I just needed to vent about my now cancelled baby shower which would have been on January 27th (also my birthday.) From the get-go I was not planning one but my family and hubby's family kinda got me gassed up about having one and I let them sweep me up in the excitement. I guess I should have known better because from the beginning it was pretty much me planning it and putting some effort into it. On top of that, we really had no place to hold it at so I was thinking of renting a place. There was a community center in the area that would have rented to us for $200. I was down for it but I told my family to help me put in for it. I was planning it for early December but of course life intervened. At the time I was planning it which was in November, so many family problems arose from my side to my hubby's side (he has a death in the family, his sister is in the middle of a custody battle that turned vishous, etc.) So we rescheduled, plus with Christmas time my famly pretty much told me they would not be able to put in any $$. Ok, so they said how about January? I decided on my B-day, cutting it close as that is one week exactly before my due date. But alas, nothing came through the community center was booked, the church we go to was booked and no could have it at their place (my mother included.)
So I finally emailed everyone today and told them it was cancelled. And I feel absolutely awful about it plus bitterly disappointed. : I was so excited about it and now I feel resentful toward everyone who even mentioned the idea. My family is not very close and they are by no means the most dependable so I guess I should not be too surprised when the work started to fall more and more on me. But I just cant help but feel resentment. I always try to help my family- I got a scholarship for my mom to go to school, when she needs babysitters or someone to take my younger sisters to doctor's appts and such I do it. With my sister I helped her locate and put in $$ for a new apt when she was on the rocks. And now I just wish someone would have stepped up and really took the initiate to plan this for me. The bulk of the planning was on me, looking for a place, paying for it, getting invitations, decorations, etc.... I look back on it now and realize... I was planning my own damn shower!
This whole thing also makes me look on my own relationships. I realize now I have NO female friends, close or just as aquaintances. I have had none now for almost 3 years. My last best female friend moved 3 years ago to North Carolina. I realize now I have isolated myself now. My goal once I have this baby is to start joining gruops and take some classes that I have been putting off for the longest.
I just wish someone would look out for you as much as you look out for them. My hubby tried to help and helped me feel better which I love him for. And in the end I realize I have to concentrate on our little family- me, him, stepdaughter and the new baby. Now I also have scramble to buy things for the baby because I have not gotten anything yet aside from a few clothes and such.
The funny thing was my mom sounded so crushed and asked me why I was cancelling it (maybe because no one helped when I asked or wanted to put in even a little $$ or even offer a place no matter how small or cramped they think it might be), and it took something on my part not to get angry. I know this might sound trivial but I am really just bummed about it. Maybe I have no right to be angry and hurt but it is just the way I feel right now. I guess what I am really angry about is that I have kept myself so isolated for so long now and that I thought my family would have my back this time but guess not...
Sorry about the long post but I really just need to vent. Last night I was in tears and today feel no better. What keeps me upbeat is this baby. I really cannot wait to give birth now just to hold him or her in my arms.
Who knows? Maybe the cancelled letter will help someone grow out of their shell and try to do it. Even a small one is better than none.
But if that doesn't happen, know that you are still totally deserving of one whether you get it or not. Also, it won;t hurt to be very strong and assertive as to where you're registered. It's pretty easy to have things shipped to your house and the people who want to help but suck at social planning will then still have a way to get you and your baby showered.
I'm glad you had such an awakening about girlfriends. I hope that you are true to yourself and DO get out more. It sounds like you deserve and need some women around you who are more like you.
P.S.-want to hear a sad story? I have a cyber friend who had her 9th baby last year. We held a cyber shower for her. It was a blast. It was also her FIRST baby shower! :
Maybe you could plan just something small, like inviting some people over for dinner or out to lunch in honor of you and your new baby?
Good luck on your adventure of motherhood... I hope you get to celebrate it somehow.
Hubby , ds (11) , adopted dd (10) , dd (6) , dd (1) & 3 foster dd's
Just wanted to give you a little encouragement there. A great opportunity is just around the corner.
As for the shower...I'm in the position of planning my own too. I had a Blessinway with #2 and that was great but I'm not feeling the need for something that ellaborate this time. I do however want to have *something* to acknowledge this baby coming... A friend offered a while back to put something together for me but I'm now almost 37 weeks and there has been no discussion about it...I guess it's up to me at this point. Feels really odd to plan my own... I've been thinking of planning an afternoon of getting my toenails done (since I can't reach anymore!!) and lunch at a tea room with some friends...
Hubby , ds (11) , adopted dd (10) , dd (6) , dd (1) & 3 foster dd's
I think I came to the "female friends" realization when I was planning my wedding... here is a photo for dramatic representation.. I didn't have a single bridesmaid.. I had my brothers and my "man of honor". It made me kinda sad at the time.
Maybe you could plan a little something for once the baby arrives, so everyone can meet the baby too.. I went to a "shower" like that recently and it was really nice.
I'm really sorry things turned out so badly... and even sorrier that your family is so unsupportive!!
My husband said the same thing to me- that we could always have a shower after the baby was born. I know that is not a bad idea but I am not going to drive myself crazy over it. If it happens, then so be it. My hubby did promise me a nice dinner and get together of small friends on my birthday so that should be nice.
Right now, I am going to concentrate on getting the stuff I need before the baby comes and to prepare mentally for the labor. The baby's head has dropped and I feel it now everytime I walk or sit. These next three weeks will go by in a blur. Pretty soon baby will be in my arms. Cant wait.....
Recognition for a hard job like this would have been nice. We all deserve it.
Are you a member of any mom's clubs? If not, you should definitely join one. If you are a SAHM, look into Mother & More or Moms Club. If you are a WOHM, maybe form a book club or bunco group with other mothers you meet at daycare or LLL meetings. It sounds like you need some nuturing women in your life!
I'd also plan a "meet the new baby" event myself to be held sometime after the baby arrives.
Mom to John (age 11), James (age 9) & Katherine (age 5)
so my ex asked me to do it for her. uh, okay. do i threw her a little shower at my house, made all the food and did all the work. there were like 10 women there. (i didn't know a soul except the GF)
everyone was really nice to me, but i felt so sad that no-one would do this for her!
"Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift." -- Mary Oliver