Help please....im this close to giving up - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 04-18-2007, 07:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I dont know what to do, I am really not enjoying nursing at all. DS screams like im torturing him every time I offer him the breast. The only time he doesnt freak out is during the middle of the night. He is 12 weeks old, and up until a couple weeks ago, he never had any problems. The few times I can get him latched on, he only lasts for 5 to 10 minutes, and only on one side. I wanted to EBF him for at least a year, but I am starting to doubt whether I can do that an stay sane. I am just so frusterated. He doesnt seem like he has refulx or anything like that, but he is my first baby, so I dont know what to compare it to. Please help, I dont want to quit, but I cant stand this much longer....
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#2 of 24 Old 04-18-2007, 07:53 PM
 
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Is he taking a paci or any bottles?? Some babies including both mine only nursed 1 breast per feed and only for 5-10 min at most unless at night then they wanted to stay latched. So the one side 5-10 min thing is fine.

Something it could be as well is a overactive let down. Does he choak and cough during the feed and have to unlatch?

 
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#3 of 24 Old 04-18-2007, 08:06 PM
 
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Have you changed your diet recently or maybe he has thrush? Not an expert, but my friends baby was going thru something similiar. Both those things were to blame.
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#4 of 24 Old 04-18-2007, 08:07 PM
 
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I also wonder if he's had bottles or pacifiers. If so- stop. If not, perhaps look into reflux.

good luck!

-Angela
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#5 of 24 Old 04-18-2007, 08:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yes, he does take a paci. usually if he is screaming when i offer him the breast, i can give him the paci and he stops crying, but still refuses to nurse. i wouldnt care that he doesnt last very long per feeding, but he only wants to nurse every 2 or 3 hours.....how can he be getting enough? he doesnt gag or anything, although sometimes once he has already latched on and letdown has occurred, he will seem to cough for a few seconds. i just tried nursing him b/c he was falling asleep and i thought he might be mellow enough to nurse. he latched onto the left side for about 4 or 5 minutes, but when i offered him the right side he cried....i cant stand this....ahhh!
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#6 of 24 Old 04-18-2007, 08:25 PM
 
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Okay- deep breath

Every 2-3 hours could be enough. Some babies nurse fast and hard. Is he having enough diapers? Gaining weight?

-Angela
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#7 of 24 Old 04-18-2007, 08:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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well, he's in cloth diapers. he soaks his diapers about 5 times a day, so im sure if i used sposies, id be changing them 7 or 8 times per day. it's hard to tell when he's wet in the CD's because they dont get "squishy" like sposies do. he was 6 lbs. 13 oz. at birth and now he's about 11 and a half, so he is gaining....i just wish that nursing came more naturally to the both of us. i just managed to get him to nurse again for about 8 minutes by walking around with him latched on.
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#8 of 24 Old 04-18-2007, 09:10 PM
 
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It sounds like to me he is a very efficent nurser. Both mine would nurse every 2-3 hours during the day as well and rarly would they nurse more than 5-8 min. Since he is gaining so well I would say he is doing fine.

Consider yourself lucky that he only nurses for short periods of time and you dont have to sit for half hour to a hour at a time like my sil did :

Something good to remember since he is a one side at a time nurser offer that side 2 times in a row so that you are sure he will get plenty of hindmilk.

 
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#9 of 24 Old 04-18-2007, 09:31 PM
 
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I don't have any specific advice - just want to say I know how hard it can be, and I know how worth sticking with it through difficulty can be. It won't always be this hard and you'll be so glad that you stuck with it (at least I have been).

Hugs to you, I hope you find resolution soon!
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#10 of 24 Old 04-18-2007, 09:32 PM
 
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Sounds fine to me. I would stop stressing so much.



-Angela
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#11 of 24 Old 04-18-2007, 09:42 PM
 
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I know how you feel!!!! My DS started doing that around the 2 month mark. It really contributed to my depression... but please don't let yourself be sad about it.

My DS nursed(s) only 2-4 during the day, and then 4-6 times at night. I wouldn't call it reverse cycling, but he is just so much more calm when he is sleepy. It is really the only cuddle time we get. But he did choke alot and refuse one breast too. I have overactive letdown too and I think that contributed to the problem.

I have also heard that if your baby refuses one side it may be b/c they are simply uncomfortable in that position and should see a chiropractor. I WISH I would have done that!!!! Things shift as they grow, not to mention they were in one favorite position in utero, and maybe that contributes to his uncomfortable-ness. Next baby I have, I am bringing him/her straight to the chiro to check them out/get adjusted.

And it sounds like everything is normal re: weight gain. Mine was so efficient with so few nursings. He was 21 lbs. at 6 months! Now he has leveled off to 23 lbs at 8 mo.

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#12 of 24 Old 04-18-2007, 10:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jennybean0722 View Post
I have also heard that if your baby refuses one side it may be b/c they are simply uncomfortable in that position and should see a chiropractor. I WISH I would have done that!!!! Things shift as they grow, not to mention they were in one favorite position in utero, and maybe that contributes to his uncomfortable-ness. Next baby I have, I am bringing him/her straight to the chiro to check them out/get adjusted.
I was just going to suggest this. In our case we took DD to a Doctor of Osteopathy and had a cranial sacral adjustment when she was a week old and doing what your baby is doing. I would try to latch her on and she would just scream. We never exactly figured out what was causing it but it did get better after a few treatments.

She also screams now when my breasts are very full and the milk shoots out during let down. You may want to look at overactive letdown as a cause. She never does this at night, only when nursing sitting up during the day. I solve the problem by putting her on the other breast for a while and then switching her back.

I know the frustration you're going through-- I was there a about a 6 weeks ago. I hope you find the answer you're looking for.

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#13 of 24 Old 04-19-2007, 02:14 PM
 
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I think it's normal. Just follow his cue and keep an eye on weight/diapers.
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#14 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 12:13 AM
 
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wow, my baby is doing something so similar! he is almost 14 weeks old and up until a week or so ago he was an awesome BFer...you know what i think? i think they are starting to check out the world and be so stimulated by all that they see that it is hard for them to focus...my son is very active as well and he is totally excited that he can stand up with my help and that he can push himself up on his tummy. i think that its hard to stop and eat with all that fun stuff to do. what worked for me was waiting till he napped and then catching him before he fully woke up, latching him on and snuggling him up in a light blanket so he can't see whats up outside of the blanket. then he will get some good eatin in. also i just accepted that he will probably be eating more at night than the day...;( but oh well! its pretty easy for me to catnap while he nurses at night...do you sidelie and nurse in the night? ) try eliminating all distractions while you nurse, noise, people, even light if possible. i also spent a few days doing as much skin to skin contact as i could, we took a bath everyday and we hung out in our chones all day...that seemed to help him be more into nursing. that and i wear him as much as possible. good luck! don't give up! i know how frusterating it can be, but its so worth it. besides, its just a phase, i am sure they have something new up their sleeves for as soon as we figure out this situation
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#15 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 12:52 AM
 
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Nursing on one side for blocks of time is a way to reduce oversupply; I wouldn't recommend doing that unless you are concerned you have oversupply. If your baby is gaining, he is getting enough hindmilk.
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#16 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 12:54 AM
 
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Have you called the La Leche League or other Bfing org to see if some one from the organization will come out to your home and help. The worst part of bfing for me was wondering is she eating? As other posters have said as long as your baby gains weight and has enough wet dps then he is eating. You could always buy a scale or rent one for a week to make sure he is gaining. As for the length of time per side my DD only nursed one side at a time for 5-10 minute feeding. She grew like a weed and was in the 95% when I weighed her. As another poster said some baby's are good at getting the milk out fast.
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#17 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 01:40 AM
 
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When my dd was EXACTLY that age she did the same thing. I can't tell you if it lasted one week or two, but GAHHHH it felt like an eternity. I would try to nurse and she would scream and fuss and get all stiff and twist away.

I went to my LLL meeting like this and bawled the whole time. Everyone was puzzled. They said, "nursing strike?" but she would latch and THEN start the fussing, so they ruled that out. We never did figure it out. I tried nursing her in the bath, nursing her in the bed, tried football hold, tried EVERYTHING we could think of and nothing worked, but I kept at it.

She was getting Avent bottles of EBM while I was at work (had been since 4 weeks) so I just pumped a lot and crossed my fingers during this time and turned on some music, bounced her a little, put her in the sling facing outward and (GULP) offered her the bottle. She wouldn't take it from me, but would take it from my mom (who was her caregiver) so we did that for awhile to "keep her from starving" according to my mom, but mostly to keep me SANE!

Hang in there. It won't last long. DD was a champion nurser any other time right up until she self-weaned by saying, "I'm done with nursing now Mommy, if that's okay with you" one night when she was 3.5 yrs old!

'Manda

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#18 of 24 Old 04-21-2007, 01:13 AM
 
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My ds also did that when he was a newborn-4 months. It was my overactive letdown plus his strong suck. He also nurses every 3 1/2 hours ever since he was about 6 weeks old and for less than 10 min. on one side. (My dd was one of those who nursed every hour for 45 min., so totally different). Have you tried nursing laying down? That really helped my ds.

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#19 of 24 Old 04-21-2007, 01:45 PM
 
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My twins would only nurse every 3-4 hours no matter how much I offered. They were fine.

Try to just relax and see what happens after a few more days. Watch his cues to offer the breast. Some of the other suggestions above are really good ones too.

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#20 of 24 Old 04-21-2007, 08:19 PM
 
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Just want to add that my ds really backed of fon feeding every few days around that age. He just seemed to lose some of his interest, but it came back.

Also I gotta say 5 min feed could be enough, I have been able to pump 4-5 ounces in 5 mins... that is plenty of food.

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#21 of 24 Old 04-21-2007, 09:38 PM
 
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Just wanted to add my reassurances that the pp's offered. My DS1 did the same thing and I spent *forever* trying to get him to nurse on both sides at the same feeding! He just really didn't want to! One side was enough for him and when DS2 came along, he did the exact same thing - only nursed on one side for maybe 10 minutes max. One thing that worked with DS1 was walking around, like you tried. It made it more interesting to him to look around at the same time. With DS2, I just went with the flow and didn't worry about when or how much. He mostly nursed at night, but just weaned himself from night nursing (he's 15 mos.) Hang in there, you're doing great!
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#22 of 24 Old 04-21-2007, 09:49 PM
 
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DD2 only nursed 5-10 min., usually on only one side, every 2-3 hours. I was sure she wasn't getting enough since dd1 liked to nurse for 45 min. every 1.5 hours. But she gained weight just fine (she was a little skinny, but gaining) and she had enough wet diapers (again, on the low side, but she was fine). So, I quit worrying about it and just counted it a blessing. She also went on a nursing strike when she was about your ds's age. She was in daycare full time and getting EBM. We made some changes, type of bottle (to Avent so it was more like my breast) and had the providers hold her more upright so she had to work to get the milk out (I think she was getting lazy, since laying down with a bottle is easier than sucking the milk out of the breast). It lasted a week or two, but we got through it. I think I did offer her a few bottles at home because I was desperate, but we did get back to nursing exclusively when I was home with her and it was never a problem again.

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#23 of 24 Old 04-24-2007, 11:20 AM
 
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My dd was a very efficient nurser too, only 5 minutes at a time, on only one side, and she gained weight really fast. I do remember at about 2-3 months we had some difficulties when she would cry during nursing. But as I recall, it was just related to gas and reflux, and it passed after a couple weeks. I would say just hang in there. Nurse him as often as he'd like to (don't force it on him, he'll let you know when he's hungry!), for as long as he wants to, and when he cries while nursing try to soothe him as best you can. And consider if you've changed your diet at all to cause his discomfort. These days will pass.

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#24 of 24 Old 04-24-2007, 12:29 PM
 
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Can you be specific about his diapers? Poops - how many per day and what do they look like?

How do your breasts feel?
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