Walking in on it... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 39 Old 11-17-2006, 04:47 PM
 
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Oh no, this is not right at all. : I'm so sorry you have to deal with this right now (or ever).

I agree you're going to have to have that uncomfortable conversation in order to figure out what's going on. It could be something weird but innocuous (like he's posting it on one of those web sites where you get back at your ex by exposing them...). But in any event, you do need to know what the deal is.

I am sending you strength!!! I hope it goes well. Please keep us posted.
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#32 of 39 Old 11-17-2006, 05:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The fact that he scanned it seems like he might be sending it to someone, posting it somewhere or wanting to keep it on the computer for "safe-keeping".
This will not be easy to bring up...I know you had previously said that you caught him looking at other pornographic pics and were not happy about it. How did he react when you talked about that?
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#33 of 39 Old 11-17-2006, 05:44 PM
 
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Some things are better left unsaid...
Not always mind you, but there is a time and a place for things. Now may not be the time to bring this up or it might be.
Maybe just watch it and see if something is going on, see if he is "cheating" or if it the photo in the scanner was just a fluke, meaning nothing.
If you have more than just the picture to be suspicious about, then you know what you need to do.
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#34 of 39 Old 11-17-2006, 05:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You know, sometimes things are better left unsaid...
But if this is something that is bothering you, it is important to let it out instead of worrying/wondering...feeling mistrust and suspicion.
It is important to purge all of that, in my opinion especially now when you are getting ready to give birth. The negative feelings that you hold in are not good for you or your baby. This is just my opinion of course.
I don't know...if this was just looking at a picture of an anonymous person on some porn site, it would be it's own thing...but this is a picture of a real person on the outskirts of his life. You did say she lives in the town he goes to school in...does he still talk to her at all?
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#35 of 39 Old 11-18-2006, 01:25 AM
 
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He doesn't talk to her that I know of but I don't really know what I know anymore, if that makes any sense. I confronted him about it and he said that it was on there from awhile ago and that he hadn't looked at them in months. I still don't know the exact reasoning behind it but I can't control what he did prior to living with me. I calmly explained to him that if anything like this happens again, he can find himself an apartment. He did then go in and delete any trace of porn off of his computer.

Luckily, I am a computer technician and he's a bit retarded when it comes to them so I can keep an eye on this and see if he is serious or not.

I really appreciate all of you listening to me about this. This isn't something that you can talk to just anyone about.
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#36 of 39 Old 11-19-2006, 03:56 AM
 
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Yes I've caught dh in the act before. It doesn't really bother me, and at this point I'm relieved sometimes when he satisfies himself. I'm so uncomfortable and exhausted...

That said if it bothered me I would say something about it. I would be careful how you bring it up though, it's nothing to be ashamed about it, and it is his body. Stick to how it makes you feel. Hopefully he'll be able to reassure you

Regarding porn, I used to be really bothered by it when I first started dating dh. I was just threatened by those women who have impossible looking bodies and worried that dh would be dissapointed with me. Once we got more comfortable with each other though I realized that he didn't expect me to look like them and he's still attracted to me no matter what, even when I'm 8 months pg
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#37 of 39 Old 11-20-2006, 06:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by snazzy_mom View Post
He doesn't talk to her that I know of but I don't really know what I know anymore, if that makes any sense. I confronted him about it and he said that it was on there from awhile ago and that he hadn't looked at them in months. I still don't know the exact reasoning behind it but I can't control what he did prior to living with me. I calmly explained to him that if anything like this happens again, he can find himself an apartment. He did then go in and delete any trace of porn off of his computer.

Luckily, I am a computer technician and he's a bit retarded when it comes to them so I can keep an eye on this and see if he is serious or not.

I really appreciate all of you listening to me about this. This isn't something that you can talk to just anyone about.
How are you feeling about it now?
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#38 of 39 Old 11-20-2006, 09:40 PM
 
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Things seem to be better but we'll see. He's on a "probationary" period. I told him that I am now at a zero tolerance level and I have been a single parent before, I'll do it again before I put up with that crap. He seems to be genuinely sorry and I haven't really brought it up again. We had a scare last night and I thought we were on our way to the hospital so I am trying to keep my stress level to a minimum. Luckily, my mom came over today and cleaned for me so I feel alot better about my house. Now if everything else would just fall into place....lol

I really appreciate your concern. I don't know what I would have done if I couldn't get that out.
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#39 of 39 Old 11-20-2006, 09:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by snazzy_mom View Post
I really appreciate your concern. I don't know what I would have done if I couldn't get that out.
Ditto
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