Again, I know I don't post often and that most of our mamas have probably moved on to Life with babe, but I feel that posting my birth story may help my processing it and being able to move on.
I started having contraction, very mild, noticeable but not painful, at about 8am on January 18. I decided to go to work anyways. About 10am, I noticed my contractions were more painful and closer together, so my hubby and I decided to leave work and head to the hospital.
We arrive at the hospital at 11. My midwife came and checked me and I was dilated to 6. Then my water broke. My husband hadn't eaten anything all day, so I told him we had to walk to the cafeteria and get him something to eat. Walking, my contractions got much worse. I was having to during contractions.
Once we got back to the room, my midwifes student, Rosie (whom I ADORE!) check me and I was dilated to 8, able to stretch to 9. My midwife asked me if I wanted int he tub, I told her yes.
I got in the tub at about 12:50. I loved being able to move around. I got on my hands and knees and Rosie rubbed my hips and back with oil. It felt so good during contractions. My husband sat at my head and held my hand. My midwife asked me to roll onto my back to be check again and she was crowning. I pushed for 6 minutes and her head was out. They checked to make sure the cord wasn't around her neck. It wasn't, so I completed pushing. She was norn into Rosie's arms, who immediately placed her in my arms. It was 1:15. From when my water broke till she was born was 2 hours. She was so beautiful, she just stared at me, so quietly.
The nurse took her from me so I could get out of the tub to deliver the placenta. I had just barely gotten in the bed and the placenta was out. I was so tired, I couldn't even hold my little girl.
Everything went downhill from there. I was losing so much blood. They rushed to start an IV. Start massaging my abdomen. Giving me pitocin. Nothing helped. Everytime they pushed on my stomach, so much blood came out. My blood presure dropped to 80/something and I felt so out of it. They started giving my fluids and talking about a blood transfusion.
A couple hours later, around 6, Maddie was hungry. So they brought her to me to try to breastfeed. I couldn't hold her in my arms, I was too weak. So I tried rolling on to me side and my blood pressure dropped more. It was decided that I needed a transfusion.
I got my first unit of blood at midnight and my second at 2am. The next day, they had me stand up to try to take my blood pressure again and I couldn't. I rested all day and night, sleeping almost constantly, I just thought I was exhausted from birth.
They sent me home on the 20th. We got home and I tried putting some stuff away. I got really dizzy and needed to lay down. I felt like I was going to pass out. I told my husband we had to get me back to the hospital. His sister came to babysit our 2 day old little girl and he took me back.
I was readmitted and and they ordered two more units of blood. I felt awful all night. I was scared and I missed my little baby. But I spent the whole time pumping my colostrum for her to have.
I was sent home the next day, very weak, but ready to be with my girl.
The whole ordeal was alot to handle and I still have alot to work through. My waterbirth went great, everything postpartum was terrible. Even to this weekend. I was in the hospital again. I woke up Saturday morning soaked in blood, passing clots as big as softballs. I relaxed all day, but that evening the same thing happened and would not stop. So we went back, only to be told by the doctor there was nothing wrong and it was probably just my period starting again. I am very frustrated and scared and really feel like I have very few people to talk to. No medical professional believes me that something is wrong, my husband is the only one that talks to me and knows something is wrong.
I really hope that writing this out will help me work through this some and not be so down about it. If you have made it through reading all of this, you are very patient and I thank you.
Wow! With everything I went through I always forget to mention the reason. My perfect little girl. 8lbs 8oz, 20 inches long. Full head of dark black hair. She really was worth it all! I just don't know if I will ever be able to do this again.