Disappointed about baby shower.... Need to vent - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 21 Old 01-15-2007, 08:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
mf_colon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Bronx, New York
Posts: 405
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi all,

I just needed to vent about my now cancelled baby shower which would have been on January 27th (also my birthday.) From the get-go I was not planning one but my family and hubby's family kinda got me gassed up about having one and I let them sweep me up in the excitement. I guess I should have known better because from the beginning it was pretty much me planning it and putting some effort into it. On top of that, we really had no place to hold it at so I was thinking of renting a place. There was a community center in the area that would have rented to us for $200. I was down for it but I told my family to help me put in for it. I was planning it for early December but of course life intervened. At the time I was planning it which was in November, so many family problems arose from my side to my hubby's side (he has a death in the family, his sister is in the middle of a custody battle that turned vishous, etc.) So we rescheduled, plus with Christmas time my famly pretty much told me they would not be able to put in any $$. Ok, so they said how about January? I decided on my B-day, cutting it close as that is one week exactly before my due date. But alas, nothing came through the community center was booked, the church we go to was booked and no could have it at their place (my mother included.)

So I finally emailed everyone today and told them it was cancelled. And I feel absolutely awful about it plus bitterly disappointed. : I was so excited about it and now I feel resentful toward everyone who even mentioned the idea. My family is not very close and they are by no means the most dependable so I guess I should not be too surprised when the work started to fall more and more on me. But I just cant help but feel resentment. I always try to help my family- I got a scholarship for my mom to go to school, when she needs babysitters or someone to take my younger sisters to doctor's appts and such I do it. With my sister I helped her locate and put in $$ for a new apt when she was on the rocks. And now I just wish someone would have stepped up and really took the initiate to plan this for me. The bulk of the planning was on me, looking for a place, paying for it, getting invitations, decorations, etc.... I look back on it now and realize... I was planning my own damn shower!

This whole thing also makes me look on my own relationships. I realize now I have NO female friends, close or just as aquaintances. I have had none now for almost 3 years. My last best female friend moved 3 years ago to North Carolina. I realize now I have isolated myself now. My goal once I have this baby is to start joining gruops and take some classes that I have been putting off for the longest.

I just wish someone would look out for you as much as you look out for them. My hubby tried to help and helped me feel better which I love him for. And in the end I realize I have to concentrate on our little family- me, him, stepdaughter and the new baby. Now I also have scramble to buy things for the baby because I have not gotten anything yet aside from a few clothes and such.

The funny thing was my mom sounded so crushed and asked me why I was cancelling it (maybe because no one helped when I asked or wanted to put in even a little $$ or even offer a place no matter how small or cramped they think it might be), and it took something on my part not to get angry. I know this might sound trivial but I am really just bummed about it. Maybe I have no right to be angry and hurt but it is just the way I feel right now. I guess what I am really angry about is that I have kept myself so isolated for so long now and that I thought my family would have my back this time but guess not...

Sorry about the long post but I really just need to vent. Last night I was in tears and today feel no better. What keeps me upbeat is this baby. I really cannot wait to give birth now just to hold him or her in my arms.
mf_colon is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 21 Old 01-15-2007, 09:30 PM
 
veggijessie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 353
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so sorry. I know just how you feel, I was promised 3 baby showers with DD and I never even got one.
veggijessie is offline  
#3 of 21 Old 01-15-2007, 09:50 PM
 
Jude Rose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 754
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry too, hon. It's funny how the roll playing in family groups goes. When it's time for the 'provider/organizer' to get some providing, everyone else is incapable of switching from their dependent rolls.
Who knows? Maybe the cancelled letter will help someone grow out of their shell and try to do it. Even a small one is better than none.

But if that doesn't happen, know that you are still totally deserving of one whether you get it or not. Also, it won;t hurt to be very strong and assertive as to where you're registered. It's pretty easy to have things shipped to your house and the people who want to help but suck at social planning will then still have a way to get you and your baby showered.

I'm glad you had such an awakening about girlfriends. I hope that you are true to yourself and DO get out more. It sounds like you deserve and need some women around you who are more like you.

P.S.-want to hear a sad story? I have a cyber friend who had her 9th baby last year. We held a cyber shower for her. It was a blast. It was also her FIRST baby shower! :
Jude Rose is offline  
#4 of 21 Old 01-15-2007, 10:20 PM
 
NCMommax2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Somewhere in NC
Posts: 317
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
NCMommax2 is offline  
#5 of 21 Old 01-15-2007, 10:42 PM
 
wednesday's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 5,421
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry, that really stinks. My family never comes through for me either. It's something I've gotten used to but it still really stinks.
wednesday is offline  
#6 of 21 Old 01-15-2007, 11:16 PM
 
MoonWillow's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Pemberly
Posts: 3,857
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh geez you've almost got me in tears here! I don't think you're being petty and you DO deserve a shower!!
Sending so much love your way right now!
MoonWillow is offline  
#7 of 21 Old 01-15-2007, 11:39 PM
 
swtmama2be's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: cape cod, MA
Posts: 288
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sending you soo much love right now also. I'm so sorry that happened, and you do deserve a shower and to have your family step up to the plate for you. I would be hurt & resentful as well. I wish for you that you do cultivate some "girl" relationships...they are so powerful and fill such a void. Please be gentle to yourself....you are WONDERFUL & BEAUTIFUL & DESERVING of all that life has to offer.
swtmama2be is offline  
#8 of 21 Old 01-15-2007, 11:55 PM
 
DecemberSun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: The Valley of the Sun
Posts: 1,563
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I can relate, Mama. No one even *offered* to throw me a shower with this pregnancy. I don't really need anything, but it would still be nice to have a little recognition for this new little baby! I have taken it upon myself to plan a luncheon at a nice-ish restaurant with my friends and family members, just so I can take some pictures and put them in the "baby shower" section of the baby book. I don't want this baby to feel "left out" that she didn't get a special party just for her, YK? I am the first one to volunteer planning a friend's baby shower as soon as she announces she is expecting, so I feel a little let down that no one offered to do anything for me. A friend of mine even joked that she had to plan her own shower too!

Maybe you could plan just something small, like inviting some people over for dinner or out to lunch in honor of you and your new baby?

Good luck on your adventure of motherhood... I hope you get to celebrate it somehow.

Leah coolshine.gif adoptionheart-1.gif homebirth.jpg

Hubby guitar.gif, ds (11) REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, adopted dd (10) notes2.gif, dd (6) dust.gif, dd (1) femalesling.GIF & 3 foster dd's wheelchair.gif upsidedown.gif diaper.gif  

DecemberSun is offline  
#9 of 21 Old 01-16-2007, 12:33 AM
 
butterflymum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Houston,TX
Posts: 48
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
SO sorry for the crappy day. I agree with all of the above and just wanted to add that I'm sure you will make some new friends once this baby gets here! Having a baby or small child has been such a great way to get connected with people. I'm having my third and due to friends moving away or starting back to work etc, I am feeling the need to find some new friends too and I'm really looking forward to having the new baby to help a little.

Just wanted to give you a little encouragement there. A great opportunity is just around the corner.
As for the shower...I'm in the position of planning my own too. I had a Blessinway with #2 and that was great but I'm not feeling the need for something that ellaborate this time. I do however want to have *something* to acknowledge this baby coming... A friend offered a while back to put something together for me but I'm now almost 37 weeks and there has been no discussion about it...I guess it's up to me at this point. Feels really odd to plan my own... I've been thinking of planning an afternoon of getting my toenails done (since I can't reach anymore!!) and lunch at a tea room with some friends...
butterflymum is offline  
#10 of 21 Old 01-16-2007, 12:54 AM
 
DecemberSun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: The Valley of the Sun
Posts: 1,563
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by butterflymum View Post
I guess it's up to me at this point. Feels really odd to plan my own... I've been thinking of planning an afternoon of getting my toenails done (since I can't reach anymore!!) and lunch at a tea room with some friends...
Ooh, that sounds perfect!

Leah coolshine.gif adoptionheart-1.gif homebirth.jpg

Hubby guitar.gif, ds (11) REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, adopted dd (10) notes2.gif, dd (6) dust.gif, dd (1) femalesling.GIF & 3 foster dd's wheelchair.gif upsidedown.gif diaper.gif  

DecemberSun is offline  
#11 of 21 Old 01-16-2007, 01:02 AM
 
bikruca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,595
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I know how you feel too...

I think I came to the "female friends" realization when I was planning my wedding... here is a photo for dramatic representation.. I didn't have a single bridesmaid.. I had my brothers and my "man of honor". It made me kinda sad at the time.
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y10...Party067-1.jpg
*hugs*

Maybe you could plan a little something for once the baby arrives, so everyone can meet the baby too.. I went to a "shower" like that recently and it was really nice.
bikruca is offline  
#12 of 21 Old 01-16-2007, 01:22 AM
 
timneh_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Somewhere between awake and asleep
Posts: 4,928
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so sorry!! It's just not right for the expectant mom to plan her own shower and pay for it too!! My family doesn't live here but my IL's live by the "rule" that you only get ONE shower... that's fine with me (they threw me a nice one for DS) but just the other night a couple of my friends decided they wanted to throw a little party for me - if not before the baby is born, then shortly after.

I'm really sorry things turned out so badly... and even sorrier that your family is so unsupportive!!
timneh_mom is offline  
#13 of 21 Old 01-16-2007, 06:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
mf_colon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Bronx, New York
Posts: 405
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you for the support everyone.

My husband said the same thing to me- that we could always have a shower after the baby was born. I know that is not a bad idea but I am not going to drive myself crazy over it. If it happens, then so be it. My hubby did promise me a nice dinner and get together of small friends on my birthday so that should be nice.

Right now, I am going to concentrate on getting the stuff I need before the baby comes and to prepare mentally for the labor. The baby's head has dropped and I feel it now everytime I walk or sit. These next three weeks will go by in a blur. Pretty soon baby will be in my arms. Cant wait.....
mf_colon is offline  
#14 of 21 Old 01-16-2007, 11:52 AM
 
mamabear&babybear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Vermont
Posts: 1,318
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wanted to offer some more . I also wanted to say that maybe you shouldn't hold back when someone asks you why you cancelled. I hope you have a wonderful birthday. I agree that you deserve to be showered whether you get one or not.
mamabear&babybear is offline  
#15 of 21 Old 01-16-2007, 05:12 PM
 
MoonWillow's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Pemberly
Posts: 3,857
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ooooooh :
Maybe it's time to speak your peace about this stuff.
MoonWillow is offline  
#16 of 21 Old 01-16-2007, 06:35 PM
 
MotheringMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 402
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I know how you feel. Before my boyfriend left me, I was "scheduled" to get 2 baby showers. Now that he's not really in my life, both showers are out of the question, and NO ONE has gotten me anything. Although now I need their help more than before.

Recognition for a hard job like this would have been nice. We all deserve it.
MotheringMe is offline  
#17 of 21 Old 01-16-2007, 06:58 PM
 
Teensy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 1,688
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Man that stinks!

Are you a member of any mom's clubs? If not, you should definitely join one. If you are a SAHM, look into Mother & More or Moms Club. If you are a WOHM, maybe form a book club or bunco group with other mothers you meet at daycare or LLL meetings. It sounds like you need some nuturing women in your life!

I'd also plan a "meet the new baby" event myself to be held sometime after the baby arrives.

Tanya
Mom to John (age 11), James (age 9) & Katherine (age 5)
Teensy is offline  
#18 of 21 Old 01-16-2007, 10:41 PM
 
libragirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 227
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
big hugs to you - I agree, you should plan something for after the baby, even if it's not a shower, something to celebrate and make you feel good is definitely in order!
libragirl is offline  
#19 of 21 Old 01-16-2007, 11:04 PM
 
mom2mimi's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In a zoo!!
Posts: 664
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh that stinks!!! You should just plan a little meet baby party for afterwards like others have suggested. This is my third one and it's kinda sad how nobody makes much of it like they did the other two. Until my friend offered to throw me something last week it hadn't been mentioned once by anyone, although I really don't need anything I would love to just celebrate this new little life. So we're going to do something afterwards!
mom2mimi is offline  
#20 of 21 Old 01-16-2007, 11:09 PM
 
umami_mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: home is where the magic is
Posts: 4,983
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
when i was married the first time, my ex's best friend complained that no-one in his family or his GF's family were going to have a baby shower for her.

so my ex asked me to do it for her. uh, okay. do i threw her a little shower at my house, made all the food and did all the work. there were like 10 women there. (i didn't know a soul except the GF)

everyone was really nice to me, but i felt so sad that no-one would do this for her!

"Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift." -- Mary Olivercoolshine.gif

umami_mommy is offline  
#21 of 21 Old 01-17-2007, 11:21 PM
 
illinoismommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Illinois
Posts: 832
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
: Sorry!!

Check yahoo groups for local groups of crunchy mamas!

Homeschooling SAHM to 3 children under 5 + one on the way.
illinoismommy is offline  
Reply

User Tag List



Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off