Giving up my UC - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 02-18-2007, 08:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am really sad. My husband hasn't been on board with it this whole pg but I really thought that he would be okay by now. Well, he isn't. We had yet another discussion about it this afternoon. It has him really down. He thinks me, baby, or both will die. I keep trying to reassure him but he just won't have it. I think this is a huge reason why I haven't gone into active labor, since I've been having contractions only in the evening 3-9 minutes apart, going through the night but still able to sleep, and sporatically throughout the day. I've been experiencing this since 2 Wednesdays ago. He has been such a downer, he won't even discuss names.
So I called my friend that I met not too long ago, who is almost a doula (just needs to attend births). She's coming over tonight after the kids go to bed to meet my husband and talk about everything. I will do the same as last time, and wait til the last minute, when I can't take it anymore (transition) or when my water breaks since I had him an hour later (15 minutes after I arrived). I will also fight my hardest to leave as soon as we can. We stayed 17 hours last time, but I want to leave in just a few this time.
I am sad but a little more comfortable that my husband will actually be there for me. He even said yesterday that he would most likely call an ambulance. I didn't think he would, but this is how uncomfortable he is.

CD(DONA), Wife to Jason, Momma to Xander (7), Hayden (5), & Hanna (4)
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#2 of 11 Old 02-18-2007, 09:32 PM
 
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Ohhhh....I'm so sorry! Last time I had a UC, my husband wasn't on board so we hired a midwife (she didn't make it). Would he be comfortable with a midwife? An attended homebirth might be a better option than the hospital. Good luck. I wish my husband could come over and talk to yours. After our last experience, he learned a lot.

I'm sure your body will definitely feel better (more cooperative) when things feel resolved to you.

(As an aside I saw your post and thought it was so interesting because my name is Sarah Anne, our boy's name choice is Xander, and your Xander shares my Eva's b-day.)

*hug*
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#3 of 11 Old 02-18-2007, 10:30 PM
 
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I'm sorry I agree that maybe you could have a m/w come to your house if your dh would agree to that? There's no way my dh would ever feel comfortable with an UC and if he wasn't on board I just don't see how I could do it. I hope after the doula comes tonight to talk you guys can work something out that you're both happy with. Good luck!

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

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#4 of 11 Old 02-18-2007, 11:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sarah, that is weird, in a cool way!

So, the meeting went well. We are going to the hospital at the last minute. We looked into getting a mw early on, but it was not affordable to us. And since we qualified for medicaid, that was the decision. Next time, I don't care how much it costs. If we decide to have another child, we'll be getting a mw and I'll have my hb. (although Jason is wanting to get fixed like tomorrow.)

CD(DONA), Wife to Jason, Momma to Xander (7), Hayden (5), & Hanna (4)
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#5 of 11 Old 02-18-2007, 11:55 PM
 
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I am so sorry to hear that! I have been one of the lucky ones - my dh was on board with UC before I was! I certainly understand his concern if he isn't educated about birth. It can be scary to the partner watching you in a situation they can't control. I hope your friend will help set his mind at ease and maybe you will just get an oops UC anyway. Good luck!

~Lanie mom to Layne, Liam, Maren, Meridian, and Melora
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#6 of 11 Old 02-19-2007, 12:04 AM
 
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#7 of 11 Old 02-19-2007, 06:07 AM
 
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Sorry to hear that you won't be getting your UC. I hope you are able to work something out that both you and your dh are comfortable with.
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#8 of 11 Old 02-19-2007, 11:15 AM
 
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Do you have a doctor at the hospital that is supportive? Will the doula be with you?
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#9 of 11 Old 02-19-2007, 01:02 PM
 
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It's hard changing plans at the last minute, isn't it? But I agree with you - if he isn't going to be there for you 100% then you are better off somewhere else. I wish you the best experience possible. {{{Hugs}}}
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#10 of 11 Old 02-19-2007, 01:12 PM
 
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not in your ddc but saw your thread
I also have a reluctant husband with regards to UC, he is scared to be responsible if something happens. So we have agreed on a good friend of mine being there who is willing to do the necessary if anything happens. he is still not 100% so i understand the stress it can cause.

I guess you find the compromise that works for you, i know for me presonally hospital could never be an option unless needed but you will know what works for you. Good luck hope the birth goes well
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#11 of 11 Old 02-19-2007, 03:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I do have an ob. I've gone there the whole pg with him. We've already talked about a birth plan for just in case and he is very supportive of what I don't want, even down to not checking me unless I want him to. The doula will be with us if we have her before Thursday. She is leaving for vacation early Thursday morning. If I have her after that, my MIL will act as one. She was a nurse and knows what I want/don't want and was at my last birth, so I'm very comfortable with that.

CD(DONA), Wife to Jason, Momma to Xander (7), Hayden (5), & Hanna (4)
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