I started out with a homebirth but was transferred to the hospital for a c-section because of problems. My MWs arrived on 2/5 to help me go into labor using a bunch of techniques like herbal remedies and nipple stimulation. They were uncomfortable letting me go beyond 42 weeks because of liability issues and their personal preferences (even though I was happy to keep on going for as long as necessary). The amniotic fluid level was high and the baby seemed healthy. Anyway, by 8 am on 2/7, I was finally dialated to 6 cm and they did an amniotomy which started my labor. By 10 or 11, I was fully dialated but I never had the urge to push. I did, and the baby didn't descend very much. I pushed for a long time and nothing happened. Finally the MWs did an exam and realized that I had a swollen cervical lip prohibiting the baby's birth. I stopped pushing and my body quieted for a while. Then I went into transition a second time with more painful contractoins. The lip didn't go away, I still didn't have the urge to push, but tried, and the same thing happened. One MW tried to move the lip out of the way but when she did, it was the worst pain I ever felt and I couldn't let her continue. I went into transition a third time and at some point the baby turned totally posterior and I had horrid back labor. I couldn't push and spent hours fighting contractions. By this time, my water bag had been broken for 15 hours and the MWs concluded that my baby wouldn't be born at home.
I arrived at the hospital and the OB said that the only way he could let me give birth was to do a c-section. It was my deepest desire to have an unmedicated home birth.
I have a lot of saddness about the birth. I wish I would have told my MWs that I didn't want to go into labor until my body was ready. I think there was a reason that with all of their efforts, I didn't go into labor until my water bag was broken. Simply put, my body needed more time to get everything right. Everyone has so many expectations about the proper course for birth and labor and I simply didn't fit into the mold. This wasn't recognized by anyone except me. I prayed and prayed before all of the interventions and I kept getting the answer to wait. But I didn't. Moreover, I'm finding that people don't want to understand my regrets. They keep saying that something was wrong with my body.
I now have a gorgeous and wonderful child in my arms and I know that is the most important thing.
I'm so sorry to hear that things didn't happen as you hoped they would or felt they should, but I'm glad that you are finding some solace in the joy of your new little bundle. Be gentle with yourself (physically and emotionally), and I hope you heal quickly.
Lots of hugs and congratulations to you mama!
I'm sorry the birth didn't go the way you wanted. I had a similar experience with my first (c/s after failed induction). Sending you healing vibes and good wishes.
congrats on your beautiful little girl.
im so sorry the birth didnt go as you expected. i hope you heal physically and emotionally from this soon. take time to mourn what you lost and try to find support (as you are doing here).
I'm sorry you didn't have the birth you planned. It sounds like you learned a lot from the experience. Sending you healthy healing vibes and all-around good wishes. Writing about my birth experience (also a homebirth transfer) really helped me to process it, in addition to talking about it with a lot of different people.
Happily parenting our snuggly wild child since 2007 and her little brother since 2011!
I'm sorry your birth was not the experience you had envisioned and hoped for. It's ok to feel the loss of the birth you didn't have. Sending you peace and healing.
I do pray that in time you will have peace with your daughter's entrance and how things were handled.
Trying to build up my house, not tear it down . Got 3 wonderful kids , blessed with a wonderful husband and have the privilege of staying home full time to enjoy it all!
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