Hubby said he's opposed to extended nursing - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-27-2013, 06:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm in shock. He's been great all along - the homebirth, the co-sleeping, taking on the role of SAHD, and nursing overall. And then today he said he doesn't want me to nurse our son past a year and a half (he's almost 10mo now). When I asked why he said because it's weird. We're on vacation at my parents' place so we didn't really get into it much more than that, but I'm sitting here - having just nursed our little man to sleep - feeling sad and confused and angry. 

 

I'm kinda not sure what to do. I've got the Kellymom factsheet on the benefits of extended nursing to give him, if he'll read it (we can both be pretty stubborn when we set our minds to it). I want to talk more with him about what 'weird' is and see if there's more. I think some part of it has to do with him wanting more physical attention. We've not had much sex since LO was born. I'm trying to make more of an effort but with working and being a new mom it's been hard to find the time, energy, or desire. When he said this it was just as little man was getting a little silly while nursing (some gymnastics, combined with popping off the boob laughing and practically diving back on). 

 

Things have definitely been hard since the birth. We've fought more than we ever did before. Lots of new parenting stress .. and lack of sleep. His family is very much the old school CIO, cereal in the bottle of formula kind of crowd. But he's not especially close with them - though I think he still likes their approval. 

 

I've heard the act of nursing be referred to as a 'dyad'. And I agree. But I guess some part of me is wondering, 'how does dad fit into that?'. I want to be respectful of his feelings, but I also am having a hard time thinking about not doing what I believe in my heart is right for our son. 

 

I'm not sure what I need from this post. I guess I needed to get it out of my head so that hopefully I can sleep. Clearly he and I need to talk more. 

 

Sigh. 

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Old 12-27-2013, 07:00 PM
 
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Mine said the same thing and here we are at 2 still going. Our pediatrician Is the one who set mine straight about the benefits and it worked.
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Old 12-27-2013, 07:10 PM
 
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That is so tough. But if it were me this would be a hill I'm willing to die on, especially if the reason is "because it's weird". Honestly, that's a child's reasoning (not saying he's a child, but we all have that tendency at one time or another). It does seem like there needs to be a good, long talk. But in the end, if it were me, my stance would be that it's our son but my body, so I would think I have the final say. That's just me.

I'm sorry. I would be in shock too. Hugs!

Wife to one amazing husband superhero.gif, SAHM to DS bouncy.gif 10/09, DS babyboy.gif 10/19,  one furbaby dog2.gif, and lots of chicken3.gif!

 
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Old 12-27-2013, 07:32 PM
 
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I personally believe quite strongly in mothers intuition, I don't think dads can acquire it. I guess maybe that's controversial but whatever. It sounds like maybe he's threatened by your relationship with the baby. Since the issue won't come to a head for at least another 10 months and you are having other pressures I would simply shelve it until its much closer to the time when it's an (almost) issue. I say this partly because I intended on bfing ds indefintely and had even decided 5 wasn't too old. Then a 16 months ds self weaned - no matter what I did he would not take the boob. You can plan all you want but baby might have a different plan - why deal with that added stress when it could be for nothing?

Also, you will disagree on some things but stuff that's clearly mother\baby issues is your decision, IMO, and dh has to learn to give mom final say.

Just becaue you disagree doesn't mean he doesn't love and respect you.

Dh and I fought a lot after ds was born. By the time ds turned a year it started to get better. And we went to marriage counselling and that helped a lot. Ds is 20 months and we're doing pretty well. But damn it's hard to figure out those roles at first.

Good luck
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Old 01-09-2014, 08:38 PM
 
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my dh was ready for me done by 2 years and had made it very known to me before we had kids.... he was ok as we passed those dates although i think he would have been happy if i stopped then. he may change his mind or just let you make the final say...weaning can be very hard, especially for dads who take the brunt of it.

i nursed dd1 till 3.25 years And am still nursing my other 2.

good luck

SAHM to Chloe«- 6/2008 (10 lbs, 5 oz), Hannah- 9/2010 (9 lbs, 12 oz), Liam- 2/2013 (9 lbs, 6 oz)

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Old 01-09-2014, 08:58 PM
 
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So what if you continue? What's he going to do about it? Anyway, I say cross that bridge when you get closer to 18 months. 


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years
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Old 01-10-2014, 06:27 PM
 
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Always try and take a step back and ask "who is it weird for?" If your breast feeding for the well being of your child then isn't that enough?! I don't know anything about your husband but I certainly understand the pressure that spouses may feel from family/friends as they feel to fit into a 'norm' that may not be your own. Talk this out.
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