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Old 10-25-2006, 08:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just have to get this out.
My dh just called me because he is wanting to leave TODAY for a raw food/sweatlodge/hot springs retreat. He has done work trades for these events in the past.
If he was thinking about this before, he has not told me. He literally just called me at work now and said he was thinking to leave tonight.
Why do I feel so uncomfortable about this?
Maybe it's because he borrowed several hundred dollars out of the savings acct last month because he limited his work hours to work on a personal project. He has not replaced the funds. This retreat will still cost him money...a rental car and I'm sure he'll buy products when he's there.
Maybe it's because he didn't present this to me sooner.
Maybe it's because the events are pretty free-spirited fun...clothing optional, some use "medicinal" substances to alter, free-form dance parties...not exactly the family environment...not that I could go with him anyway. I cannot get time off work at the last minute...my 5 yr old is with me this weekend (with his dad alternating weekends) and I already have other commitments made for the weekend besides.
Something is not sitting well with me...I feel jealous. I will be at home with my giant tomato body while he's enjoying raw gourmet food, naked in hot springs with lots of boobies and round little butts walking around.
Maybe I'm just being insecure and pissy.
Anyone want to join my pity party? How woudl you feel if your partner went on a vacation like this when you're home pregnant?
Please, if I'm being unreasonable, let me know. I need a reality check.
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Old 10-25-2006, 08:35 PM
 
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Nope, I'd feel the same way.

I have been very open and honest about my feelings with my dh. I try to really analyze what I'm feeling and why, and then I just put it out there. Thank God he is a great man who is very understanding and cares how I feel.

I would tell him exactly how you feel, instead of keeping it in and being resentful about it.

After all, you are having this child together. I personally feel that hubby should have to give some things up, too. Just because the baby isn't growing inside him, doesn't mean it shouldn't change his lifestyle.
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Old 10-25-2006, 08:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, you are right...I handled it in such a passive-aggressive way.
I told him it must be great to be ahead financially now. That since he wasn't having to take money out of the savings, it sounded like an opportunity.
And he didn't seem to catch my underlying meanings (why should he?).
Part of me is hurt that he would even consider leaving me at home at all.
If he were pregnant, I would not go on a cruise to Acapulco alone!
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Old 10-25-2006, 08:54 PM
 
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I would rip his face off for even suggesting such a thing. but that might just be my hormone induced rage. :
So no I do not think your being upset is over reacting. in fact I think your under reacting.
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Old 10-25-2006, 09:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I would rip his face off for even suggesting such a thing.

Thank you for the good laugh!

I'm thinking "Go, just go!" Now I don't want him home, especially if it's against his will when I know he'll be dreaming of bouncy boobs and firm little buns in the hot springs
I just won't answer the phone when he calls to "check in"...let him wonder what I'm doing.....with my giant belly
Ridiculous.
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Old 10-25-2006, 09:09 PM
 
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You are a much much better woman then I am... but I am glad my hormone induced rage on your behalf could bring you a smile.
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Old 10-25-2006, 09:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not a better woman...just a "slower burn".
I think that when he calls I'm going to really let him have it...in the most direct yet respectful way possible!
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Old 10-25-2006, 09:17 PM
 
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Old 10-25-2006, 09:18 PM
 
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Nope, I don't blame you one bit. My DH asked me a month ago if it would be OK for him to go on a 2 day surf trip with a friend over the Thanksgiving weekend. I'm happy for him to go because he doesn't get to see his friend enough and I want him to relax and have fun. That being said, if it required a significant expenditure on his part (they will probably spend a total of $50 between them), or if he asked me at the last minute, or if I thought there would be bouncy boobies and tight little butts exposed, I would not hesitate to explain to him in no uncertain terms why I didn't think it was appropriate for him to go, that it would be unkind, and that I would be hurt and upset (right or wrong). And if that didn't work...I'd definitely rip his face off. :
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Old 10-25-2006, 09:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Two votes for face-ripping!
I just called him and only got voice mail (he's probably renting a car) but I did leave him a message containing these three points:

1) I am not emotionally comfortable with his decision to take a vacation.

2) I would not be taking vacation if I had just taken on debt.

3) Our goal is to be SAVING money for the baby, not spending. I am the saver. He does not save...if he has $100, it just burns a hole in his pocket and he seems to always have a justification of why he can/should spend it. For example, this vacation is a "much needed rejunevation" because his diet has been horrible and he needs to fast/relax. It's an "investment in his health".

Now I am afraid that he'll stay home.

Feeling mad enough that I think I'm afraid I'll be the 3rd vote for face-ripping

P.S. This will probably cost $300-$400...that includes the car rental for 4 days and any products he buys while there.

P.S.S. Christina, I think it's great that your dh gave you notice (not same day notice) and that he is minimizing costs. The timing of my dh's request is what is making it so awful.
I swear the man is making me think he has no judgement.
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Old 10-25-2006, 09:32 PM
 
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well, I think you're definitely not over-reacting! I'd be ticked off, but I'd probably end up doing the passive-aggressive thing too, until he got home or called or something. Then I'd let him have it!
That's probably not the best way to handle it tho - I have a hard time telling dh 'no' about anything!
Hope you have a great weekend and take lots of pictures so he's incredibly jealous...
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Old 10-25-2006, 09:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hope you have a great weekend and take lots of pictures so he's incredibly jealous...
LOL See that's just the thing...he knows what I'm doing for the weekend...I was planning on baking banana bread with my 5 yr old Sat and then babysitting for a friend's 3 kids that afternoon.

I'm just being Mom this weekend.

Do you think pictures of banana bread will INFURIATE him?
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Old 10-25-2006, 09:46 PM
 
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I would be FURIOUS. :

And suspicious. Very, very suspicious. Can you take a little drive out there and surprise him?
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Old 10-25-2006, 09:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I would be FURIOUS. :

And suspicious. Very, very suspicious. Can you take a little drive out there and surprise him?
You know, some female minds do think alike I actually had this fantasy cross my mind.
But reality is....it is a 9 hr drive, my car is less than reliable (230K miles on it), and I've got my 5 yr old to think of.

He can be so great about some things and then just do the stupidest things that really undercut my trust in him. What is he thinking?
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Old 10-25-2006, 10:40 PM
 
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What is he thinking?
He's not - that's the problem!
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Old 10-25-2006, 10:46 PM
 
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If he's going to spend $400 on an impromptu vacation, it sure as hell should be something you BOTH can enjoy.

...the cuties in my avatar are my wonderful, c-section born, fully vaccinated sweethearts...
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Old 10-25-2006, 11:38 PM
 
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It's a soon to be daddy freak out thing. I'm sure of it. My dh did something similar when we were expecting each time before. This time all he did was buy a sportscar. Okay, he's also turning 40 right around the time the baby is due. It's his freak out moment.

As long as you trust him I wouldn't worry about it.
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Old 10-26-2006, 12:48 AM
 
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I think you are a saint. Especially when pregnant and unable to do anything about it. I would be going nuts.
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Old 10-26-2006, 01:03 AM
 
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If he's going to spend $400 on an impromptu vacation, it sure as hell should be something you BOTH can enjoy.


I don't think I'd go for this. He's a husband and a dad...not a bachelor! Of course, I'm the jealous type and I wouldn't feel comfortable with dh going by himself even if I wasn't pregnant.

Happily parenting our snuggly wild child since 2007 and her little brother since 2011!

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Old 10-26-2006, 03:36 AM
 
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Add me to the face-ripping, hormonal-lunatic group. Hubby could kiss my big, fat, droopy, pregnant buns and been breastfeeding for the last 2 years boobies if he thought he could spring a last minute go-it-alone vacation on me, let alone one where he knew that I knew there would be ample firm buns and bouncy little boobies dangling around to entice him (hey, I've watched my share of HBO's Real Sex). And if he dared bring up the "I can't believe you wouldn't trust me" thing I would probably throw him out and change the locks. It's totally not about the actuallity of trusting him, it's about my over-active (and hormonally-challenged) imagination on top of the fact that he's spending $$$ that we need for other things, obviously springing this on me at the last minute, and would even THINK about going off and having great fun without me at such a vulnerable time. It's one thing for him to plan a little romantic getaway for the two of you, another thing entirely for him to plan one all on his own!

.......This is her DH....I promise I won't do that.....Honest....Put down the scissors......No, I wasn't reading over your shoulder....I just heard the.....AAAAAAAA......Help me!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, hubby just walked into the room and took over the keyboard after I immediatly ripped into him about "men". Now all he keeps saying is "I love you" and "I'm sorry for whatever it is that some other guy did" and "poor dumb b@stard, he's not going to know what hit him!"
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Old 10-26-2006, 01:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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.......This is her DH....I promise I won't do that.....Honest....Put down the scissors......No, I wasn't reading over your shoulder....I just heard the.....AAAAAAAA......Help me!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, hubby just walked into the room and took over the keyboard after I immediatly ripped into him about "men". Now all he keeps saying is "I love you" and "I'm sorry for whatever it is that some other guy did" and "poor dumb b@stard, he's not going to know what hit him!"

OH MY GOSH! You gals are making me crack up this morning!
Well, I spilled my guts yesterday and told him that I was not comfortable with his taking a vacation when he is in debt and when we could use the money for other things (I've been working full-time all along and budgeting EVERY DOLLAR I spend in an Excel spreadsheet so that I can save money every month). His prioritization skills are not exactly filling me with trust. I also used one of the pp's lines about how even though he is not pregant, we are BOTH having a baby.
He responded with remorse and said that he wanted me to be emotionally secure and that yes, the money could be spent on something for the whole family (UH HELLO, or he could replace the money he borrowed from the savings account).
He said he was just so tempted by the idea of the hot springs...he says he feels so free and happy in the water and wanted some rejuvenation after teaching night classes for the last 6 weeks so he could catch up financially (again, he's STILL not caught up).
And I'm thinking...HELLO??? What about me? I'm pregnant, working full-time out of the home and quite busy being a mom too. Now I love that I can do all these things for the good of myself, my son and the family...but I think it's so selfish of him to pat himself on the back and feel he needs a vacation for doing the same :
Last night I went over to a girlfriend's house and my little boy/her triplets played while we ate dinner and had a good chat. I swear, friendship makes Life not only bearable but pretty darn wonderful!
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Old 10-26-2006, 02:27 PM
 
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So, I'm confused. Did he say he won't go, or did he already go and is now expressing remorse for coming up with such a horrible selfish plan in the first place?
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Old 10-26-2006, 02:40 PM
 
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I'm confused too. Did he go or not???
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Old 10-26-2006, 04:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As of last night, it was my understanding that he wasn't going because he hadn't packed and he was still home when I left for work this morning.
I was out of the office at a meeting this morning but just got back to a voice mail from him indicating that this isn't as much a vacation for him as an opportunity to do a work trade and rejuvenate (he reiterated that he feels he needs this rejuvenation from his extra work over the last few weeks). He also feels it's great timing for him because the next one is in May and he'll want to be home with the baby then of course.
He said he'll have his phone on and he hopes I call him...he's on the road.
So, he went.
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Old 10-26-2006, 05:21 PM
 
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As of last night, it was my understanding that he wasn't going because he hadn't packed and he was still home when I left for work this morning.
I was out of the office at a meeting this morning but just got back to a voice mail from him indicating that this isn't as much a vacation for him as an opportunity to do a work trade and rejuvenate (he reiterated that he feels he needs this rejuvenation from his extra work over the last few weeks). He also feels it's great timing for him because the next one is in May and he'll want to be home with the baby then of course.
He said he'll have his phone on and he hopes I call him...he's on the road.
So, he went.


That sucks...
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Old 10-26-2006, 05:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You know what makes me even more suspicious? He took a whole week off of work for his new job training. He came home after only 2 days of training saying that the first 2 days were the most crucial.
Now he "happens" to have the rest of the week and weekend free to go on this last minute "work trade"?
I believe he has planned to go on this trip all along and just told me at the last minute.
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Old 10-26-2006, 05:32 PM
 
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Trust your gut, mama. That sounds super suspicious to me, too. I would call his room, not his cell phone, at a minimum.
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Old 10-26-2006, 05:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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There is no room...it is tent (outdoor) camping in the desert.
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Old 10-26-2006, 06:06 PM
 
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Oh, Lord, this is so NOT what you need right now. I sure hope this is not indicative of what he's going to be like after the baby comes.
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Old 10-26-2006, 06:06 PM
 
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It is up to you. Something feels super fishy about the way you describe this. The amazing coincidence of how the work trade happened, the odd claim that it is "rejuvenation" (as if that somehow makes it health related) and so forth.

It could just be a regular selfish act, where he knew it would bug you but planned to do it anyway.

But how can you find out if he was being truthful about the job training, for example without seeming like a suspicious wife, ie, preventing anyone from knowing you were checking up on him. hmmmm....

Again, my heart goes out to you. Especially when pregnant, and on the weekend you are keeping your son, this cannot be any fun.
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