Support for moms who can't breastfeed - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 307 Old 04-22-2005, 12:28 PM
 
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Hello, I'm new here, though I've lurked for months. Even before my son was born, I liked checking the site out but didn't think I was AP enough...
My story is very similar-birth trauma, NICU, bottle-feedings. I don't like to talk about it very much, but I'm happy this thread is here. We also struggled w/ bfing and I'm happy that he takes my breast at all, even though my ds supplements the majority of his feedings. After he was born I still lurked here, but didn't want to hear how I didn't try hard enough, or "how convenient for you"... how NOT convenient! Watching my son be intabated(sp?) and drugged was the furthest thing from what we had planned for our family.
I would just like to thank you all for sharing your stories, I don't feel so alone now.
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#122 of 307 Old 04-23-2005, 07:47 PM
 
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Hi! My story is long but I didn't bf either baby. Not for lack of trying.

Dd1 was born healthy but I have flat/inverted nipples, oversupply syndrome (severe), many mastitis infections (ugh!), a baby with vomiting reflux, and well it just didn't work. She preferred bottles. It was easier than trying to suck out a flat nipple while being sprayed and choked. I hired LC's and they gave up on us. I pumped for 5 mos and then quit.

Dd2 was bottlefed from the start b/c I was traumatized by the first experience. I have abuse issues and it was just too much. I pumped for 7 weeks through 3 double mastitis infections and thrush. Ugh! I did try to nurse her a few times. She latched on but didn't stay on. She has severe reflux and has always had feeding problems, was dx with FTT. At 3 mos. old she got a feeding tube in her nose. At 7 mos she got one in her stomach and still eats that way except for a few bites of cracker here and there. At 7.5 mos she stopped taking anything by mouth at all. So it would not have mattered if I'd breastfed her from the start or not.

You can read her full story here but it's very long (and photos too)

I mourned the loss of bfing with Abi. It was very important for me to bfing her for the bonding. The good thing that came out of it was AP. In my effort to make up the bonding, I started to do AP things such as cosleeping and babywearing. It has changed my life and the kind of parent I would have been otherwise! With Abi I learned to find that silver lining in the cloud.

With Nitara I mourn even the pleasure of holding a baby in my arms and feeding her, because with her it was awful. She cried and fought and arched her back for every feeding. Even rejected my arms for awhile because of the association with bottles. The g-tube was the best thing that happened to her. She has grown so well since having it, is happy and healthy and bright. With Nitara I learned to let go of my parenting "rules." She's my crib baby (had to sleep elevated), the baby who hated slings for a long time b/c the cradle hold caused her to reflux. She had pacies to help strengthen her suck muscles and to help keep the reflux down better.

Nitara made me let go of everything and start all over again. I am much more confident in my parenting and myself in general because of Nitara.

Darshani

Talking about formula costs! Ugh! She did poorly on breastmilk, better on Alimentum. She could only take Ready to Feed Alimentum for awhile at $53/case (6 day supply). Now she's on Pediasure at $4.50/day. I do give her babyfood and cereals and avacado down the tube but the majority of her food is Pediasure, and will be until she's 3-5 years old and outgrows the reflux and starts eating better. She may require at least supplemental feedings by tube for an even longer time.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#123 of 307 Old 04-24-2005, 11:05 AM
 
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Hello, just a quick q... does anyone know of a formula that tastes more like breast milk? Until recently, my son would only nurse when he was tired or asleep but now he refuses his bottles and I don't have enough milk. Any advice would be appreciated!
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#124 of 307 Old 04-24-2005, 01:16 PM
 
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Are you open to accepting donated milk from other moms? I've also heard of moms who have added 1 tsp of sugar to an 8oz bottle to sweeten it and slowly wean the baby off the sugar a week or 2 later.

Seriously?
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#125 of 307 Old 04-24-2005, 06:21 PM
 
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Hi everyone,

I came to support you. While have managed to breastfeed all three of my children who were adopted, I know the pain and struggle that goes into trying to provide enough for my kids.

I used formula for all three since I used a Lact Aid to suppliment. I was lucky to get some donated milk for a while, but that ran out eventually. Even then I still had to feed formula. I had a tiny milk supply, and it was disheartening to not have more.

I just wanted to say that I know how hard you all have tried. When my dd and I got thrush (me in the ducts) I wanted to give breastfeeding up. It was only because my daughter would nurse, that I didn't. If she was not wanting to nurse, and arched away from me all the time, I would have been devistated and stopped.

I think at some point, you just have to draw a line in the sand. Is if affecting your mental health and the physical health of the child, then it is time to accept that formula is a viable way to feed a child.

My mother formula fed me, and I was okay. I look at it that way. Politically I believe that the formula companies are essentially evil as they promote formula in the hospital and dr offices. Formula should be something that is available by prescription only. Some people just use it because they don't know any better. That is sad.

I just wanted to give a big H U G to you mamas!
Supporting you mamas because I know how hard it is!

Vegetarian Hindu, mother to L,P and R. 
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#126 of 307 Old 04-24-2005, 07:25 PM
 
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Thanks, Satori... I grrr added sugar to his formula and he ate happily. Seems I just keep trading one worry for another.
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#127 of 307 Old 04-24-2005, 09:39 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FancyD
Hello, just a quick q... does anyone know of a formula that tastes more like breast milk? Until recently, my son would only nurse when he was tired or asleep but now he refuses his bottles and I don't have enough milk. Any advice would be appreciated!
If you add a touch of vanilla, most babies love vanilla.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#128 of 307 Old 04-24-2005, 09:58 PM
 
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wow! thanks for starting this thread. I know there are members here who have trouble believing any woman can't breastfeed, and, sadly, there are some who think that a woman should not have children unless she breastfeeds.

I don't know yet if I'm going to be able to breastfeed if I have another child. I nursed two children no problem, a third with low supply, and then a fourth-- I was hit with recurrent mastitis. The infection was in my lymph nodes and I was basically bed ridden for a year. The pain I endured was unbelievable and I have lost partial feeling in my right arm and have almost no strength in it.

Most people don't understand how grave and agonizing my situation was. So anyway, if I ever have another child, I may be one of those who "can't." And yes, I tried every natural and mainstream treatment in the book. If I get mastitis three or more times next time around, if there is a next time, I will stop breastfeeding. My children basically lived without a mother for a year-- I basically was just a bedridden lactating "thing--" and I can't take that risk again. It would have been much better for me to have bottlefed than to have endured what I did.
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#129 of 307 Old 04-25-2005, 11:29 PM
 
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Also a good idea, breastmilk kinda tastes like my dp's rice dream. I'll try it out, as I don't really want to give ds any more sugar than I have to.
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#130 of 307 Old 04-27-2005, 09:33 AM
 
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Hello mamas.

I think this is just the sort of support I need here. I had bf my first and started pumping when I went back to work, then my supply dropped so I went to formula at 5 mths. I am a SAHM now and I was determined with my next baby that we would bf until she was ready to wean herself. Well my 2nd baby ended up coming early at 25 wks, so bf would obviously have to wait. I was determined to make it work no matter what. When she finally was at the stage to start, she did ok, her latch was fine but she got frustrated because she was used to the bottle. I know I could of denied the use of bottles and just stuck with the tubes but I felt so heart broken to see those tubes in her for so long and just once I wanted to see nothing going in her so we tried the bottles. Well I kept trying to bf, used a sns, tried all sorts of things but she just doesn't want to. It broke my heart, I felt so bad that she just didn't want to and preferred the bottle. I am pumping so at least I know she's getting bm but I do have to supplement with formula because I just can't pump enough to meet her needs. I've recently made the decision to stop trying to bf her because it was too emotional draining for me and I needed to move on.
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#131 of 307 Old 04-27-2005, 10:27 PM
 
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sweetpeasmom, I can understand your wanting to get the tubes out of her. That must have been so tough. My youngest baby had an NG tube for 4 mos. and it was very hard to live with.

When Nitara (my second) was born I didn't want to bf her after what I went through trying to nurse Abi. Although Nitara ended up with a g-tube, she did latch on and nurse a few times. I can now saw that I know what it feels like to nurse a baby. It was just a few times but it was very special to me all the same.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#132 of 307 Old 04-28-2005, 01:10 PM
 
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Throwing my support your way moms!!

I was able to pump for a friends baby - what a great experience. I didn't *get it* until I met her and saw the struggles she went through.

Mothering is has many aspects. I believe the most important one is doing your best to be the best mom for your child. There is no list of must-dos that creates a good mama.
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#133 of 307 Old 04-30-2005, 02:11 AM
 
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Hi ladies, just wanted to offer my support! I had flat and inverted nipples and gave birth to a very high needs baby. After some incompetent nurses at the hospital, who tried to force my dd to me, I couldn't even hold her in the cradle position without her screaming. We tried everything, and then resorted to pumping exclusively. I did that for 5 months....long months.

With the use of a nipple shield (I love that thing!) I was able to get her to bf when she was 5 months old. I weaned her off the shield after about a month and went on to bf her until she was 21 months old and my milk dried up from being 7 months pg.

But those 5 months were hard, it was awful getting that rejection from my baby. I don't think that I'll ever fully forget how devastated I felt. My heart goes out to all moms that truly wanted to bf, but for some reason or other, it didn't work out.

Luckily, my 2nd baby latched on perfectly right away, and except for the usual pain of the first few weeks, we had a perfect time of it from the start. I just weaned him about 2 months ago after my milk dried up, as I am again pg. So for those of you where it didn't work out the first time, it CAN work out with future babies. And even if not, you are all great mommies, doing the best you can for your children.

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dd - 4/1/01
ds - 3/19/03
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#134 of 307 Old 05-01-2005, 02:45 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Reina
Hi ladies, just wanted to offer my support! I had flat and inverted nipples and gave birth to a very high needs baby. After some incompetent nurses at the hospital, who tried to force my dd to me, I couldn't even hold her in the cradle position without her screaming. We tried everything, and then resorted to pumping exclusively. I did that for 5 months....long months.
I could have written this! Every word of it! Except in my case it was an LC who tried to force her to my breast. : The nipple shield didn't work for us, wish it did. Oh well.

I love hearing stories of success like yours! You are such an inspiration to those who are having a hard time getting started.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#135 of 307 Old 05-15-2005, 02:55 AM
 
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just adding my support to
my oldest i bf for 6 months with almost no supply and having to use a sheild. didnt have much help either as i was/still am the 1st to have bf my kids sinse before my grandmothers!!
anyhoo the 2nd i bf for 14 months with the same above problmes thank got for dom. lol and he has now self weaned.
hugs to you all though it can be soo tough and heartbreaking!
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#136 of 307 Old 05-20-2005, 08:43 PM
 
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How is it that I just noticed this thread?

I am the adoptive mother of a six-month-old daughter. I did not induce lactation, though just recently I am feeling a pull toward trying comfort nursing at the very least. I don't feel particularly guilty about feeding my child formula, though of course I am under no illusion that it is equal to breastmilk, nutritionally speaking. My lack of guilt aside, I do sometimes feel embarrassed to bottle-feed in public. No one has ever openly judged me, but it feels weird, in my all-breastfeeding mothers group for instance, to be the only one shakin' up a bottle of powder. Frankly, I am jealous of women who are easily able to breastfeed. It just seems so much more convenient than having to tote bottles and purified water everywhere. I will not be sorry when I don't have to wash bottles and buy formula anymore. It's quite the pain.

We use the Horizon Organic kind, which works well for us. My husband, who was raised on a farm, says it tastes "alfalfa-y." Huh.

Anyway, I wanted to ask if any of you have changed nipples over time--from one kind of flow to another. I think I read somewhere that you should, and my husband seems to think that because our daughter has become so squirmy during feedings, that maybe she needs a faster-flowing nipple. I tend to disagree with him, but maybe I'm wrong. We've always used the slow-flow. Thoughts?
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#137 of 307 Old 05-25-2005, 03:33 AM
 
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Originally Posted by bartleby
Anyway, I wanted to ask if any of you have changed nipples over time--from one kind of flow to another. I think I read somewhere that you should, and my husband seems to think that because our daughter has become so squirmy during feedings, that maybe she needs a faster-flowing nipple. I tend to disagree with him, but maybe I'm wrong. We've always used the slow-flow. Thoughts?
re: nipple flow ... sometimes i have to change nipples throughout the day, like if i notice Willow wants to suck harder in the morning, but has no patience for a long feeding in the afternoon and evening: i go with Level 1 in the morning, and Level 2 the rest of the day. and there have been more than a few times she'll be hungry but refusing a certain flow and i'm yelling to my husband "hurry, bring me a Level 1!!" through the house :LOL

i've got a squirmer, she's 7 months old, i've posted asking BFing mamas advice on how they handle it. they mentioned feeding in "stops and starts" for a few minutes, it's a hassle to make a new bottle when it "expires" but worth it because it works for her. i also made a nursing necklace for her to fiddle with, she loves it.

i'm a "bottle nurser" (http://www.artwithaheart.com/willow/bottlenursing.html). i avidly read every breastfeeding resource i come across, especially http://www.kellymom.com. because i know it's not just the breastmilk that the baby benefits from, there are SO many other benefits, for mama also! i believe it's my job to give my daughter as many of those benefits as i can. just like when a preemie is born, a mama can do "kangaroo care" to simulate the baby being back in the womb, i think we bottle feeders can "nurse" our babes and give them at least some of that gift. i had the advantage of a month of nursing, and 3 tries at relactation, and periods of comfort nursing on and off until 5 months, when Willow finally rejected the breast (i still continue to offer, though, when she's distressed). but i still consult with nursing mamas all the time.

if my server's FTP was working, i'd upload a pic of Willow bottle-nursing. the bottle lies right along my breast, and she even pats my boobs while eating. like if i get distracted and tilt the bottle wrong and the flow slows, she'll poke my boob hard as if to say "hey! i need some let-down here!" :LOL i'm so happy that she thinks mama = milk!

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#138 of 307 Old 05-25-2005, 07:01 AM
 
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i thought i'd posted my story here months ago, but i guess i didn't! i had a c-birth but my doula latched Willow on for me a few minutes after they brought me back to my room, and we did really well. my milk came in before i even left the hospital. the whole time i nursed, my supply only ran low for 2 days, due to stress and no sleep. the insomnia was the issue, that's why i couldn't continue breastfeeding. for 5 months, i had only slept 3-4 hours per night during the pregnancy since weaning off klonopin in the 5th month ... i'd been on klonopin for 11 years at that point, i have CFIDS and fibromyalgia and it helps tremendously with restful sleep, more energy during the day, and much less pain. for some reason, after birth, i DID NOT sleep - for *3 weeks!* as in: 1 hour sleep or less per day. and that sleep was pretty much just me passing out, not even restful. we went through some mild thrush, some latching issues, i had nipple pain ... basically typical problems. but nothing i would have given up BFing for! i was on here a LOT, asking questions, many mamas helped me tremendously, they also looked up info for me and my drs. i had an LCs help as well as Willow's ped who was a former LC.

klonopin is safe by Dr. Hale's book, but he states only if it doesn't adversely affect the baby. when Willow was 3 weeks old, i took 1mg of klonopin and slept for 3 whole blessed hours!! but she showed signs of sedation. 3 days later, she was also showing signs of agitation after the sedation, and wouldn't eat during either of those periods she had GERD, and not eating was making the reflux pain worse for her. so we'd go through 7 hours of: not being able to wake her up for 3 hours, her waking up screaming and shaking with hand tremors and looking side to side wildly for 3 hours, then crying from reflux pain for about an hour i went down to .5mg klonopin. i didn't sleep. at 3.5 weeks with only those 3 days of 3-hour sleep, i was dizzy, i had double-vision, my speech was slurred, and i was bedridden with pain and weakness, i couldn't even hold my baby. my husband and a friend took care of Willow, they had to latch her on for me and hold her to my breasts. i don't even remember most of the first three weeks of her life

i started using formula. i started taking 2mg klonopin. i started sleeping. i cried every time i gave her a bottle, but she stopped having the sedation/agitation and while she still had reflux, i was able to hold her, rock her, carry her around and soothe her. i went back on effexor as well, something i'd stopped when i found out i was pregnant, because it works fantastic on fibromyalgia pain, and also i felt PPD looming, bigtime. finally at 1 month old, i was able to take care of Willow by myself.

after a few weeks of restful sleep and stronger days, i weaned myself back down to 1mg klonopin, pumped and discarded for 12 hours post-dose (both meds were at bedtime) and i still had enough supply, no problem. Willow was sedated, lethargic, within an hour after my nursing her! i also went back down to 3 hours sleep. i stopped taking the effexor and went down to .5mg klonopin, i stopped sleeping, but thought i could do it for at least another week or two, just to get that "liquid gold" into her as much as possible! but i hadn't bounced back as well as i thought i had. things were crazy, i don't remember that week very well but at least i had started journaling. i started back on the regular doses, slept again, pumped and discarded for *16* hours post-dose ... she was still lethargic and couldn't eat at her next feeding. her reflux worsened. she was just super-sensitive to the klonopin. (i had tried a LOT of other meds and natural remedies, and none of them had worked.)

i stopped pumping, but expressed milk every time i had a hot shower, just to keep some supply going. i kept having "magical thinking" that i could get off the meds somehow. i re-lactated twice, at 3 months and 5 months, hoping Willow now weighed enough to handle the dosage she was getting. her reflux was pretty bad by then, she refused the breast as often as she refused the bottle. i pumped and gave her whatever i could, even if i had to cup-feed her like a preemie, she got about 6 oz. a day on a good day. it dwindled down to 1 oz. but i still kept trying. the last day she nursed for comfort was when she was 5 months, 4 days old. she screamed and refused the breast, although to this day i still offer it occasionally.

we lay skin-to-skin a lot. she'll playfully mouth my nipple, poke or pat my breasts, sometimes bite down on my nipple (OW! *lol*) but no suckling. i tried dripping the formula from the bottle down to the nipple, so she could learn to nurse for comfort, but no luck.

anyway, that's how the bottle-nursing came along. way back when i first started to bottle-feed her, i had a strong instinct to mimic breastfeeding. i held the bottle nipple next to mine, i held her in the same positions, i watched her latch carefully. i rock, i sing to her, sometimes i prop her on a pillow so i can use my other hand to stroke her. she thrives on the attention, the comfort, the closeness of bottle-nursing. i taught her daddy how to bottle-nurse, and it's not the same for her, but she'll tug at his beard and she's able to relax deeply. she's never held her bottle, i always redirect her hands back to my skin or my clothing. i made a nursing necklace recently, when she started getting wiggly. she will NEVER hold her own bottle! she'll go straight to a cup when she's ready, just as she would if i had nursed her. i'm not sure if she'll need formula past 1 year (depends on her reflux) but she will still get bottle-nursed, especially at night, or naptime ... i can see myself nursing her to sleep, formula or goat's milk or cow's milk, until she's 2 or beyond, if she needs it. i trust her to let me know

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#139 of 307 Old 05-27-2005, 08:50 PM
 
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mellybean,

Thanks for the info on nipples, and for sharing your article and personal story. Your article has some very useful tips in it. It seems I am already doing "bottle nursing", and I didn't even know it!

Yesterday, in fact, I had an experience which changed how I look at the way I am feeding my baby. I was at the park, walking the two-mile loop around the lake with my baby in the sling. She started to get fussy, for no reason I could figure at the time (later, I discovered that when I'd tightened the sling, I'd pinched her arm in the rings, leaving a small bruise...bad Mama!). With no bench in sight, I stopped and sat on a strip of grass and mostly dirt along the path. I dug a bottle out of my bag and started feeding her, as she lay close to me in the sling, with some of the sling covering her face to shield her from the sun. A woman walked past and said, "You've found a perfect spot to nurse. That's great!" My first reaction was to feel sad that I am not able to nurse (i.e., breastfeed) my daughter. But then, I looked at what I was actually doing--soothing her, holding her close, sitting in goose poop with ants crawling all over me because I didn't want her to continue crying until I could find a more suitable place to sit--and I realized that of course I was nursing her! Maybe not with breastmilk, but I was certainly nursing her, by at least one definition of the word. So, it was a real turning point for me. And your article just backed me up on that. Thanks!
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#140 of 307 Old 05-27-2005, 11:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by bartleby
It seems I am already doing "bottle nursing", and I didn't even know it!
Same here! (ALthough my son did eventually*insist* on holding his own bottle, not long before we transitioned to cups and off ABM). We made our bottle feedings match breastfeeding as closely as possible in the sense of having physical closeness, cuddling, etc.

My son is over 2 years now and has long been weaned off of all bottles except the one right before bed. We'll give that up when he indicates or tells us he wants to--but I kinda hope he keeps doing it for a while--it is by far the most extended-snuggly time of the day (otherwise, he's a whirlwind! :LOL)
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#141 of 307 Old 05-27-2005, 11:48 PM
 
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I pumped exclusively for my son who is now 7 mos. old for almost 6 months. I had no clue anybody could possibly NOT be able to breastfeed. The hospital he was born at forced me to give him a bottle at 7 hours old and intimidated me into continuing to do it while 'teaching him to bf'. Well NOTHING undid the damage. By the time somebody clued me in to cupfeeding (and that it had NOTHING to do with a sippy cup, which was my first though, HOW do I get a NEWBORN to use a sippy cup??) it was too late....he'd already started screaming and arching whenever I'd try to nurse. I tried EVERYTHING. He didn't suck hard enough to make a nipple shield work. Nobody told me about SNS either until he was 3 weeks old and totally refusing to latch, crying if I so much as lifted my shirt while holding him.

NOBODY understood. I saw 4 LC's who couldn't solve our problems. I had no friends who understood why bf'ing was so important to me, why I was so upset about the situation, why I didn't just quit pumping and go to bottles. (even though most of THEM bf, none of them had problems doing it!) The one thing I am glad I did was go to LLL. I almost didn't because I was afraid to pull out a bottle in front of them, no matter what was in it. The first meeting I went to, everybody introduced themselves because I wasn't the only new one.....halfway through it, DS started fussing to eat, so I pulled out a bottle, and when it got around to me, I told them all what I was doing.
Every mom there said they supported me, and most of them said they didn't know if they could've done what I was doing. That continued through my next 4 months of meetings. I still go even though I've quit pumping--because I'm HOPING maybe someone will come help me with my next one and because it's the only place around here I've ever met other moms who think like me--bf'ing is important, bf'ing past a year, (and yes I would've if I hadn't had to make a choice between giving my son my milk or my attention) questioning vaccines, co-sleeping, etc. And the ONLY place where I've told people about my son's birth and not had them give me this blank look and go 'what's a doula?' after I've repeated the word 'doula' 3 times cause they didn't know what I said.

Anyway that's my breastfeeding story. I know what it's like to feel you're the only one.

lovin DH since 1/04, best mom for my 3 boys 10/04, 11/08, 11/10 one girlie (1/07), and one 13 wk (10/13) just your average :ha ng multigenerational living family!!
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#142 of 307 Old 06-16-2005, 11:06 AM
 
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Thanks to a traumatic birth, misinformation handed me by medical professionals who should have known better, and a total lack of education and support, I only breastfed by daughter, now 9 months, for about five days, before a nasty episode of nipple confusion and poor latch caused me to stop. After that, I pumped for 5 months, desperately trying to keep up a decent supply, even more desperately trying to teach her to latch properly, and then very, very reluctantly conceded defeat and introduced formula. At this point, she will nurse only in the dead of night, and I can only pump a few ounces a day.

The last few months have been filled with regrets, and "if only I'd know"s. Not breastfeeding is something I'll regret for the rest of my life, and sometimes I am really consumed by guilt over it. Why didn't I educate myself better beforehand? Why didn't I look for help earlier? etc etc etc

If I ever have another child, it sure as heck won't happen again, but that doesn't solve the guilt and regret about THIS child that I love so much.

Anyway, I know I'm not the only one around here who was unable to breastfeed exclusively, whether it's because of physical problems, misinformation, traumatic birth experience, or whatever. And I was wondering if you all wanted to chat.

(Please note: this thread is NOT intended for mamas feeding formula by choice, who could have breastfed and simply chose not to.)

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#143 of 307 Old 06-16-2005, 04:06 PM
 
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I can relate. When I had my DS, I wanted desperately to breastfeed. I tried and tried and tried, and it seemed that NO ONE would help me. I asked for a breastfeeding helper/person/ "lactation consultant?" while I was in the hospital. One came, but she was rude and busy...she "had to leave" halfway through everything, and go do "some other business". DH and I lived with my parents at the time (for saving money), and although my mom tried to help me with breastfeeding DS, no one really sat down with me and tried to show me, they just said what I was doing wrong but didn't offer a solution. "No, that's wrong, see, he's slipping off the nipple, try again..." After 2 days of him getting almost no food cause I couldn't get him to stay latched, I broke down and fed my perfect baby formula. I tried to pump, and I got out about 4-6 ounces a day. I don't know if this was due to the fact that I had both my nipples pierced before getting pg, and therefore scar tissue had closed up my ducts or what...I don't know, I've been so traumatized by this I haven't been able to research what having nipple piercings do for future breastfeeders. It gets me upset just thinking about it. Now, I'm in fantasy land about the possibility of a 2nd one...and what I would do differently if I could (but probably wont ever happen, cause DH doesn't want any more children ) But I do know that if we did decide ever to have another, I would try much much harder, and make sure that I stuck with it. Another thing that really hindered the ability to breastfeed is that almost 6 weeks delivery, I was back at work, full time, second shift. We were so poor, and we needed both incomes. I tried pumping, but the milk never came like it was supposed to.
I do have this though, I tried.

But I do get that gut wrenching guilt sometimes when I see my best friend BF her now 6 month old DD. I just want to leave the room and cry sometimes. So I know how you feel. And I know what you mean too about a traumatic birth experience, and misinformation from doctors. I truly wish I would have been able to get more education and support as well. I did a lot of things I cringe at the thought of these days, and DS is now 2 1/2. Sometimes I cry at night because I feel so bad.

So, i'm in the same boat with you..you know, the one at the bottom of the lake? If you ever need a life vest (shoulder to cry on), i've been stockpiling them and would be happy to give you the support you need and so desperately deserve.

You are loved mama, and hugs to you.
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#144 of 307 Old 06-16-2005, 04:19 PM
 
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I can relate as well. I did manage to bfeed for 7 months, but always with supplementation due to ... well, alot of reasons! It's hard to narrow it down to one!

When I gave birth the placenta wouldn't deliver and I hemorrhaged and lost alot of blood before they got me to the OR and did an emergency d+c. I also was diagnosed with clonus and given phenobarb. the day after I gave birth so we cupfed dd but I believe not being able to nurse that first day had a negative impact, as well as the extreme blood loss and retained placenta (that wasn't discovered for 9 weeks).

After my 2nd d+c at 9 weeks my milk supply did increase somewhat but I think at that point it was maybe too little too late? Also, by then my dd preferred the ease of bottlefeeding. I was very very anemic after 9 weeks of bleeding and a traumatic birth, and so even after the d+c my supply was low.

At 7 months my supply dwindled to nothing thanks to introducing solids and dd outright preferring the bottle. She went on a nursing strike and I didn't know what to do. Sadly, and I regret this now, I never went to LLL because I felt like such a failure. I wasn't in a good headspace, I guess.

My dd is 19 months old now and gets a bottle at bedtime. I really am looking forward to when she's weaned from the bottle so I don't have to think about not being able to breastfeed anymore.

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#145 of 307 Old 06-16-2005, 04:30 PM
 
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this may turn out to be me... I had recurrent mastitis so severely with my last DC that the infection went into my lymph nodes. I am *terrified* I will not be able to breastfeed this time around. I don't know anything about bottles, formula, goat's milk... I don't even know how to prepare a botle for a newborn (not that I want to). I don't know how to calm a young baby without using breastmilk.

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#146 of 307 Old 06-16-2005, 04:36 PM
 
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oh meowee,
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#147 of 307 Old 06-27-2005, 02:12 PM
 
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Bump
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#148 of 307 Old 06-27-2005, 10:29 PM
 
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Eek. I am a brand new mother (9 days) and have been feeling extremely down. I was always positive I was going to breastfeed because of all the benefits to my child. Now that my baby is here I am feeling totally overwhelmed by breastfeeding. I feel so guilty and selfish, because the feedings are going fine, except for the fact that I have come to resent the time I have to feed. I break down and cry. Also I long for my pre-pregnancy breasts that I could enjoy sexually. Now they leak all the time. I feel very vulnerable posting this, and would appreciate sensitive advice. Like I said I feel awful feeling this way because I love my baby so much, but I am just feeling like a total basketcase and feel like throwing in the towel and resorting to formula. I know there are many pro-breastfeeding mothers and many moms who cannot breastfeed, which is why i feel so awful admitting this considering I'm the one who can't handle it, not my baby.
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#149 of 307 Old 06-27-2005, 10:55 PM
 
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humm I am not sure how to respond. I think you should wait it out. I mean your breasts are still sexual. Ajusting to breastfeeding takes more than 9 days. Formula is not a second option in my opinon. It really is not ideal for an infant if you can breastfeed you should. there are moms onthis thread that really couldn't, they did not choose to formula feed their babys. I see you are new here. Perhapes post in the breastfeeding forum. they will beable to help you. PLease don't give up.

mama to Alex 20 Briana 16 Cory 10 and Jade 3Tubes tied and regret it
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#150 of 307 Old 06-27-2005, 11:06 PM
 
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Doon, I can identify. I felt the same way at first. However, within 2 months things had settled, I wasn't leaking all the time anymore, and the pain had gone away. I am now glad I stuck with it. I hope things get better for you soon.
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