We arrived at Tobey Hospital on February 6, a Tuesday morning around 10. Entering the maternity ward was like passing through a veil into sacred space. We were the on;y "patients" there and everyone on staff was so kind and supportive. The nurses hooked me up to a monitor to make sure all was well with the babe, took blood, discussed anastaesia options and all of the other pre-op stuff. All of this was handled with such compassion, warmth and gentleness that I felt completely at ease and safe in my coming adventure. At around 11:50 we got ready to enter the OR. My dear Husband & mother put on their scrubs and I went with my midwife into the OR to receive my spinal. She whispered in my ear the whole time to comfort me and I could barely even feel the needle in my back. I lied down on the operating table and felt my legs going numb. Meanwhile the surgeon, the anaestesiologist, my midwife and the nurses were gently talking me through all that was and would be happening. My DH & mother came in and sat near my head and a screen was erected so that we couldn’t see the surgery take place. My mother led everyone in a prayer, thanking the doctors & nurses for their part in birthing this miracle and emphasizing the sacredness of this birth. One of the nurses then started playing a CD that I brought that I find incredibly soothing and inspiring and the doctors silently and gently with reverence went to work. The brightlights and the shiny sterile atmosphere of the OR couldn’t compete with the peace and tranquility that took over the entire room. I was in a state of absolute calmness…..I felt so safe and cared for and ecstatic that in a matter of moments I would be meeting my daughter. After about ten minutes I heard her first cry and they brought Saffron over for me to see her. They then suctioned her fluids and within one minute she was on my breast sucking away. Oh!!! Where are the words to describe the absolute euphoria that overtook every single cell in my body! I was crying, DH, mother, midwife & some of the nurses were crying. Saffron Bella stayed on my breast the 25 minutes or so it took for them to stitch me up. I was in heaven and all I could feel was an abundance of love….for my daughter…my dh, my mother, and my “surgical” birth team. I was wheeled into recovery with Saffron still in my arms and it wasn’t until several hours later that she was weighed, wiped off and given Vit. K ( we skipped the eye drops completely)
Though not my original vision, this was a dream birth for me. It couldn’t have been more beautiful or spiritually fulfilling. I also had a feeling of things coming full circle…in a way that was so healing for me. As a quick yet crucial side note to this story: 10 years ago I underwent major abdominal surgery that brought me close to my death, of both body & spirit. It resulted in an incision in my lower abdomen about 13 inches long. The scar healed very unattractively as the wound had to be left open for over two weeks to prevent infection. Once I was stitched up the scar was rough, hard & thick. I was told that fertility would be unlikely in my future due to comprehensive scarring in my lower abdomen and pelvis. It took years to recover & regain my energy. This area on my body represented death & ugliness to me and symbolized the robbing of my chance to have children. Fortunately and thankfully I was able to get pregnant after all (with fertility help 10 years later) and I almost wonder if the world was working its magic in giving me Placenta Previa. Consequently, the only way for me to safely give birth was through the same wound that had almost killed me. It wasn’t until a few days after my surgery that I saw my new scar. My doc had actually cut the old scar out (my mother saw him throw it away) and now I have a beautiful barely visible scar. What once represented ugliness & death to me was literally thrown away to make room for beauty and life. My & Saffron’s belly-birth was miraculous on so many levels. I am filled with awe & gratitude and feel so blessed.
Recovery has been incredible…I’ve had virtually no pain at the incision site but my abdominal muscles are a little weak. I’m in baby bliss and cannot believe it's already three weeks later to the day. I continue to fall in love & wonder every second of every day. We’re having so much fun nursing, & sleeping together & slinging….and I am just so grateful…..
Here are some pics:
Your babe is gorgeous.
DS, 10/07. Allergies: peanut, egg, wheat. We've added dairy back in. And taken it back out again. It causes sandpaper skin with itchy patches and thrashing during sleep. Due w/ #2 late April, 2012.
I love how you call it Belly-birth - so positive!
I am so glad for you this was a healing experience for your old pain (I had that too with my births, but in a different way) and a magical, calm time.
Many congratulations and I love her names.
A doula who married a cop & became a mama to 3 boys: G 12/22/00, my rainbow baby B 2/2/07 and L 2/10/10 my CBA2V baby, waiting for my little caboose late February 2013 & always remembering my two angels 2006 & 2012.