Not sure if any other vbac-ing moms are feeling like this, but I feel like i'm becoming obsessed with doing everything, learning everything, reading tons to ensure I do everything possible to have my vbac. I finally decided that was nuts and that i need to just allow my body to do what it is going to do. there's no possible way that i can learn everything before the birth, so i need to just surrender.
but here's my epiphany: i'm going to stop thinking about this as a vbac. It's really and truly Elise's BIRTH! It isn't her "vaginal birth after cesarean"-i mean, people who have had vaginal births don't go around saying they are having VBAVs--vaginal births after vaginals! So i'm focusing on my daughter, and that this is about HER--her birth, her entrance into this world...not my past. just wanted to share in case that helps anyone else. I felt like a lightbulb went on and I'm now feeling with my heart instead of thinking with my head.