emergency care they could.
As for men handing over money...well, I admit I've had boyfriends in the past who were quite good at handing over money and it was nice but...not nearly as nice as when it represents a partner honoring his promises.
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