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#1 of 39 Old 11-03-2006, 08:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Um..have any of you walked in on or have knowledge of your dh/partner...well, um....you know...servicing themselves to save you the effort?
Admittedly, I am not feeling so amorous lately...LUMBERSOME and tired. Not so sexy...and we had a big difference-of-the-minds last week and have not had the chance to discuss it in detail yet.
So, last night I walked in on my dh doing it...he didn't hear me come in because he had a fan going in the room. I wasn't sure what to do...so I just walked out again.
Part of me felt like I should join him...and the other part of me thought, "Whose business is it when I do that? Whose business is it when HE does that?" His business...so I left him to his business.
Now I'm not sure if I should bring it up or not.
Pregnancy introduces all kinds of weird things doesn't it? I remember that at the beginning of our relationship both of us agreed that we didn't really feel the need to do that since we were so satiated with each other...
I felt kind of bad...like I haven't been making an effort to maintain our sexual relationship in the midst of my whole physical transformation/reduced drive (due to pregnancy). That very evening he had curled up in bed with me while my son was falling asleep...he said he had a need to hold me and well, I didn't hold him back. He finally said goodnight and went into the living room. I fell asleep.
Should I even bring it up? What would you do?
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#2 of 39 Old 11-03-2006, 09:05 PM
 
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Oh, hon! I actually don't know what I'd do...I'd be feeling the same as you do now...and kinda conflicted. Think about it for a bit more, and if it keeps bothering you, lovingly bring it up....

And ftr I DID literally walk in on dh doing that once, and I startled him almost to death! We talked about it and that was that....

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#3 of 39 Old 11-03-2006, 09:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I wasn't hurt or angry that he was doing it...I just felt more guilty that I haven't been making more of an effort to maintain that area of our relationship. I know he prefers our relationship to that....he had even hinted at needing that love/attention earlier that evening and I put him off.
I think I'm going to have to seduce him tonight
Mama Elephant on the prowl
I'm afraid that I'll terribly embarass him if I bring it up...
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#4 of 39 Old 11-03-2006, 09:11 PM
 
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I wasn't hurt or angry that he was doing it...I just felt more guilty that I haven't been making more of an effort to maintain that area of our relationship. I know he prefers our relationship to that....he had even hinted at needing that love/attention earlier that evening and I put him off.
I think I'm going to have to seduce him tonight
Mama Elephant on the prowl
I'm afraid that I'll terribly embarass him if I bring it up...



That sounds like a good plan! :
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#5 of 39 Old 11-03-2006, 09:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Now if I can only carry off the plan of seduction without him seeing my butt or thighs
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#6 of 39 Old 11-03-2006, 10:22 PM
 
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I wouldn't say anything at all. I know my dh does it lately and that's fine with me. I told him instead of being pregnant himself this is the price he pays for his child. Sad but true.
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#7 of 39 Old 11-03-2006, 10:51 PM
 
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I walked in on my DH the other day. His eyes were closed and I don't think he heard me. I had been upstairs putting DD to bed and he was laying down in the guest bed. I opened the door to the room to see if he was up (it's not uncommon for him to crash out relatively early) and he WAS up-- just not the way I thought

I just eased the door back closed and didn't say anything about it. I don't know what I would do if he knew that I knew. I would probably just make a little joke about it. I don't mind that he does either. We certainly aren't very active these days

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#8 of 39 Old 11-04-2006, 01:51 AM
 
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I don't think I would tell him, I am sure it would embarrass him. I would just give him some extra lovin', he'll like it and you'll both feel better.
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#9 of 39 Old 11-06-2006, 12:26 PM
 
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I have never walked in on my dh doing it. But one time a month or so ago he went in to take a shower before work and left the bathroom door open. From my position in bed the mirror was located where I could watch him in the shower doing his thing... Cracked me up actually. I ended up saying something like hey did you enjoy it?? He didn't get mad just laughed with me and said yeah thanks for asking!

We just make a big joke about it during pregnancy because we both know that it is only temporary! And I know that if he is at least doing that then he isn't seeking it out somewhere else!
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#10 of 39 Old 11-06-2006, 03:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I did not wind up saying anything about it....I kept thinking that I would be embarrassed as hell if someone said something to ME in the same situation.
But...I did give him the extra lovin' this weekend...lots and lots of it :
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#11 of 39 Old 11-06-2006, 05:06 PM
 
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I did not wind up saying anything about it....I kept thinking that I would be embarrassed as hell if someone said something to ME in the same situation.
But...I did give him the extra lovin' this weekend...lots and lots of it :
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#12 of 39 Old 11-06-2006, 06:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Love the dancing banana
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#13 of 39 Old 11-06-2006, 09:45 PM
 
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Thanks ladies. Because of this thread I asked my DH what he'd want me to do, so now I know. (Join in, he said, btw! )

Glad your DH feels more taken care of now, ahappymel!
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#14 of 39 Old 11-07-2006, 12:12 PM
 
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Because of this thread I asked my DH what he'd want me to do, so now I know. (Join in, he said, btw! )
Same here! Actually, what my DH said was, "Well, I know you'd want to join in, and I wouldn't try to stop you!"
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#15 of 39 Old 11-12-2006, 01:57 PM
 
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Just saw this now...during these cumbersome times, I know my DH services himself regularly...because I am there watching! I talk to him, help a little bit if that's what's called for, whatever! I like that we can share intimate times without me having to do the deed...
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#16 of 39 Old 11-12-2006, 04:11 PM
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I don't think I ever give him time to take care of it himself. I'm already down there taking care of things for him. If I'm not "meeting his needs", I'm not in the same zip code.

It's never a big deal if he pleasures himself. I just wish he doesn't "waste it". Bring it here, big boy! Save that up for me, or you better be able to get it up again within a couple hours!

Heh heh.... yeah, I'm always in the mood.
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#17 of 39 Old 11-12-2006, 09:41 PM
 
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I caught my guy looking at "pictures" and I got upset about it. How would you ladies handle that? I know it's just my insecurities but it made me ill.
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#18 of 39 Old 11-13-2006, 12:46 AM
 
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I caught my guy looking at "pictures" and I got upset about it. How would you ladies handle that? I know it's just my insecurities but it made me ill.
This is always a hard one... Everyone feels differently about this. The "rule" in our house has always been (1) please don't use my work laptop to look at said pictures (2) please don't save them to the hard drive with everything else and (3) please be honest when I call you out on it I've never been bothered much by this. But I have a good friend who is seriously upset by it. If I was upset by it, I would expect DH to respect that. ((HUGS))

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#19 of 39 Old 11-13-2006, 01:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This would be hard for me too.
I mean, we've looked at pictures together but I can understand why it would be hard to have my dh looking at them solo...especially while I am feeling quite corpulent as it is.
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#20 of 39 Old 11-14-2006, 04:08 PM
 
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This would be hard for me too.
I mean, we've looked at pictures together but I can understand why it would be hard to have my dh looking at them solo...especially while I am feeling quite corpious as it is.
My DH doesn't seem interested in porn (unless we watch a movie together or something...)

I think him looking at pictures woudl bug me. It feels like a withdrawal from me, from US as sexual partners. It's not a jealousy thing, or even a body image thing or me thinking he wants me to look like that...it's like a depersonalization of sex, making it about the act as opposed to about us. That's why I like sharing masturbation with him, because even if I don't have much energy to participate we are still in it together.
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#21 of 39 Old 11-14-2006, 04:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, I hear you...
I should say that me and my dh have looked at it ONCE together and it was fun/kind of comedic and kind of stimulating...
But generally, our arousal has always centered around our extreme attraction to one another.
That's why I would feel bugged if I knew he was centering it elsewhere.
I don't feel so bothered by the actual fact that he will pleasure himself...I mean, it's his body....I am not his sexuality. He was a sexual person before he met me. I dont' want to own his sexuality.
But I do want our sexual relationship to be exclusive and I guess I feel that if he started to focus his sexual energy outside of that exclusivity more and more often (even by more masturbation/looking at pictures without me), I feel like it's a bit of a breakdown...does that make sense?
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#22 of 39 Old 11-15-2006, 06:54 PM
 
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I chuckled a little reading this thread. I have never walked in on my dh um, you know. I asked him once about servicing himself and he said that is why he got married. He seems to want me to think he does not do it ever...

Lately I'm the one um... I'm well in need a lot, pregnancy does that to me. Dh is all to happy to be present and invovled. We're not suffering in this dept from pregnancy more from his working late and me being tired (well that is pregnancy related).

If I did ever walk in on my dh, I know he would want me to join in and take over. That would be my suggestion to OP, next, if there is on, join in. My dh drops hints like yours did when he is in need and it's been awhile - I generally try to be sure I get time in for him that evening, put the kids to bet early or plop them down on the couch with a video...:
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#23 of 39 Old 11-16-2006, 12:10 AM
 
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Yeah, I hear you...
I should say that me and my dh have looked at it ONCE together and it was fun/kind of comedic and kind of stimulating...
But generally, our arousal has always centered around our extreme attraction to one another.
That's why I would feel bugged if I knew he was centering it elsewhere.
I don't feel so bothered by the actual fact that he will pleasure himself...I mean, it's his body....I am not his sexuality. He was a sexual person before he met me. I dont' want to own his sexuality.
But I do want our sexual relationship to be exclusive and I guess I feel that if he started to focus his sexual energy outside of that exclusivity more and more often (even by more masturbation/looking at pictures without me), I feel like it's a bit of a breakdown...does that make sense?

It absolutely does!!
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#24 of 39 Old 11-17-2006, 03:13 PM
 
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Ladies, I am at my wits end. Today, I was using hubby's scanner to scan my u/s pics to send to my mom and his scanning software brings up the last pic he scanned. It was of his EX WIFE!!! and not just a picture but one of those pictures. I am so devastated. I don't know what to say. He isn't home yet and doesn't know that I know. What do I do?
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#25 of 39 Old 11-17-2006, 03:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OH MY GOSH.
Um....wow.
I'm sorry
This is something I would definitely bring up...but how? Yikes. I think the direct approach is the way to go. You might just bring it up the same way you're telling us.
You know, just a suggestion too....if you start a new thread (not that I mind you posting here), you will get more visibility and more responses...if you want more.
Love to you,
Mel.
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#26 of 39 Old 11-17-2006, 03:25 PM
 
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I just thought this was supposed to be a beautiful wonderful time and I am nothing but stressed between this and my bad drs appt the other day, I just want to sit and cry all day.
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#27 of 39 Old 11-17-2006, 03:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ah Mama
This is awful. Does he still have contact with the ex? Or do you think he just found an old photo and scanned it for some weird sentimental reason?
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#28 of 39 Old 11-17-2006, 03:56 PM
 
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I honestly don't know. She lives in the same town he goes to school in and until today, I hadnt really thought anything. Even it was for sentimental reasons, this is so wrong. They are pictures of her in lingerie in their old apartment. The weird thing is he always talks about how much he dislikes her and what kind of person she is.
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#29 of 39 Old 11-17-2006, 04:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I hear you...and I was not in the least trying to imply that scanning the picture for sentimental reasons makes it right.
I guess my thought was just why is he looking at pics of her? Is there a current relationship or just a thought in his head?
You know, my ex always badmouths his ex...and then one day he admitted that they had post-divorce sex (we did not meet until years later).
Yikes. I can't imagine having sex with my ex-husband. The same reasons I divorced him are the reasons I can't be in an intimate/sexual relationship with him either. I don't even fantasize about him.
I have no idea of what the reality of your situation is or isn't...but my thought is that it's going to have to start with an uncomfortable conversation.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.
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#30 of 39 Old 11-17-2006, 04:45 PM
 
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Thank you so much for letting me vent about this. I don't know how I am going to bring it up but I know that I need to. I just don't get men sometimes, I really don't.

I'm with you, my ex is my ex for a reason and there is nothing about him that I would be willing to risk my current relationship for.
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