Visiting policies after baby? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 01-11-2007, 02:56 PM - Thread Starter
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So, here's the thing. As I've mentioned before, dh is a minster. And most of our congregation is in the 60+ category and all their children and grandchildren are in bigger centers. And when we came here ds 1 was about 6 weeks old, so we ended up visiting a lot of people with a very tiny baby (like a 2 or 2 1/2 month old) who was very fussy, because they all wanted to meet us.

But as of today we had our first invite to "just come over and visit after the baby". But even if this babe has an easier temperment, I know I'm going to spend the whole visit alternately caring for the baby and running after ds. Which the church people think is a riot. But which is abseloutely exhausting for me, because when I say "we really need to go" they don't listen and keep talking and pretending I didn't REALLY mean it becuase we've only been there an hour and they ahven't even made the tea yet . . . . And none of them consider the fact that 10 or 15 OTHER people are going to invite us to "just come over for a little visit" sometime in Feb.

Plus everyone is going to just "drop by with casseroles and gifts to catch a glimpse of the baby (and me in my post-partum disshevelment and my messy house and grumpy toddler who hates it when people drop by and try to make conversation with him) anyway. Which I don't mind, becuase usually people only stay around 10 min. or so and are very kind.

So, I told dh that I wasn't going to visit with anyone for the first few months after the baby. Considering that these people are not family or close friends and will see the baby at church a few weeks after he or she is born, I think that's reasonable, don't you? Especially in -30 weather.

Also, what are you doing as far as people visiting / taking the baby out to visit?

Jill , mom to Andrew (09/04), Aaron(01/07), and Emma (11/09)
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#2 of 8 Old 01-11-2007, 03:23 PM
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We're starting to spread the word now that we are planning to do a "lying in period" where we wont accept visitors for the first two weeks except for immediate family. I also plan to stay in my robe and pajamas for the first two weeks and not come downstairs for visitors, rather I will stay in bed (or get in bed ) when they come and let them come to me. I think it will make them uncomfortable enough to keep the visits short.
Think we're also planning to put a sign on the door reminding visitors to limit visits to 15 minutes unless they are cleaning or cooking or putting in a load of laundry.

And finally, when people are like "why are you doing that?" we're blaming it on our midwives (saying its their policy to have mom and baby stay upstairs for the first 2 weeks and it sounds like a good one to us) and figuring that it is easier to put lots of boundaries up and then loosen them than the other way around.

After the two weeks, all bets are off and I have no idea how I will handle visitors. I am thinking of just allowing one per day to keep it manageable. (I am pretty good at saying no and I am sure this will be good practice!)

Mama to Charlotte (2/14/07) and Julian (11/27/10) both born at home.
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#3 of 8 Old 01-11-2007, 03:23 PM
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I don't think it's unreasonable at all!! Take as much time as you need! It would be really hard in your situation, but IT WEARS YOU OUT and your needs count too!

I know a lady on a mailing list and she's got a new granddaughter. She was really bent out of shape because the baby's mother wouldn't let her visit for about a week. She's breastfeeding too! And, things have not always been smooth between them. I gently told her moms NEED time to themselves after giving birth - this lady had adopted but never gave birth. I know I did too much after DS was born and when that would happen I'd bleed like a stuck pig. Not to mention, I'd just collapse at home and cry because I was so tired. People DON'T GET IT, maybe they don't remember what it was like to be post partum?

I like Dr. Sears suggestion... stay in your pajamas. No matter who is coming over. It usually gets people out of the house faster!
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#4 of 8 Old 01-11-2007, 04:06 PM
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How about having a potluck or something one day after church so that way you can visit with everyone and let them all see the babe. Then when you they ask you to stop by for a little visit just say that you 'can't wait for spring to start getting out and seeing everyone'. Then just start talking about how much work it is with a toddler and a babe and that your still trying to find your groove.

Sarah knit.gif married to Micah, mama to dd1 (9), dd2 (7) and ds (2). We love to homeschool.gif h20homebirth.gif goorganic.jpgchicken3.gif
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#5 of 8 Old 01-11-2007, 05:39 PM
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I think the potluck is a great idea... have your dh announce at service (or in the bulliten) that there will be a potluck after x service on x date (pick something in like May!!) to meet the baby.

And then pop a sign on the door to your house saying "mama and baby are getting their rest, but they will see you on Sunday at church" or something, and then keep baby in a sling at all times!

We just moved to a place where we have no friends yet, so keeping people away should be really quite easy.

Lisa, mama to Lauren, Elliot, angel Marion, and baby due in the fall.
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#6 of 8 Old 01-11-2007, 07:48 PM - Thread Starter
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Actually, its funny because I had to always keep ds in the sling at church because he was really grumpy when he was anywhere except home, and I remember having women make comments like, "Well, we can never get our hands on that baby because he's always in that contraption of yours". And I was thinking "Yes, that is exactly the point."

I've heard that they always have a shower for every single baby in the church, even if its your third or fourth, so they'll all get to meet the baby.

Dh is taking the sunday after the baby off, so I think we'll call the secretary and get her to put a little blurb in the bulletin that is a birth announcement and then says "We would appreciate if calls and visits were kept to a minimum for the first few weeks of baby's life so we can all settle in. Thanks." I think that is gentle enough to keep most people away or at least keep their stays short.

Jill , mom to Andrew (09/04), Aaron(01/07), and Emma (11/09)
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#7 of 8 Old 01-11-2007, 08:05 PM
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Good for you! I limited visitors for the first time after baby 6 was born. I didn't limit it enough, though. The guests will be further pared down this time. Aviva Jill Romm suggest posting on your door that if you want to come in and see the baby you have to do a chore (ie laundry, sweep the floor, etc)

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

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#8 of 8 Old 01-12-2007, 10:30 AM
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At this time of year I think it's always easy to blame cold and flu season for not wanting to haul your baby around to see lots of people - or have them come over either. I also endorse the pajama wearing suggestion - think it works great. You might tell people point blank you just can't manage chasing your toddler in other people's homes yet with the new baby and being post partum. They might offer more active help with the toddler at least, lol.
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